Chapter 44
Chapter Forty-Four
Lily pressed her palms together at her heart and bowed. “Namaste.”
“Namaste,” her class echoed, though when she opened her eyes, Connie had hers cracked open and was looking at her. After forty-five minutes of yoga, Lily was wary of the glint in her gaze.
Lily rolled up her mat, turned off the stereo, and chatted with students as they packed up. Outside, March still clung stubbornly to winter, but the first yellow daffodils were just poking their heads up through the ground outside her windows. She noticed things like that now. New beginnings.
It helped when endings felt so damn sad.
But she wasn’t thinking about that. At least not much. She tried very hard not to think about how much she’d fallen in love with Rush. Yes, she could admit it now. There was no halfway about it. She had gone and fallen head over heels for Sheriff Sexy, and it hadn’t ended well.
She’d spent the last month practicing yoga and meditation, dancing when it got too sad and she had to move her body or risk picking up the phone.
Yes, she missed Rush terribly, but she also worried about him. Wondered if he was still punishing himself, if he was sleeping, if he could drive by the water without shaking.
She really wanted that for him, even if they hadn’t worked out together. He deserved peace.
Once the last student left, she flipped the sign on the door to Be Back Soon and turned back, not at all surprised to see Connie and Gertie waiting.
“Look, darlin’, we can’t take it anymore,” Connie announced. “That handsome sheriff of yours is gone, and it’s killing us to see you sitting home alone.”
“You’re too young and too pretty to be this sad.” Gertie nodded solemnly. “I have another nephew who’s single. Very steady. This one owns a hardware store.”
“Forget the nephew,” Connie cut in. “My cousin Jimmy just divorced his wife. He’s on those dating sites all the time now, looking for love.”
Lily stifled a shudder. “Thank you, but no. I’m not dating right now.”
Both women raised their eyebrows.
“You know what they say about riding a horse,” Connie said. “The best way to get over one is to get under another.”
Gertie smacked her arm. “That’s not how it goes.”
Connie shrugged. “Same idea. All I’m saying is there are plenty of men in Northfield who’d line up for a nice girl like you. Georgie Clairmont told me last week that her grandson Grant’s moving back home soon. He’s a handsome fellow too.”
“Law enforcement.” Gertie nodded knowingly. “There’s just something about a man in uniform.”
“I know!” Connie beamed. “Why don’t I call Georgie and set something up between you two when he gets back?”
“No—I—” Lily began, but Connie was already pulling out her phone.
She shoved her glasses down her nose and squinted. “I can never see the damn screen,” she muttered. “They make these so tiny.”
Gertie patted Lily’s hand with grandmotherly concern. “We just want to see you happy, honey.”
Lily tried again, firmer this time. “Thank you, but no. I’m perfectly capable of setting up my own dates—when I’m ready,” she added quickly. “But thank you for thinking of me,” she added when they looked taken aback.
Connie and Gertie exchanged a look that said plenty. “Well, if you’re sure,” Gertie said doubtfully. “Let us know when you’re ready.”
The door opened, and when Lily glanced up, she did a double take. Tucker stood in the doorway.
“Hi, Lily,” he said. He glanced at Gertie and Connie, who glared at him. “Can we talk?”
“When I said get back on the horse, I didn’t mean this one,” Connie murmured on her way out.
“He’s more of an ass,” Gertie sniffed, closing the door after them.
“What’s up, Tucker?” Lily asked when they were alone, bracing herself. Thankful for small mercies, she’d avoided running into him or Madison over the last month. Looked like her luck had just run out.
Although as she studied him, he didn’t look cocky or smug. In fact, he seemed kind of… small. Not in stature. He was still a linebacker, but for the first time in years, he didn’t seem all puffed up with that excess pride she’d once mistaken for confidence.
He walked toward her slowly, tugging at his tie like it was strangling him. “I’ll get right to it.” He cleared his throat and met her eyes. “I owe you an apology, Lily. For all of it. For Madison. For not being the man you deserved.”
He stepped closer and took her hands in his.
She was so surprised she let him. “I ended it with her,” he said, misery on his face.
“I don’t even know why I ever—God, I panicked.
The wedding was coming, I could feel you pulling away, and instead of talking to you, I did the stupidest thing of my life.
