Chapter Twenty-Seven #2
My body feels mechanical. My heart ticks in my chest. Voices of the town surround us—laughing, skating, groups gathered around their own fires along the lake’s edge. It’s a buzz of white noise. I don’t feel real.
Collin walks over to Jonathan. Whatever is said is brief. But it puts a cunning smile on Livvy’s face.
Oren’s football groupies sit on log benches around the fire, along with a few girls I don’t know.
I’m not sure how Danika’s going to talk with Oren without it becoming a spectacle.
I focus on her as she flits about, avoiding Oren and laughing too loud.
If I keep my eyes on her, she is safe. And my heart doesn’t matter.
Oren pulls Danika onto his lap and snuggles into her shaggy camel jacket.
Her eyes meet mine across the fire. I want to talk to her.
To beg her to just leave with us. This doesn’t feel right.
None of it. We shouldn’t be here. I try to get her to understand with a small shake of my head, but Oren draws her attention back to him.
Collin sits down next to me and spreads the blanket over our shoulders, keeping an arm around me. “I don’t know what he’s doing. I’m sorry, Sadie.”
I nod, feeling the frigid temperatures from the inside out—despite the fire, Collin’s warmth or this fur-lined coat. The flames are doing nothing to thaw the ice crystals spreading through my bones.
“I did this,” I tell Collin. “I broke us.”
“Why do you keep saying that?”
I don’t answer. How do I explain that this whole time, while I was trying to understand Jonathan, he was showing me who he was?
And I couldn’t see him—not until he was standing in front of me, raw and exposed.
Not until it was too late. I let fear cloud my vision.
And I allowed his father to manipulate me and make me doubt how well I really know Jonathan.
Now, I don’t know how to fix us.
I watch him through the flames, sipping from a mug, staring at the fire. Danika is talking to a girl seated next to Sean. I lean my head against Collin’s shoulder. When I look at Jonathan, he’s looking back. As quickly as we connect, I lose him to the fire.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” Danika tells me. “Then I’ll talk to him.” She bites her thumbnail.
“I’ll come with you.” I shift the blanket off my shoulder.
“No. I just need a minute. I’ll be right back.”
“You sure?” I hesitate, unconvinced. I shouldn’t let her go alone.
She nods. “I won’t be long.”
I settle back next to Collin. He wraps an arm around me again and grips my shoulder. I watch her walk up the path toward the public bathrooms. The snow is falling faster, nearly covering up the tracks on the path. Making her footprints disappear before she’s gone.
This day is usually one of my favorites in our town. The tree lighting. Skating. Hot Chocolate and fires. Live music and carolers at the pavilion. It’s a day I always look forward to every year.
Not today. I feel disconnected from all of it. Even from myself.
Livvy’s laugh captures my attention.
“I think we should go,” Collin says into my ear. “Nothing good is going down here. And I have a feeling it’ll only get worse.”
I peer into his hazel eyes. He looks sad. The emotion doesn’t look right on him.
“What is it?” I frown.
“You don’t deserve this, Sadie.”
“I opened this box, Collin. I deserve whatever’s inside.” I give him a peck on the cheek. “But thank you. I’m sorry again for being a terrible friend.”
He shakes his head, dismissing me. I lean my head back on his shoulder, and Collin rests his cheek on my fur-lined hood. My gaze naturally gravitates to Jonathan. I will always search for him, even when it hurts. And what I’m seeing right now is tearing my heart out.
Livvy pulls her lollipop out of Jonathan’s mouth, drags it along her lower lip and tastes it with a flick of her tongue. A half-lidded invitation on her face. He smirks.
I can’t look away. No matter how much the broken shards dig into me.
I know this isn’t him. This can’t be him.
He can’t stand Livvy. There’s no way that the attention he’s giving her means anything.
Except he’s looking at her, like he’s looking into her.
The same way he’s looked at me a thousand times.
Livvy leans in and whispers something to him. He crooks the corner of his mouth. She glances at me out of the corner of her eye, knowing I’m watching. I stare blankly back, trying so hard to convince myself that he wouldn’t do this. Not to me. This isn’t him. He isn’t cruel. I know him.
When she dabs her lollipop onto his lower lip, he drags his teeth over it. She puts the lollipop back in her mouth and smiles at me. I have to look away before the shards dig deeper and I bleed out.
Oren’s gone.
I leap to my feet and spin around, searching for him. I can’t find him. And Danika still isn’t back. Blood rushes through my heart, reminding it what fear feels like. I stomp through the accumulated snow to the bike path, sliding and skidding in my impractical boots.
“Hey,” Collin calls after me. “Where are you going?”
“Danika,” is all I can say. Panic is a living fire within me, creeping through my stomach and up my throat. This is not good.
Flashing blue lights are beacons in the distance. Red ones too.
No. No. No. No.
It feels like it takes forever to reach the bathrooms.
How long was she gone? It didn’t feel like it was more than ten minutes. But it had to have been longer. I was so caught up watching Jonathan. And Livvy.
I come upon a crowd at the edge of the woods behind the bathroom. I push through without apology until I reach the front.
An EMT squats in front of Danika on the ground, still—too still. A girl kneels beside her, but I can’t make out their faces.
Please, no.
“You don’t understand!” The yelling draws everyone’s attention. A police officer escorts a cuffed Oren toward a cruiser. “You got it all wrong!”
The red scratches on his face and neck speak louder.
I pass a young woman crying into her phone and another officer taking statement. When I reach Danika, I inhale sharply. She’s not moving.
My breath stutters in relief when she’s slowly positioned upright against a nearby tree.
Her face is drained of color. Tears streak down her cheeks. Her neck is red with angry claw marks. Her blue eyes meet mine, and she bursts into sobs.
I don’t ask permission to approach. I’m on my knees and pulling her to me. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” I cry into her hair.
“We need her to come get checked out. And the police are going to want a statement and photographs.”
I keep holding her, trying to assure her that I’ve got her.
Too late.
“Miss?”
A hand is on my back. I look behind me. Collin is there. “Let them take her to the hospital.”
I return to Danika. “Want me to come with you?” She nods imperceptibly.
I help the EMT get her to her feet and follow them both to the ambulance. I give Collin my keys.
“I’ll meet you there.”
I sit on the seat next to the gurney in the ambulance as they strap her in.
Just before the driver closes the door, I see Jonathan standing behind Collin. Livvy beside him. I close my eyes, making him disappear.