Chapter One
Julia, eighteen years old
Where are you?
The tassel hooked to my navy blue cap dangles in front of my eyes, and I shove it away with a huff while I check my phone for the millionth time. When no answer comes through, I glance over my shoulder, scanning the crowd lined up behind me.
“Gentle reminder that if I see any phones, I will be confiscating them until the end of the ceremony.”
I quickly shove my phone inside the sewn pocket of my gown before Dr. Radly passes. More orders are tossed at us, including a two minute warning, and I check the line again as if Alex is going to magically appear.
“Any sign of her?” Chloe adjusts the cap over her coiled hair, looking over the excited group of seniors ready to get on with it.
“No, not yet.” I tap my fingers along my thigh, worried that Alex isn’t going to make it. Her plane got in well after midnight, so maybe she overslept. I knew I should’ve banged on her door before leaving this morning.
Maybe I should try calling again.
Chloe continues to look around. “She better hurry up, or she’s not going to walk.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Do you think she ditched us and decided to stay in France?” Chloe asks.
She’s joking. I know she is. But a spike of anxiety goes through me, and I reach for my phone again, only for it to buzz as soon my fingers graze the rubber casing.
It’s a message from Tyler.
U got this babe. Luv u.
The tassel slips back in front of my eyes, and I swipe at it, annoyed and frustrated. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the last-minute encouragement from my boyfriend, it’s just, if Alex doesn’t show up, like, right now, she really will miss our graduation.
Dr. Radly announces it’s time, and the anxiety triples.
I tuck my phone back inside my gown right next to the folded piece of paper containing my speech and fluff the bottom portion of my hair.
After a deep breath, I adjust the cords around my neck, organizing them to look as neat as I can on top of the two stoles.
There are too many of them. I look ridiculous.
Like an overachiever trying to brag about all my accomplishments.
“Stop fussing. You look great,” Chloe says as if reading my mind, then presses a kiss to my cheek. “Knock ’em dead, gorgeous.”
She darts off to her place in line, and I take a step forward. My brand-new heels are killing my feet. It makes me regret wearing them. Even though they do go great with the matching midnight blue dress hidden underneath my gown.
I take one more look down the line for Alex, disappointment taking the place of anxiousness.
I wish she was here, if not for herself, then selfishly for her to be my anchor during my speech.
Having Chloe and Tyler in the crowd helps, but there’s something about Alex that settles my nerves and helps me breathe.
But we start to slowly make our way through the corridor to the sound of “Pomp and Circumstance,” and I take a steadying breath, trying to focus on the moment.
When we step into the arena, the crowd reaches the rafters, their voices growing louder as family and friends search for their graduates. Once I’ve found my designated spot on the stage, I take slow breaths, mentally going through the words I know by heart.
“You ready?”
Rafi, our class president, sits to my left and shoots me a nervous smile.
“As I’ll ever be. You?”
He holds up a crumpled piece of paper in his fist. “I wrote a speech, but I think I might wing it.” The idea that he’s going to wing his address to his fellow classmates and an arena full of people adds to my stress.
“But, hey, at least I get to go first. Rip it off like a Band-Aid. I’d hate to go last.” He nudges me and winks.
Nausea rolls around in the pit of my stomach.
He’s right. I’d much rather go first and get it over with.
Suddenly, I’m not sure I’m ready to give this speech.
On top of that, I’m not sure I’m even ready to graduate.
It’s too loud in here. There are too many people. My breathing picks up, and I start to panic. It all feels like too much.
My phone buzzes, and I know I should ignore it. But my hand seems to have a mind of its own, and it slips inside my pocket. I unlock it, and for a second, everything mutes.
It’s a text from Alex:
Rafi’s totally stoned. Ignore him. Your legs look great btw.
Almost instantly, my pounding heart slows down, and I don’t feel as if I’m going to puke.
Then her words register. I search the student body, and sure enough, there’s Alex, sitting exactly where she’s supposed to be in her cap and gown.
I shouldn’t be surprised that she managed to sneak in unnoticed—it is very much on brand for her—but somehow, I am.
She dons a smirk that’s equal parts arrogant and amused and waves as if she’s been here the entire time.
Panic makes way for relief, like an anchor in a rocking boat.
I inhale, my breath no longer shaking. Now I’m ready.
