11. Massimo
Not long after dawn, Evelyn stirred in my arms. She twitched and let out a soft whine.
I shook her gently, waking her before she could relive the nightmare in her sleep.
“You’re safe, farfallina,” I promised, brushing a kiss over her temple.
She shivered and curled into a tight ball, protecting herself.
From me?
“I will never hurt you,” I swore, my voice ragged and desperate. “Look at me.”
She peeked up at me, her eyes cautious.
“I’ve got you.” I pulled her closer, wrapping my arms around her as though that would be enough to bind her to me.
“I know,” she whispered, but she wasn’t reassured. The words were soft with horror.
So, she did see me as her captor, not her savior.
“Why?” I beseeched. “Why did you try to leave me? I thought you wanted to be mine.”
Had it all been a lie? A careful deception so that I would leave her unguarded and give her the opportunity to slip away from me?
The prospect made my chest ache.
Her delicate features tightened with pain. “You made me think you cared. And then you set me aside. Why would I stay when I’m nothing more to you than a possession, a plaything?”
Confusion pinched my brow. “What are you talking about? Of course I care.” I cared so deeply that it terrified me. I’d almost lost her last night. Maybe I had already lost her in all the ways that truly mattered. Her expression was shuttered, her eyes tight with betrayal.
“You bought that girl,” she said, her lips twisting with disgust. “And then you asked your drug lord friend to take me away. I wasn’t going to wait around for you to come back and manipulate me into your bed. I won’t be fooled again.”
My insides twisted. She had it all wrong, but the damage might be irreparable.
“I did it to save her,” I insisted. “She’s safe with Adrián now. I set her free and made sure no one could touch her.”
She blinked, her cautious gaze searching mine. She wasn’t sure if she could trust me anymore.
“I can call him if you want. He can put you in contact with her, and she’ll tell you what happened last night. She’s safe, Evelyn. I wasn’t going to allow anything to happen to her. She’s innocent.”
Her lips parted in a soft inhale at my final words. That seemed to sway her more than anything, but her eyes were still dark with doubt. She was scared to trust me.
“Why didn’t you just tell me instead of dismissing me?”
Fuck. I wasn’t accustomed to explaining myself to anyone. It hadn’t even occurred to me that Evelyn might require an explanation. All I’d cared about was removing her from the awful scene and getting her to safety. I hadn’t stopped to consider how she might perceive the situation.
“I’m sorry,” I confessed, meaning it with every fiber of my being. “I should’ve told you what was happening.”
She mulled it over for a minute, deciding whether or not she believed me.
“Yes,” she said quietly. “You should’ve told me. I’m a person, Massimo. Not a possession. You can’t just put me wherever you want me and keep me locked away.”
I lifted my chin. “I will do anything to protect you. Even if you don’t like it.”
She shook her head. “I’ve never doubted that you’ll protect me. What I want is your respect.”
I clasped her dainty hand in mine and held it over my heart. “I do respect you, Evelyn. You’re brave and kind and far better than I deserve. I fucked up, but I won’t make the same mistake again. I’ll explain myself in future.”
Something like longing sparked in her eyes. She wanted to believe me.
“I didn’t want you to see what happened after the auction ended,” I continued, needing to explain my reasoning. “All I could think about was shielding you from that.”
She paled. “And what happened after I left the club?” she asked, a soft challenge.
I ground my teeth, holding in the admission. She’d been horrified by my violence. I didn’t want to admit how I’d slaughtered the men who’d been complicit in the girl’s auction. She wanted honesty, but if I told her what I’d done, she might look at me with revulsion again.
“I did what was necessary to save her,” I hedged.
She shivered. “Just like you saved me?”
My stomach turned. “I’ve killed for you several times,” I reminded her, defensive. “You know that. You didn’t look at me like that before.”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m evil,” I growled.
My mother’s final expression of horror played through my mind in a sickening loop, blurring with the memory of Evelyn’s fearful, blood-splattered face.
