Chapter 32
Thirty-Two
Lapis Lunae
Only when I’m certain Daimon is gone do I pull on my connection with Zephyr. My magic may be dampened, but thank the Divine that my bond with her isn’t. There’s an answering tug in response, and I can feel her launch into the sky, air flowing across my skin as if I were already flying atop her.
We take a step, Graylen’s arm still slung over my shoulder. He hisses through his teeth. His feet tangle, and he stumbles forward, my hand shooting up to wrap fully around his waist.
“Let’s sit,” I say quickly. “Zeph will find us.”
The awareness that he had when Daimon found us has started to disappear from Graylen’s eyes. He nods his head, not protesting. My heart clenches. I force myself to take a steadying breath.
We wait beneath a crooked oak tree, the limbs long and heavy as they stretch toward the ground. I prop Graylen up against the trunk and opt to stand beside him, my gaze searching the forest for any unwanted visitors.
It isn’t long before the whooshing of Zeph’s wings fills the air, and the trees bend and snap as she lowers herself from the sky.
For once, she doesn’t come immediately to me.
Her golden gaze is on Graylen, a whistling cry coming from her throat as she steps slowly toward him. He fell asleep within seconds of leaning against the tree, eyes still closed, even as Zeph nudges his shoulder with her nose.
Worry shoots into my chest—not from me, but from her.
She swings her head to me, a plea radiating: help him.
“I know,” I whisper, setting my forehead against her rough scales. “Let’s get him to Leda so he can lie down for a bit.”
Gently, I lay my hand on his arm and shake him. His eyes spring open, pupils dilating as he looks around frantically. He presses his back against the trunk, flinching away from me.
My eyes sting with tears, and my heart squeezes when I see the terror in his eyes. I lean forward, slowly sliding my hands onto his cheeks.
“It’s me,” I soothe, my voice cracking. “This is real—you’re right here. With me.” His brows pull together, but he at least stops trying to get away. “Focus on the sound of my voice. Remember what you once told me? Tell me what you feel.”
I think back to when he was training me to use my Aegis magic, a blindfold around my eyes and his infuriating smell distracting me as he asked me to describe what I felt.
Graylen blinks and murmurs, half-delirious, “You’re real.”
I nod, my palms still cupping his cheeks. “I’m right here, Graylen. Tell me what you feel.”
He takes a shuddering breath and closes his eyes. “Can you back up some?” His soft words float into my mind, and pain laces through my chest. “I can’t focus with you this close.”
The corners of his lips turn up, just slightly, as he echoes the words I once said to him.
I huff a laugh, my shoulders relaxing as I answer out loud, “I’m not going anywhere.”
He peeks open his eyes. The panic in his gaze nearly rips my heart in two.
“Promise?” he rasps.
I lean my forehead against his and whisper, “Promise.”
It takes the help of Zeph maneuvering her wing up to help me get Graylen onto her back. Once he’s up, I sit behind him and wrap my arms tightly around him.
“Hey, Zeph,” he murmurs, his voice soft and sleepy.
She purrs in response, a hot lash of protectiveness shooting down our bond. Every muscle she moves is gentle—far gentler than she’s ever been with me. Even as she takes off into the sky, I barely feel her push off of the ground.
I think I hold my breath the entire way to where Leda and Adrian are, my body alert and watching every move Graylen makes in front of me.
It doesn’t take long for Zephyr to bring us to a small cave. Leda runs out the moment she hears us. A reluctant figure stands behind her, and Graylen stiffens when he realizes it’s Adrian.
Leda gives Graylen a stiff hug after she helps me get him back on solid ground, holding half of his weight while I hold the other.
We lead him inside the cave and prop him up against the rocky wall. His eyes are already drooping heavily the moment I pull away from him.
“If you need to wash up, there’s a creek to the right of the cave.” Leda nods her head toward the opening behind us. “Freezing cold, but better than nothing.”
Graylen nods, his gaze empty. My chest tightens at the hollowness in his eyes—at how the old Graylen would’ve made a joke, likely turning to me and asking if I wanted to join.
But this Graylen… He’s hurting. He’s going to need time to work through whatever is going on inside of his mind. And I’ll be by his side every step of the way in any capacity he needs me.
