7. Punished for Being Good #2
In the moonlight, I catch the hunger etched across his face as his gaze trails over my body. His fingers slip beneath my bra, just enough to graze my skin. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.”
And for the first time, I believe it.
For a moment, I feel like the most stunning woman on the planet. Gone are the doubts—that my breasts are too small, my waist too narrow, my ass too flat. That my long, lean dancer’s frame could never compete with the soft, curvy women who came before me.
Braden thinks I’m perfect, just as I am.
I hook the hem of his shirt, nudging it upward until he pulls it over his head. And unlike earlier today, I let myself look —really look—at him, drinking in every inch the same way he’s drinking me in.
My fingers glide across his chest, the coarse hair tickling my palms in the most delightful way
I want to explore every inch of him, because I know he’s this beautiful everywhere.
Braden leans forward, kissing a path down my neck, each press of his mouth igniting a trail of sparks along my skin.
He finds the clasp of my bra and unfastens it with one hand, his thumbs sweeping over my nipples in a slow, tantalizing rhythm.
I moan, my body trembling as his mouth captures mine again.
The man is all hands, and I’m already unraveling under his touch.
“Tell me what you want,” he breathes against my mouth, nipping at my lower lip. “Tell me how you want me to touch you.”
My lips part, ready to answer, but nothing comes out.
I’ve never done this before. At least, not like this . Not with this level of emotion or desire.
No, my one sad sexual experience consisted of approximately two minutes of awkward thrusting and ended with me wondering why sex was such a big damn deal.
Hell, I’ve never even had oral sex—though I’m fairly certain Braden is a master, if his kisses are anything to go by.
And if anyone could show me how incredible sex should feel, it’s him.
But what if it freaks him out?
Braden clocks my hesitation and pulls back, his eyes narrowing with concern. “You okay?”
I manage a nod, but words continue to elude me.
He straightens, his hands dropping to wrap around my hips. “You sure? I don’t want to do anything except make you feel good. ”
Those words are a balm to my nervous soul. He wants to take care of me. And God, I want to return the favor.
Maybe this won’t be such a big deal.
Snapping out of my daze, I smile and wrap my arms around his neck. “You are incredible. I’m just… not very good at this.”
A small grin curves across his lips. “I’m fairly sure you’re amazing, and I can’t wait to find out.”
Okay, maybe this will be a bigger deal than I thought.
“Trust me, I’m not.” I shake my head, biting my lip as I shift slightly in his lap, the intensity between us suddenly too much.
Braden holds up his hands slightly, backing them away from my body, his brow furrowed. “Wait a second. Are you a?—?”
“A virgin?” I cut him off before he can finish, desperate not to lose the moment. “No. I’m not.”
He exhales, the tension easing from his shoulders. “Just wanted to ask.”
“I’ve had sex once.”
Apparently once isn’t enough, because shock rolls across Braden’s face like I just confessed to being an alien. “You mean one guy or one… time?”
“Both.” My voice squeaks out the word, my stomach a coil of knotted nerves.
“We only had sex one time. And uh, it was pretty terrible. So, I didn’t want to do it again.
Didn’t understand what the hype was about.
But with you, I get it, because you’re amazing, and I want you so much. I want you to… teach me.”
The moment the words leave my mouth, I want to crawl under the damn couch. Judging by the look on Braden’s face, he’s not far behind.
He leans back, dragging his hands through his hair. “Oh fuck, Mina. This changes everything. ”
No. He can’t back away now. Not after I finally found the courage to tell him the truth.
My heart won’t survive it.
I slide my hands along his jaw, forcing him to meet my gaze. “It doesn’t have to change anything. At least you know I’m clean, right? And I’m… I’m a really good student.”
God. Now I sound borderline desperate. Which is somehow even less sexy than admitting my sexual experience is basically nonexistent.
“But it does matter, beautiful.” His voice is gentle as he slides my dress back up over my shoulders, straightening me like he’s trying to fix more than just the fabric.
On the outside, I probably look composed again.
But inside, I’m a fucking mess.
Because even a novice like me understands what he’s doing. Begging off as quickly as possible and leaving me utterly humiliated.
And now? It’s time for my anger to join the party.
“So, I’m beautiful, but you don’t want me because I haven’t slept with half the town.” A few tears fill my eyes, but I blink them away.
Braden clasps my hands, giving them a squeeze. “Trust me, I want you. That is not the issue. You just told me you’ve had sex one time, and it was terrible. There is no way I’m going to follow that up with some drunken hookup in the garden. You deserve beautiful. You deserve special.”
“That’s what I thought tonight would be. My mistake.” I hear the neediness lining my voice and hate myself for it.
“I mean really special. Banging you on a lounger while you’re drunk and there’s a party going on? Sweets, that’s not special in any way. It doesn’t matter how much I want you right now, and I do. I’d still hate myself tomorrow.”
I get it now.
I should have kept my mouth shut. Braden would have surmised I was inexperienced, but at least I might have gotten laid.
“You know, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal,” I mutter, dragging my hand under my nose as I climb off his lap.
It’s a lie, of course, one that Braden sees through.
“You do, though, or you wouldn’t have said anything.”
“So, it’s my fault.”
“Mina, this isn’t anyone’s fault. I’m just trying to be the good guy here and do the right thing with you.”
“By rejecting me? I have to tell you, sure as hell doesn’t feel right, but as long as you can sleep at night…”
I blink back tears, but it’s a fool’s effort, because they’re already sliding down my cheeks as I straighten my skirt and wipe my face.
“The sick part?” My voice shakes, but I press on. “If I’d fucked fifty guys, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. No, we’d be naked, screwing like rabbits. But because I haven’t slept around, I’m being punished.”
Braden holds out his hands, begging me to understand. “I want to do this right. And this isn’t the right way.”
Fuck the right way.
Fuck modesty.
And fuck Braden Hammond.
He takes a step forward, but I jerk back, the hurt too fresh. “Yeah. It was a stupid idea. I’m sorry I instigated it.”
“That’s not what I meant. Let’s go back inside and?—”
“Pretend it didn’t happen?” I scoff. “No thanks. I’m good. But hey, don’t worry. I’m sure that other chick you were with has plenty of experience.”
“Mina, please?—”
But I’m already darting up the path toward the house. Once inside, I lock myself in my room and collapse on the bed.
I’ve never felt this humiliated .
I offered myself to Braden—and he said no.
It was just sex. I wasn’t begging for a ring.
How stupid do I have to be to need it spelled out?
Braden doesn’t want me.
Sure, he’s letting me stay here. Standing in as my fake fiancé. But that’s not because he feels anything. It’s pity. Plain and simple.
Maybe he would’ve fucked me if I hadn’t admitted I’m a virgin-once-removed. Because he’s a man. And I was a willing body.
But it wouldn’t have been because he wanted me .
If he did, he wouldn’t have hurt me like this.
And the worst part?
I still have to see him every day and pretend none of it matters.