Twenty-two
Lily
“Knock, knock,” I say through Jake’s closed door.
“Come in,” he grunts.
I push the door open slowly. Jake is sprawled on his bed, back propped against the headboard, idly tossing a worn rubber ball and catching it with one hand.
“Can I come in, or are you just going to ignore your poor mother?” I tease.
He catches the ball, holds it still, and looks at me. A small, almost reluctant smile surfaces. “Of course, Mom. Don’t be weird.” He sets the ball carefully on the duvet and pushes himself up a little straighter.
I step inside, letting the door fall shut with a soft click, the scent of teenage boy and faint deodorant filling my nose.
I sit on the edge of his bed, and my gaze sweeps around his room—tidy as always.
Jake might be a typical, moody seventeen-year-old, but his space is his sanctuary, and he keeps it immaculate.
I turn my gaze back to him, taking a breath. “You hurt your father’s feelings at dinner tonight,” I state.
“He’s done worse to me. To you.” His eyes flash with a protective anger that still surprises me sometimes.
I nod slowly. “I understand you’re angry, Jake. Believe me, I do. But you cannot disrespect him like that.”
He opens his mouth, but I raise a hand. “You’ll get your turn.”
Jake clenches his jaw, eyes still simmering, but he nods.
“I have always taught you and your sister to speak freely. To use your words. But I’ve also taught you both to do it respectfully. Just because of what happened between your father and me doesn’t give you the right to talk to him that way. And I won’t allow it.”
He briefly looks away, staring at his trophies on his wall, a muscle ticking in his cheek. “It’s hard, Mom. Really hard. I don’t know how you do it.”
“Do what?” I ask.
He looks back at me, his blue eyes clouded with frustration and confusion.
“Have him live here. After everything he did.” He throws his hands up in a sudden, exasperated gesture.
“For years before you got divorced, he ignored us. And now, all of a sudden, we’re what?
Supposed to just forgive him? Like nothing happened? ”
“No,” I say.
He rears back. “No? What do you mean, no? How can you forgive him?”
“Because life is too short, Jake,” I explain. “The past is the past, and there’s nothing we can do to fix it. We can’t change what’s already happened.” I reach out, my hand covering his where it rests on the duvet. I stroke the back of his hand with my thumb.
“But we can live in the moment and hope for a better future. Your father made mistakes, but he is still your father. And don’t you think he deserves a chance to prove himself?”
Jake looks at me, his brow furrowed in thought, the fight slowly draining from his posture. He’s quiet for a long moment before he finally responds.
“I guess,” he says with a shrug. “But he left, Mom.”
I gently cup his cheek, smiling softly. “No, honey. I left. We can’t hold his past mistakes against him forever.
He loves you, Jake, he always has. That never stopped, not for a second.
He lost his way, yes, but sometimes life throws us challenges that force us to look at things differently.
There’s nothing wrong with that. We are humans, and none of us is perfect. ”
“Are you happy?” he asks me, the question coming out of nowhere.
“I’m… content,” I say, a genuine smile spreading across my face.
“I’m happy that you and your sister have your father back in your lives.
I’m happy that he’s around more, doing the best he can for us, trying to make up for lost time.
And I’m happy that my children are safe, healthy, and growing into amazing people. What more can I ask for?”
“I love you, Mom,” he says quietly.
“I love you more,” I respond.
I give him a tight hug and a kiss on the top of his head before standing and walking toward the door.
“Mom?” Jake calls out just as my hand touches the doorknob.
“Yes?” I glance over my shoulder at him, my heart already feeling lighter.
He takes a deep breath. “I’ll… I’ll apologize to Dad.”
“That’s all I ask for, sweet boy. Good night.”
He rolls his eyes, but there’s a small grin playing on his lips. “Night, Mom.”
I shut his door, the quiet click echoing in the hallway. I pivot and almost run smack into a hard chest. “Oh, jeez!” I sputter, stumbling back a step.
I look up, my eyes wide, to see Ethan’s panicked face.
Ethan
“Please don’t make me leave,” I blurt out desperately.
“That thought never occurred to me,” Lily murmurs. She grabs my wrist and leads me into her bedroom. The fragrance of lavender instantly fills my nose.
She flips the light switch, bathing the room in the warm, yellow light. The door shuts with a thud. She steps back, wrapping her arms around herself.
“Are you okay?” she asks, her silver eyes warily searching mine.
