Chapter Fourteen
Hazel
Staring at the direct message that had just shown up in my Instagram account, I blinked, trying to figure out how in the hell I was going to pull this off. I couldn’t ask Reid to do this.
I wasn’t even sure I could set up shots to capture exactly what this author was asking for. Logistically, I could, but yeah…this scene might be a little much for my determination to resist my brother’s epically sexy best friend. Although since it didn’t require us being in the same room, I might be able to just ask him to send me his part—minus the whole actually showing certain parts of his anatomy—and take care of fumbling through trying to get mine.
Reid: Did your instructor appreciate your truly impressive shading skills?
He had, but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to deal with playful Reid right now.
Hazel: He gave me an F. Straight to jail.
Reid: Feeling a little snarky today, kitten?
Hazel: Quit calling me kitten. I am not soft and cuddly.
He immediately started typing, but I sent off another one to cut him off.
Hazel: Or adorable .
And it made me feel even more insecure since he still didn’t see me as anything but adorable. I was starting to hate that word every time he used it.
Reid: You are after you’ve used an unsuspecting thumb to get yourself off.
My mouth literally dropped open at his brazen text. I could not believe he just went there. But I also wasn’t letting him think it got under my skin.
Hazel: Maybe I was just faking it.
Reid: That was not fake. Neither was the way your chest flushed or how your eyes rolled back when you let go. I couldn’t take my eyes off you. Not fake at all.
Hazel: I’m sure it’s hard for you to recognize what a real one looks like.
Reid: Don’t fucking test me, woman. I will come over there and prove it to you if you need confirmation that I know what it looks like when a woman comes all over my hand.
He didn’t even realize that he was kind of setting up the scene I needed for these pictures. But there was no way I could have asked him to simulate having phone sex with me. The motorcycle pictures had crossed a line, and I couldn’t bring myself to cross back to the other side where things were safe.
And his increasingly suggestive texts were showing me he didn’t want to cross back either. But I was also treading into dangerous waters by letting myself get invested in a man who didn’t really want me. I wasn’t sure what kind of game Reid was playing.
Reid: Too much?
More like not enough. But I could never tell him that either. I still wasn’t sure if things between us were just a case of unresolved sexual tension, or something more. And then I felt guilty whenever things got flirty with Seven, because it felt like I was cheating. I just wasn’t sure which one of them I was cheating on.
Reid: I’m sorry. That moment will go back in the vault. I won’t bring it up again. That wasn’t fair of me to use to tease you. No matter how many times it’s run through my mind on repeat.
Mine too. But I resisted texting him that because it wouldn’t help keep things under control.
Reid: Got any new commissions you need help with?
I didn’t respond, trying to search the internet for photos I could use for source material. It seemed anticlimactic to go back to my previous methods when I’d been able to get exactly what I needed to get to work from on my last few projects.
Reid: I have tomorrow off, and you’re not on shift at the bar because I don’t see your smiling face down here. If you keep ignoring me, I might come knocking.
Reid: And if you’re wearing anything remotely close to what you did to the last photoshoot, I’m not sure I can keep my hands to myself.
Hazel: That’s kind of exactly what I need. You to keep your hands to yourself.
Reid: Are we talking about in general or for your commission?
Hazel: Both.
Reid: Really giving my self-restraint a workout, aren’t you?
Hazel: Don’t even need you in the same room with me for this one.
Reid: Alright, I’m intrigued. Details, please.
Hazel: I could probably find a video online for his part.
Reid: The fuck you are. I’m too invested in these now for you to get rid of me that easily.
Reid: Speaking of, you never sent me the final product of the last one.
That might have been intentional. Not only had the piece turned out amazingly well, but the author had paid for additional licensing to use it as a special edition cover.
But that didn’t mean I wanted to show him. The picture I’d used for the final pose had to have been taken at the moment I fell apart against his hand. I’d almost told the author I wasn’t able to finish the piece, but it helped that her character looked nothing like me in the finished product. It’d also taken a tremendous amount of effort to draw the male character with a helmet on instead of Reid’s expressive face.
Reid: I’ll come up there if you keep ignoring me.
Reid: Did Hudson tell you he gave me the extra keys to the building in case of an emergency?
