Thirty-three
Lily
“It’s so beautiful out tonight,” I murmur.
“Are you up for walking?” he asks, his fingers gently lacing with mine.
I take a breath, the salty air filling my lungs. “Yeah. I’ll be okay.” I squeeze his hand in reassurance.
We walk side by side, the rhythmic hush of the waves a balm to my nerves.
It always has been. It’s the only sound that truly quiets the relentless war battling in my mind these days.
Without consciously meaning to, I find myself leading him, my steps sure, toward the spot that forever changed our lives.
The moment that opened the first chapter of our story.
I stop, my toes digging into the sand exactly where it all began.
Looking up at Ethan, I see his gaze sweep the deserted beach, taking in the familiar curve of the shoreline, the distant twinkle of city lights. Then his eyes drop to mine, and a slow, painful realization dawns in their depths. “Why did you lead us here, Lily?” he asks.
I glance around, the memories vivid, a lump forming in my throat. I take a steadying breath. “Because,” I begin, turning fully to face him, my hand still in his, “this is where we started.”
The night he proposed. Same beach. Same spot.
“Do you remember what you promised me that day?” I ask him.
He sniffles, the sound barely perceptible, and works his jaw.
“I promised to be real with you, not perfect, because there is no such thing as perfection. I promised to always take care of you, no matter the day, month, season, or year. I promised to stand beside you, to remind you of your worth. I promised to keep you safe and provide a safe haven for you and our family. I promised to love you until I ca—can no longer br—breathe,” he stammers breathlessly, and it tears at something deep inside me.
I can hear the overwhelming love and the crushing anguish warring in his voice, the echoes of promises he spoke and kept… until he didn’t.
“You promised,” I whisper, not in accusation, but in a gentle reminder that some promises can never be broken.
He shakes his head, a single, glistening tear breaking free and tracing a path down his cheek. “I broke my promises, Lily.”
I smile and take his hands in mine. “Not really,” I correct him. “You took a detour for a while, lost your way. But you came back. And you kept your promise, Ethan. You are taking care of me. You are taking care of our family. It’s time for you to stop living in regret.”
I brush away the tear on his cheek. He grasps my hand, holding it steady against his skin, his eyes closing for a long moment, as if he’s trying to absorb my touch, this moment, or both.
“I love you so much, Lily. I never stopped,” he declares, his eyes opening, clearer now, filled with a desperate hope.
“I love you too, Ethan. And I never stopped.”
He grabs my face, his thumbs brushing my cheekbones, and pulls me closer. “Can I kiss you?” he asks, his voice thick with unspent tears and a plea I can’t and won’t deny.
I barely nod, and his lips are on mine, soft at first, then desperate, a kiss that tastes salty and a love that, despite everything, has found its way home.
Ethan
I’m home.
Lily is my home.
She is my whole universe.
Her lips, soft and tentative at first, meet mine, and it is like breathing again after holding my breath for an eternity. I was starving without her.
Kissing Lily is like breathing air into my lungs.
Without her, I was a soulless man. The moment she said she loved me was my undoing.
I’ve wasted so much goddamn time without her in my arms, pretending I am okay, pretending I don’t ache for her every second.
Now that she’s back in them, I swear to God, I am never letting her go again.
Her soft moans melt into my mouth, and my dick, already a rigid testament to years of suppressed longing, hardens painfully against my shorts.
Lily must sense it, because she shifts, rubbing her body against mine, a slow, deliberate grind that steals what little air I have left.
My mouth gapes open against hers, breathing hard and heavy.
“God, Lily… we can’t.” The words tear from me, heavy with regret and fear. It’s not that I don’t want to, because I do. I want it so badly that it terrifies me.
Her body stiffens. “Oh.”
That single syllable is a punch to the gut. She pulls away so quickly that the sudden loss of her warmth, her taste, is like a limb being severed.
I look down, my eyes still dazed with lust, to see that she is already turning, her shoulders slumped, making her way back to the truck, each step defeated.
“Wait, Lily!” I shout before my body catches up. I break into a run, closing the distance between us in two frantic strides.
“Lily.” I wrap my arm around her tiny waist, pulling her flush against me. “Please, stop. Talk to me.”
She doesn’t meet my eyes. “I’m sorry,” she croaks. “I thought you… You wanted me. But I understand why you wouldn’t with how I look now.”
My heart shatters at her confession. Anger, hot and furious, surges through me, not at her, never at her. But at the goddamn cancer that has tried to steal her light.
“No, Lily,” I growl, cupping her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me, to see the truth in my eyes. “You have it all wrong.”
Without giving her a chance to argue, I scoop her into my arms bridal style and hold her close as I stomp back to the truck.
Opening the bed of the truck with one hand, I sit her on the edge, her feet dangling. “Don’t go anywhere.”
I rearrange the pillows and blankets and set the lights back up, setting up the scene. The same way, when we made love underneath the stars the night I proposed.
I kneel behind her and lean in, pressing a soft kiss to the delicate curve of her neck.
