30. This had to be goodbye
This had to be goodbye
Colby stepped inside, but Hunter barely moved, so they were on top of each other. Fancy shirts brushing, heat from underneath seeping through to warm each other’s skin. “I’m glad you kept this place.”
“Me too.” Hunter took a step deeper into the room, turning away from Colby.
Colby followed him, absently reaching back to swing the oak door closed. He didn’t think they’d yell at each other, but in case they did, they needed to make sure they didn't wake up their old neighbors.
“The superhero movie will be announced next week,” Hunter mumbled as he slipped around Colby and dropped onto the couch. “Then we start filming next month. In Croatia.”
“How long?” Colby asked.
“Two and a half months.”
“I’m going on tour starting in three weeks,” Colby said, and it was the first time he’d spoken about this huge career milestone and not been excited.
“Two months. Four if they add European dates, which they’re working on.
Ford says it’ll definitely happen. Apparently we’re huge in Spain for some reason. ”
“He’s against us,” Hunter grumbled. “Ford.”
“The fucking world is against us, Hunter,” Colby said flatly, and Hunter’s shoulders tensed. Colby stepped closer and dropped a hand over one, squeezing. “You know it too. Action heroes don’t make out with lead singers in a rock band.”
Hunter didn’t respond, but he lifted a hand and dropped it on top of Colby’s on his shoulder.
Colby’s whole body woke up at the touch.
Hunter was always so warm. He ran hot, and being touched by him, even mostly platonically like this, made heat course through him too.
He missed it. Life was cold without Hunter, even with all the praise, accolades, and accomplishments.
They were supposed to be doing this together.
Hunter felt desperately sad but also resigned. He wasn’t going to argue with Colby. He knew Colby was right, even if it was so fucking wrong that he was right. “One day I’ll be able to hang out with you again without wanting you to be more than my best friend.”
“You believe that?” Colby asked. “Because I don’t think that will ever happen. Not for me. We left too much unfinished. I’ll always wonder about what we never got to figure out.”
Hunter looked away and sighed. “I’ve wanted this… hell, we’ve both wanted this, what we’re getting now, our whole lives, right? We can’t fuck it up.”
Colby took a step back and dug his hands into his hair.
Scared he might just turn and leave, Hunter stood.
He would stop him. They needed to talk this out, right into the ground, until there was nothing left to say.
Maybe then they would both be able to let go of the darker, deeper part of this and be actual friends.
Or nothing. But they couldn’t become nothing to each other if there were still things to confess.
Colby didn’t move for the door. Instead, he dropped his hands lifelessly to his sides and his shoulders sagged as he whispered, “I get it. I do.”
Colby stepped into Hunter’s space again.
They were chest-to-chest, and Colby lifted his hands and let his fingers dance down the lapels of Hunter’s sexy jacket.
This was not talking. This was not letting go.
This was diving headfirst back into the problem.
But Hunter couldn’t stop himself, as always.
“Tell me what you would do…to me. If you could.” It was a quiet, desperate, vulnerable plea.
“I would kiss you,” Colby whispered like it was a dirty little secret.
“Nobody is stopping you,” Hunter promised. “Even if someone should.”
Hunter watched Colby’s eyes ping pong all across Hunter’s face—his lips, his eyes, his nose, his cheeks, his chin, his lips again.
Colby’s brain was probably tripping over a thousand different deep thoughts about their friendship, his career, the consequences.
Hunter’s brain was definitely stumbling through those thoughts too.
But he closed the distance between them anyway.
Colby tilted his pretty little head and leaned in to meet Hunter halfway.
His blue eyes disappeared behind thick pale brown lashes.
Their lips brushed once, softly, and it was like a lit match dropped into an ocean of gasoline.
Everything caught fire all at once. Hunter opened his mouth, and his tongue barged its way into Colby’s and was greeted with a welcome groan.
There was an urgency that neither tried to hide.
It made their kisses rough, and Hunter reached up and shoved his fingers into Colby’s perfectly styled hair, not even a little bit sorry he ruined it.
It’s different than he remembered, longer than the time in Montreal but shorter than when they first met.
He tugged roughly on the curling ends, and Colby’s response was to wrap his arms around Hunter’s waist and yank him closer.
Hunter cupped the back of Colby’s head and tugged on his bottom lip with his teeth as he finally broke the kiss. Colby’s arms slackened. “Don’t let go. Not yet.”
