Chapter 19
Nineteen
Adamas Aureus
Beauty is found within the heart of the woman I love. That is the only thing keeping me sane—keeping me grounded. It’s her eyes that I focus on as crimson drops fall from the red sky, streaking my body as if I were being bathed in blood.
The ichorous rain is suffocating, its metallic taste lingering on my tongue long after it’s dried.
Searing pain burns down my forearm, and my muscles tense against their icy restraints. I grind my teeth together, refusing to give Vidaris the satisfaction of showing any emotion. Sometimes I think she forgets about me, staying away for days at a time to torture another poor bastard.
Maybe it’s days—I can’t be sure here. Like everything else in this wasteland, there’s no rising and setting of a sun, no reprieve, and certainly nothing good.
The crimson rain slows to a stop, and in that same moment, I feel the air shift. I clench my jaw, preparing myself for what I know is about to happen—for who just got here. I know the signs by now—the relentless rainfall in her absence, and the painfully still quiet when she returns.
“Miss me?” Vidaris’s sickly sweet voice presses against my skull, threatening to crush it beneath the weight of death that rolls off her tongue.
The pain in my arm intensifies, and I fight to keep my face even, the agony ripping through me over and over again.
“It’s been quite boring here,” I drawl, forcing a smile onto my face as my arm begins to numb.
Even as the words come out—and I brace myself for the backlash—nothing can take away the satisfaction of seeing Vidaris’s eyes flare with rage. Something blurs across my vision as Vidaris rears back, a shadowy rod of some sort in her hand.
There’s no stopping the scream that comes out of me this time.
The rod connects with my arm, turning the numb throb that had settled there into a blistering heat.
She brings it back again, this time striking my bicep.
Again, she scrapes the rod down my left arm, and I feel like a fish being flayed open.
The air in my lungs freezes with each slice Vidaris makes across my arm. She doesn’t stray from my left arm, and I can’t shift away, my body held down by the chains.
My sight turns fuzzy, the red sky bleeding into everything around me.
Vidaris’s face swims into view as she leans into me, her smile making my stomach turn.
“I hope you didn’t have a fondness for your tattoos.” She juts her lower lip out and tilts her head to the side. “I know how you Aegis can be about your little markings.”
My nostrils flare as I fight to keep conscious, her gaze hungry to get a reaction from me.
“Oh.” She laughs, the sound crackly and rough. “You can’t see it, can you? Here, let me show you.”
She waves her hand, and shadows pool on the ground, the inky darkness crawling into the shape of a door in front of me. Slowly, it morphs into a mirror, reflecting an image of myself.
My strength wanes, and I let my head fall forward, unable to hold it up any longer. But sharp nails dig into my scalp, and my head is ripped back, forcing me to look at the shadowy reflection of myself.
It takes me a minute to focus on what’s in front of me. The first thing I see is Vidaris standing beside me, her hand gripping my hair and a cruel smile on her face. She angles my head down, and I catch a glimpse of my arm.
Bile rises in my throat, and it takes every ounce of strength I have left to control my emotions. My skin has already healed, so it’s hard to tell if the dried blood is from me or the sky above. But what makes ice spread through my veins is the remains of my flesh.
My tattoos have been slashed apart; the black markings crossed out by puffy red scars. Lunaria’s name—gone. Every swirl that meant something, every curve and loop—torn apart. Shredded.
Scars mar my flesh, and I don’t think they’re ever going to go away. My vision sways again, the edges tinted with darkness. This time, I let myself succumb to weightlessness.
Awareness slowly sinks into my body, bringing my mind alive and present. I’m back in the sea of stars, sleep still clutching my physical body while my mind slips into a dream state.
Aegis don’t dream like this—with an awareness within slumber. This is Nox territory; it’s not something I should be able to do. Last time, things were hazy, like my mind was only partially aware of where I was.
But not this time.
My thoughts are clear, my senses alert. Like I’m truly here. Wherever here is. I spin around, my body freed from gravity and floating in the Divine Constellation. The last time I was here…
Lunaria.
Did she bring me here?
I spin around, looking for that wild smile and those fiery eyes.
“Lu?” I reach for the connection between us, the one that was cut off the moment I got locked inside the Vale, and feel a faint echo of our bond. Quiet, but there.
As much as I feared this just being another torture device designed by the Goddess of Vengeance, this string tying me to Lu isn’t something Vidaris could duplicate.
She may be able to infiltrate my mind, but she can’t touch my soul.
And that’s where this connection has buried itself—within the safety of my soul, winding around my Essence and binding me to the most incredible woman I have ever met.
The skin on my neck prickles as if someone is watching me—the weight of a gaze pressing into my back causes me to slowly turn around.
My lips part when I see bright hazel eyes.
The only thing I can make out is her familiar irises. She’s wrapped in shadows, her build and height the same, but her hair billows off of her as tendrils of darkness—as if she were made entirely of shadows.
I try to say something, but nothing comes out.
“Graylen.” Her sweet voice floats into my mind, sending a shiver down my spine. “Are you my mind’s way of bringing me comfort?”
Oh, Lu. My brave girl.
I do the only thing I can think of to prove to her that I’m me. Slowly, I float toward her, my body gliding through the night sky. I don’t stop until I’m close enough to touch her, our bodies gravitating toward each other.
“It’s me, Lunaria,” I say into her mind. “You brought me here.”
She blinks, those wispy shadows billowing off of her and veiling her expression. It only takes one single breath for her to move. Her arms shoot up, reaching for the embrace I long for.
