Chapter 36 Sam
SAM
Nora
You’re in Scotland and you didn’t tell me?
It’s the first time my phone has had a notification since we got here, and I’m not entirely surprised to see a message from my cousin. Chances are she’s talked to Colin, and he spilled.
Yeah, sorry. I’ve been a little tied up.
I don’t need to know what kind of shit you’re into. When are you here until?
I steal a glance at Rosie. She’s laughing at something Maggi is saying, smiling into her phone in a way that makes it obvious who she’s talking to.
I have been trying not to think about the end.
Trying to stay awake later and later each night to prolong my time with her.
Soaking in even these moments when she’s physically out of reach but breathtakingly present.
Last night, she curled up against me on the couch, and I couldn’t seem to stop imagining that being my every night. And maybe, if things were much different, it could be.
I fly home Monday afternoon.
Out of Glasgow?
Yes
I know she’s going to ask for a quick visit, and I don’t want to be focusing on that right now. I also don’t want to be an asshole.
If I take the train on Sunday are you available for dinner?
By Sunday afternoon Rosie will be hearing all Maggi’s stories in person, and I’ll be in a hotel room wishing I could teleport home so I could get the journey over with. So I may as well agree to dinner with Nora; at least I know she’ll have some ridiculous stories to distract me with.
Yeah, I’d be down.
Usual spot?
As if there’s any other place!
I’ll make a reservation for 6.
Sounds good!
“Who are you talking to?” Rosie asks as she sits across from me. I’d much prefer if she were sitting in my lap, but I also respect the fact she gives me privacy while I finish texting.
I study her for a second to see if I can detect any jealousy. Maybe she assumes I’m texting another woman. I’m relieved to see her looking genuinely interested.
“My cousin, Nora. She’s going to come to Glasgow Sunday night for dinner.”
“Come into town from where?”
I’m a little surprised I haven’t mentioned her at all. Then again, I’d pushed away my personal life and put all my energy into this little bubble, so maybe it’s not all that surprising.
“She’s a potter in Edinburgh. Came over…
” I tip my head back in thought, trying to remember when exactly she moved over here full time.
“Three years ago? She came for an apprenticeship with some famous guy before that. Lived with me for a month until moving temporarily to Edinburgh. Then she went home for a bit before moving back.”
“Does she work with Graham Alan?” she asks, excitedly.
I shrug because while that name sounds familiar, it’s also incredibly generic for this part of the world. “Does it make me a bad cousin if I don’t remember the guy’s name? I’m not really up on my famous potters.”
“I’m not either, but Eric’s aunt gave us some incredibly pricey mugs as a wedding gift.
Everyone in his family made a big deal that they were by Graham Alan.
” Her face scrunches up. “I couldn’t bring myself to use them after that.
They’re still in a heavily padded box. I didn’t trust myself or Eric with them, and I certainly don’t trust a five-year-old.
” She scoffs and pushes herself up. “Can I interest you in a walk and a picnic?”
Her hand appears in front of me, and I take it without caring about where she’s going to lead me. Fuck.
Despite my best efforts to stay awake for as long as possible on Friday and Saturday, I can’t seem to slow down time, and before I know it the cottage is in the rearview mirror, Rosie’s fingers are dancing over the hand I’ve got resting on her thigh, and reality is approaching with every mile closer to Glasgow.
We’ve been quieter than usual since dinner last night. Took our time getting ready for bed. Made love slowly and cuddled until Rosie fell asleep, her arms wrapped around me, my fingers brushing softly across her bare skin, once again, trying to hold onto the moment for as long as humanly possible.
Waking up this morning to her lips peppering kisses across my chest was incredible until it hit me that it was the last time that would happen.
“So,” Rosie says as I pull onto the main road, fingers curling around the side of my hand.
“Wh—” She starts to say, but stops abruptly.
“D—” I see her bite her lip out of the corner of my eye, worrying it before another consonant is vocalized, followed by a deep sigh.
“I don’t know what to say,” she says. “I, um…” Another sigh.
“What are you going to ask Maggi first?” I ask, relieving her of the burden of trying to make small talk.
Her hand tightens around mine—a silent thank you. “If she found Nessie, obviously.” She laughs. “She told me she had a surprise but wouldn’t tell me on the phone. She,” she begins but then seems to change her mind. “I’m excited to see her.”