“Are we just making this harder?” Colby asked softly.
“I can’t get any harder.” It was a bad joke and the wrong time, but Hunter huffed out a laugh anyway and buried his face in the crook of Colby’s neck.
Colby’s long fingers gripped Hunter’s strong chin and forcibly tilted his head so he could dive into him for another kiss.
This was so perfect, like always. Colby’s kisses were perfect, like that plump, pouty mouth was made just for Hunter’s pleasure.
Why? Why did this feel so right? It was a man.
Not just any man but his best friend. Maybe that’s what made it hot?
That it just simply shouldn’t be happening. No. Fuck that. It should be happening.
“Let’s get naked so I can feel all of you. Everywhere.” Colby’s voice was shaky with desperation.
Hunter started undoing Colby’s fly but stopped. “What does this mean?”
“We… have things to work out,” Colby said, walking blindly backward toward the bedroom and pulling Hunter with him by the lapels of his fancy jacket. “Things we never finished. Things we deserve to finish.”
“So this is a goodbye then?” Hunter croaked, and the words were like little razor blades cutting him deeply as they escaped. Hunter ground his feet into the grubby carpet, stopping them both just outside the bedroom door. “We both agree.”
“This is the last time this ever happens,” Colby whispered weakly, like he was struggling to come to terms with what he was saying.
It was a fact. This had to be goodbye.
Hunter pushed down the pain and focused on the need, the desire, the other feelings that were ripe and warm and bursting in his chest every time Colby touched him—like right now as he cupped the left side of Hunter’s face.
“Bedroom.”
Colby nodded, this time letting Hunter lead them there.
They fumbled urgently through undressing, like there was an imaginary timer ticking down on them, their ridiculously expensive clothes were on the floor, and Hunter was naked on his back on the bed with Colby lying on top of him, their leaking cocks rutting against each other.
He hadn’t felt so relaxed and happy in months.
“Tell me something. Be honest,” Colby murmured, his lips against Hunter’s after another kiss. “Have you been with anyone else?”
“No, but I’ve considered it.” He felt weird confessing it. But not wrong. “You?”
“You’re lucky. You can find yourself a woman. Someone you can connect with and want,” Colby whispered, his face buried against the side of Hunter’s neck so Hunter couldn’t see his face.
“If I got a chance to choose, I’d be choosing you.” It was mean to admit it to himself and to Colby because they both knew Hunter didn’t get to choose.
Hunter slipped his hand into Colby’s hair again, twisted his fingers in it, and tugged until Colby lifted his head so their eyes could meet. He didn’t look angry. He looked a little sad, though, and Hunter hated himself for it. “Have you been with anyone?”
Colby shook his head. “No. Kenner and I… we’ve been bonding. He crashes in my room some nights. He’s queer, too. It would be… easy. But it would fuck with the band dynamic. And I don’t want him. Not like I want you. Using a bandmate, or anyone, to try and forget you seems like trouble.”
Hunter felt a splash of relief loosen his muscles, but then he tensed harder because that confession made him feel like Colby was, and would continue to be, terribly lonely.
The thought hurt. Colby’s eyes slipped to Hunter’s mouth and then down his neck and across his pecs where their bodies pressed together.
He moved, slipping lower. Hunter spread his legs so Colby could slip his hips between them.
Was he going to blow Hunter again to avoid talking about this?
Would Hunter let him? But Colby stilled higher, his mouth grazing over Hunter’s left nipple and then his right. “Colb…baby…”
His eyes finally fluttered open and locked on Hunter’s through his lashes. “I want you to fuck me.”
Hunter’s whole body froze except his heart.
His heart hammered so hard he thought his ribs might crack.
It’s not like Hunter hadn’t thought about it.
Ever since their conversation in Montreal, he’d thought about it a lot, but only in a very abstract way.
This was not abstract. This was a concrete invitation.
“If this is it—if we’re done—I want it,” Colby said and started to climb back up Hunter’s body until their cocks rubbed against each other again. Colby leaned in and kissed Hunter’s neck. “Do you still want to try it? With me?”
“Yeah.” He did. Would this make walking away even harder? Yes. Unequivocally. But there was no way he was saying no. “Yeah, I want to. I want this with you so badly, Colby.”