Chapter Thirty-Nine
Kian
Walking into my apartment, the delicious aroma of food wafts down the hallway. Unlike every time, it doesn’t stir my appetite or bring an ounce of happiness.
With the folder tucked underneath my arm, I stride to the kitchen. Music blasts from the Bluetooth and behind the island, Iris sways to the beat while cooking over the stove.
I watch her silently, every inch of me hurting from the betrayal.
Even the sight of her in my T-shirt doesn’t lift the black cloud over my head.
Throughout the entire ride, I played the months since she stepped into my life over and over. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but the proof is in the file. Zenith didn’t lie about anything.
She’s shattered my trust.
My dead goddamn heart.
Will any reason or explanation make her actions excusable?
Despite it all, there’s no stopping my heart from racing. My body craving a hug from her. My lips aching to kiss her.
She twists toward the refrigerator, finally noticing my presence.
Ocean blue eyes sparkle, a beautiful smile stretching across her magnificent face, as they connect with mine. “Kian! You’re home.”
Turning the stove to a low flame, she unties her apron and runs toward me.
My arms open of their own accord to catch and lift her against my chest. My body is so in tune with hers, it’s conditioned to touch her without my mind commanding it.
Cupping my face, she presses her soft lips to mine and sighs in pleasure.
Desperate for her, I kiss her back, even as a pang hits my chest.
“Missed you, love,” she whispers. “Why don’t you go freshen up? Dinner is ready.”
I place her on the ground. “I thought you were sick.”
“Nothing a small nap couldn’t fix.” Loosening my tie, she probes, “Did your meeting run late?”
“Yeah.” I step back, making her hand drop. “I’ll get changed.”
“Okay. Hurry.”
I march down the hallway after she goes back into the kitchen. Nothing in her behavior suggests she’s keeping such a big secret from me. Then again, acting is one of her hidden talents, apparently. However, the glaring clue was right in front of me.
Her dream is to be an investigative journalist.
It’s all she ever talks about. How she wishes to make the world a better place. Highlight the crimes, raise the voices of underprivileged people, and bring justice.
I just assumed she’s an intern, so she’d be starting with simple interviews, not chasing big stories off the bat.
I’m doubting if she came into my life because she was obsessed with me, or was it because I was a story for her to climb the ranks for her career?
What’s more upsetting is that I’m not angry, just heartbroken. I would never lie to her, no matter how ugly and painful the truth might be. Why couldn’t she give me the same courtesy? What is she so scared of? I’ve told her again and again that nothing could make me push her away. So, why?
My turmoil doesn’t lessen as I put on my sweatpants after a quick shower and force myself to join her.
She’s setting our plates on the dining table.
“Hey, you,” she murmurs when I stop beside her. “Sit.”
Pulling out the chair, I sit at the head of the table while she brings two bottled waters for us. Once she takes a seat on my right, I serve us the food. Oblivious to my state of mind, she makes small talk as we eat.
Suddenly noticing I’m mostly picking at my food, she frowns with worry. “Is everything okay? Do you not like it?”
“I had a late lunch, so I’m full,” I lie.
“Oh. Why didn’t you say so?”
“You finish up.”
I take a few bites here and there until she’s done. Together, we take the empty plates to the sink. She leans beside me against the counter while I do the dishes.
Casually, I mention, “Your five months as my assistant are ending soon.”
“Umm… yeah. I didn’t even realize.” Smirking, she teases, “Are you thinking of getting rid of me?”
Never … my broken heart screams.
“Or maybe you want to keep me longer? Should I change my profession?”
Drying my hands with the washcloth, I pull her back to the dining table.
“Just wondering when you’d want to do the interview so I can put it in my calendar.” Tilting my head, I raise a brow. “It’s the whole reason you came to work for me, isn’t it?”
She tenses, a crease appearing on her brow. Masking it quickly, she utters, “Yeah, of course. I haven’t forgotten.”