I swallow hard, the pressure building behind my ribs again. “If Jake doesn’t want me to stay because he’s uncomfortable, I’ll leave,” I start to blab.
Her lips twitch, a slow, amused smirk fighting its way through the tension. “Last time I checked, Ethan, Jake doesn’t own this house.” She pauses. “I talked to him about his outburst at dinner. That’s all.”
The boulder on my chest doesn’t vanish, but it shifts, allowing me to take a shallow breath. “Oh. Okay.” I awkwardly tuck my hands deep into my trouser pockets, trying hard not to pull her into my arms.
“He’s protective of you,” I state.
She smiles, but it’s a faint, wistful expression. “Yes, he is. Just like you were, once.”
The simple statement is a physical blow. My heart doesn’t just sink; it shatters, the shards reflecting the years of pain and disappointment I caused her.
She must see the self-loathing flash across my face because she unfolds her arms and takes a step forward.
“I didn’t mean to say it to hurt you, Ethan. I just meant that he’s a lot more like you than you know. And I think sometimes Jake doesn’t realize that either,” she clarifies, her voice softer.
I shake my head, the shame burning hot in my face. “I really am sorry, Lily. Words can never express how deeply sorry I am that hurt you.”
I want her to know that I hate myself for that night. The night I let her walk away from me.
She nods slowly, wiping away a single tear that has fallen down her cheek. “I know you are, Ethan. I know.”
I swallow hard, tasting bile and regret. I take a hesitant step forward. “Do you think you could give me a second chance… as your husband?” I ask in, terrified of the answer, yet knowing I deserve the rejection if it comes.
She sighs, a long, weary sound that carries the weight of everything we’ve lost. Lily slants her head, studying me, her eyes unreadable.
“Let me rephrase that,” I rush. “Do you see yourself ever giving us a second chance?”
She blinks, her brow furrowing. “Why would you even want to?” she asks, her voice barely a whisper.
“Why would I want to? What do you mean, ‘why would I want to’?”
“Because of Ollie.”
“What about Ollie?” I ask.
“Can you really accept him? Without any resentment?” she pushes, her gaze searching mine. “Ethan, I had a one-night stand with another man.”
“You want the truth?” I ask, meeting her gaze.
“Yes.”
“When I first found out you were pregnant, yeah, I’m not going to lie, I was hurt. Devastated, even. Because we’d talked about having more kids.” I pause, taking a shaky breath.
“But after a while, I realized it was my fault our marriage failed. I don’t blame you for that night, for Ollie. I blame myself,” I say, pressing my hand against my chest, right over my heart.
In two long, decisive strides, I close the remaining distance. I cup her face, my thumbs resting just beneath her cheekbones. I hold her gaze, staring into those incredible silver eyes.
“I will always want you, Lily. Always. And honestly? Ollie is a bonus.”
A wave of fresh tears spills over her lower lids.
“I know you’re not ready to hear this,” I continue, my voice rough, “but I love you so much.”
She tries to pull free, but I hold her gently in place.
“I never stopped loving you. Being away from you, away from our kids, it killed me. I hated every second. You will never know how sorry I am for the way I treated you before the divorce. But I promise I will spend the rest of your life proving that I can be whatever you need me to be. To make you smile. To make you laugh. To bring sunshine back into your life.”
I swipe away the tears beneath her eyes. “If there’s one thing I know I did right, it was falling in love with you,” I whisper, sucking in a ragged breath. “Please, Lily. Please find it in your heart to forgive me one day.”
She doesn’t respond, only stares at me as if searching for the truth in my words.
“I’ll do right by you, I promise,” I plead, trying to pour every drop of truth and desperation into the words.
She covers my hands where they rest on her cheeks, her touch featherlight. She whispers, “I know, Ethan.”
“I love you,” I tell her again.
A soft, sad smile touches her lips. “I know that, too.”
She doesn’t say it back. The words aren’t there yet, and I don’t expect them to be. But I can see the flicker of something hopeful in her eyes, a reflection of the man she might allow me to become again, or better.
My eyes fall to her lips, and I lean in without thinking, pressing my mouth against hers. I linger, savoring the salty taste of her tears and the softness I missed so much.
“I love you so much,” I whisper again against her mouth, my forehead resting on hers. I drop my hands from her face, already missing the warmth of her skin against mine.
“Good night,” I tell her, walking backward toward the door, forcing myself to leave.
The last thing I see is her touching her fingertips to her lips. And then I shut the door, leaving her alone.