Chapter 14
‘Well, then.’ My words were the first ones either of us had spoken for many hours, although they definitely weren’t the first sounds either of us had made.
We’d eventually fallen asleep a couple of hours after I’d crawled into his bed and now it was just gone eight o’clock on Sunday morning.
The lack of wind-like sounds from outside suggested the snowstorm had calmed but, right now, I felt no urge to leave Ethan’s embrace to take a look.
The almost ultraviolet brightness seeping in through the slatted blinds did suggest, however, that it was a white city out there.
‘Haha, “well, then” to you, too. You are so British, Flora Bell,’ Ethan planted a kiss on my forehead, which I swiftly transformed into a lazy, luxurious snog.
‘I’ve never done anything like that – this – before,’ I said, after I pulled away, letting the pillow cradle my head once more.
‘Wait, you’re not saying you’ve never…’
‘What? No! Although… you’re only the second person I’ve slept with.’
‘Ah, I see. My tally’s not that much bigger. Although what I would say is…’ Ethan exhaled before flipping over onto his side to face me. ‘This – with you – is the best it’s ever felt, with anyone.’
I sighed happily. ‘Same.’
‘Were you and this other guy together for a long time? Sorry – do you mind me asking?’
Given that I still couldn’t really talk to Laurie about anything Will-related, the fact that I really didn’t mind Ethan’s question came as a shock.
‘No, it’s okay. We got together when we were eighteen. We met on our first day at university.’
I wanted to tell him more, so I did, albeit in a voice that wasn’t far from a whisper. ‘We were… due to get married this year.’
Ethan sat quickly upright, pulling the covers around his stomach. ‘Shit, what happened?’
Tell him the short version.
‘Two days before the wedding, Will – that’s his name – changed his mind. I’ve not seen or spoken to him since.’
‘Woah. Did he tell you why?’
‘No, not really. It all started with a row about his speech, funnily enough. Then it came out that he’d been feeling unsure for a while and it all came to a head.’
‘Fuck! I’m really sorry that happened to you.’
‘Thanks. It’s been… a lot.’
‘Did you live with him in Bath?’
‘No, in London. I moved to Bath a couple of months ago to be closer to Laurie – my best friend. Fresh start and all that.’
‘Yeah, relatable.’
I left a pause, expecting him to share his own story of heartbreak and woe, but he remained silent.
You’re scaring him away.
‘Shit, have I overshared?’ I asked, tightening my grip on the covers.
‘Hmm? Oh God, no, not at all. I appreciate you telling me. Sorry – my brain isn’t working at full capacity this morning. I think I’m still processing everything that’s happened in the last forty-eight hours.’
I retrieved Ethan’s phone from the bedside table and looked at the time.
‘Ha, almost exactly forty-eight hours since you touched my arm and nearly gave me a heart attack.’
‘And now you’re here.’
‘Touching me all over the place.’
‘Flora – you’re making me sound like a dirty old man.’
‘Nah, I’m the one who threw myself at you at four o’clock in the morning. I promise you I did try and sleep on the sofa,’ I said, nestling myself into his armpit.
‘You’re kidding, right? It took you, like, seven minutes to climb up here after I turned off the light.’
I buried my head under the covers. ‘No way, it must’ve been longer than that.’
‘Way! I checked my phone when you started thrashing about.’
‘I was not thrashing.’
Ethan rose to his knees and whipped the duvet from my face. ‘You so were. I was worried you were having another panic attack.’
‘More like a moral dilemma that decided to externalise itself,’ I said through a sigh.
Ethan lay back down on the bed, turning to face me. ‘Explain.’
I rolled over. ‘You drew some solid boundaries before we went to bed. And I ignored them.’
‘You’re talking like someone from HR is in the room.
It’s all good, Flora – the boundaries were for your benefit, not mine – I didn’t want you to feel obligated to do anything you didn’t want to.
But If I’d known all this was going to happen, I’d have suggested taking a shower together as soon as we got back. ’
‘Oh, would you now…’
As I closed the gap between us, I briefly pondered whether I’d undergone some kind of personality transplant on the flight to JFK.
The witty, self-assured New York version of Flora Bell who kept breaking through the surface of my hardened exterior wasn’t someone I’d ever met before. And I bloody loved her.