Fifteen
Lily
Hushed and excited whispers tug me from a deep, peaceful sleep.
“Maybe we shouldn’t wake her yet,” Maddy whispers.
“Are you kidding? We spent all morning making her breakfast,” Jake hisses. “We’re going in.”
“You guys, seriously,” Sam says with a low chuckle.
“I wanna see Mama,” Ollie demands.
“Should we go on three?” Maddy asks.
“What?” Jake huffs in annoyance. “Just open the door, Auntie Sam.”
“Um, excuse me?” Sam scolds. “You wanna try that again, mister?”
“Sorry.” I can almost hear Jake roll his eyes from here.
I adjust my body, propping myself up against the pillows as I wait for their grand appearance.
“Can you please open the door?” Jake tries again. “This tray isn’t light, you know.”
I smile at their playful banter.
“That’s better,” Sam says.
Keeping my eyes fixed on the door, it finally creaks open, and Jake enters first. He’s balancing a tray laden with a vase of white and purple roses and my breakfast. His eyes meet mine, and his smile is so full of love that it makes my heart ache in the most perfect way.
“Morning, Mom,” he says softly, setting the tray on the small table beside the window.
“Morning,” I reply as Ollie runs into the room and throws himself onto the bed.
“Hi, Mama!” he shouts, beaming.
I laugh, pulling him into my arms and cuddling him tight against my chest. “Hi, sweet boy.”
Maddy skips in next, holding a bundle of purple and white balloons, followed by Sam, a beautifully wrapped gift in her hands.
“Happy birthday, Mom!” Maddy squeals, setting the balloons on the table right next to me. She wraps her arms around my neck, and I squeeze her tight, burying my nose in her familiar shampoo-scented hair.
Ollie giggles, wiggling beneath us. “You’re squishing me!”
“Oh, sorry, Ollie.” Maddy pulls back just enough to ruffle his hair affectionately, making him laugh even more. He shifts and sits beside me.
“Thank you, honey,” I reply, choked up.
Sam sets the gift gently on my lap. “Happy birthday, sis,” she says, her eyes shining.
“Thank you,” I manage, reaching for her hand and squeezing it.
“We made you breakfast, Mom,” Maddy announces, settling in beside me and resting her head on my shoulder.
“You did?” I kiss the top of her head, my heart swelling. “Thank you.”
“Do you want to eat it now or open your present, Mom?” Jake asks.
“I’ll open first and then eat,” I decide.
I peel away the pretty purple wrapper, and my breath catches.
It’s a beautiful, personalized, stained-glass, heart-shaped sun catcher.
The top part of the frame forms a larger heart filled with a colorful stained-glass pattern in shades of pink, orange, yellow, blue, and purple.
Curving around the top heart is a message that reads: “I’ll Always Be Right There.
” Inside the lower heart-shaped opening, there’s an outline of three children sitting close together with their backs facing me, their names etched on the backs of their shirts.
“I love it,” I rasp, tears blurring my vision. “It’s so beautiful.” I run my fingertips along the delicate, intricate artwork and the small, shaped figures: Jake, Ollie, and Maddy, in that order.
I look up, my vision still misty, and see tears falling freely from Sam’s eyes.
“Are you hungry now, Mama?” Ollie asks, peering up at me through his long lashes, his small hand touching my arm.
“I am,” I say with a soft smile, leaning down to kiss the tip of his nose.
Jake walks over with the tray, and once Ollie scoots to the side, Jake sets it right in front of me.
“Oh, my goodness. This looks so good,” I praise, my eyes widening at the spread—chocolate chip pancakes piled high with strawberries and whipped topping, a bowl of fresh-cut fruit, crispy bacon, and a tall glass of cranberry juice.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to eat it all because of the chemo, but I’ll eat what I can, savoring every bite.
“Don’t eat too much,” Sam says, as if reading my very thoughts. “We have a special day planned for you. As long as you’re up for it.”
I look at each of my children, their faces alight with anticipation. “A day to spend with all of you is a day I will never say no to.”
I stare at my reflection in the mirror, my hands running over the light purple long summer maxi dress with spaghetti straps. It hangs loosely over my waist, but it’s still my favorite dress.
My hair is styled in a side-swept hairstyle in soft waves. My favorite stud earrings are in, and with the help of Sam, I opted for light, subtle pink blush, cool berry lip balm, and neutral eyeshadow in gradient style.
I reach for the purple, white, and pink beaded bracelet Maddy made for me last year and slip it over my wrist. Glancing back at the mirror, I see the old Lily who was free of cancer, but I feel like I’m hiding behind a mask of who I really am.
Soon, my hair will be falling out completely, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
A light knock on my door pulls me away from my thoughts.
“Come in,” I call out and glance over my shoulder.
“Lily?” Mom says as she steps into the room. Her eyes roam down to my feet.
“Oh, honey,” she gushes. “You look so beautiful.”
I smile. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Are you ready?” she asks.
I turn back to the mirror and take one last look at myself. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
I reach for my white cardigan at the end of the bed.
“How are you feeling?” she asks, helping me with my cardigan.
“I’m good.”
The day was long but perfect. After eating breakfast in bed, we all went to the beach and hung out.
My parents rented a cabana with a tent to ensure I stayed out of the sun.
I watched the kids play volleyball with Sam and my parents while I helped Ollie build a sandcastle.
I couldn’t have asked for a better day, but there’s still more to come.
“Are you sure you’re up to tonight?” Mom asks.
