Chapter 7
There wasn’t much I could do to stop a vampire from carrying me to his bed, putting me on it, and slowly stripping me naked on the covers, not that I wanted to.
It felt too good being with him. It felt…
right. Easy. Unlike other relationships or ill-conceived flings, I got the sense that all he needed me to be was myself.
Auris took his time looking when he had me naked.
“Are you warm enough?”
“Yeah. Fire’s still going.”
“Merely embers, Ethan.” He pinched my right nipple. “You look cold.”
I giggled before sucking on my bottom lip.
He took that opening to strip out of his own shirt and pants.
His face was dreamy and model-like. So was the rest of him, but that wasn’t what grabbed my attention. I ran my hand over his chest, over the unmarked skin.
“You have no scars at all. From yesterday.”
“They tend not to stick. Don’t worry about that, ever.”
“But I feel a heartbeat.” I tapped his chest with my index finger. “Right there.”
“I’m a vampire, but not undead. My heart beats, I bleed, I lust. I feel and I hurt. I’m much like you, except in all the ways I’m not.”
I smiled up at him. “Is that meant to put me at ease?”
“I don’t know. Does it?”
“I’m not afraid of you. I’m not sure why, but I’m not.”
He nodded. “I shall never give you a reason to be. May I continue?”
I nodded. He pinched my nipple again, and I hissed with the sharp cocktail of pain and pleasure that poured straight into my blood.
“So. What do you like?”
“You,” he said without taking his eyes off me while his hands roamed my body, merely brushing over the parts I wanted him to touch, to stroke. To lick.
“What I meant was…you know. What do you like in bed? Giving, taking, something in between?”
“I know what you mean. I don’t particularly care whether I top or bottom, but I don’t think I want to spend all that time on preparation right now.”
I relaxed into him when he bent his head to kiss me, relieved on some level. Penetrative sex with a guy was nice—it felt really good once you got into it and if you did it with the right guy—but I had to agree about the prep time.
Also, the only thing I really missed about sex with another guy since my breakup was the weight of a guy pinning me down and just…
going. I really liked that, sometimes, the sensation of letting them just have at it, of feeling and nothing else.
It was like being in the zone behind the lens—focus without focus, something primal.
I swallowed. “Okay, that’s fine. I’m open to whatever other kind of fun you had in mind.”
“Ah. Temptation. I won’t refuse.”
He spread his knees to straddle me, then rocked against me, his cock just as hard as mine. I hadn’t even been sure he could get hard, what with him only taking care of me up until now, but I was selfishly glad immortality didn’t mean you had to forsake a hard cock.
We kissed, our mouths clashing together urgently. He was more refined at it than I was, his skill meeting my eagerness. I was rewarded for it when he shifted and reached between us to grab both our cocks together. He gave a squeeze once, then pulled back so he could spit into his hand.
Instead of bending back to my mouth, he stayed like that, looking at me underneath him as he started pumping our cocks.
I whimpered and jacked my hips, but to little effect. I was pinned under him. This, this was what I had missed, and here it was, so easily found. I shivered, getting closer to orgasm with each passing moment.
“Hmm, not yet. You’ll have to wait a little longer, Ethan.”
He stopped. I pushed the back of my head into the pillow, squirming as much as I was able, trying to get him to move again.
“Just a little more…” I whined.
“Show me you can wait first.”
I sighed, grabbed the pillow and pushed against his hand, to no avail. I was tempted to beg, but I didn’t. I gave up moving. I let him have his way, forced my fingers to uncurl, and looked up at him.
His silver eyes shimmered, and he smiled down at me as if he liked me giving in.
“That’s it. Well done, Ethan.”
He started stroking us again, but it was slow, deliberate, the drawing out of the inevitable. My eyes fell closed, but I knew he was still watching. I could feel his piercing gaze like a shiver over my skin.
He made the pleasure last, and the only indication that he enjoyed it too was a heavier exhale, a sharper intake of breath.
Still, that was enough. I came, so sensitive all over that his breaths against my cheek made me shudder and squirm.
I made a mess, and I didn’t care. I looked up, my vision blurred, and I watched him watch me, enthralled, fascinated.
He let go of me just before touch became too much, but continued jacking himself off. If I hadn’t been so blissed out, I would’ve been annoyed by the fact that he went at this with considerably more enthusiasm than he had before.
On the other hand, watching Auris was like watching a skilled porn actor. Not that he was performing. It was the way he was beautiful but odd, gorgeous to look at without trying to be, thrilling.
Tiny electric sparks ran down my spine when he came and I felt it hit my heated skin.