Reid: I think one of those keys is to your apartment.
Reid: Might need to do a wellness check, you know, to make sure you’re alright. Just in case it’s an emergency. I know mouth to mouth.
Reid: Hudson and Charley headed home since I have these keys to lock up. The cooks just left, and Mikey left a while ago.
Reid: You have five minutes to respond to me or you’re about to have a visitor.
Reid’s texts had been background noise as I watched a video on my phone that might work for the scene I needed to draw. To be honest, I hadn’t even really read them as they came through, swiping them out of the way as I watched the movements of the man on the screen.
In all my deep dives into studying male anatomy, I’d never actually watched any videos like this.
And certainly never ones this graphic.
It was mesmerizing to watch his fingers flex while he gripped himself, his forearm muscles flexing and biceps bulging with every quick movement as he shuttled his fist up and down his…
“Haz,” a muted, but very familiar deep voice carried down the short hallway leading from the front door to the living room, and I froze, my eyes wide as I watched Reid just let himself into my apartment without a knock. Or maybe he had, and I’d been so focused I hadn’t heard it.
I was so busy staring at my uninvited visitor that I hadn’t even realized that my headphones had come unplugged, a very masculine grunt emanating from the speaker and making Reid’s eyes widen.
Holy fucking shit…
My wireless earbuds were still charging after I’d forgotten to put them in the case before I had placed it on the charger earlier today. I’d grabbed my old over-the-ear ones and plugged them in while I did my research and had clearly forgotten that the reason I’d stopped using them was because the connector had a habit of wiggling loose.
Reid stalked toward me while I frantically tried to close out of the window in the browser on my phone, but he was too fast, gently grasping my wrist and pulling the phone out of my hand.
He watched the screen; the grunts getting louder and louder as the guy clearly got closer and closer to finishing, Reid’s expressive eyes flickering briefly toward mine with a look I couldn’t quite place.
This was so embarrassing. It’d be one thing to get caught masturbating by the person who starred in way too many of your fantasies, but it was an entirely different thing to get caught watching someone else do it on your phone.
Reid reached forward, pulling the headphones from my head and tossing them toward the coffee table while he sat down next to me.
My pulse hammered as he scooted closer, his knees pressing up against mine. He was dressed more casually than I would have expected him to be if he was downstairs earlier, wearing a pair of loose mesh basketball shorts, a fitted dark gray T-shirt, a pair of beat-up Converse sneakers and a backwards cap.
Either he went to change after all the texts he’d sent me, or he wasn’t downstairs to pick up women like he usually was. Not that he looked any less attractive than he did in his usual attire of dark wash jeans, leather boots, tight graphic shirts that hugged his biceps in a way that was practically obscene and his artfully messy sex hair.
“What kind of research are you doing here, kitten? Is this for one of your projects, or is this for something else?”
His smile widened when I shook my head, clamping my mouth shut. I was so mortified. Not that watching porn was shameful or anything, but getting caught watching it by your brother’s best friend—who you had a very unhealthy crush on—was not exactly great. I was sure my cheeks had gone full on nuclear in the few minutes since he’d let himself in and crashed my little viewing party.
“Is this what you like…watching?” he asked, studying me with half-lidded eyes. His voice sounded lower somehow, and I glanced toward his shorts, my eyes widening when I realized I was staring at his dick. Not his actual dick, but where it was located.
“Eyes up here, sweetheart.” The teasing in his voice only made the blush worse, because the smug bastard knew exactly what I’d been doing.
“Give me the phone.” Thrusting my hand into the space between us with way more confidence than I actually possessed, I lifted my gaze and stared him down. I’d dealt with his teasing more than enough when I was a teenager and knew cowering would only make it worse.
“Tell me about your commission,” he shot back, pressing the phone into my hand, but instead of moving away, he wrapped his large palm around the back of the phone, holding it captive between our hands.
“No. I don’t need your help anymore. I found what I needed.” I did still need his help, specifically because the scene I needed to illustrate was from a side profile of what I’d just watched, not a front view.
“Yes, you do.”
“You don’t even know what I’m working on. I was doing just fine before you inserted yourself into my business. And I’ll be fine doing this by myself.”
