Illicit Games (Arranged Games #4)

Chapter One

Iris

I’ve been living in a glass house for the last three years.

I built it brick by brick, with carefully crafted lies.

Each more convincing than the last.

So compelling that even I began to believe them to be true.

I forgot the foundation is weak, seconds away from collapsing.

While the house is shiny and pretty on the outside, nobody tells you how vulnerable it is at its roots.

One attack and the glass walls come crashing down, burying you in the shards of their remains.

I saw it coming from a mile away. What I didn’t see was that it wasn’t a glass house, but a prison. The house might be in pieces, but I was still a prisoner.

The person who could free me is the one I can’t run to.

If confessing to a single lie can cause this much destruction, I can’t imagine what kind of chaos bringing the others to light will cause.

What if Kian knew that for the last three years, every decision I’ve made has been to become a part of his world? That I gulp every bit of info, every morsel of gossip, about him like it’s my air? That he’s been my sustenance to survive every single day?

He’ll think I’m deluded. Insane. Won’t he?

I can’t even dare to think about his reaction when he learns that the interview was just a cover to gain entry into his company. Will it matter to him that I’m doing it with good intentions? That I’m trying to clear his name?

I’m terrified to know, not that I’d ever get the opportunity.

Because the strings were never in my control.

It was in Nathan’s.

Now I’m nothing but his puppet.

The knowledge cuts deep. He was supposed to be my confidant. A handsome stranger turned my best friend. Then how did he turn into my villain? How did I not see the Machiavelli lurking behind his good-boy persona?

Sitting on the floor of my room in the hostel, I dissect every moment of my life over the last three years. While I was watching Kian, Nathan was watching me.

I’m unable to come to terms with it.

The one time I was brave to put myself out there, and look how it turned out.

Glancing at my phone, several missed calls from Kian glare back at me. He must’ve found my note. Did he believe it? Have I succeeded in pushing him away?

Is he as heartbroken as I am?

After Nathan callously asked me to move out of his place in a bid to create distance between Kian and me, I had no choice but to comply.

I had felt like a ghost as I packed my meager belongings from both apartments. It was a miracle I was able to write a sentence. I just couldn’t leave without an apology.

I’m hopeless. Distraught. Chained.

Of all the scenarios I played in my head where he and I finally ended up together, getting torn apart was never the first chapter of our happily ever after. The agony of never having his warmth is like a live wire inside my body. Like I have ice running in my veins.

The clock reads one in the morning when a knock sounds at my door.

At first, it doesn’t penetrate the numbness in my bones.

The tears dried once I ran out of them during the ride over here. Nathan saw and heard them as he drove, but he never uttered a word. I prayed he would stop and say it was all a prank. But he never did.

Since then, I’ve been feeling like a ghost.

Here but not quite.

I keep staring at the black spot on the wall as if it has all the answers to my predicament. The soft rug beneath my ass became a bed of sharp needles about an hour ago. Yet I couldn’t bring myself to move.

A second knock comes, louder than before.

My roommate must be back from clubbing.

Knowing I can’t ignore her forever, I drag myself up from the floor. My muscles protest as I stretch into a standing position. I’m too slow because the knock turns into loud banging.

“Iris!”

I stumble back, hearing Kian’s deep voice.

Am I hallucinating?

“Open up!”

He’s here.

How did he find me?

“Open the goddamn door before I break it down,” he yells.

He can’t be here.

I’ll crumble if I see him.

“ Please , Rainbow!” There’s a crack in his voice. “Let me see you.”

I shut my eyes and tighten my arms around my middle.

Thud!

My head snaps toward the sound.

Thud!

Oh god! He’s breaking down my door.

The thought of him dislocating his shoulder or injuring himself propels me into motion. I sprint to the entrance.

“I’m here,” I warn him before unlatching my door and pulling it open.

His wide chest rising and falling rapidly, his hands fisted by his sides, he stands like an avenging angel in the darkened hallway. Nobody else lives on my floor. Frantic eyes run all over my body before zeroing in on my face, making his muscles go rigid.

I know the picture I must paint.

Red-rimmed eyes, blotchy cheeks, hair disheveled, while still wearing the same clothes from this morning. I am a sad mess.

“Did he do this to you?” he angrily snarls. “I’m going to kill him.”

“No.” My voice comes out raw and unsteady.

Distressed gaze collides with my depressed ones.

“Rainbow,” he sighs, reaching for me.

I step back.

His rugged face falls, like my rejection is a punch to him.

Despite the misery ripping apart my organs inside my body, I curl my fingers around the door’s edge and tell him, “Go home, Kian.”

I don’t even care how he found me or sneaked past the security guard.

“Home?” His brows draw together in despair. “My place isn’t a home without you.”

My weeping heart disintegrates into pieces.

I clutch the doorframe to hold myself up.

“Last time you accused me of leaving without giving you a chance to explain. I’m here now, Rainbow. Please tell me. What did he say to you?”

“It doesn’t matter.” I smile sadly. A hiccup is building deep within my chest. Before it bursts and I break down all over again, I say, “I have to marry him.”

“You’re. Not. Marrying. Him.”

“I’m sorry.” I move back, trying to shut the door.

Only for him to slap a palm against it and halt it from closing. Leaning into my face, he repeats my words back to me, “If I don’t get to pull away from you, neither do you.”

“Please don’t make this difficult.”

“Why did you tell me the truth if you were going to choose him in the end?” An accusation is in his voice. “Did you both plan this? Give Kian a reason to be happy for the first time in his lonely, pathetic life and then cruelly snatch it away?”

The vulnerability lacing his tone guts me alive.

I stay quiet.

He pushes inside.

I take a step back.

