Chapter 15 Maya
Maya
I’m waiting on the tracks to break and the train to derail, but it seems to be holding steady. My life the last few days has been a rollercoaster ride. Full of ups and downs, twists and turns. It’s a stark comparison to the complete downward spiral of the last eight years.
Hopefully one day I’ll live a life that stays more on the upside of things. I know nothing will ever be perfect, and I’m more than willing to accept that, I just need life to give me a reason to keep on living.
I can’t believe I’m alone with Nick. The walk to the barn is quiet, but that doesn’t stop me from admiring the way he moves so fluidly and with confidence.
He opens the door and lets me in first. I accidently brush against him while trying to avoid stepping into a bucket that’s carelessly laid in the doorway. His arm reaches around me to catch my fall and a thrill rushes through me. There’s no denying an attraction to him.
But can I really trust him? I watch as he fixes the milk for the kitten. He’s tough on the exterior and he’s let me get away with things I would’ve been punished for in the past. But when does the facade drop and the true colors come out? You can never be sure.
He encourages me to speak up and is now even offering me a choice on employment instead of forcing me into it. I didn’t think that’s what I wanted, but it’s easier to say yes when it’s on my terms.
I could stay here, bury myself in therapy, work, and my studies and leave when I’m ready, but I don’t want to be constantly running away from myself. That’s exactly what I’d be doing, keeping busy to pass the time before moving on to the next venture.
Therapy can only take me so far. I have to learn to take the learned steps from those visits outside and apply them to everyday life.
The hands-on opportunity Nick is giving me will train me to deal with tough situations, which will work to my advantage in any aspect of my life.
Earlier today when I decided I was tired of being the victim and tired of being broken, I said this was the turning point in my life.
Then the going got a little tough and I tried to run away like a fucking coward.
The kitten’s loud, demanding, meowing interrupts my thoughts. It’s no doubt hungry. Nick hands me a syringe with a nipple attached.
“I’ve never fed anything like this before, how am I going to know I’m doing it right?”
“Gently open her mouth and let some of the milk drip on her tongue so she can taste it.” His hand gently grazes against mine, helping me hold the now frantic kitten’s head still.
My heart rocket launches itself out of my rib cage and into my throat by his touch and close proximity. His other hand cups around mine and shows me how to hold the syringe. For a moment, our eyes meet. I’m relieved to see the softness in his.
These close encounters just might be the death of me. I can’t tell if they have any effect on him, but if they do, he does a good job of not showing it. At least he doesn’t appear to be repulsed by me.
“Once you got it in her mouth, push the plunger slowly and she should start to suck. Sometimes it takes some coaxing as the bottle isn’t natural to them.
” He gently demonstrates what to do then hands it to me.
“You can find her mother tomorrow and put her back in her litter to be nursed, she’s not old enough to be weaned. ”
I’m sure this is a side of him most people likely never see. “Can I keep her once she’s weaned?” I look down at the kitten trying to sip from the nipple on the syringe. Its little ears move with each suck. It’s the cutest thing ever.
“You can have any animal you want on the farm, within reason.” He lets go of my hand but doesn’t move away.
I wonder what his definition of “within reason” is. “You mean now is not a good time to tell you I’ve always wanted a tiger, giraffe, penguin, and a monkey?” It’s not a lie, I would love to have one of every animal.
“I suggest you move to the zoo if that be the case,” he says with a smile.
I like this relaxed version of Nick so much better. I would be more willing to discuss things with him if he was like this all the time.
“What about the beach house? Can I have a cat there?” I try not to get my hopes up when I ask.
“No.” He says firmly.
I guess it’s best that I find the kitten’s mama tomorrow; I will get too attached if I am taking care of her every day.
After we finish feeding, Nick shows me how to make her use the bathroom. He gives me some supplies and instructs me on times to wake and feed her. Good thing there’s an alarm clock in my room.
Nick walks behind me as we head towards the house. When we get there, he stays on the porch, instead of following me inside. I idly wonder where he sleeps. Ethan never showed me Nick’s room.
I decide to head back to mine, but he speaks before I can get the front door open. “I’m leaving first thing in the morning. Ethan will be here to help you throughout the duration of your stay.” He says softly, taking a seat on one of the wooden rockers.
