Forty-eight
Ethan
“Iscared you,” Lily whispers, her voice barely a breath as I wheel her out of the house. It feels like she is growing weaker with every second.
Her shoulders slump. “I hate this for you. For all of you,” she says.
I stop the chair abruptly, stepping around to stand in front of her. I crouch down, bracing my hands on the arms of her wheelchair, meeting her gaze steadily.
“I hate this for you, too, but none of this is your fault, Lily.” I notice her soft cardigan has slipped, exposing a shoulder. I pull it back up around her.
She lets out a weary sigh. “A part of me knows you’re right, but it’s hard not to feel that way.”
“I understand,” I say, offering a tender smile. I cup the side of her face, my thumb brushing her cheekbone. “I love you so much.”
She leans into my touch, her eyes fluttering closed for a moment. “I love you too, Ethan.”
I press my lips softly to hers, a lingering kiss before resuming our stroll.
One of our favorite places to visit is the old, weathered pier.
Lily and I have spent countless hours out on that bridge, watching sunsets melt into the ocean and sunrises paint the sky.
This time, I have a surprise for her, making it extra special.
Lily gasps as the pier comes into view. “Ethan. What did you do?”
Ahead, a small section in the middle of the pier glows with dozens of candles I set up, big and small, flickering on both sides.
I lock the brakes on her chair and reach behind, fumbling in the bag I packed. I pull out a thick lilac blanket, two pillows, and another, lighter blanket. I spread the thick blanket on the ground between the candles.
Turning back to Lily, I ask, “Can you stand up, or do you need me to carry you?”
She shakes her head, a hint of determination in her expression. “I can get up.”
I stand beside her, my hand hovering, ready to steady her if she needs me. With effort, Lily pushes herself up, pulling her sweater tighter around her. I guide her to the blanket, my hand resting lightly on the small of her back.
With my help, Lily eases down onto the blanket, her head finding the pillow. I follow, lying beside her and pulling her close, tucking the lighter blanket over us. She rests her hand on my chest, her fingers interlaced with mine.
Closing my eyes, I inhale the familiar scent of her lavender body wash. My Sunshine. I savor it, then open my eyes to watch the sky. It is slowly transitioning, streaks of yellow and orange bleeding into purple as the sun dips toward the horizon.
“It’s so beautiful,” Lily murmurs in contentment after a long while.
I glance down at her. “It sure is.”
We lay in comfortable silence for a few more minutes, taking it all in. The rhythmic crash of waves against the pilings below is the only sound, peaceful and endless.
“Ethan,” Lily speaks again, looking up at me through her lashes. “I have a confession.”
I frown. “What is it?”
She closes her eyes briefly, then reopens them with a sigh. “Do you remember sophomore year on your birthday?”
“Yeah,” I respond slowly, a memory starting to prickle at the back of my mind.
A hint of mischief dances in her gaze. “I was the reason you spent the night in the bathroom.”
I glare at her playfully. “I spent hours on the shitter because I couldn’t stop going to the bathroom, Lily!”
She laughs, a weak, raspy sound that quickly dissolves into a harsh cough, but she soon recovers. “I know. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to go on a date with Emma Pembroke.”
A rumble of laughter escapes me.
“Ah, shit, Lily,” I say, settling down from my laughing. “I wasn’t even going to go out with her.”
“You weren't?” Her eyebrows shoot up.
I shake my head. “I only had eyes for you.”
She blushes, a soft rose spreading across her cheeks.
“Since we’re swapping secrets,” I say, “I have one for you too.”
She scowls playfully. “What did you do?”
“I’m the reason Scott Hillshire stood you up at the skating rink, and I didn’t regret it,” I confess.
She looks at me, her eyes wide with bewildered amusement. “Is that why you ended up showing up instead?”
The corners of my mouth lift. “Yep. I knew even then that you belong to me, Lily,” I say, a little smug.
She grins. “Well then, I guess fate had it all figured out for us.”
I lean down, pressing my lips to hers again. “Yes, we were definitely meant to be together.”
We lay still, suspended in the moment as the world continues to dance around us. A warm breeze brushes over us, carrying the scent of the ocean when Lily speaks.
“I never got a chance to say goodbye to you,” she says, her voice fracturing the quiet evening.
“Lily, please. Don’t.”
I can’t handle it. Not now. Not ever. Let me live in blissful denial for a little longer.
“I know you don’t want me to,” she breathes, each word a struggle, “but I need to say it. I have to.”
I nod and squeeze her hand, bringing it to my lips, pressing a kiss to her cold knuckles.
“You have been… an amazing husband, Ethan. My best friend. An amazing father. You’ve given me years of wonderful memories that I will hold close to my heart… until I’m gone.”
She swallows hard, a cough escaping her lips as she steadies herself with a deep breath.
“Thank you, Ethan, for loving me. For taking care of me. For protecting me. And for giving me two beautiful children. But also for loving a child that isn’t biologically yours,” she adds.
A vice tightens around my lungs until each breath becomes a desperate gasp. Her words are like razors, stripping away my composure. The more she speaks, the more her voice frays.
“I want you to know,” she continues, “that you have given me a world beyond what I could ever imagine. A world full of love, compassion, forgiveness, and… and hope.”
The corners of her lips pull down, trembling uncontrollably as if she is battling an overwhelming tide of emotion.
“Regardless of the last four years… that we were not together, I never once stopped loving you. Or stopped caring for you. Or wanting to make sure that you were happy.” She pauses, a raw, ragged sound escaping her.
“Because you made up for it… by coming back to me. By giving me the space and time to accept you back into my life, to forgive you, and to love you even more.”
No matter how hard I try, I can’t hold back the tears. They flow down my face, leaving paths to my lips and chin.
“I know this is probably… a lot to ask of you,” she whispers, “but I put it in my will… that I would like you to adopt Ollie.”
A choked gasp tears through her, followed by a series of desperate, shuddering cries. I pull her closer, my arms a desperate cage around her, but I can’t speak. The words are lodged, a painful knot in my throat.
“He already loves you… as if you were his father,” she continues. “And I know that he is in good hands with you. Because you will love him and protect him and guide him… the way you have with Maddy and Jake.”
I lift her fully onto my chest, cradling her, holding her while raw, guttural sobs tear from both of us.
Her body shakes uncontrollably against mine, shattering the last shred of my composure.
The dam I built, the wall I worked so hard to keep up for her, to keep myself strong, crumbles into rubble, unleashing a torrent of grief.
“I… I will be honored to adopt him,” I choke out. “I already love him. He’s my son. Our son.” I can barely hear my own words over the sounds of our shared anguish.
“I don’t want to die, Ethan,” she says, crying harder. “I don’t want to leave you. Any of you.”
“I promise I’ll never let you go,” I whisper, pressing my lips against her temple, “not in this lifetime, and not in the next.”
We curl into each other, arms wrapped around one another so tightly it feels as if we’re trying to merge.
“Thank you… for letting me love you, Lily,” I rasp. “I will always love you.”
Her last words are a broken testament. “I love you so much, Ethan.”
She pauses, a shuddering exhale escaping her lips, then a faint, almost inaudible whisper: “I will wait for you.”