Chapter 9 Maya
Maya
I scream and take off running down the alleyway of the pigpen as Ethan sits on the fence laughing his ass off at me. When he told me we were feeding the pigs left over table scraps, this is not what I had in mind.
They are literally chasing me around.
I drop the bucket and lunge for the fence, breathless from the exertion. I’m taking oral antibiotics and steroids, but my lungs still aren’t completely healed.
“It’s. Not. Funny,” I manage to get out in between breaths.
“Sure it is, Rivers. You’re gonna have to learn to be tough if you’re going to make it around here.” He climbs over the fence and dumps the rest of the scraps out for the squealing pigs.
This morning, he took me to the chicken pen to gather fresh eggs for breakfast. I have to say, the flavor is so much richer than store-bought. I was ashamed of myself for eating two of them, until I noticed Ethan wolfing down four or more.
It’s been so many years since I’ve eaten properly, I can only tolerate small amounts of food at a time. I was able to get two slices of bacon down and a glass of orange juice. I’ll consider that a success.
My energy levels aren’t back to 100% but I’m better today than I have been in days. Make that weeks, or possibly even years.
It won’t last. The good things never do. They’ll get their usage out of me then discard me like the trash I was born to be when they’re done. There’s no use in getting too comfortable here.
“Hey, Rivers! Look out behind you!” Ethan rushes past me. My heart lurches into my throat. What’s going on? I don’t see anyone else.
Pain rips through my leg, catching me off guard. I look down and see a very angry red rooster actively spurring my leg. Raw fear sets in. I hop back over the fence with the pigs and take off running towards the barn.
“Don’t run! If you run, he will chase you. Turn and kick that fucker!” Ethan yells.
But I don’t stop until I get to the barn. I use all my strength to shut the door but it’s jammed. I pick up a pair of shears that are propped up against the wall and give the rooster a good whack upside his head when he closes in on me again.
He immediately drops to the ground.
Oh my god. I killed the damned thing. I drop to my knees, stunned at what I did. I killed one of their animals. Shit. Blood leaks from my leg, spilling on the ground, bringing me back to being acutely aware of the pain again.
I’m going to be in so much trouble for this. My body tenses, waiting for the blows to come.
“Damn, Rivers. Look at you working for your keep already. Pick him up, you’re about to learn how to truly prepare your own food.” Say what? He can’t be serious. He doesn’t even sound mad. His voice and demeanor are surprisingly calm.
“I killed your animal. How am I not in trouble for that?” My voice is barely above a whisper. My hands start to shake; this has to be a trap to make me think what I did was ok.
“I told you not to bring that motherfucking plant in the house! There’s dirt all over the floor! Put that son of a bitch outside and clean this mess up right now!” Daddy yells.
Tears streak down my face. It’s cold and raining outside. Mama’s new plant was wilting in the cold. I was going to take it inside where it’s warmer and keep it in my room until Mama got home.
I don’t move fast enough for Daddy. He picks it up and tosses it outside then slams the door shut. I heard the pot shattering in the distance. Mama is going to be so devastated, she loves gardening and making things grow.
Later that night when Mama gets home, she is holding it in her arms and crying. Mama is completely heartbroken, which breaks my heart, too. I shouldn’t have tried to help with it, I always mess things up.
Mama hands it to him before going to get her shower. As soon as the bathroom door closes, Daddy drops the wilted plant on the table. The glare in his eyes is fixed on me as he comes storming towards me.
I turn and run towards my bedroom. Daddy catches me at the door. “You little bitch, DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!” His voice echoes through the hallway and I shudder.
Paralyzed by terror, I brace myself for the punishment that’s coming.
Daddy picks me up and throws me against the back wall of my room. My legs and arms are unable to brace my body for the fall. My head snaps back when I face-plant into my headboard, blood spurting from my nose.
“You’re lucky that’s all you’re going to get tonight. Your Mama’s heart broke tonight because of you.” He spits on my floor before slamming my door shut.
The blood from my nose stains my new pink nightie. I don’t dare risk getting up for a tissue, so I just bury my head in my pillow and cry myself to sleep.
“Earth to Rivers! Come in, Rivers! Can you hear me?”
My mind shifts back into the present, becoming aware of the fact that Ethan is now shaking me.
That is one of my worst childhood memories because it wasn’t really a plant that was destroyed that night.
The horror that occurred was so intense, my mind refuses to acknowledge what really happened and skews the memory of it each time it replays.
I flinch, covering my face as I jump to my feet, my wobbly legs causing me to lose my balance and trip over a bucket. Pain bursts through my side from an old, and now new, injury to my hip.
Ethan is staring at me intently. I inhale a deep, shaky breath and slowly let it out, trying my best to fight back tears. “What the hell happened, are you ok?” The look on his face is of genuine concern.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just got a little dizzy. I think it’s from all the activity,” I lie. He side-eyes me, not buying my story.
“I’m throwing the bullshit flag, Rivers. Tell me what happened there.” His hand reaches for my leg. I pull away instinctively.
“I’m fine, I swear, I just lost my balance. I’m sorry about the rooster. I don’t know how I can buy you a new one, but I don’t mind working for it.” A tear escapes my eye and rolls down my face. I take a deep breath and hold it in, fighting to hold the rest of my tears back.
“Nonsense. There’s a bunch of those assholes running around here.
This is a farm and where most of our food comes from on a daily basis.
This one looks to be young, come on, let me show you how to prepare him after we bandage that wound up.
” Kindness shows in his eyes and he reaches a hand out to me.
Reluctantly, I place my hand in his, fighting my shaky legs for balance. He carries the bird by its legs back towards the house. I follow closely, but not too close, still waiting on the other shoe to drop.