He chuckled, leaning forward and tucking a loose piece of hair behind my ear, but instead of backing off, he just wrapped his hand around the back of my neck. His warm breath fanned over my face, and I fought the urge to whimper audibly. I wasn’t giving him the satisfaction of knowing how much his proximity affected me.
“I don’t want you doing this by yourself. And I don’t think you really want to do these commissions alone either. I think you’ve enjoyed the last week, and I know you’ve been thinking about what other kinds of projects we can collaborate on.”
“Reid…” I warned, pressing on his shoulder with my free hand, but he responded by flexing his fingertips against my head and pulling my face even closer, which made my heart pound.
“Hazel…” My pulse skyrocketed for an entirely different reason when his eyes briefly flickered to my lips.
“If I tell you what I’m working on, you have to promise this is the last time. I can’t keep doing this with you.” It was too hard to be in these tense situations like this when I knew he didn’t really want me.
And things with Seven had been progressing, too. He was still vague about his job, but he’d told me other things about himself. He was the eldest of three siblings, and he had a shitload of cousins. His family growing up had struggled, but it made him that much more determined to make something of himself. He owned a small business, and he had just finished paying off both of the business loans he’d taken out while he was starting up.
I hadn’t sent him any more NSFW sketches, but he asked how things were going with my illustrations. He’d thought the drawing of Reid’s bike in the distillery was insanely good and reiterated he wanted to teach me to ride when we met in person. I didn’t bother telling him that Reid had already taken me on my first ride as a passenger. Or what had happened on that bike in a dim warehouse earlier in the week.
“Where did you go?” Reid’s voice was almost distant as I stared at the wall over his shoulder, clearly disassociating again because my brain was so overstimulated. “Haz…come back to me.”
It was easier to manage in the mornings when I got stressed out, but in the evenings, when my meds had long worn off, it was difficult to focus on things when I was nervous…or being turned on against my will by my brother’s entirely too charming best friend.
Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, I closed my eyes and tipped my head back, trying to calm my thoughts. Reid couldn’t keep playing with me like this. It wasn’t fair to me, and it wasn’t fair to Seven. I had developed big feelings for a man I’d never even seen, while a man who’d never really seen me was playing with my emotions.
I knew Reid probably had no idea his behavior was having this effect on me, but the more I let myself see him as a possibility, even for a fling, the harder it’d be when he inevitably moved on.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, pulling me against his chest. “I know I keep blurring the lines here. But I want to help you. I can’t seem to make myself stay away from you anymore.”
His fingers combed through my hair as he held me, and I tried to breathe through the drowsiness that was suddenly making itself known.
“Things aren’t supposed to be like this between us. ”
“I know, kitten. I know. But I’ve missed you so much over the last two years that I’ve been greedily taking anything you’ll give me at this point. I know I fucked everything up, but I never want to lose you like that again.”
My chin quivered when his words sunk in. I wasn’t sure until now if he’d felt the gaping hole in his life for the last couple of years that I had. It’d been shocking to find him like that, especially because I had a crush on him, but that wasn’t why I’d withdrawn from our friendship and pushed him away. He was always going to be Hudson’s first. And I had Charley, so it wasn’t like I’d lost my best friend, but it made me realize how different our lives were.
I was sheltered and inexperienced, and he was the opposite. We were too different. Even though our lives were lived parallel to one another, and he was always around, I wasn’t sure what exactly we had in common. He was confident and charismatic where I was not. He was established in his career and successful, where I was only starting out. He had women lining up to spend time with him, and I definitely did not have men seeking me out.
Seeing him fucking that girl had made me question everything about my life at that point. The physical recovery from my accident had been horrible, and to a certain extent, every bit of pain I felt had further fractured the way I looked at him. And he had just gone on like nothing had happened. Like his behavior hadn’t literally caused me physical harm. He didn’t push me over that crate or stab a piece of glass in my leg, but sometimes it felt like he had.
“Please talk to me,” he whispered, leaning back and wiping his thumbs beneath my eyes. I hadn’t even realized I’d been crying. And I hated myself for doing it in front of him. I vowed back then to never let him have that much emotional power over me again, but here I was practically swooning because he’d finally noticed I was more than just Hudson’s boring little sister.