“I bet.” I squeeze her hand back, wishing I got to say goodbye for a second time.
We had at the estate. She asked if I was going back to my castle, and when I told her I was, she asked if she and her mom could come visit me.
I didn’t have the heart to say no, so I told her I couldn’t wait for them to come and stay with me.
Rosie didn’t know about that exchange, and now I’m wondering if I should have handled it differently. Something tells me Maggi isn’t going to forget about it and I can already imagine the angry text or phone call when she finds out that I lied to her daughter.
“Are you looking forward to seeing your cousin?”
“I am.” I nod, admitting that despite what seeing Nora tonight means, I am looking forward to catching up with her. “It has been too long, honestly. The last time I saw her was at my mom’s funeral.”
“You’ll have lots to catch up on then,” she says cheerfully.
Nora will have loads to talk about, no doubt. Me, on the other hand, well, I’m not so sure I’ll be talking much. There’s not exactly anything new with me, nothing that’s sticking anyway, and talking about my life in general doesn’t do much to keep my mood from being in the gutter.
“She’s chatty, so I expect to be an active listener more than a talker,” I reply, tacking on a chuckle to convey I’m fine with it.
Silence descends again. I keep waiting for it to get uncomfortable.
Keep expecting to feel weird, but there is a sureness in the silence as if this is just how it is.
No forced conversation, no filling the air with empty words to ward off the quiet.
I sneak glances at her, occasionally catching her looking at me.
She smiles and looks out the window at the changing landscape.
It’s not until the traffic gets busier and the buildings become closer together that anxiety begins to build inside of me.
I ease off the gas, keeping the car at exactly the speed limit, cursing myself for driving like I do at home, tempting fate by driving over the limit.
And then I’m pulling in front of a blond stone home in one of the posher areas of Glasgow.
We sit there, my hand still on her thigh, her fingers skimming across my skin, sending chills up my arm. I don’t want her to get out. I don’t want to watch her walk away.
“Well,” her hand leaves mine, reaching down and unbuckling her seatbelt.
The sound of it recoiling, deafening in the silence.
She takes a deep breath, her hand falling to the door handle, and I’m suddenly undoing my own seatbelt and preparing to jump out to help her with her bag.
“No,” she says, halting me. She looks up at the house and then back at me, her forehead drawn in concern. “Maggi may be watching for me.”
I lean back in my seat, trying to make it look like it’s not the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a while.
“Yeah, good point,” I concede, sparing a glance at the hedge that blocks most of the first-floor windows from the street. “Don’t want her to hope the prince is coming to whisk her away.” I force a laugh, hating myself for feeling this way.
“I had a really nice time this week, Sam. It was nice to, um…” A blush spreads across her cheeks, and she laughs nervously. “It was nice to feel wanted again.”
I want to tell her I’m not done wanting her. That despite my insistence on this being a casual week of fun, I’d give anything to keep it going. But there’s no point because my words, my desires, they don’t change our situations.
She stretches toward me and drops a kiss on my cheek.
My lips tingle greedily, but she pulls away before I can give them what they want.
Everything moves in slow motion; sure, now time slows down as she pushes the door open and walks to the back, opens the door, and pulls her bag out.
I jump when it slams shut and watch as she walks away, offering one last wave before she rounds the hedge.
I can’t see her walk to the door, but I can imagine it.
The door flying open, and Maggi running out before Rosie can get to it.
She throws herself at her mother exactly like she did last week.
But this time Rosie is prepared as she catches her and holds her tight.
Maggi will already be telling her all about her adventures, and I’m shocked to feel a bloom of grief that I don’t get to be in on her tales.
It’s a strange reversal from the plane when I thought about how terrible it would be to travel with a kid that young. Hell, a kid in general. How quickly times have changed because missing out on the reunion stings in a way I never expected.
I’ll sit here all day imagining things if I let myself, so I turn the key in the ignition, shift into gear, and drive away from the best two weeks of my life.
“Who is this mystery woman?” Nora asks before we have even sat at our table.
“What?” I play dumb, focusing on placing my napkin across my lap, avoiding the stare I know she’s sending my way.
“Colin said you were shacked up with someone you met at the wedding,” she taunts.