My fault.
My mother’s death had been my fault, just like Evelyn’s plight had been caused by my actions. She’d run away because I was too arrogant and controlling to bother explaining myself to her.
And my parents…
They’d been gunned down because I’d provoked the gang. I’d wanted to be one of those boys. My parents had tried to teach me that violence wasn’t the only path open to me, but I’d disdained their worldview. I’d always wanted to be dangerous, powerful.
Now I was.
And the only innocent, good hearted people who’d ever cared about me had suffered for it. My mother and father were dead. Evelyn had almost been raped.
I buried my face in my hands as the revelations crushed me.
I’d never doubted myself before, never questioned my choices. I took what I wanted and did what was necessary to live. But I hadn’t just survived Le Vele; I’d thrived in my criminal underworld. I loved the freedom my violent lifestyle afforded me, and I’d never stopped to think about who might become collateral damage to my selfishness.
My code of honor dictated that I didn’t harm innocents, but I’d managed to hurt the people closest to me. The ones who deserved my protection the most had suffered because of my choices.
My parents had died because of my desire to be camorrista. And Evelyn had been victimized because I’d dragged her to a meeting with two of the most dangerous drug lords in the world. She shouldn’t be here at all.
Her soft fingertips touched my hair in a tentative stroke, barely brushing the dark strands. I leaned into her touch with a low groan, desperate for more tender contact. I was addicted to her, and even though I didn’t deserve her, I craved her nearness. Her forgiveness.
The absolution only she could offer.
“You scared me last night,” she said gently. “But I’m not afraid of you, Massimo.”
My heart was in my throat, cutting off my ability to speak.
“Talk to me,” she urged. “You promised you would explain yourself to me. Tell me what you’re feeling.”
My hands dropped from my face so that I could meet her lovely eyes. They shone with compassion, her awful fear finally chased away by concern for me.
I cupped her cheeks, cradling her delicate face like she was the most precious treasure in the world.
“This is all my fault,” I confessed. “You were hurt because of me. And my parents…” My throat worked, but I couldn’t force out the words.
Tears glittered on her lashes. Tears for me.
“You said they were killed in front of you. I’m sorry. But you saved me. I’m right here, Massimo. I’m alive.”
“They were killed because of me,” I corrected her, the truth drawn from me like poison from a wound. “I provoked the gang that murdered them. I wanted to join them, and I resented my parents for sheltering me. So, I put them at risk for my own gain. I wanted a life of violence, and they died for it. I got what I wanted.”
She brushed her fingers through my hair again, her touch sure and soothing.
“You’re not responsible,” she countered softly. “The boy who shot them took their lives, not you. You were just a child in a difficult situation.”
“I tried to kill the boy,” I admitted, continuing my terrible confession. “The last thing my mother ever saw was his blood on my hands. It broke her right before she died.”
Even now, I wished the bastard was dead. I should’ve killed him years ago, but he’d joined a rival Camorra clan, and murdering him would’ve started a war. One day, I’d exact my revenge. I’d craved it for so long that I wasn’t sure how to live without my vendetta. It’d given me purpose. Once I was powerful enough, I would put him in the ground.
My mother would be ashamed of the man I’d become.
Evelyn shushed me gently. “You’re not responsible,” my angel repeated, a firm promise. “The boy who shot them is the only one to be blamed for their deaths. You tried to defend your family, just like you defended me.”
I looked at her with awe. “You’re not afraid of me after what you saw me do to those men?”
A light shiver raced over her skin, but her peridot gaze was steady and earnest on mine. “No, I’m not afraid of you, Massimo. I never want to see anything like that again, but you protected me. You saved me.”
As long as she was with me, I couldn’t promise that she’d never witness violence.
But I couldn’t let her go, not even now that I realized the depth of my sins. She was looking at me like I was a good man. I would do anything to keep her, to make her mine again.
Evelyn belonged to me, body and soul. In time, she would surrender her heart willingly. I would settle for nothing less.