“You can’t keep hurting me,” I whispered, clearing my throat before I continued. “I know you’re trying to help me, and I appreciate it. I really do. But when you toy with my emotions, it hurts. This is my life, my business. And I can’t keep doing this when you act like…”
He nodded, brushing his fingers through my hair before letting go and scooting away from me. “I know, we… I got carried away, and I let things go too far. But I don’t think you realize what kind of power you have over me.”
Scoffing, I pushed him back, and he settled halfway down on the couch, pulling my legs into his lap in the process. He gently pulled off my slippers, dropping them to the floor before he rubbed the arches of my feet, laughing when I failed to hold in a groan. While my life as an artist had me relatively sedentary, I spent a lot of time on my feet downstairs in the bar.
As his fingertips crept up my ankles and dug into the muscles on the back of my calves, I winced, trying to pull my leg out of his grasp.
“Hey,” Reid whispered, drawing my attention toward his face and away from the scar his palm was currently covering. “I’m sorry.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” I knew that; I did. But I’d held onto an unhealthy amount of resentment over the last few years. Wearing shorts was rare because of the long scar that wrapped around the back of my calf and crept up toward my knee. Even though the scar had faded over time, it was still there for the entire world to see.
“Yeah, it was. I know I didn’t push you, but I was the reason you were back there to begin with. Hudson asked me to bring that case to the bar, and I’d gotten distracted and left it on the floor there. So yeah, it was my fault. And I never apologized to you for what you walked in on, either.”
Closing my eyes, I avoided looking at him, trying to push the images that still haunted me to this day out of my mind. How mesmerized I’d been at how his body moved while he’d been…
“You’re blushing again, kitten.” Reid’s murmured voice startled me, and my eyes popped open, locking with his. Caught in his gaze, I couldn’t look away. Every part of me was acutely aware of the feeling of his hands on me as his fingers traced the raised skin on my leg, burning a path up my calf and behind my knee.
“I’m sorry too,” I whispered, trying to blink away my clouded emotions. Embarrassment and shame enveloped me for months back then, and every time Reid had tried to talk to me after I’d been released from the hospital, I turned around and walked away. I’d run from him at every opportunity, and until Halloween a few months ago, I would have been perfectly content to continue to do it for the rest of my life. “The way I’ve treated you for the last two years wasn’t right, either. We did used to be friends, and I just threw that out the window because I was…”
Shaking my head, I looked away from him, but I should have known he wouldn’t let me off that easily. Reid lifted my legs, scooting closer until I was practically sitting on his lap. Gentle fingers traced along the side of my face and caused my lip to shake. I wasn’t even sure why, but I had the sudden urge to cry.
“Come here,” he whispered, wrapping an arm around my back and encouraging me to wrap my arms around him. I tucked my face into his neck and tried to sort through my thoughts. Last week I’d been fine. I’d been minding my own business and working two jobs, taking my courses and keeping to myself.
A little lonely since my best friend had shacked up with my brother, but I had other things to focus on. And now I had Reid pushing his way into my life and my heart while this other man, whose name I didn’t even know, was opening me up in a whole new way.
“Is this where you want to be marked?” Reid asked, his thumb rubbing across the scar, just barely grazing my skin. I nodded and his fingers dug in, massaging the damaged skin. Goosebumps raced up my legs, making him chuckle as he tucked his face next to mine, his breath warm on my lips. “You don’t need to hide this from the world. I think every part of you is beautiful. But if you want it, please let me do the cover up?”
He didn’t wait for an answer, because he knew I’d tell him yes. Urging me to lie down, Reid lifted his hips, pulling a marker out of his shorts pocket, using his teeth to pull off the lid. I watched him from my place against the couch pillows, his brow wrinkled in concentration, and the pen cap still between his teeth while his fingers deftly maneuvered the fine tipped marker against my skin.
“You better not be drawing anything inappropriate with that permanent marker on my leg,” I warned, and he grinned, flashing me a wink before he returned his attention to whatever he was drawing.
“Just give me a minute, woman,” he mumbled around the pen cap, continuing to shift my leg as he worked. Leaning up, I tried to look, but he narrowed his eyes at me, nodding to indicate I needed to lie back down. “No peeking.”
