Chapter 18 Maya #2
I had to learn to read their cues and body language, how to feel when they shift from calm to nervous energy, or vice versa.
Their behaviors are, most times, conditioned responses and for every action, there was a reaction.
If I was nervous, so were they. If they sensed me being calm, it helped them calm down, too.
Also, I’ve learned that if you accidentally leave the door to the feed room open, they will dispose of everything oat and grain in the barrel. Thankfully, the day it happened, not much feed was in there and the horses didn’t colic from eating too much.
Last but not least, they’ve given me confidence in myself. Not only confidence to handle an animal of that size, but when things don’t always work out as planned, confidence to use my problem-solving skills to find out what works best for each individual horse.
These things might come in handy since I will have to deal with Nick every day for a while, even if he is more like an ass than a horse. I’ve been too engrossed in my work here to worry about what he is going to have me do undercover.
Or maybe I just suppressed that worry for another day. My therapist says I have a bad habit of doing so, and I need to learn to face my fears head-on to be able to be the most confident and productive version of myself.
Something I am slowly learning to be.
I hate to admit that Nick was right when he said I could benefit from horse therapy. It’s hard to get past the negative thoughts when you’ve spent your entire life being told you’re not good enough.
Ethan, whether he realizes or not, pushes me towards being that girl I’ve always wanted to be. He never lets me give up. Even when I’m skiing through the mud behind Jester while he drags me back to the barn because he doesn’t want to be hooked to the horse walker in the rain.
“Tighten up, Rivers. Are you going to lead that horse or is he going to lead you? Put some muscle into it.”
Racehorses are such divas, and Jester is the queen of them all. He hates being out in the rain.
I must say, I love how much being here has transformed my body. My appetite is great and the thought of food no longer makes me sick. I’ve been spoiled by the Deep Southern Louisiana cuisine.
I barely even recognize myself in the mirror anymore, and I love it.
My eyes aren’t sunken in, my hair is growing out full and healthy.
The farm labor and aggressive nutrition plan Dr. Bennett has me on has me packing on pounds of muscle mass.
I no longer look like I’m warring with a toothpick over who is skinnier.
“Ready to go yet?” Ethan calls from the door of my room.
“Yeah, just packing up the last of my things.” I take a final look out the window I so desperately tried to escape from a few months ago before I close my suitcase.
My life would’ve ended up so much differently if I had taken the cowardly way out. I would be either rotting in a ditch right now or working a corner so I could eat. I’m thankful every day for making the choice to stay.
“What do you want me to do with this? I don’t have a carrier.” Ethan holds up Squeak who has her claws dug into his arm and is savagely biting his fingers.
“She’s going to have to ride in my lap.”
“Good luck with that. Cats hate cars. Nick is going to shit a brick when you bring her in the beach house, you know.”
“If he makes her leave, I’m leaving too. I’m not leaving her behind.” We never were able to find a nursing mama kitty to take her, so I’ve kept bottle feeding her until she could be transitioned to food.
She sleeps next to me every night, with the exception of the times she decides the curtains are stupid and does her best to tear them down. Or when she attacks my feet for moving under the covers. Her favorite thing to do is walk all over my keyboard when I’m trying to do my schoolwork.
I’m only taking two classes right now because I want to do my best and working full time on the farm doesn’t leave me much time for homework.
College algebra is the hardest class, and zoology is my favorite.
I’ve decided to study marine biology. The options for traveling the world and studying marine life are almost limitless.
The drive back to the beach house seemed short, probably because I’ve been anticipating it so much and don’t know what to expect when I get there. I’m looking out of the glass doors leading to the beach when Nick comes walking up the steps in nothing but a pair of shorts and running shoes.
Sweat cascades over every ripple on his tanned, muscular frame, making me gulp and my heart rate spike. Is this where the term thirsty came from? Because drinking in the sight of him has me craving to run my tongue over those beads of sweat and drink down every drop of him.
He walks through the door and leans in so close I can feel the heat radiating from his skin. “See something you like, cupcake?” His hot breath skates across my neck sending shivers down my spine. “Welcome back.”
Heat rushes through my veins and I have to remind myself to breathe before I pass out.