“I’ll grab you some fresh clothes.” I give him a small smile and walk over to the center of the small space where Leda’s piled our things.
I rifle through the pack stuffed with supplies and pull out the spare clothing Aster gave me for Graylen. It’s simple garb—threaded cotton pants and a long-sleeved linen shirt with a leather vest to keep his core warm.
When I turn back to Graylen, still leaning against the cave wall, his eyes are already closed and his chest expands slowly. I should wake him—help him get into fresh clothing and clean up.
But my muscles don’t seem to want to move. I take his features in: the way his clothes are baggier than they should be. How his hair is slightly longer, falling into his eyes and covering his ears.
The new scars…
Without much light to see by and his skin covered in a mixture of dirt and dried blood, it’s hard to see them. But some of them are so pronounced they’re impossible to miss.
I swallow down the guilt that sours my mouth and walk over to him, crouching down at his side. My hand reaches up, lightly pushing his hair back. He doesn’t stir at my touch, sleeping soundlessly.
The bath and fresh clothes can wait.
“Rest for a while.” Leda’s voice carries over to me from where she stands at the mouth of the cave. “I’ll take the first watch.”
I nod, my body heavy now that I’ve stopped moving. Needing to be close to Graylen, I sit beside him, laying my head down on his shoulder. As if feeling me even in sleep, he shifts closer to me.
Graylen’s breathing evens out, but even with the exhaustion weighing on my body, it’s hard to shut off my brain. I lift my hand into the air, calling on my Nocturna side and letting tendrils of shadows play around my fingers.
My stomach sinks.
It takes more concentration to continue calling on them, far more than it should. The sinking in my stomach gives way to fresh panic as sweat beads on my temple. The shadows waver, and I let them die out.
The shard of Nightfall… It did something to me. A part of me prays to the Divine that the magic is just spent, but a larger part of me knows how wrong that is.
I fall into a dreamless sleep with that question playing on a loop in my mind.
The ground beside me is empty when I wake up. Soft golden rays of sunlight peek through the trees, but the night still clings to the sky. At some point, someone draped a cloak over me—the one that was packed for Graylen.
Graylen.
My stomach sinks when I don’t see him. Adrian is lying across from me, his head resting on a balled-up cloak and his back facing me. Leda is in the same place she was when I fell asleep, but Graylen is nowhere to be seen.
I bolt to my feet, causing Leda to turn toward me with a brow raised. Zeph is curled just outside the cave, and she peeks one eye open, her gold iris glowing as she zeros in on me.
Breathless, I stammer, “Graylen—”
“In the creek,” she says quickly. “He said he needed a minute alone.”
My shoulders sag with relief, but I can’t help the twinge in my gut at the thought that he wanted to be alone. Of course he needs a minute alone—probably a whole moon cycle. But a part of me still wishes he had woken me up.
Zeph grumbles and goes back to sleep, a soft growl rumbling from her chest as she settles back down.
“Just give him time,” Leda adds, rubbing at her eyes and stifling a yawn. “All you can do is be there when he’s ready to talk.”
Tears line my eyes. I know she’s right, but that doesn’t make it any easier. I’ve just gotten him back.
I clear my throat and walk over to her, pointing over my shoulder as I say, “Your turn to get some sleep.”
She hesitates, her gaze narrowed on me, but finally she nods and pats me on the shoulder as she passes by. “Don’t let me sleep past midday.” Her words end in a yawn, and soon, she’s settled against the cave wall and fast asleep.
I sit on a rock jutting out of the ground just beside Zeph, a soft purr emitting from her chest as she sleeps.
I strain to hear the forest around me. As my hearing adjusts to the quiet, I can make out the bubbling stream beside the cave. It’s partially hidden from the thick trees, but there’s a soft splashing every few breaths.
My chest warms knowing Graylen is there. As much as I want to see him—need to have my eyes on him to know that he’s okay—I force myself to stay seated.
With my body still and sitting here alone, it’s hard to keep worries of the future at bay. Soon, we’ll be going back to the one place I never thought I’d step foot in again. Leda will go her separate way, taking Zeph with her.
My gaze falls to the enormous creature beside me. It’s hard to imagine being so far away from her. She is not going to be pleased when I have to send her off with Leda, but it’s the only choice we have.
