Chapter Twelve
Mara- Senior Year of High School
Dream Girl Evil-Florence + the Machine
It’s graduation day. I can’t believe I made it to this day. Today marks the start of the rest of my life. Everyone has acted like high school is the peak of their life, the greatest experiences they will ever have will be during these four formative years.
I was not under the same delusion.
How could high school be the best years of my life when there is so much more to do? There’s an entire world outside these halls that calls to me. The best years are ahead of me.
I’m not an emotional person, but the weight being lifted off my shoulders today has me feeling sentimental and excited for the future. It felt like the end would never arrive.
With classes finished for the seniors, I have the first half of the day to myself. So I decide to go for a run. Just because all of the sports teams I was involved in are over doesn’t mean I should let myself go. Besides, I have nothing better to do all summer.
My house is a mile away from anything else and a few miles outside of town.
I typically run to the gas station three miles away and back.
Our driveway is half a mile long and downhill so that propels me forward for a good start before evening out to a steady rhythm.
And then an intense uphill burn at the end. Perfect for my body type and my needs.
“Dream Girl Evil” by Florence + the Machine is playing in my earbuds as I near the gas station and prepare to turn around but I catch myself with a sharp intake of breath.
Jason’s car is parked beside one of the gas pumps and he’s walking out of the station with an energy drink in hand.
He stops dead in his tracks the second we lock eyes and I can feel the rage radiating off him. The hurt. The anger.
I never had his number but I wanted to call him and apologize after prom.
He’s narrowly avoided me since then. Convenient since we don’t have any classes together and he’s been eating his lunch elsewhere.
I saw him once in the halls after school but he was walking away from me.
And I didn’t want to approach him with so many people around.
What would I even say? Sorry my boyfriend is such a dick and I helped him humiliate you in front of our entire graduating class.
That wouldn’t go over well. I ease the sting of guilt by telling myself we’re graduating and then we will never see each other again.
That night is in the past. He will forget about it as well and live the rest of his life.
And prom will be nothing but a fading memory like a bad dream that you eventually can’t remember.
The spell holding us grounded in place breaks and Jason darts for his car, shutting his door with a slam and driving away without any more interaction.
Even though I’ve stopped moving, my heart rate is still high. Once the shock wears off, I start my ascent back to my house, savoring the burn and pain of a long run that is well deserved.
For more reasons than one.
I spend the afternoon getting ready for graduation.
Deciding on natural glam makeup and soft big waves in my hair so the graduation cap sits nicely on my head.
Our school colors are baby blue and scarlet red.
This year’s class has to wear the blue robes with a red tassel on the hats.
It alternates every year. Good thing I look best in blue.
We got to pick our seating at rehearsal and of course I’m seated next to Bryce and his friends. Who else would I sit with? But tomorrow I’m ending things with him. Sure I could wait until the end of summer but what’s the point? He’s a dick and selfish in bed. So he has no further use to me.
Absent-mindedly, I look around the crowd of students that I’ve attended school with for twelve years. And I could probably only name twenty of them.
It’s never bothered me before how little I interacted with my peers.
But it hits me that I’ve spent twelve years with the same group of people I know so few of.
What if I’d reached out and become best friends with someone?
What if the love of my life is in this class and I never met him because I was so secluded and stuck in what was easy?
Maybe it’s because I’ll never see them again that I’m feeling this remorse. Like a kid who isn’t interested in a toy until someone else wants it.
But it’s too late for what ifs and what could have been. This is it for me. After today, I start a whole new life that doesn’t involve the small town restraints that I’ve known here.
California awaits!
Suddenly it dawns on me, I don’t see Jason. He’s an intelligent kid, I know he passed all his classes so he’s graduating. But he’s not here. Is he late? The ceremony is about to start since we’ve already walked in.
As the principal takes the podium on stage, I come to the gut-wrenching conclusion that he’s not coming. Sure they can just mail him his diploma, but doesn’t he want the satisfaction of walking across the stage and bidding everyone farewell?
I guess the things that matter to us don’t matter to everyone. And just as I’m ready to be done with this town and these people, he’s long past that point.
But a contrite and guilty part of me knows there’s probably one big reason he isn’t here. And I’ll beat myself up over the fact I played a part in taking this defining moment from him. For ruining what must have been a hard twelve years for him.
But I’ll have to feel guilty later, cause I’ve waited too long to let anything sour this success.
Try as I might, the gnawing pit in my gut doesn’t go away as my name is called and I cross the stage. I take my diploma in its shiny case, shake the principal’s hand, and switch the tassel on my hat to the opposite side. What an anticlimactic, ceremonious end to this chapter of my life.