Closing my eyes, I tried to focus on breathing and not how much it turned me on to not only have Reid’s hands tracing all over my leg, but to hold this much of his undivided attention. In moments like this, when he reminded me we did have things in common, like our love for drawing, it was hard to convince myself we were so wildly different.
“You still awake, pretty girl?” he teased, the sound of the cap clicking into place on his marker drawing me back into reality.
“Can I look?” Sitting up, I scooted my hips back so I could study my leg, the intricate black lines wrapping around my skin in stark contrast to the paleness of my calf, and the slightly pinker skin of my scar. But you could barely make it out through the design, a flowing vine that was impressively shaded considering what he’d been drawing with, wrapping around the back of my leg and flowing down the front of my shin to just above my ankle.
“ Reid ,” I breathed, a little stunned by the design, very similar to the calf wrap that I’d tried to draw, but so much more detailed. “Did Charley tell you about my design?”
He frowned, shaking his head as he casually rested his arms along the back of the couch. Again, looking as if he belonged here. “No, I didn’t even know you had a design.” He paused, tracing the outline of the flower on the side of my calf with his fingertip. “I mean, I know it’s not penises, since you apparently seem to really enjoy looking at those. But I know how much you love peonies. And…”
He nodded to the large painted flowers on my living room walls. When we’d moved into this once boring dark gray apartment, I’d immediately set to work turning it into something not quite so dreary, starting with painting the walls a pale peach. Then I’d spent days hand painting huge reddish pink peony blossoms across the space. My hands had hurt for weeks afterward since I’d spent so many hours detailing the intricate parts of the flowers I easily could have left out. Charley had told me I was hyper fixating, but once it was done, I’d just sat and stared for hours at what I’d created.
The large blooms made me happy, and staring down at the outlines on my skin, a warm feeling blossomed in my chest. Reid’s flowers made me happy, too.
“It’s okay if you don’t like them. This is just a temporary tattoo marker. The lines will fade after a few weeks. I guess I should have asked if I could draw on you before I did it, but ever since Charley mentioned someone else inking you, I haven’t been able to shake the idea. I was trying to be patient and let you come to me, but…”
Reaching up to place my fingertips over his mouth, I shook my head. His hand grasped my wrist, his thumb rubbing across my pulse point while he waited for me to talk.
“It’s beautiful. I’m not sure if I’d ever have the guts to actually let you put a needle to my skin, but you drew exactly what I wanted.”
Reid pulled my fingers away, interlacing his with mine and placing our joined hands in my lap. “This wasn’t to pressure you. I know how much it bothers you. I see how you wear pants most of the year to hide it. Every time I get a glimpse of your scar and know that I was part of what caused it, I feel this intense regret that I made you feel unsafe in your own home. And that my actions damaged this beautiful body. Not that the scars make you any less beautiful, but—”
“Stop.” Pulling my legs up, I scooted away from him, running my fingers across the lines, imagining them being permanent. I knew it’d take hours being in his chair next door to complete. Hours I was forced to spend with him, but not with him. “I’m not saying no. I’m just saying not right now. But you’d also better take pictures, because when I do finally muster enough courage to let you near me with that tat gun, I want this.”
“You know how I feel about taking pictures of you.” His voice was a low grumble, and I knew I needed to start asking for what I really needed. And I shouldn’t be second guessing his help on my commissions. Things may have been weird between us, but I knew his heart was in a good place. It was just the rest of him that my brain kept taking to a very, very naughty place.
“Well, I hope you brought your camera when you came on this breaking and entering mission, because I need your help.”
“And I am more than willing to give it to you. Whatever you need.”
Raising an eyebrow, I turned the tables on him, intentionally sweeping my gaze over his tight T-shirt and lingering on his shorts. “Oh, really?”
“You sure you wanna go there, kitten? Because if you ask for it, I’m going to deliver. Now that I know how much you like looking at packages. ”
“Well, not all packages are created the same. Not sure yours can help with this project. I need to see it in the pictures to sketch it, and we aren’t the kind of friends that get naked together, so…”
Reid shifted, moving my legs to the side so he could slide out from under them. His biceps flexed on either side of my head as he planted his hands on the arm of the couch behind my back, looming over me.
“I don’t need to get naked for you to see what you need to sketch, Haz.”