Sending a wyvern to a realm that’s convinced its people all magic is evil—all while the true evil rests within the one who runs their kingdom—wouldn’t go over well. Still…she isn’t going to be happy about it.
Going back to Crea without her—without Leda or any of the friends I’ve come to care for since being here—hurts more than I thought it would. When my only motivation was to get Graylen back, it was easy to focus on that.
But now…
Now, he’s safe. And that leaves room for my mind to drift, going to a place I never truly called home. A place that I was never supposed to be in to begin with. I left with no magic, and now I’m returning with no magic.
I may not be Amira anymore, but I have to pretend to be. In Crea, I can’t be Lunaria, daughter of Queen Evelina, wyvern Rider, and goddess-forged. And without those things, what can I be?
The soft rustle of leaves shifting pulls my attention to my right, my heart speeding up when the footfalls grow closer.
All of my thoughts vanish from my mind as Graylen emerges from behind the cave.
My mouth dries when his blazing eyes meet mine. He freezes, our gazes colliding in a storm of hesitation that’s never been between us before. I want to say something—anything—but my lips are fused together, the words trapped in my throat as I take in the man before me.
His hair is pushed back, dripping wet and mostly clean. We don’t have any soap, but just the water alone was enough to make him look a little bit more like himself.
The shirt is a little loose on him, though he and Aster are nearly the same size. Were the same size. I wring my hands together when I see freshly healed scars on what little skin is showing.
White, puffy lines mar his hands, neck, and face.
He curls his hands into light fists and shoves them into his pockets, still frozen to the spot. I should invite him to sit with me or tell him to get more rest—goddess knows he probably needs it.
But again, no words make it out.
Come on, Lu, get it together.
He shifts from foot to foot, and I tear my eyes away from where he stuffed his hands into his pockets. He’s been through more than I can imagine because of me. Because of Vidaris.
Somewhere deep within my soul is a part of me that hates myself for what happened to him. Even if it was his choice, he wouldn’t have been there if it weren’t for me.
“Lunaria,” he whispers into my mind, his voice so soft it’s hard to tell if it’s in my thoughts or carried on the breeze.
I lift my gaze back to his, and even now, he manages to take my breath away. I don’t think there will ever be a day that changes. Even now, his beauty is heartbreaking.
He lets out a long sigh and walks over, sitting down on the rock beside me—his body so close that I can feel the familiar warmth radiating off of him. I can’t help but notice the space that separates him from me—small, but somehow feeling as if we’re worlds apart.
“Graylen—” My voice cracks, and I shake my head.
We stare at each other, both lost on what to do next. I can see the pain in his eyes—the memories that haunt him.
“You’re here,” I finally say. “You’re safe.”
He gives me a slow nod, something flickering in his gaze. “Where you go, I go,” he says into my mind.
I wince. Graylen still doesn’t know the plan.
It would take an act of one of the Divine themselves to pull me away from him right now, but is he ready for this? He’s only just gotten out of the Vale, and since then, he’s hardly said more than a handful of words aloud—opting for our thought communication over voicing things.
Whatever he needs to begin to heal, I’m prepared to give it to him. But going to Crea, facing Moros, and searching for Nightfall? It almost feels as if it’s too much to ask.
My gaze drifts down to the ground. I don’t know what I was thinking—that I’d get him back, my Graylen back, and we’d go on this adventure together like the last time we crossed kingdoms?
What I wasn’t prepared for was worrying if he was ready for all of this. He’s always been steady—strong and calm. This side of him… It worries me.
Still, I won’t leave him again.
I give him a grim smile and repeat, “Where you go, I go.”
My fingers ache to touch him—to wrap him in my arms just to convince myself he’s real. But I don’t. I keep them to myself, doing anything I can to stop them from wandering. Images plague my thoughts, twisted and vile depictions of the things Vidaris could’ve done to him.
The Goddess of Vengeance changed him, and I don’t know where to begin to help him heal. I’m afraid that it won’t be enough to undo what’s been done, but I’ll love him through all of it. Through the him he used to be and whoever he’s become.
Maybe, just maybe, that will be enough to help him through this.
Graylen’s been hurt in ways I don’t yet understand—maybe will never fully understand—but he’s still mine. Still here.
So, for now, I choose to focus on that tiny bit of good.