I’m sorry. I am so damn sorry I hurt you. ”
He raked a hand down his face. “For what it’s worth, Madison never meant for anyone to see that photo. She tried to send it to me after you ran out, but she hit AirDrop instead of text. She didn’t mean to humiliate you,” he said quietly. “But she did, and I let it happen. I’m sorry, Lily.”
Huh. She’d spent weeks imagining those words, and somewhere along the way, she’d stopped believing they’d ever come. The mystery of who sent the photo—finally solved. And yet it felt strangely hollow.
She drew in a slow, steady breath, her fingers brushing the rose quartz at her throat.
I am a still lake, she reminded herself. Not the storm. Not anymore.
The anger and humiliation that had once burned eased, not because she forgave him but because she didn’t need to carry it anymore.
When she finally met his eyes again, calm settled over her—more peace than she’d felt in weeks.
“Thank you,” she said, because it felt right.
“That means more than you know.” Relief flashed across his face, and she realized she meant it.
“What you did was shitty, about the shittiest thing you can do to someone.”
Tucker flinched, but to his credit, he didn’t look away.
“And I wasn’t innocent either,” she added, pulling her hands free. “I didn’t cheat, but I wasn’t honest. I knew you didn’t want the same future, and I tried to pretend it didn’t matter. I’m sorry for that.”
“Yeah,” he said, with a rueful smile. “Facing my mother after you ran out was one of the worst moments of my life. I almost wished I’d run after you and just kept going because when I got back, it was hell. She really did want you to be her daughter-in-law.”
“Yes, well,” Lily murmured, not wanting to touch that sentiment.
As far as she was concerned, she’d dodged a bullet having Angela Cawthorn as her mother-in-law.
From Tucker’s grin, he must have read that on her face.
For a second, she glimpsed the boy she’d once loved—the high school quarterback with the reckless smile that had fascinated her.
They talked quietly after that, sifting through years of shared history like flipping through a worn photo album. First dates. Road trips. Inside jokes that had lost their shine.
Finally, when they’d exhausted all the small talk, he looked at her. “Lil, do you think we could ever find our way back to the way it was?”
Her heart trembled. Not at the man who betrayed her but at the boy who looked so damn lost.
“It won’t work, Tucker,” she said gently. “I’m not that girl anymore. Everyone already had us married with kids, and I got swept up in that dream too. But that was me clinging to who we used to be. I can’t do that anymore.”
Tucker’s head dropped. “So it’s really too late? There’s nothing I can do to prove I’ve changed?”
Her throat ached with the truth, but she didn’t look away. Tears welled, and she let them fall. “It’s me, Tucker. I’ve changed. I need something different now.”
She’d spent years believing that if she kept the peace—if she didn’t ask for too much—she could hold on to love, but all it left her was loneliness. She wasn’t making that mistake again.
He swallowed hard. “With him? The sheriff?”
A sad smile tugged at her lips. “No. That’s not his dream either.”
“You’ll always be my first love, Lil. Even if I wasn’t the right one.”
She stood in the quiet studio after he left, waiting for the ache to hit the way it used to.
It didn’t.
Maybe that was its own kind of goodbye.
Sunday dinner at her mom’s house was louder than usual that evening, the way it always seemed to be now. Every year, another baby—or two—joined the mix, stretching their hearts even wider.
Lily looked around, gratitude swelling in her chest. She didn’t have her own dream yet, but her sisters’ had come true, and that gave her hope. One day it would be her turn. Maybe Evie’s too.
Annette’s living room had turned into baby central—blankets draped over designer chairs, bottles lined up by the sink, a mountain of diaper boxes stacked on the rug. Teddy slept against Lily’s chest, his tiny breaths soft and sweet, while across the room, Mira fussed in Amber’s arms.
“He’s the calmest baby, like his daddy,” Amber said, adjusting Mira under her arm like a football.
The baby latched then popped off with an indignant squeak, blinking up at her mother in protest. Amber kissed the soft fluff of dark hair on her daughter’s head.
“You, on the other hand, are bound to rule the world one day. Remember, good girls don’t make history. ”
Theo leaned over her shoulder with a smitten grin for his wife and daughter. “She’s already got me wrapped around her finger.”
On the couch, Davis read a book to Tessa, who was snuggled up in his arms with her baby doll, while Savvie twirled in a sparkly dress in front of everyone. Allie tried and failed to snag her before she could bump into one of Annette’s expensive vases, but Savvie darted away with a laugh.
