Chapter 41
Forty-One
Ametrine
Sweat drips down my temple as I blink slowly, my eyes heavy.
Nightmares visited me each time I drifted back off, displaying images of Graylen being tortured by Vidaris.
I drifted in and out of sleep all night, startling awake with my muscles tense as I continually checked in on Graylen.
He didn’t stir, but I often found his breathing quick and brows pinched together.
My dreams have never been a place for comfort, and that’s not something I wanted to have in common with him. The things that are probably haunting him…
My gaze lingers on his tense shoulders and straining neck, snagging on the snake tattoo peeking up over his cotton shirt, the mouth open just beneath his ear.
A twinge pulls at my chest, unable to look away at the reminder of the things done without his consent.
“Only two to spare.” A gruff voice cuts through my thoughts.
I blink, refocusing my attention on the wrinkled and callused human in front of us.
“Two horses is plenty,” I answer without turning to Graylen.
Though it might be more comfortable on separate horses, I don’t plan on letting Graylen be that far from me. There’s a bit more color in his cheeks this morning, and the circles beneath his eyes have dulled after a full night of rest, but we have a long few days of travel.
Maybe it’s selfish, but I need him close so I can focus.
Adrian settles the cost with the stable owner, paying extra for riding gear.
“This here is Misty.” The stable owner pats the neck of a beautiful, petite gray mare. He walks over to a brown-and-white paint and scratches its nose as he says, “And this is Rex.”
Adrian mounts Rex while Graylen and I load up our things on Misty.
Two women pass by the stables, whispering fiercely back and forth but loud enough for us to hear them.
“Maybe he’s dead,” the fair-skinned, shorter woman says. “And Duke Wyman doesn’t want to announce it yet. King Avalon has barely been in the grave.”
I pause, my gaze flicking over Misty to where Adrian is settled on Rex. He stiffens; I know he heard them.
“I think he didn’t want it,” the taller woman says, her blonde hair swooped up in a high knot on the top of her head. “He’s hardly been out of the castle. Can’t blame him for running away and leaving it to Duke Wyman.”
Adrian spins around, mouth ajar.
“Let’s go,” I say sharply.
Adrian’s eyes cut to me, a mixture of pain and fury in his gaze. His mouth closes, realizing that saying something is not in our best interest right now. He lets out a quick huff and rights himself on his horse, spine straight and jaw set.
I mount Misty, and Graylen follows suit, settling himself behind me on the long saddle. He shifts his hips forward and wraps his arms around me to rest on my thighs.
It eases some of the tension in my limbs, my body melting against his ever so slightly.
We trot away from King’s Border, the chatter of the town disappearing behind us as we take a narrow, worn path deeper into the woods.
“The people shouldn’t gossip,” Adrian mumbles over his shoulder from in front of us.
I roll my eyes. His people were left without word on where their king went and why Wyman is ruling in his place.
“Your people wouldn’t have to speculate if they had stayed in the castle,” I bite back.
Even from back here, I can see the tips of his ears turn pink as he adjusts himself in his saddle.
Graylen squeezes my right thigh, his fingers pressing warmth into it. The hollowness in his gaze has dissipated since last night, but I’m starting to wonder how real that is—if he’s masking his pain for me.
“Telling a fool to not be foolish will only frustrate the wise,” Graylen murmurs into my thoughts, a hint of amusement dancing in his words that doesn’t reach his eyes.
I half-smile, unable to conjure up a laugh.
We wait until the sun is beginning to set to make camp at a small stream for the night, an awkward silence settling as we unpack the supplies we bought in King’s Border.
The woods here aren’t like Penyth—the lush and growing forest I left to be here, surrounded by brittle trees and dead leaves.
Earlier, the warmth of the sun melted away the tension between us, our light conversation making me wonder if last night was just a fluke. But as the sun sinks lower, Graylen begins pacing quietly.
His hands go from slipping into his pockets to hovering out by his sides, then back into his pockets briefly before pulling them out again. Restlessness radiates off him as his shoulders draw up.
I watch him lost in his thoughts, growing more and more anxious as the sunlight fades. It makes me wonder what he associates with the night now, and my stomach churns.
“Care to help us with the fire, Aegis?” I try light-heartedly, hoping to ease him away from whatever thoughts he’s trapped in.
Graylen stiffens at the name, his jaw clenching briefly. He relaxes his face almost instantly, smoothing out his brows and nodding.
My stomach sinks. “Are you okay?” I send into his mind. While I’m still afraid of him shutting me out, I need him to know I’m here for him. I’m not going anywhere, even if he won’t open up to me. That is, unless he decides he doesn’t want me anymore.
My hands tremble. I clench them into fists so he doesn’t notice.
He glances at me, expression guarded. “I will be.”
Our eyes lock, gazes saying more than we can find the words for. Like a string pulling taut between us, we lean in toward each other slightly. He reaches up, the back of his fingers brushing against my cheek and sending heat skittering through my body.
My eyes drift down to his mouth, desperate to feel his warmth.
We draw closer together, but then Graylen pauses. His eyes briefly close, and his nostrils flare. My heart hammers in my chest as he leans away, his gaze falling to the grass beneath our feet.