My gown hangs open, and I grip my cap and certificate tightly while I weave my way through the sea of people outside of the arena.
I thought the inside was crowded, but this?
This is crazy. Everyone seems to be loitering along the edges of the building and spilling into the parking lot.
I’m not sure how I’m supposed to find anyone in the middle of this chaos.
“Julia!”
My dad waves his arms over the sea of bodies, and I manage to make my way toward him. When I’m close enough, he pulls me against his chest and squishes me against the fancy camera hanging around his neck.
“We’re so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
My mom comes in next, shoving my dad out of the way so she can steal her own hug. “There’s my valedictorian.”
“Are you crying?” I ask when I hear her sniffling.
“She’s been crying the whole time,” my dad offers behind me.
“Shut up, Ted. Don’t pretend you weren’t weeping through your lens.” My dad laughs, not bothering to deny it. My mom cradles my face, her makeup smudged from wiping her eyes. “Your speech was…what was the word Alex used? Brilliant? You were brilliant.”
“Alex? You’ve seen her?”
My mother nods. “Oh, yeah, she was here looking for you a few minutes ago.”
Shit. I stand on my toes to try to look for her above the sea of people. “Which way did she go?”
My mom thinks for a second, then points toward the parking lot. “That way, I think.”
Before I can take a step in that direction, I’m swooped off my feet and spun around in a circle. “Babe!” Tyler places me on the ground but keeps me in his arms, smiling wide. “You did so good!”
“Thank you.” I straighten the cap on his head and pat his chest, his enthusiasm infectious and welcoming.
He offers to take a few photos of me with my parents and hands the camera back to my dad just as Chloe appears yelling, “We did it, bitches!” at the top of her lungs.
My dad snags about a thousand more pictures of the three of us until I’m not sure my cheeks can handle any more smiling.
“I better go find my folks,” Tyler says, pulling me close once the photo shoot is over. “See you tonight?” I nod, and he leans in for a kiss.
Chloe makes gagging sounds beside me, and Tyler pretends to punch her in the jaw.
She scowls and slaps at his hand, leaning away.
“You’re such a boy.” He laughs and gives her a hug.
She turns her scowl to me once he’s gone.
“You’re not going to make out with him the entire time at the all-night grad party, are you? ”
Before I can respond, there’s a gentle tug on the cords that still hang around my neck, followed by a familiar voice whispering into my ear from behind. “Nice ropes.”
“Alex.” Her name comes out with a rush of emotions, relief, happiness, and the feeling of finally, as I throw myself into her.
I want to tell her how glad I am she’s home, how long this past year felt without her, and beg her to never go so far away again, but the words seem to be caught in my throat.
Instead, I press my face into the side of her neck and take a deep breath.
She smells like bergamot, sunshine, and nostalgia.
Tears prickle my eyes, and the lump in my throat grows.
“Damn, I missed you,” she says with her face in my hair while squeezing me so tight that it forces all the air from my lungs.
“Nice of you to show up,” Chloe quips, and Alex laughs, pulling her in for a hug, too.
“Smile, girls,” my dad says and holds up his camera. Alex wraps her arm around my waist and presses her cheek against mine.
After a few shots, I hold out my arm for Chloe to join in. She squeezes in on my other side, and I don’t even mind my face hurting because I finally have my graduation picture with my two best friends.
But way too soon, Alex pulls away and backs up toward the crowd. “Mom and Mason are waiting to take me to lunch. See you at the Ridge?”
“Wait,” I say, trying to get her back. The entire morning has been so crazy that I feel like I haven’t even gotten a good look at her yet.
She flashes me a devilish sort of smile and slips on her sunglasses. “I have something I want to show you.”
“Alex,” I call out, wanting her to just slow down for a minute.
“Tonight,” she yells and throws up the rock ’n’ roll horns before she disappears into the crowd.
We were supposed to meet at eleven. It’s now eleven twenty-three, and Chloe is getting antsy.
But Alex made me swear I’d wait for her outside so she didn’t have to walk into the entertainment center alone.
We sit on the railing in front of the building while classmates wander about and line up for the food trucks along the parking lot.
I yawn. It’s been a long day of celebrating, and I wonder how I’ll be able to stay awake all night.
“Are you sure she’s coming?” Chloe asks beside me.
I check my phone, but the last message from her came eighteen minutes ago. “She said she was on her way.”