Disappointment washes over me like a tidal wave. I wish he didn’t have to leave so soon. Today started off rough, but it turned out well in the end.
“How long will I stay here?” I want to ask if he will come back to visit but refrain.
“At least a couple months—until you’re in a healthier frame of mind and body. Goodnight, Maya.” He pulls out his phone, subtly telling me it’s time to walk away.
I wish he was the one who could stay here with me, but I know he’s a busy man.
Even busier now that he’s taken on overseeing me.
I stop myself before I let the guilt of inconveniencing him drown me in a sea of regret.
“Goodnight, Nick.” I rush up the stairs, kitten in tow. She can sleep with me tonight.
When my morning alarm goes off, it’s all I can do to drag myself out of bed. I’m so tired. I have a long day of learning to work with the horses and my first appointment with the therapist is today, too. I’m not looking forward to telling a stranger my problems.
I lean over to the bedside table to turn the alarm off and a small white box with a red ribbon tied around it in a bow catches my attention—What the…?
There’s a tag on it that says “Maya.” I haven’t gotten a present since Mama died. I tear the ribbon off and open the box. Inside sits a brand-new iPhone. Wow!
I’ve never had a cellphone. I turn it over in my hand, admiring the sleek device. I press the button down and turn it on and a message pops up…
Nick - All the numbers you’ll need are programmed in this phone. You will use Emily Ryker for everything you sign into on this device. You will also go by Emily in your therapy sessions—she’s unaware of your true identity. Delete this message after you’ve read it.
Glad to see Mr. Bossy is back. The kitten meows loudly, trying to get my attention. She woke me one other time to be fed last night. Her squeaky meow is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.
“I think I’ll call you Squeak,” I say to the ball of orange and white fur. I grab her feeding supplies from the desk. She takes it with ease; she’s quickly learning to drink from the nipple and syringe. It only takes her a few minutes to finish it.
“Rise and shine, Rivers!” Ethan walks in, sits on the bed, hands me a cup of coffee, and picks up the now sleeping kitten.
“Well, aren’t you adorable.” He gently strokes Squeak’s little head while peering down at her with a smile.
“Good morning, Ethan.” I take a sip of the steaming liquid. “I could get used to someone bringing me fresh coffee every morning.”
“Starting tomorrow, you can bring me coffee, pancakes, and bacon in bed. I sleep naked though, so you might want to knock first.” He winks at me.
“Thanks for the warning.” I laugh, I’m pretty sure he’s joking but I’m sure he wouldn’t say no to breakfast in bed. He takes the phone from my hand. “What are you doing?” I ask.
“Making sure I’m number one in your favorites tab.
” He frowns when he gets to the screen and sees that Nick has already beat him to it.
“That pompous asshole. Well…we can let him think he’s the favorite, but you and I know the truth.
Get dressed, we have work to do.” He stands to walk from the room, taking my kitten with him.
My heart swells when I look down at my phone and see Nick made a point to be at the top of my favorites. From never having a phone in my life to having the hottest male on the planet personally list his own number as my number one contact, I may never wipe this stupid smile off my face.
I’m already wiped out by the time lunch rolls around. Working on a farm is a lot harder than I expected. Ethan and I will work with the broodmares in Barn One. He said while mares come with their own set of challenges, it was best that I get some experience before I try to handle racehorses.
He made Squeak her own little area in the tack room so she wouldn’t wander off while I learned the ropes.
We haven’t come across a mama kitty yet, so we’re still bottle feeding her.
Ethan promised me he would look while I was in therapy this afternoon.
He said the barn cats are generally feral and it can be hard to find their litters as they tend to scatter them in hidden places.
The morning chores started by letting the mares out to graze in their paddock, then we had to muck out every stall and put new bedding down. Ethan took it easy on me—he knows I am still recovering, so he didn’t complain when I only finished four stalls while he did the other eight.
I did empty and clean all the water and feed buckets. Some even had poop in them. Gross.
“Here, eat,” Ethan orders while piling a large helping of meatloaf and mashed potatoes on my plate. “You’re going to need all the extra protein and calories you can handle.”