Adrian clears his throat, but my eyes stay on Graylen.
“Uh, I’ll water the horses so I don’t interrupt,” Adrian mumbles, his footsteps fading as he walks Misty and Rex to the stream. Little does Adrian know that there was nothing to interrupt. The thought stings more than I imagined it would.
Graylen moves first, bending over the wood we gathered in the center of camp. He raises his hand, focusing harder than usual to spark flames. He glances at me over his shoulder, noticing me watching.
“It’s harder here,” he explains—as if we didn’t just almost kiss, and he didn’t pull away. “Like my magic is further from reach.”
He looks up at me. With the sun now hidden behind the horizon, the flames allow shadows to dance across his angular face.
“You still haven’t told me why I can’t feel your magic the same way.”
The abrupt question makes me pause. Voicing what happened feels like giving power to it. Like maybe if I ignore it, it’ll go away. I’d rather focus on Graylen and what he’s been through—it’s far harsher than what I’m dealing with.
But as he watches me, a silent plea in his gaze, I can’t deny him. I let out a sigh and sit down at his side, my knees bent and arms draped over them.
“The shard of Nightfall,” I start to explain, a spot seeming to warm where it sits in my vest. “All magic has a price. And using its power asked for mine in return. To fuel it, to pay it—I don’t know.”
I set my gaze firmly on the growing campfire, afraid to look at Graylen. He tenses beside me.
“I didn’t know it at first—all it wanted was blood,” I add. “But then when I needed it for something bigger, the price grew heavier. I only offered it small pieces of my Essence—parts of my Woodland and Undine sides—but the rest of my magic is draining, too.”
“That’s what the warning was about,” he remarks, filling in the blanks.
I nod my head and toss a leaf into the flames, watching as it coils in on itself and burns to ash.
“I’d do it again,” I whisper aloud, twisting toward him. I find him already watching me, those breathtaking emerald eyes pinning me in place. “What you did for me—” My voice breaks. I clear my throat and try again. “No one has ever done something like that for me.”
Graylen freezes, his openness slamming shut like a heavy door.
“What are you so afraid of?” I ask—the question a plea. “Talk to me.”
There’s a tremble in my voice, afraid of what happens if he answers honestly. And even more afraid of what happens if he doesn’t.
He looks away, his expression guarded.
“Please,” I try again. “We’re not us right now.”
His gaze softens as he stares into the fire, still avoiding my eyes. His lips part as his voice fills the air with a soft rasp. “I would lay my life down at your feet if it meant you could walk among this realm just one more day.”
When he looks at me, the wall is back up.
“But you—you need your magic, Lu,” he adds into my mind. “Our focus should be on our mission. Not just for the kingdom, but for you and your magic.”
Hurt sits heavily in my stomach as he steers the conversation to a different topic. Giving him space nearly splinters my heart in two, but I don’t know how to be soft for him—if I’ll be enough for him to safely let go. And that terrifies me.
I shake my head, letting my gaze fall back to the fire.
“Maybe the warning was false. To scare us,” I try to reason, but deep down, that doesn’t feel true. It doesn’t feel the same as when it’s depleted; it just feels like it’s slowly being leeched from my soul. “Even if that was the messenger’s tactic, it worked.”
We don’t know if it was Daimon who sent it, and that frightens me almost as much as the warning itself. Who will I be if I lose my magic for good?
“So, we find Nightfall as planned,” he says quietly. “Quickly.” From the corner of my eye, I see him nod, as if deciding something.
“Who’s taking the first shift for watch?” Adrian says a little too loudly, causing me to jump.
“Me,” Graylen and I say at the same time
Adrian rolls his eyes, plopping down on the other side of the fire and poking it with a stick, causing embers to float into the now-dark sky.
“Rest,” I tell Graylen. “I’ll wake you up when I start to get too tired.”
Graylen’s fingers curl around my chin, tilting my face toward him. “Sleep, little princess,” he says firmly, a flash of his old self rising to the surface. In my mind, he adds, “Your magic can’t replenish if you’re exhausted.”
His nostrils flare, and I know he isn’t going to give this one up. I sigh, relenting.
“Fine,” I send back. “But Adrian doesn’t get a watch. I don’t trust him to stay awake or not sneak off into the night.”
Graylen nods his head and pulls away, leaving an ache of longing in the center of my chest. Even as he leans back, his gaze lingers on my mouth as if the same longing fills him, too. Why is he holding himself back from me?
“Are you two always like this?” Adrian mumbles.
The corners of Graylen’s mouth twitch up into an almost-smile. My chest squeezes at the sight of it. I miss his smile—miss his cocky attitude and teasing quips. The curve of his lips sends my pulse into a frenzy, and I’m suddenly trapped within his gaze.
Insects’ chirps fall away into a muffled quiet. The breeze against my skin is warmer than it was a few moments ago, sending a rush of heat to my cheeks. I settle down beside Graylen, my eyes growing heavy as I watch him look out at the trees.
I miss him. Even having him this close, I miss how we used to be. It’s hard to not mourn who we were—the ease with which we simply existed around each other. Silently, I vow to myself to find that again.