This is too good to be true. I’m not uneducated enough to think that safe places and people don’t exist, I’m just hesitant to think that they would want anything to do with me.
After dinner, I head to my room for a shower. Ethan made me pluck every single feather off that bird. It took me so long he said we would wait to cook it tomorrow.
The warm water cascades over my hair and down my body. My side is bruised from where I fell and my leg stings from the rooster. Thankfully, it’s not too painful and Ethan gave me plenty of first aid stuff.
Despite accidentally unaliving the rooster and reliving one of my worst past memories, I had a good time. I wish it was possible to stay here forever.
I still haven’t met Nick’s mother. Ethan said she wasn’t having a good day, so she stayed in bed. She has dementia, and some days are better than others. Ethan said I’ll eventually be able to meet her.
Part of me wonders why Nick doesn’t stay here or move her in with him. My grandmother had Alzheimer’s. One of the hardest things for Mama and I was saying goodbye to her while she was still alive.
I don’t know Nick well enough to understand his reasons for keeping her here. I do know everyone deals with grief differently, maybe it’s too much for him. Not everyone can emotionally process watching their loved ones decline.
I finish my shower and as I am getting ready for bed, a warm breeze blows through my open window. I glance over to see the most beautiful monarch butterfly perched on my windowsill, resting its wings.
My heart constricts and my breath hitches. Mama loved butterflies. They were her and my grandma’s favorite, especially monarchs.
The tears well my eyes. “Hey, Mama,” I whisper. The butterfly gently flaps its wings, as if responding to my words.
“I miss you so damn much,” I sob, the tears falling from my eyes, stinging my freshly exfoliated face. I sit on the edge of the bed, hands folded in my lap. “I don’t know what to do without you. I feel so hopeless, so lost. I just want us to be together again.” The wings flap again.
“As hard as I try to make that happen, the more I seem to fail.” I pause to take a few ragged breaths, trying to keep some composure. “I just need to know that if I stay here…” I pause, “I mean alive, that everything is going to be ok.” The wings flap for a third time, but this time harder.
The butterfly floats from the sill into the breeze towards me, landing on my chest, just over my heart. I let out a loud sob, my heart simultaneously breaking and filling with love. It’s the strangest mix of emotions.
It stays there for several seconds before momentarily fluttering to my cheek. When it breaks away and floats towards the open window, I choke out my heartfelt plea, “Please don’t leave me,” but it keeps going as if its allotted time here was up.
Gripping my pillow tight, I cry myself to sleep.
“Come on, Rivers! It’s time to get up!” Ethan calls from my doorway. I open my eyes and see that it’s still mostly dark in my room.
“Go away, Ethan, it’s the ass crack of dawn and I’m still tired.” And my head hurts from crying myself to sleep last night.
“The early bird gets the worm!” His voice is way too chipper for it to barely be breaking daylight.
“Yeah, but the second mouse gets the cheese,” I grumble, knowing I have to get up and earn my keep. I’ve never been a morning person though and most likely never will be.
“The way I see it, you have two options. One,” he holds up a single finger, “you get out of bed, get dressed, and meet me downstairs or two,” he puts the second finger up, lingering slightly before speaking again.
“I’ll jump on the bed until you’re so annoyed with me, you have no choice but to get up. ”
“You can’t be serious,” I deadpan.
“I’m rarely ever serious, Rivers, but try me and see.” He leans against the doorframe with his arms crossed. Million-dollar playboy smile in full view.
My intrusive thoughts seriously want to throw a pillow at him, but I refrain. He might get upset if I did.
“Fine. Get out so I can get dressed,” I groan.
He bows with a little curtsy. “As you wish, madam.”
I drag myself out of bed and rummage through the bag of clothes Emma gave me. I pull on a pair of skinny jeans and a T-shirt. The pants aren’t quite long enough but are baggy even though they’re made for young teens. The plain yellow T-shirt fits perfectly.
Emma also packed toiletries. I brush my teeth, apply deodorant, pull my hair into a ponytail, and slip on a pair of tennis shoes.
Ethan is waiting at the bottom of the stairs looking relaxed and holding two mugs. “Tell me again why I have to be up so early?” I yawn and wipe the sleep from my eyes.
“I told you, the early bird gets the worm.” He hands me a cup of hot coffee.
“Why do we need worms?” I take a sip of the coffee. It’s so delicious I can’t help but let out a mmmm sound.
“Well, we don’t exactly need worms, but we are going to gather more eggs for breakfast. That’s farm-fresh cream in your coffee by the way.” He puts an arm around me to lead me towards the door.
I flinch and he takes notice, letting his arm fall to the side.
“Listen, I don’t know your story, but I can take a few guesses.
If you ever need a friend to talk to, I can make a good one.
I promise you’re safe here. I apologize if I overstepped my boundaries.
I truly didn’t mean to.” For the first time in my life, I see actual concern on a man’s face and I believe it.
“Oh, I’m still tired. You just caught me off guard is all,” I lie but he sees right through me.
“You don’t have to tell me your reasons, but you also don’t have to lie to me. You’re here on our family farm because it’s the best thing for you and your safety right now. I volunteered to stay here with you, and I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” He gently shrugs his shoulders.
“Why?” I look down and my coffee cup, still half full of the steaming liquid. I give it a gentle swirl because I’m unsure what to do right now and it gives me something to focus on besides my anxiety. “Why did you volunteer to stay with me?”
“Because everyone deserves a fair chance at life.” He gives me a reassuring smile. “Now, get your ass outside.”
I look him dead in the eye, something I’m not used to doing with a man, but his response catches me so off guard.
I could be wrong but there’s a hint of sadness in his tone, and my intuition is right when I meet his eyes.
It’s only there for a split second but there is without a doubt sadness that briefly flashes in his eyes.