“Yeah, of course. The kids worked really hard today. I don’t want to miss it.”
Mom gives me a bright smile. “They really outdid themselves. You should be proud you raised amazing children, Lily.”
“Don’t make me cry, Mom,” I tease, but my chin wobbles.
Mom’s face turns somber. “Oh, Lily.” Her hands go to her chest as if she’s also holding back her tears. She takes my hands into hers.
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to, but seeing my oldest baby grow up into a wonderful human being with three superheroes makes me so proud of you and what you have accomplished.
And even though you are going through something that no one should ever have to deal with… ” She pauses and takes a deep breath.
“I…” She pauses again and cups my face lovingly before adding, “I need you to know how much I love you, and how honored I am to be your mother. If I could take this pain away from you, I wouldn’t hesitate.”
“I know, Mom. I love you too.”
We share a heartfelt embrace, holding each other for a moment before reluctantly letting go as a knock sounds.
Both of us turn toward the door to see Sam looking beautiful in a sleeveless yellow floral print romper and tan sandals.
“Hey,” she says with a smile, but it quickly vanishes when she notices our expressions.
“Oh, no. What’s wrong? Are you sick, Lily?” she fires off as she rushes into the room, her high ponytail swinging side to side.
“No,” I chuckle. “I’m fine, Sam.”
“Just emotional, sweetheart,” Mom adds.
Sam looks between us and says, “Well, save it for later because your children are super stoked to show you what they did for you.”
My smile widens. “Let’s not keep them waiting.”
I follow Mom and Sam out, and when we make it to the stairs, Sam gently pulls on my elbow.
“Hey, Lily. One more thing,” she says.
“Is something wrong?” I ask.
She licks her glossy lips and says, “Ethan is here. I hope that’s okay. He helped the kids get things ready for tonight.”
“Really?”
She nods with a small smile. “Yeah. And the kids really wanted him here. I hope that’s okay.”
“Of course it is.”
“I knew you would say that. Come on. I am pumped! Let’s get this party started!” She whoops, making me laugh.
Sam leads me to the back patio, the warm air hitting my face. A chill runs through my body, causing goosebumps.
“Happy birthday!” a jubilant chorus erupts, and I step into a burst of color as confetti dances around me.
Mom, Dad, and my children are front and center. Ollie is bouncing on his heels, looking so adorable in his khaki shorts and pastel purple polo, his hair styled back.
But what makes my heart pause is Ethan standing behind the kids.
He’s sporting a light purple dress shirt with the sleeves rolled halfway up and gray slacks.
His blue eyes sparkle like diamonds as he takes me in.
He swallows hard when his eyes meet mine.
Ethan’s presence has always had an intoxicating effect that awakens every cell in my body.
He doesn’t have to touch me to start the fire.
His mere existence draws me in, and the world around us fades away.
“Do you like it, Mom?” Maddy says, pulling my focus away from my ex-husband. She’s wearing an outfit similar to Sam’s, but purple and with long sleeves, and her hair is styled in a French braid.
Opening my arms, my children run into them, almost knocking me back, and Sam holds me still.
“I love it. Thank you so much.” I soak in their hugs and kisses.
“Look at the lights!” Ollie exclaims, pointing toward the yard.
White Christmas lights are draped over the private fence and the palm trees.
A long table in the center of the yard is decorated with a white cloth and three clusters of purple, pink, and white balloons, secured with paperweights.
Behind the main table is another table featuring a sterling silver chafing buffet.
Next to it, a table is adorned with a balloon arch and a banner that reads “Happy Birthday Lily.” There is a three-tier cake, accompanied by presents.
To the right of the yard, there is a white screen along with a few colorful beanbag chairs and speakers positioned beside it.
I glance at my children and ask with a grin, “Movie night?”
“It’s better than a movie,” Jake says, and I can’t help but admire my teenage son, who has transformed from a boy into a striking young man.
“So handsome,” I say, playfully tugging at his white tie.
He scoffs jokingly. “I’m only wearing this for you, Mom. Don’t get used to it.”
His light purple dress shirt and crisp white slacks make him look dapper, his hair styled as if he were headed to a wedding.
My gaze lingers on him, a deep sadness settling inside my soul.
This moment. What if this might be the only time I will see him dressed up?
What if there are no prom night photos to frame, no triumphant graduation for me to witness, or joyful tears to shed at his wedding?
The thought that cancer might steal the precious moments I long to share with my children is too much to bear.
“Well, I appreciate it,” I manage despite my emotions.
He gives me a boyish grin and places a kiss on my cheek. “Happy Birthday, Mom.”
I cup his cheek. “Thank you.”
“How about we eat before the food gets cold?” Dad suggests.
“Great idea,” Mom adds.
“Mom, I want to sit by you,” Ollie says, swinging my hand in his.
I lean down and pull him into another hug, and press multiple kisses on his face, making his giggle erupt. I love hearing them so much. A sound that both mends and shatters my heart. How many more times will I get to feel this?
“Save me a seat.” I pat his bottom, and he nods, then runs toward the table.
Rising to my feet, my eyes clash with Ethan’s.
“Happy birthday, Sunshine.”
I smile, trying to keep my chin from wobbling.
He hands me a stunning bouquet of roses and lilies, their colors perfectly coordinated, as if each one was chosen with care.
“Oh, they’re gorgeous.” I blush. “Thank you, Ethan.”
“You’re welcome.”
I want to ask him so many questions, to tell him everything, but I don’t get a chance when Ethan holds his hand out. “Ready, Sunshine?”