Chapter Eleven #2
Who needs caffeine when Alex Pestano is sitting so close? She looks refreshed and not at all like she was up all night coaxing out orgasms and patiently letting me explore every inch of her.
“Hey, sorry.” She casually throws an arm across the back of my chair, and I try really hard not to lean into her. “Did you already order?”
“It’s a buffet,” Chloe deadpans.
Alex glances behind her and spots the food, her eyes lighting up. “Oh, even better. I’m starving.”
“Didn’t get enough to eat last night?” Chloe asks. The way she says it, paired with a knowing sort of look, sends a wave of panic through me.
It doesn’t help when Alex smirks and says, “Not even close.”
Chloe stares like she’s trying to get a read on her.
But then, like a miracle from heaven, the server finally appears. “Can I get you any coffee? Juice? More water?”
“Coffee, please,” I say, though I’m not sure adding caffeine to my pounding heart is a good idea.
“I’ll have a coffee, too, please,” Chloe adds.
“Make that three, and may I please have some orange juice?” Alex’s leg touches mine, and I jump. She doesn’t seem to notice, but Chloe does.
“Three coffees and one orange juice coming up. Help yourself to the buffet.” She leaves us with no further instructions, and Alex places her hands on the table and stands.
“Okay, well, the bacon is calling my name. You coming?”
I can feel myself flush again. “In a minute.”
“Okay. I’ll try to leave you some, but no promises.” And just as quickly as she appeared, she’s gone.
“Oh. My. God,” Chloe says, emphasizing each word.
“What?” I ask, my attention back on the sugar packets.
“You slept with Alex?” Chloe says way too loudly.
I shake my head, unable to stop the panic I know must show on my face. “What? No! I didn’t…we didn’t…I mean…shit.”
There’s no use denying it. I’m a horrible liar, and Chloe would be able to see right through me anyway. I put my head in my hands and groan, preparing for the barrage of questions that are sure to follow.
“I have a million questions,” she starts. “The first of them being what the fuck?”
I peek at her and decide to just be honest. “Recently, I’ve been having all these feelings about girls that I can’t explain.
Mostly about Alex and how hot she is. Like, I’m mega attracted to her, which is new and confusing.
Then I met Emily, and she was cute and interested in me, and last week, we almost had sex, but I chickened out because I didn’t know what I was doing.
But it’s not just them. I’ve been really confused about my sexuality because there was also that bartender down in Bird Neck that I couldn’t stop staring at.
And the barista at the local coffee shop.
Then, last night, Alex just looked so good, and when it started to rain, she asked if I wanted to dance.
So we danced in the rain, and she walked me to my room, and I asked if she wanted to come in, and we kissed, and the next thing I know, we’re having sex. ”
It comes out in a rush. I’m not even sure it makes sense, let alone is decipherable enough for someone else to follow. But Chloe must be used to my incoherent babbling because she only takes a beat to respond.
“Wow. That was a lot of ands.”
“I know.” I cross my arms on the table and drop my head on top of them, wanting to crawl into a hole.
It’s all so confusing, but it’s also fine?
I don’t even know. I haven’t had time to process.
Despite the momentary relief of finally telling her, having this conversation in the middle of a crowded restaurant with Alex close by is really not ideal.
“Was it good?”
The memory of Alex between my legs, holding eye contact as she placed wet, lasting kisses along my inner thigh followed by a long slow swipe of her tongue…
Good doesn’t even begin to cover it.
I groan and nod into my arms, unable to bring myself to look at Chloe. “It was amazing.”
“Oh, Jules.”
My body tenses at the disappointed tone of her voice. Or maybe it’s not disappointment but…pity? Which is somehow way worse.
“Here are your coffees and a single orange juice.”
I manage a smile at the server who is, thankfully, totally oblivious to my inner turmoil. “Thank you.”
“Thanks,” Chloe says and waits until she walks away before leaning across the table. “Amazing, huh?”
“Is it weird? That it was amazing?” She arches a brow, and I frown, wondering if sex with my best friend should be weird based on the way my other best friend is looking at me.
I’ve been thinking about it all morning. From the moment Alex woke up with a smile and asked me how I was feeling, all the way until she kissed my cheek and headed back to her room for a shower. It just felt…normal?
“Maybe it was amazing because we’re friends. Because we’re comfortable with each other.”
“Comfortable doesn’t equate to good sex, though,” Chloe points out. “I was super comfortable with Tim Denny, and it was the worst sex I’ve ever had.”
Okay, so if comfortable is off the table… “Maybe it’s because she’s a girl who’s been with girls so she knows what she’s doing?”
Chloe thinks for a beat, then shakes her head.
“Jon Jacobs wasn’t a girl, and he definitely knew what he was doing.
Knew all the right buttons to push.” Her expression shifts to something dreamy, and she lets out a long sigh.
“I wonder what he’s up to these days?” Another beat passes, and she seems to shake herself out of her daydream.
“So if it isn’t about being comfortable, and it isn’t about her being with girls before, what does it mean? Like, for you and Alex?”
And that’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? What does this mean? “I don’t think it has to mean anything.”
There’s the pitying look to match her tone. “Sex isn’t casual for you, Jules.”
She’s right. Ever since Luka Petrov, sex has to mean something to me.
There has to be a connection and feelings and a foundation.
But still, implying that last night was just a casual hookup doesn’t sit right with me, either.
It might not have to mean anything past one night, but it certainly wasn’t meaningless.
“Alex and I have been friends for, like, twelve years. I wouldn’t call that causal.”
“Are you planning on doing it again?”
God, I hope so.
“No,” I say after a beat because Alex hasn’t given me any indication that she wants to. If she did, she would’ve stayed in bed with me this morning, not darted off to her own room to shower. Alone.
Chloe takes a sip of coffee and peers at me over the top of her mug. “Then it was a one-night stand.”
“No, it wasn’t.” I struggle to find the words to explain it. “Why can’t it be just two friends who needed a release in a safe space, blowing off some steam?”
“We’ve been best friends since sixth grade, and not once have we ever, ever, ‘blown off some steam’ by having sex,” she reminds me. “Plus, didn’t you say you’ve been thinking about her that way lately?”
“Okay.” I draw the word out. “Both valid points.” Chloe waits, and I struggle to figure out where I stand with all this. “It’s not a big deal,” I finally say because it only is if I make it to be. And Alex and I agreed we wouldn’t let this change things.
Chloe slowly puts down her mug and frowns. “Are you sure?”
Alex juggles two plates and makes her way back to the table. “Yes,” I assure her and try to keep the panic from my voice. “Please, drop it,” I add.
“So the bacon looks a little undercooked,” Alex says, placing both plates on the table, one in front of me and the other in front of her.
“But I ate, like, three pieces already, and it still tastes good.” She glances between me and Chloe, both of us holding eye contact, silently continuing our conversation. “What did I miss?”
“Chloe sat on someone’s face last night,” I blurt.
“Is that so?” Alex gives Chloe a cheeky grin. “Did he put his bush in your bush?”
“More like I put my bush—”
“Okay,” I say loudly, regretting ever bringing that up around the both of them.
Chloe glares. “Nice of you to bring me a plate.”
Alex snorts. “Like you didn’t eat before we showed up.”
“Whatever,” Chloe mumbles and sits back in her chair and does her best to appear irritated.
Alex and I share a look, and I roll my eyes when she shoves an entire piece of bacon into her mouth. Things may have shifted between us last night, but we’re still Jules and Alex, best friends for life.
Except now I’m wondering if maybe I want us to be something more.