Chapter Nineteen
Hazel
Stretching, I groaned, reaching for the pillow I normally slept curled against, but my hands came up empty. And it was quiet—too quiet—as the sound machine next to my bed was silent and not playing the white noise I used to drown out my thoughts at night so I could actually sleep.
Normally, when I woke up and my sleep ritual hadn’t been followed, it was because I fell asleep on the couch, but I was tucked under the covers that’d been half dumped on the floor yesterday wearing the casual clothes I’d put on after my shift last night.
Blinking again, I tried to remember how I’d gotten in the bed. The last thing I remembered was clinging to Reid on the floor in my hallway after we— Oh fuck.
I sort of, kind of, pretty much gave Reid a blow job last night in my hallway and didn’t even get to see the package hidden beneath his boxer briefs.
As the reel of what went down—spoiler alert: it was me, I was what went down—in my hallway ran through my now wide-awake brain, my face flamed as I recalled how powerful I’d felt with Reid looming over me. The way he’d looked at me through half-lidded eyes, his forearms flexed as I explored. The rough exclamations that’d escaped his lips and the way his eyelashes fluttered as I tugged on what had felt like a ring piercing through the head of his dick.
Maybe I’d been doing my research into dick illustration all wrong. Because of all the kinds of cocks I’d drawn over the last few months, I had yet to detail any with a piercing. And if there was anything I’d learned during the last week, and this create your own commission reference photos project, it was that seeing things firsthand and knowing exactly how the body parts were positioned made it infinitely easier to complete my drawings.
But there was no way that Reid would agree to let me sketch his dick. We’d done a lot of things that skirted a very fine boundary line this week, but seeing him completely naked—whether in a photo or in person—erased that line completely. And while I was wildly attracted to my brother’s dangerously tempting best friend, I wasn’t sure if I was prepared to handle him. Or his pierced peen.
That I was now going to obsess about, because honestly, even through a layer of very thin material, the rumors about Reid were not fabricated. At all. And I honestly didn’t give a fuck about his slutty ways because he felt like a different person lately, specifically the last week. Not that he was truly interested in taking things further with me. And I wasn’t sure if I was ready to risk my heart on the chance that he was.
No matter how much he invaded all my waking moments.
Seven: You didn’t say goodnight.
And that was another reason I couldn’t get too invested in Reid. I was already invested in something—someone—else.
Fourteen: Was working last night and lost track of time. Then I fell asleep without my phone.
Guilt crept through me with each word that I typed out, but it wasn’t exactly like I could tell him I’d been too busy fake blowing, and then sort of really blowing, my brother’s best friend. Which brought out what I needed to do. I needed to erect some boundaries between Reid and myself, even though his erection seemed to want to cross every one of my boundaries last night.
My face flushed at the thought of the feral look in his eyes when he ripped open my leggings last night. I know I’d told him to do it, but it was epically hot.
Seven: What are you up to today ?
Having a breakdown at the thought of talking to my brother’s best friend, knowing what happened last night crossed too many boundaries.
My mother had been right when I was in high school, nothing good happens after midnight and the only things open were legs and the emergency room. Although as I recalled the way Reid had been looking at me, his hand doing maddening things through the now ruined material of my panties, I knew something very, very good had happened late last night.
I just wasn’t sure what to do about it.
Fourteen: Sketching, still have 4-5 projects on my waiting list and I want to get them off my plate before Valentine’s Day.
Seven: Ambitious when you only have a few days left.
Fourteen: I’ll just trick myself into thinking something bad will happen if I don’t finish them. I work best under tight deadlines.
It wouldn’t be the first time I’d tried to hack my ridiculous brain when I wanted to switch hyper focus onto something. I was a pro at lying to myself.
Seven: Got a hot date coming up or something?
Fourteen: Or something. How about you?
Seven: I hope I have a hot date for Valentine’s Day. I might have to cry into my beer if she stands me up.
He might have been joking, but I had considered calling the whole thing off. Between my budding feelings for Seven, along with my explosive and startling chemistry with Reid, I was having the sudden urge to escape from reality and hide under my covers until they both lost interest.
It’s not like that wouldn’t be the result eventually, anyway. Reid would lose interest as soon as feelings were involved, because he always did. I’d seen it enough times to know exactly how things would go with him.
And with Seven, I knew I’d never keep his interest when things weren’t hidden under the veil of anonymity. He was obnoxiously charming through the barrier and, expecting him to be any less so in person, would be delusional. And once he realized I was more of a homebody than someone more exciting, he’d lose interest and walk away.