A shiver traces its way down her spine, raising goosebumps on her skin.
“Let me show you how beautiful you still are to me, Lily.” Another kiss, lingering on the pulse point.
“Let me remind you how much I love you.” Another kiss.
She slants her head to the side, her eyes, those incredible pools of starlight, finding mine. “Show me.”
I scoop her into my arms and lay her back amidst the soft nest I created, then hover above her, leaning in to brush a featherlight kiss against the tip of her nose. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” she breathes.
I kiss the line of her jaw, letting my stubble prickle her skin. “Right here? In this truck?”
“Yes,” she whispers. “Recreate that night, Ethan.”
I pull back just enough to see her, to let the gravity of her words sink in. That night... we didn’t make love; we devoured each other like animals, bodies tangled and slick under the stars. There was nothing gentle about it.
“I’ll be softer this time,” I promise, the words catching in my throat. The thought of hurting her, even accidentally... I wouldn’t be able to bear it.
A slow smile spreads across her face. “Okay,” she whispers, the single word a balm to my raw nerves.
“At any point you feel pain, you tell me, okay? I can’t… I can’t handle hurting you, Lily.”
She reaches up, cupping my face, her touch a tender reassurance. “You are not going to hurt me, Ethan. I promise.”
My mouth meets hers with a hungry groan. My tongue nudges her mouth, a silent plea, and when her lips part, a sigh escapes her; our tongues meet in a slow, intimate dance.
Breaking apart, both of us breathless, our chests heaving, I shed my clothes with urgency, tossing them onto the truck bed.
I grab a thick blanket and drape it over us.
My hands find the hem of her top, pulling it up and over her head, then her shorts, leaving her in cotton panties.
I cover her body with mine, sharing my warmth, and kiss the hell out of her mouth, a desperate, consuming kiss that tastes like longing and fear and a love that has defied all odds.
Her fingers trace patterns up and down my back, each stroke a spark that ignites a deeper fire within me. I bury my face in the crook of her neck, inhaling the sweet, familiar scent of lavender and a scent that is pure Lily, trying to slow the frantic beat of my heart.
“What’s wrong?” she murmurs, her fingers still stroking.
“I’m so scared,” I confess, the words a broken whisper.
“What? Why?” She shifts, her eyes wide with concern.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Lily.”
Her gaze is fierce, unwavering. “You are not going to hurt me, Ethan. I want this. I want you.”
“God, I love you so much,” I breathe, closing my eyes, letting the depth of that love wash over me.
“And I love you.”
My eyes flutter open, meeting hers. The love reflected there is a mirror of my own, offering a strength I desperately need.
To make love to my Lily. My Sunshine. The sun that, even now, orbits around my broken world, giving it light and warmth.
I hook my pinkies at the top of her underwear, sliding them down her legs, leaving her bare and vulnerable before me. Then her bra is tossed aside like an afterthought.
My gaze roams over her, drinking her in. I wet my lips with my tongue. “I’ve missed you so much, Sunshine.”
She squirms beneath me, and I position myself between her legs.
“I’m going to go slow, okay?” I remind her, my voice thick with barely contained hunger to feel her again.
She nibbles on her lower lip, her eyes sparkling, and nods.
A low groan escapes me as I carefully guide myself inside her. She is so wet, so ready, a heat that envelops me, welcoming me back home.
“Ethan,” she groans, a hint of playful annoyance in her voice. “It’s okay. I won’t break.”
A shaky laugh escapes me.
With one hand braced beside her head, holding my weight so as not to crush her, I push deeper, surrendering to the pure ecstasy.
My body trembles, a tremor that starts deep in my core and radiates outwards. A guttural moan tears from my throat. It has been too long, far too long, since I’ve felt her.
I wait, giving her time to adjust, to stretch around me. And then her hips buck, a primal invitation, a green light I’ve been yearning for.
So, I take the unspoken invitation.
I begin to thrust, a slow, deliberate rhythm, catching her lips with mine. Our kiss is passionate, desperate, tasting of buttered popcorn and a love that never died.
“Oh, fuck, Lily.” My lips find her neck, my teeth gently scraping, then suckling, letting the intoxicating euphoria consume me.
“I’m go-going to co-come,” she stammers, her voice breathless.
“Come, baby,” I encourage, my voice a raw growl, thrusting harder, faster, pushing us both toward the edge.
I feel her internal walls clench around me. “Oh, shit, Lily. I’m going to come too.”
A few more frantic thrusts, a final, desperate push, and she cries out, her body convulsing around mine. I explode inside her.
After a few minutes, the tremors subsiding, I carefully pull out, leaving behind a trail of our orgasm. I roll onto my side, pulling the blanket tighter around us, nestling her against me.
“Are you okay?” I ask, still trying to catch my breath.
“Yeah,” she whispers. “You?”
I chuckle, a deep, rumbling sound of pure satisfaction. “Hell, yeah, Lily. Hell, yeah.”
And for a moment, the fear is gone, replaced by our past love, and a love reborn that not even cancer can destroy.