Chapter 14 #2
Chrissie grinned at the same time as Sarah.
‘To me, you’re just a girl and a boy.’ She smiled and nudged Sarah the way they used to when they were so much closer, when her mum would come and lie with her before she went to sleep, when they’d gossip about whatever they could.
She summoned her courage to add, ‘I came here not to be the one to come to the rescue, but to let you know you can talk to me. I wanted to tell you that I trust you, Sarah, to make your own decisions. If you want to get married, get married, and if you don’t, then I’m fine with that too. ’
‘But the wedding is in less than a fortnight.’
‘I’m aware.’
‘His family—’
‘This isn’t about anyone else other than you and Rhys.’ She paused. ‘Do you love him?’
‘I really do.’
‘And can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him?’
‘Yes. But…’
‘Then tell him how you feel. Talk to him about what you both should do.’
Sarah paced over to the window. She wanted to say something about Meg, how Meg had given her pretty similar advice, but she knew it wouldn’t go down well.
She turned around. ‘What just happened at dinner, with Meg, was horrible.’
‘Hey, I thought we were talking about you.’
‘We have to talk about her too, Mum.’ Would they ever be sisters again? Because from where Sarah was standing, they owed it to themselves and to their parents to try. Why weren’t they trying?
‘Meg isn’t the reason I came. I’m here for you, Sarah, nobody else.’ Just like that, she’d sidestepped talk about Meg yet again.
‘You always did want to fix things for me,’ said Sarah.
‘Most mothers do that for their children.’
‘But some also let their kids make mistakes, and that’s how they learn. And I’m not a child, Mum.’
‘You’re my child.’
‘Sometimes your idea of helping seems to make things worse,’ Sarah blurted out. Perhaps she shouldn’t have said it, even though it was the truth. Her mum looked so hurt.
‘You’re right. Sometimes I make a big fuss. But I want you to be looked after, I want you to have nice things and to be safe. I want to protect you.’ Chrissie waited a beat before she asked, ‘Did you come here to get away from me?’
Sarah looked out the window, at the snow, the freedom and quiet compared to the atmosphere in this room, with its tension and upset.
‘I thought it might be partly my fault,’ said Chrissie before Sarah could even think of how to answer the question.
‘Mum—’
‘No, I’m not saying it to make you feel bad. I haven’t made it easy by questioning your decisions, then by not picking up on your doubts sooner.’
‘But don’t you see? Those doubts are for me to fix, not you.’ And she had to do it fast. She had to talk to Rhys properly before her flight left to go back to him in a week’s time.
‘Yes, I suppose you’re right.’
Her mum had left her bedroom after that, and Sarah hadn’t spoken to her properly since.
She’d had a headache, whether from the situation or from the day’s high altitude she wasn’t sure, so she’d made a brief appearance downstairs to say goodnight and then she’d gone back up the stairs.
She’d checked the bedroom where Meg had been sleeping, then the tiny box room which could fit a camp bed at a push, but Meg’s belongings weren’t in either of the rooms.
And now she was at Jonathan’s losing herself in painting to distract herself from the fact that Meg must have left and hadn’t even said goodbye.
She wasn’t sure how long she’d been working but as she reached the final part of the wall she was working on in the hallway Jonathan came down the stairs part-way. ‘The colour looks great.’
She stepped back to look at it and smiled. ‘It does. It’s a good choice.’ With every movement of the roller, it was slowly transforming the hallway from bland to warm and inviting.
She was about to suggest taking a break, having a cup of tea, when she heard a noise from upstairs. Quite a loud one. Startled, she looked up at the ceiling. ‘Did you hear that? Do you think something is on the roof?’
Jonathan looked like the deer Grumps described. He’d seen it a few nights ago, its eyes bright when it came up to the trees at the foot of the garden and was surprised by him and Nanna out the back fetching more wood for the fireplace.