So maybe it was in my best interest to just let things fade away. Because taking a chance on either of them was setting myself up for heartbreak.
Seven: Your silence isn’t exactly reassuring. What’s going on, sweet girl? Anything I can help with?
My heart lurched at the term of endearment that Reid had used last night. Another reminder that both only saw me in a way that was what I’d wanted to break away from. I didn’t want to be the sweet, unassuming person I’d always been, and the last week I’d finally felt like maybe I could be different, but reality was bound to bring me back to earth, eventually. It always did.
Fourteen: I’m sorry I’m not much fun today.
Seven: Don’t you ever apologize for being yourself.
Fourteen: I’ve spent my entire life doing it. Why stop now?
He didn’t respond the entire time I tried to convince myself that the sense of dread I felt in the shower was all in my head.
And he didn’t respond as I spent the morning sketching the scene last night that had launched me into this spiral and sent it off to the author for approval before I started the color.
He also didn’t respond when I headed down to the bar for my shift, ignoring the giant ball of nerves that had lodged itself in my gut at the thought of facing Reid after what we’d done .
But just like Seven didn’t respond to my text message, Reid never showed up at the bar during my shift.
The next morning, as the guilt continued to build, I headed over to the tattoo shop at midday so I could get this over with before my shift tonight. It would only fester the longer I let it eat at me. And it was time to cut off the limb. Even if the limb was long, and deliciously hard, and I was dying to see exactly what the piercing on this limb looked like.
But I would be strong. I had to be strong and resist him, because if I didn’t, my brother’s charming best friend would steal my heart. And I was terrified if I let him take it, that it’d be his forever—long after he decided I wasn’t as fun and bright and shiny as he made me feel.
“Haz?” I’d hoped to sneak in and get to Reid’s office unnoticed, but of course, that was a stupid idea when there was a reception area in the front of the building I’d have to walk through to get there. Because while I knew my brother had a key to the back door, I wasn’t explaining to him why I needed it.
“Hey, Gray. How’s it going?”
Gray had been one of the first body piercers Reid had hired after opening, and much like Reid, for a guy who did piercings, he didn’t have that many. Only a few plugs in his earlobes and a nose ring. Although he could hide them like Reid did, but I had zero desire to see him with his shirt or pants off. Gray had also been apprenticing with Reid to learn how to tattoo, but other than his professional relationship with Reid, I didn’t know much about him.
Although, I wondered if he was the one who’d pierced Reid’s dick. And how exactly did the process of getting one’s dick pierced go? When had he done it? How much did it hurt? Did he have to abstain from dicking down entire sororities when he had it done?
But all those thoughts had my next question going to a dangerous place. Like, how did it feel moving inside you?
“You coming to see me today, gorgeous?” Gray’s flirtatious voice drew me out of my musings, but I knew he was like that with everyone. I was glad Reid had hidden me after our first photoshoot because I knew my face would resemble even more of a tomato if I had to face Gray knowing he’d caught me humping his boss’ face in that room down the hall.
“Does Reid have any openings in his schedule today?”
Gray’s eyes flickered down the length of me, slowly appraising the dark wash jeans and loose off the shoulder sweater I’d thrown on after spending too much time deciding what to wear this morning.
What did you wear to break up with your brother’s best friend who you weren’t really dating? Could what happened over the last week be considered a situationship? And had making him come short circuited something in my brain?
Gray returned his gaze to my face, smiling. “He’s wrapping up a piece now, and then he’s got an hour or so before his next appointment. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see your pretty face to break up the monotony. We’ve been slammed lately.”
I wasn’t so sure what Reid would be to see my face. Because I was probably making a much bigger deal out of this whole situation than I needed to. He wouldn’t care that I was calling things off because we’d just gotten caught up in the moment.
His words from earlier had been running through my head. This project was all he could think about lately. I was becoming a distraction for him, and he’d probably be relieved for me to let him off the hook.
Being intimate with someone like I’d been with him this week—even though it wasn’t anything particularly racy—wasn’t new to him like it was to me. He didn’t have the emotional connection to being vulnerable with another person that I did. Once this was over, he wouldn’t obsess about it like I would. This wouldn’t change the way he looked at me for the rest of his life. He probably wouldn’t even look back on this whole situation with any strong feelings one way or the other. And I knew I would.
He’d ruined me in a few short days, and he didn’t even realize it. Which was why it had to stop. Before my heart got more attached to a man I could never keep.
And when I walked around the corner, peeking into the room that I knew he worked in, I stopped in my tracks at the scene in front of me, and I knew what I had to do.