“Why don’t we have a practice run?” I suggest, sitting down. “Let’s see how much you’ve learned about me, my company. I’ll screen the questions right now.”
Her throat bobs nervously. “I haven’t prepared the list yet.”
“I’m sure you can think of some off the bat.”
Her chin wobbles. “Kian.”
“Sit, Iris.”
The mask she’s been wearing for months slips. Fear dims the shine in her blue pupils, and her pink cheeks pale as a sheet. I notice the second she realizes she’s been caught and the jig is up.
Gripping the back of the chair, she stutters, “Please let me explain.”
The dark cloud bursts, raining down on me. A part of me hoped she’d deny it. Leaning back, I flick my wrist. “Explain why you’ve been tricking me for months.”
“I was always going to tell you, I swear,” she cries. “I was waiting for the perfect time after the threat had passed.”
“Too late for that.”
Her expression falls completely at my callous remark.
“It’s true I was sent to spy on your company and I joined you under false pretenses, but I did it to help find those innocent girls.
I never believed you had a hand in it. More than that, I agreed to do this because I wanted to get closer to you, to be seen by you. To become yours.”
“So Harshita never offered you a job for gathering dirt on me?”
Guilt makes her rock back on her heels.
I shake my head as my hand balls into a fist on the table.
“I rejected their offer, Kian. I was never going to take it. I just let Harshita believe it. When she asked me to give info about your secret investigation, I said no. I have been on your side from the beginning. Please believe me.”
I do believe her.
That’s the fucking problem. Because I can neither hate her nor be mad at her. I’m just crushed. A heavy weight presses down on my lungs, suffocating me.
“What haven’t you told me about the attacks, Iris? How long have you known that you were beaten because of your snooping?”
She glances away, trembling like a leaf.
“Answer me,” I demand lethally.
“Since the beginning,” she reveals in a low voice. “I… I received a threatening text telling me to stop poking around. That they knew my secret. In the alley, the masked man said he knew who I was working for and that he should shut me up for good.”
The chair falls to the floor with a resounding thud as I stand up.
Iris jumps.
The anger boils up like lava that she’d be this reckless, placing her life in danger, and keep such vital information from me.
“How could you keep this from me?” I furiously scold.
“I was distraught and scared out of my mind. I’ve slept restlessly every night since I found you hurt, while doing everything I can to catch the man.
Beating myself up for failing and hitting dead ends.
Now, I find out it’s because you kept the truth from me. ”
“I’m so s-so sorry,” she sobs, closing the distance and pressing her hands against my chest. “Please. I never meant to hurt you.”
I don’t touch her, standing stiff. “Do you even love me, Rainbow? Because I don’t think you can love someone you don’t trust. And you don’t trust me.”
Her knees buckle as she clutches my biceps in anguish. “How could you ask me that? I love you more than life itself, Kian. I trust you.”
“I kept defending you to Zenith. The investigator I hired. He kept warning me that you were hiding something, but I refused to believe him. Turns out, I was defending a liar.”
Shaking her head, she hoarsely says, “I kept the truth because I-I was trying to protect you. If I said anything to you about the case or my involvement in it, it would’ve drawn suspicion on you.
They were already looking for one small reason to come after you.
I couldn’t let it happen, even at the risk of you never forgiving me. ”
“You don’t get it, do you?” Gripping her wrists, I push them away and create distance between us.
Running a hand over my head, I laugh bitterly as I stare at her.
“I don’t care if you were using me to further your career, or wrote an article about me to make a name for yourself.
None of it matters to me. Keeping you safe is my priority, and it kills me that you kept important information from me.
I wouldn’t have let you be hurt had I known about the blackmailing text.
Hell, I understand that we weren’t even dating back then, so you didn’t want to risk telling me.
But what about after? How could you not say anything till tonight?
What reason did I give you not to trust me?
You’ve fed me nothing but lies. You’ve hurt me terribly, Iris. ”
She runs up to me, grabbing my hand. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me, Kian. I made a mistake. I should’ve told you. Please. I love you. I’m sorry.”