He looked at me for a long moment after.
His skin was dry where it would’ve been sweaty on a human.
He was unreal, and at the same time, being with him was the most grounding experience I’d had in ages. Maybe ever.
“Come here,” I whispered.
He obeyed, lying next to me and pressing a soft kiss to my lips.
“You looked stunning.”
“You looked stunning. Will you lie on top of me? For a little while?”
He raised his eyebrows. “If you want that, yes.”
I blissed out even more when he rolled half his body weight on top of me. I had no idea why, but this was so calming. I had a weighted blanket at home, but that couldn’t compete with a real person, or… I huffed.
“Vampire.”
“Are you all right, Ethan?”
“I had vampire sex.”
“You did.”
“Every teenage girl and a good amount of teenage boys will be forever jealous of me now. Or worship me as their leader.”
“Ethan, this is serious. You are not to start a vampire sex cult. I forbid it.”
I laughed, and he eased off me slightly. When the laughter ebbed, I turned toward him so that our noses almost bumped.
“I thought you were going to murder me in the woods yesterday. Or in the church. I was generally expecting murder. I really, really wasn’t expecting this.”
Instead of answering, his expression turned hard, and he ran his fingers through my hair. “I could never hurt you, Ethan. Never.”
“Okay. I’ll remember that.”
Auris twisted a strand of my hair around his finger. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“At the restaurant last night, you said if you could wish for anything, you would change a conversation. What did you mean?”
I considered evading, but for once, the urge to tell someone, tell Auris, outweighed the shame that usually held me back.
“Before my mother died, the last time I spoke with her, I said some nasty things. I was angry, we both were, and I was a…well, a teenager, in fact. Not a good excuse. The last thing I said to her was that I wished she were dead.”
His thumb stroked along my knuckles. “That is a lot to carry with you. Thank you for sharing it with me.”
“You’re an unexpectedly good listener. For a vampire.”
He kissed my temple. “Don’t change the subject, Ethan. Don’t try to make light of it either. Did you ever talk about this with someone? Your father?”
I shrugged. “No. My father had to come to terms with his own stuff. Turns out he’s gay, and he waited until after my mom’s death to come out.
A part of him still feels guilty about lying to her to begin with, I think.
Well, not lying, but not being open either, you know?
I told the first girl I ever dated I was bi.
I knew that from the start. She threw it right back at me when I broke up with her, said I was just gay, had just been trying things out.
It’s not a phase though, not curiosity either. ”
“It’s not. The people we hold closest, or those we allow to be close to us, have the power to wound us the deepest.”
“Sounds like something from a fortune cookie.”
“Hush, my sweet.” He kissed my forehead once more. “What were you arguing about, with your mother?”
“Just something silly. I’d lied about spending the night at a friend’s house when I’d actually been out with a boy.
She was telling me how I’d changed ever since I started seeing him, how he was a bad influence, and how I was becoming a stranger to her.
” I looked at the ceiling as I spoke, but my mind went back to that day, my mom’s eyes, the anger in her voice.
“She knew you liked both boys and girls then, but didn’t judge you for it?”
“Yeah. She was a good mom, I was just a shitty kid.”
Another kiss. “Ethan, you were nothing of the sort. What would have happened if you hadn’t argued that day, if she had never found out where you had been that night?”
I’d thought about that a thousand times, almost every night for months after.
“She still would’ve been on the plane. She had to go on a business trip, and the plane went down.
She would’ve hugged me instead of storming out of the house.
I could’ve had one more hug, just one more.
And she wouldn’t have thought I was the one wishing it on her. When… You know. On the plane.”
Auris considered that for a minute before he spoke again.
“I have seen a great many people pass away, many of whom I knew personally. I sat with several of them at the end, though some died more suddenly, holding my hand because there was no one else around. I can tell you with certainty that none doubted their feelings for their loved ones, no matter how they had left them. You were loved, my sweet. Your mother loved you. And she knew that you loved her as well, I am certain of that.”
I said nothing. The rational part of me agreed that he was probably right, but I would never forget that day, the anger that had defined those last minutes I’d had with Mom. I started to cry silent tears, for the first time in years.
Auris waited until I was done, his patience soothing.
When my breathing eased, he asked, “How about we cuddle some more, then take a shower and chat in front of the fireplace in the living room?”
I licked my lips and took a deep breath before saying, “Fine. Gives me a chance to plan my vampire sex cult.”
“You will do no such thing.” He kissed my forehead.
His weight moored me. The nap came easy. No memories showed themselves to haunt me.