The noise and Jonathan’s reaction made much more sense when a figure appeared at the top of the stairs.
‘Auntie Meg?’ She put down the paint roller as Meg made her way down to join them. ‘I thought you’d left.’ She hugged her auntie. ‘I’m so glad you haven’t.’
‘You can’t get rid of me that easily.’ Meg hugged her back. It was a hug that told Sarah that no matter what had happened between her and Chrissie, Meg didn’t want it to get in the way of knowing her niece any more. And Sarah felt the same way.
‘Are you staying here?’ Sarah looked from Meg to Jonathan.
‘I am,’ said Meg, ‘And your nanna and Grumps know already.’
She was glad about that. They didn’t need more worry piled on top of them. ‘Are you and Mum ever going to talk properly?’
Meg shrugged. ‘I can’t tell you that, kid. I hope so. But it isn’t just up to me.’ She rubbed a hand against the top of Sarah’s arm, smiled at Jonathan, and excused herself to go and get dressed.
By the time Meg was ready, Sarah had finished another smaller section of the wall.
Meg admired the colour. ‘It looks brilliant, so much better than before. Sorry, Jonathan.’ She grinned when she saw him come out of the kitchen.
‘No offence taken.’ He noted Meg’s coat. ‘Where are you going?’
‘I could do with some fresh air. I need a walk.’
‘I wouldn’t recommend it. Not today.’
‘I’ll be fine.’ She smiled at Sarah. ‘I look forward to seeing the progress when I get back.’
‘Be careful, Meg.’ Jonathan looked worried. ‘The weather can turn quickly.’
‘Honestly, I can look after myself.’
‘At least have a mug of something hot before you go. You haven’t had breakfast yet.’
‘I’ll get something in town.’
He shook his head and muttered, ‘I’ll never understand women,’ as he walked away while Meg pulled on her boots.
Sarah and Meg both started to laugh as Meg opened the front door, and it was those jolly faces Chrissie saw as she stood on the doorstep, hand raised ready to knock.
Meg’s happy demeanour disappeared.
‘I thought you’d left,’ said Chrissie.
With a sigh Meg stepped outside and past her sister, but she turned around midway down the path. ‘Is that what you want?’ she asked Chrissie, who was watching her go.
‘I never wanted to see you again, Meg. Don’t you understand that?’
‘Mum!’ Sarah couldn’t help leaping to her auntie’s defence.
‘Leave it, Sarah, it doesn’t matter,’ came Meg’s voice as she kept going down the path and turned out of sight.
When they closed the door, Sarah shook her head and went to sort the tray and paint roller out.
‘I wanted this visit to be about you and your wedding,’ her mum said when she got back to the hallway. ‘Once again, it’s about Meg.’
‘What does that even mean?’
‘Nothing.’ She shook her head. ‘You clearly think I’m being harsh, but there are things you don’t know, Sarah.’
‘I’m well aware of that. Because you’ve never told me.’ She gestured to the painted walls. ‘I’m a bit busy here, I should get on.’
‘I thought you could use a break.’
Jonathan came back through the hallway. ‘That’s enough painting for today, Sarah.’ He smiled at Chrissie. ‘You go off and spend some time with your mum.’ And he left them alone once more.
‘We could go and get a hot chocolate somewhere, talk,’ Chrissie suggested.
Sarah was about to say she’d rather carry on working. The way her mum treated Meg and still refused to divulge what went on between them was beyond frustrating.
But she did need to work out what she was going to do about the wedding.
Time was marching on towards New Year’s Eve at a rapid pace.
Her mum might have fussed too much over the years and tried to fix everything for her, but at the end of the day they had always been close and perhaps it was time to let her mum in.
If she wanted to be allowed to make mistakes and fix them for herself, she had to know how to do that, and right now she didn’t.
Perhaps talking to the person who had always tried to solve any problem along the way might just be the best thing of all.
‘I’ll get cleaned up,’ said Sarah.