“You said that I’m meant to be someone’s entire world. Yet you couldn’t even be with me in the dark, Iris.”

I flinch, fighting back tears.

He keeps viciously cutting me open with each barbed blame. “Hell, you even said goodbye to me on a goddamn note. Did I mean that little to you?”

“How can you even ask me that?”

“Because you packed your bag and left me! All I have is your name carved into my chest, taunting me with a reminder of you in every breath.”

“I didn’t have a choice!” I yell. Angry and broken tears come raining down. “I don’t have a choice.”

“You do,” he whispers, longing shining in his dark gaze. “Come back to me. I will fix the rest.”

“You can’t.”

“Give me a chance.”

“We won’t last.”

“We will.”

“You will end up hating me. Or never see me again. I’m not strong enough to handle either. So, I’m begging you. P-Please just go.”

“Never.” Bridging the distance in a flash, he yanks me into the safety of his arms. Holding me tight as I fight his grip, he demands, “Don’t let Nathan come between us. I don’t care if he scared you, just don’t let him win.”

Oh, but he’s already won.

“I’m sorry.” I tear myself away from him with a hard shove. Meeting his eyes that make me feel like the prettiest girl in the world, I break his heart. “We’re over, Mr. Singhania. Please leave.”

Without waiting for his reaction, because it’ll weaken my resolve, I give him my back.

There’s no sound except for our low breathing and the breaking of hearts.

I shut my eyes, feeling his heat behind my back.

In a blink, it’s gone and I hear the door slam shut.

Falling to my knees on the harsh ground, I fall apart into pieces.

***

The parchedness in my throat jerks me awake. I feel the bed beneath my back, while having no memories of how I got into it.

Events of last night return in a flurry, making me wish I had never woken up.

I’m dead inside, while my body is cold from head to toe.

A life without Kian’s warmth isn’t worth living.

How am I supposed to function?

Sitting upright against the headboard, I look out the small window just above my bed. The skyline and the chirping noise of the birds used to bring a smile to my face. Today, it’s cloudy and no birds are singing. As if they sensed a sad person resides here.

The bed on the opposite side of the room is empty, indicating my roommate never came back last night. I thought being around someone would distract me from the pain. Yet I feel lonelier than ever.

Jumping down from the lumpy mattress, I step into the bathroom to rinse my face and brush my teeth. I’m going home to my parents. It’s the only place that’ll bring a semblance of peace while I heal from the heartbreak and betrayal.

One night and I’ve managed to lose both my best friend and my lover.

The suitcase is packed and resting against the wall beside the door. Grabbing the handle, I unlock the door and throw it open. My grip on the suitcase’s handle loosens, sending it crashing to the floor.

“K-Kian?” I stammer.

He’s sitting on the dirty floor of the hallway in front of my door. Still wearing last night’s clothes, sans jacket, as he leans his back against the wall, one knee bent and supporting his arm. With a tilt of his head, his ashen eyes lock on mine.

My knees buckle at the gut-wrenching sight of him.

He never left.

As if we’re one body and two souls, he hears the thought in my mind. “I’m not going anywhere without you, Rainbow.”

“Kian…”

“Push me away all you want.”

“Kian—”

“We’re not over.”

My vision blurs with tears as I close the gap and kneel, throwing myself into his waiting arms. I break down as he crushes me against his chest. “I’m s-sorry. I’m-m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he consoles, kissing the top of my head. “I’ll give you space, but I’ll never walk away and let you go.”

“I tried to end it.” I sob. “I tried so hard, but I failed. I begged him to let me go. He wouldn’t listen.”

“Shh.”

“You have to believe me,” I beg, bawling against his chest. “I didn’t want to leave you. I could never want to leave you.”

“I believe you.”

“I’m scared of losing you.”

“You’re not losing me,” he vows, picking me up with an arm around my waist until I wrap my legs around him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Carrying me inside to the small bed in the corner, he sits down with me in his lap. Burrowing his face against my neck, he presses soothing kisses and comforts me as I sob my heart out. When the sound ebbs into low sniffs, he inches back until I gaze up at him.

Pushing my hair behind my ears, he cradles my face. “Don’t cry, Little Rainbow. Nathan is never going to marry you. He will have to go through me first.”

“You don’t understand. I have no choice.”

“Then I will make sure he has no choice but to leave you,” he viciously swears. “You may be wearing his ring, but it’s my initials etched into your skin. It’s more sacred than any marriage vows could ever be.”

“What if it’s because of something terrible I did that put me in this situation? What if I’m not as innocent as you think I am? Will you leave me?”

“You could kill me a thousand times and I would still crawl back to be with you.”

“Promise me nothing will tear us apart.”

“I promise.”

“Even if I have to go through with the marriage,” I plead desperately.

He shakes his head and gives me something better by uttering, “The only man you’ll be marrying is me, Iris Mannan.

One day, you will have my ring on your finger.

You’ll have my kids. You and our children will be my family.

We’ll be spending the rest of our lives together.

These are my promises to you and I’m going to fulfill every single one of them. ”

“It’s all I want as well, because I don’t want to hide you.

Us. I want to be with you in front of the world, where I can hold your hand in the street without fear.

Hug and kiss you. Call you my boyfriend and have a life with you.

I want to make you smile and laugh. Most of all, I want to love you the way you deserve. ”

His forehead drops to mine as he shuts his eyes. When they open, they’re glowing with so many emotions that it steals my breath away. Hoarsely, he rasps, “We will have it all, Rainbow. All of it.”

I pray that we do.

That we make it to the other side of the havoc and war racing our way. Because I can’t let him go.

I can’t.

We sit like that, basking in the closeness.

“We’re going home.”