“I need space.” I step back, my soul roaring in torment as loud sobs rack her body. But I can’t look at her right now. “I’m sleeping in the guest room tonight.”
“No! Don’t shut me out!” Her palm presses to her chest as she begs, “Please.”
“I hope lying to me was worth it.”
I turn around and walk away.
***
I stare at the ceiling as midnight strikes.
A few hours are all I’m able to last without needing her. That’s how deeply she has sunk her claws into me.
Sliding off the bed, I enter the silent hallway and walk to the master bedroom. I switch on the lights, finding the bed made and empty.
Where is… No!
I run back out to the dining area, almost falling to my knees at the sight.
She’s exactly where I left her.
Curled up in a ball on the floor with her knees pressed to her chest and her back against the kitchen island.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Bridging the distance between us in two long strides, her blurry eyes blink up at me as I bend to pick her up. Her skin is cold, while shivers rock her small frame. I tuck her against the warmth of my chest as I carry her to the bedroom.
“I-I’m s-sorry,” she hiccups, voice low and pained. “I’m sorry. I-I’m sorry.”
Her delirious state makes my insides feel like someone is slicing them with an iron bar. Why did I think space would fix anything? I’m infuriated at myself for leaving her like this and not coming up to check on her sooner.
“I l-love you, Kian,” she mumbles against my chest. “Don’t end us. Please. I’m sorry. So sorry.”
“Shh,” I console her. “It’s okay.”
“No! It’s not. I hurt you, even if my intentions were pure. I’m no better than Nathan.”
Inside our bedroom, I slip into the bed. Her arms loop around my shoulders, afraid to let me go.
“Don’t go,” she begs.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I promise to her, tugging the blanket over us so she’s warm and protected. I pull her flush against me, kissing the top of her head. “Nor am I ever letting you go. We’ll get through this. It’s just a fight.”
She continues to shake and sniffle. Lifting her leg, I place it over my hip to hold her tighter and rub her back up and down. Until the tremors die down, her breathing turning normal.
“I love you. Tell me you believe me,” she says in a timid and broken voice.
“I do,” I answer truthfully.
“And that I trust you.”
“I know.” If she didn’t, she never would’ve moved in with me. My girl isn’t malicious. “I don’t want secrets between us, Iris. I want you to be able to come to me and talk about anything. I won’t be mad or disregard your feelings and concerns. We’ll fix whatever it is together.”
“I was waiting for it all to be over,” she explains. “They made me sign an NDA. I didn’t want to risk it. It didn’t take me long to realize they were looking for the smallest reason to pin the blame on you. I’m as protective of you as you are of me, Kian.”
Oh, how I know it.
It’s why I can’t be mad at her.
“You’re not going to keep things from me, Rainbow. Do you understand?”
She nods, tilting her head to look me in the eye as she vows, “Never again. I promise.”
“You’re nothing like Nathan,” I fiercely tell her, running my fingers through her hair and cupping her jaw. “You didn’t purposely hurt me. Don’t ever compare yourself to him or anyone else. You have the purest heart and it's mine. I’m sorry for walking away from you tonight.”
“I was terrified my mistake would break us.”
“I might ask for space, but I’ll never let you go.” Kissing her temple, I curl my arm around her waist. “I meant when I said that nothing can tear us apart.”
“I believe it now.”
“Sleep now,” I softly order, hating that I made us go to bed hurt and sad before. “We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
“Kian?” Her voice carries a hesitant note in the darkness, making my body go rigid.
“Yeah?”
“I talked to one of the detectives today.”
My grip around her tightens, sensing whatever she’s about to share will make me go on a rampage. “Tell me.”
“I have a gut feeling that it was Arjun and Vicky who hurt me and the girls.”
In a flash, I peel myself away from her lush body to stare down at her. “Start from the beginning, Iris. Tell me everything, once and for all.”