“I can’t eat all that, I’ll be sick.” I eye the massive helping in front of me with disbelief. I’ve never had this much food at my disposal in my life.
I didn’t want to leave Squeak alone, so I brought her to the table with me. She’s playing with my shoelaces while I eat. I’m really growing attached to her. She seems to love being around me, too.
“Try to eat as much as you can. If I’m satisfied with how much you’ve eaten, you can take a nap before therapy, and I’ll go hang the hay nets for you.” He winks at me over the top of his glass of sweet tea.
“How often do you get your way by using bribery?” I shovel some meat and potatoes in my mouth, swallowing it down with a glass of sweet tea. It’s so good.
“Do you want me to show you, or do you want me to tell you?” He smirks.
I give him a fake gagging noise and motion like I’m going to throw up.
“Don’t lose your lunch over it, Rivers. Nick made me promise I wouldn’t touch you,” he mumbles with a mouth full of food. “Besides, that’s not what you need right now anyway. I would never take advantage of you.”
I choke on my next bite. “Wait, what? Why would he care? I don’t belong to him.” Though I don’t want that kind of relationship, it’s not Nick’s business. Even if I did, Ethan’s like a brother to me.
“Because Nick has to be in control of all things, all the time.” He stays quiet for a few moments. “Even if that wasn’t the case, please don’t take everything I say seriously. I’m a shameless flirt. It’s just who I am. I don’t ever mean to offend you.”
I honestly don’t think I’d ever have to worry about him overstepping my boundaries. He’s been the most genuine person I’ve met since my mom.
“No offense taken. You couldn’t handle me anyway.” Except I am offended—by Nick. He can’t tell someone they can or can’t touch me. That’s my decision.
“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Rivers. I can make some of these wild broncs out here look like circus ponies.” His lady-killer smile is on full display and I can’t stop laughing at him.
“For more than eight seconds?” I tease, more relaxed and carefree than I’ve ever been. I once thought I would have to walk on eggshells forever. Just being here is healing my battered soul.
“A solid six if it’s bareback riding, eight seconds if it’s saddle bronc. The saddle takes the fun away.” He puffs his chest out with pride.
I nearly spit my tea out at his response.
We laugh and talk through the rest of lunch.
I finished everything on my plate, and now I’m headed to bed for a nap.
Ethan took Squeak to find her mom, or a mom to care for her until she’s old enough to be away from her.
I’m sad about it, but I know it’s for the best. I can still visit her every day as long as I am here.
I’m nervous about meeting the therapist this afternoon. I’m not sure what I’ll tell her since she doesn’t know my real identity. If I tell her about how I killed my son of a bitch father, she will certainly put two and two together.
I grab the phone from the dresser. I have a text from Nick.
9:08 a.m.- Don’t forget to use Emily as your name with the therapist. I’ll be expecting a call from you tonight at seven o’clock sharp. Let me know when you get this message.
Then there’s another.
11:12 a.m.- Did you get my last message? Text me back to confirm you understand.
Before I can respond, another one pops up.
12:13 p.m.- Your read receipts are on. I can see that you’ve read my messages. Answer me, cupcake.
Impatient much? I’m tempted to turn my phone off but decide it’s best if I go ahead and respond. He might call Ethan if I don’t and I want to take the nap he so graciously offered me.
I send a quick reply and click the phone off before he types back and sees that I read it. Part of me wishes he was here, but another part of me is glad he can’t boss me around in person.
At least this way I can put the phone down if I want to ignore him. Tonight when I call, I’m going to ask when he expects the job to be done so I can start classes.
I can’t use my original transcripts, I’ll have to ask Nick to forge more documents for me.
Doubt creeps in on whether or not it’s a good idea for me to have him do another favor for me, even if I do offer to pay him back, this could be part of a plan to get me so indebted to him, he can enslave me for good.
No. I’m not going down that spiraling tunnel—Stop thinking that way. I shake my head, repeating my mantra subconsciously. This is an opportunity for a fresh start and better future for me.
This is my life. I’ve always found a way to earn my keep. I’ll kill him if he tries to keep me under wraps.