My hands glide toward her waist, eager to feel her, to ground myself with the weight of her beneath my hands.
But as if we’re worlds apart, my arms bang into an invisible barrier, stopping me from touching her. Lu must feel the same thing because her body is propelled backward, putting distance between us.
“We can’t touch here, can we?” There’s desperation in her voice, and I wish I could ease it, wish I could tell her everything will be okay. But I can’t lie to her. We both know that nothing is as it should be right now.
My chest tightens at hearing her voice again—even if it’s only in my mind. I never thought I’d get the chance to experience the smooth cadence of her voice, feel the way her words sound within my thoughts.
I shake my head, not daring to look away from her eyes.
“Why can’t I see you?” The desperation in her voice twists into pain. “It’s like you’re on fire—only your eyes are what let me know it’s you.”
So she can’t see me.
Our connection is stronger than it was the last time, but not enough for us to touch or fully see.
If Lu is able to bring an Aegis here, her magic must be growing.
I’ve never heard of a Nox being able to do this from so far away, but I don’t have time to question it—don’t have time to wonder how this is happening or how long we’ll have.
Time is not on our side, and I intend to make the most of it.
“I don’t know, but I can’t see you either, little princess. You’re bound in shadows.”
She floats toward me, stopping just before the barrier that pushed both of us away. Her eyes are filled with so many emotions that I don’t know which to focus on, a torrent of agony mingled with joy and dread and confusion.
I force my brain to shift into all the training I’ve done, force it to shove aside the way my heart is cracking at not being able to feel her skin against my hands. She’s right there, but somehow still a sea apart.
We need to figure out what the next move is—how to stop Moros and save the souls from the Shadow Lands.
Still, I can’t stop myself from asking, “Are you safe? Did you reach the Lord of Shadows?”
Shit. Not just the Lord of Shadows, but her father. Her real father. My veins turn to ice at the reminder of where my body is trapped. She’s been dealing with this all alone—I wouldn’t be surprised if she hasn’t stopped to truly think about it, let alone talk to someone.
The shadows around her scatter in all directions as she shakes her head. “I’m safe… I think.” Her words are hesitant, but I stay quiet, letting her work through what she wants to say. “Let’s just say that he wasn’t willing to hear what we had to say. And you? Are you…”
The words stay trapped within her mind, and a flash of fire crackles in her gaze. I feel my own magic stir in response, still chained down by Vidaris’s bindings, but stirring nonetheless—which is more than I’ve felt it do since I’ve been here.
I don’t say the words… Don’t admit what I’ve experienced here. But this is Lunaria. I don’t have to say them; she can likely feel the weight of my pain just by looking in my eyes. She was always able to see things others weren’t, even things I tried to keep hidden.
“Graylen.” Lu’s voice cracks. Even in my mind, I can hear the agony and rage in her desperate plea. “I’m going to find you. I promise.”
As if my chest couldn’t get any tighter, my heart clenches, threatening to collapse against my ribs. I can’t let her take her focus off of Moros and all of the souls lost to the Vale.
I didn’t save her to be a hero. I saved her to buy her some time. Time that shouldn’t be wasted on me.
“Lu…” I press softly into her mind, and she immediately shakes her head, backing away from me. Her shadows flicker, and for a brief moment, I can see directly through her. She comes back to me, her shadows in place once more.
“Please don’t leave yet,” I quickly say.
I can’t see her face still, but I can picture her clenching her jaw, her nostrils flaring delicately, staring up at me with a fire in her eyes that makes my blood thrum with need. Need to touch her—need to feel her skin against mine.
“You don’t get to leave and then tell me to not find you.” Each of her words is filled with determination. “You may have saved me from Vidaris, but nothing compares to the pain of losing you. Of knowing where you are and what you could be going through.”
I swallow against her pain as it whispers softly through the string that tethers us together. It mirrors my own, our emotions mingling together so deeply that I don’t know where my agony ends and hers begins.
But I would do it again—would sacrifice myself over and over, gladly accept the fate of being at Vidaris’s mercy—if it means she’s safe. She can hate me for it, can push me away as much as she wants, but she’s still safe.
If she were the one experiencing these things in the Vale…
I would let the entire world burn just so I could be by her side.
“Don’t look for me. I’m going to be okay,” I vow, praying to Eurydice that I’m not lying to her. “Don’t tell me anything you wouldn’t want Vidaris to know; I don’t know what she’s able to see in my head or how long I’m able to keep this hidden from her.”
Lu nods slowly—but I know her; I know she’s not accepting my plea to stay away. I can see the familiar fire in her eyes, the determination that promises death to those keeping us apart.
She would kill for me, and I would watch her do it with a smile on my face.
The shadows encasing her flicker again, and this time she hovers closer to me, just out of reach. I can feel my vision fading, can feel myself being pulled back to my body. With everything inside of me, I fight it as long as I can.
Broken and jumbled words fill my mind, her voice too far away to make sense of.
I know that my thoughts won’t reach her, so instead, I mouth: I love you.
A sheen of tears blurs her eyes as she begins to fade. I reach my hand out, desperate for just one touch. I yearn to feel her body molded against mine, to taste the fire of her lips and breathe in the scent of pine and juniper that clings to her flesh.
My fingers cross over the invisible barrier between us, sending my heart pumping twice its normal speed. I move toward her in the blink of an eye, both of my hands sliding onto her face and cupping her cheeks.
Just as my palm meets her skin, she disappears from me completely. The stars around me fade instantly in her wake, leaving me in a black void, wishing I didn’t have to return to a place she wasn’t going to be.