Across the room, Sammy and Ben—Allie and Davis’s boys—were building a Lego fortress on the coffee table. They were too cool for baby chaos but still young enough to make sound effects as the tower wobbled precariously.
“Let her,” Annette said wryly. “She’s going to do it anyway.”
Allie finally gave up and came to sit near Lily. She glanced at Teddy’s sleeping face then at her sister. “How are you doing, Lil? It’s been a hell of a season for you.”
Lily brushed her thumb over Teddy’s satiny cheek, smiling when he let out a soft burp.
“Such a boy,” she teased then looked up to meet Allie’s kind eyes.
“I’m okay,” she said. “Some days are harder than others, but then I hold these babies, or play with your kids, and it’s easy to remember what I’m holding out for. ”
Allie reached over to squeeze her hand. “You’ve always been determined. If you want it, it’s yours.”
Lily looked at her in surprise. “You think I’m determined?”
“Of course I do,” Allie said without hesitation. “Look at you—you opened a studio and built it from the ground up. You didn’t let anyone’s doubts stop you. That’s determination, Lil.”
Lily sat with that for a moment. She’d always thought of herself as the opposite of determined—someone who kept the peace and smoothed things over so no one would be disappointed.
That was the lie she’d been living, but the truth was she was strong.
Strong enough to walk away and strong enough to wait for the love she truly wanted.
“Thanks,” she said quietly. “I appreciate that.”
Evie sat cross-legged on the rug in front of the fire with her laptop open, listening. She met Lily’s look and smiled at her. “You’ve always wanted more, Lil. Don’t stop now.”
She looked around at her family—messy, loud, imperfect—and felt the hollow ache of what she didn’t have, but she no longer apologized for wanting more.
“Guess I’m greedy,” she said with a crooked smile. “But I’d rather want too much than not enough.”
For too long, she’d believed wanting more made her selfish or needy, but the truth was, wanting more just made her human, and she wasn’t afraid of it anymore.
Someday.
Annette sat across from her, wineglass in hand, her eyes soft as she looked around at her family. “You girls know more than I ever did at your age. I’m proud of all of you.”
Teddy stirred against her chest, sighing a baby sigh so sweet it broke her heart wide open. Lily pressed a kiss to his fuzz, blinking through tears.
She had her studio. She had her sisters and Annette. She had tenderness to spare. And a dream she wasn’t giving up on, even if it made her ache tonight.
Her phone buzzed on the coffee table with an unknown number flashing on the screen. Her stomach dropped the way it always did when she saw that, reminding her of the moment a photo had changed the course of her life.
She shifted Teddy to one arm and fumbled with the phone with one hand. “Hello?”
A female voice. “Hi. Is this Lily?”
“Yes.”
“Hi. This is Rachel. Rush’s sister.”
Lily’s heart slammed so hard she almost dropped the phone. Panic crashed through her, making her dizzy.
“Is he okay?” she demanded sharply.
“Oh—yes! He’s fine. Sorry,” Rachel said quickly. “I didn’t mean to scare you. He asked me to call.”
Lily sagged back onto the couch, tears pricking hot behind her eyes.
Rachel went on gently. “Rush wanted you to know you could come pick up your box of Christmas decorations. He boxed them up for you. Is tomorrow too soon?”
Oh. Damn. The words hit harder than she expected. She almost told Rachel to donate the whole box. How could she possibly open it without her heart aching at the memories of spending Christmas with Rush at the farmhouse? She’d keep those close to her heart for as long as she could.
“Tomorrow’s fine,” Lily finally said. She cleared her throat, aware of her family watching her curiously. “I’ll come by in the afternoon.”
“Perfect,” Rachel said, almost sounding cheerful. Lily tried not to wince. “I can leave the key for you under the doormat after my shift tonight.”
“Oh,” Lily managed. Her heart twisted. “Thank you.”
“Of course, and Lily…” Rachel hesitated. “I wish we could’ve met. Maybe someday.”
Lily pressed her lips together, staring at the baby sleeping against her heart. “Maybe,” she whispered.
But inside, she knew she never wanted to—because meeting Rachel would mean thinking about Rush, and she couldn’t.
Not when she still loved him this much.