Chapter 20
Will was gone by one thirty, leaving me half an hour – probably longer, knowing Mum and Anneka – to pull myself together before I was due to meet them at the main touristy entrance to the Empire State Building.
Just before he’d left, Will and I had made loose, polite plans to meet up for a big dinner with Laurie and Ben – and Briony – in the new year, but I couldn’t see it happening.
Not because I wouldn’t be able to face it, but because I couldn’t think of a single reason to do it.
I had, however, messaged Laurie to put her mind at ease:
Flora:
Me and Will just met up to clear the air.
Laurie:
OMG! Sorry, I’d give you a call but I’m in the middle of putting the twins to bed. Tell me everything.
Laurie:
(only if you want to)
Flora:
I totally want to. But first I need to say sorry for snapping at you yesterday.
Laurie:
It’s in the past. Spill.
I spent the remainder of my time before meeting Mum and Anneka sending dozens of messages to Laurie to fill her in. Her final question got me thinking:
Laurie:
I know going to New York was the last thing you wanted to do, but… are you kinda glad you did?
Two days ago, I’d have replied YES in uppercase with a shit ton of exclamation marks.
But Laurie didn’t even know Ethan existed yet – that was definitely information to hold back for an in-person conversation.
And, after my row with Anneka, I was far less convinced that coming here was a wise thing to have done.
Right now, I felt more exhausted and emotionally wrung-out than I had done at any point in the last six months.
Flora:
I could give you a very complicated answer to that question, but I’ve gotta run.
Laurie:
Intriguing. Have a great day, you New York City slicker!
Flora:
Cringing so hard rn x
Mum and Anneka were forty minutes late, of course, by which time a dense layer of fog had descended, entirely obscuring the tops of the tallest skyscrapers surrounding me.
I was relieved to see Mum up and about, although it was clear she still wasn’t feeling 100 per cent.
Her Central Park hiking branch – fast becoming this trip’s barometer for her energy levels and state of mind – was noticeably absent.
Anneka smiled briefly in my direction as we queued for tickets – because, of course, they hadn’t thought to pre-book them.
Then again, neither had I. Other than that, she said nothing, forcing Mum to fill the airspace with her observations about our fellow tourists.
My repeated pleas that she speak at a lower volume – especially since there were surprisingly few people in the queue – were ignored.
I decided not to say anything about what had just gone down with Will mere metres away and moments ago – it would only result in an interrogation and I didn’t have the energy to handle it.
‘Oh, and I’ve booked us tickets for Radio City Music Hall tomorrow evening.’ Mum’s casual announcement yanked me out of my daze.
Tomorrow evening? But what about the wedding?
‘Oh! Tickets for what?’ I shot a panicked glance at Anneka, but she was inspecting her nails.
‘The Rockettes are doing some kind of Christmas show which is meant to be very popular, and I found a discount code while you girls were out gallivanting yesterday.’
‘Cool! Umm… who or what are the Rockettes?’ I asked.
‘Think sequins, impossibly white smiles and the can-can,’ Anneka replied, still looking at anything other than at me.
Christ.
‘And this is the first I’ve heard of the plan,’ Anneka added under her breath.
‘What time does the show start, Mum?’ I asked, hoping I sounded excited rather than anxious.
Please be early, please be early.
‘Oh, I don’t know – six-ish? But I thought we could go for one final New York wander afterwards – I’ve not even seen the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree all lit up yet.’
That could have been the first time Mum had said the word ‘Christmas’ in decades. If Anneka’s raised eyebrows were anything to go by, she’d noticed it as well. Whatever bug Mum’s body was battling, it must have made its way to her mind.
‘It sounds like a nice plan, Mum,’ I said with a smile, just as we got to the front of the queue.
‘What about that wedding?’ Anneka asked quietly, while Mum bought our tickets.
‘It’s fine; it’s probably best I don’t go anyway.’
‘Did you pick up the jumpsuit?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Why don’t you say something to Mum? I think you should go; it’d be—’
I scrunched up my eyes and shook my head before she could finish.
‘Just stop, Anneka. Please.’ Breathe, Flora. ‘I’m here in New York with you and Mum, and the sooner I get it into my head that me and Ethan aren’t meant to be, the better. Okay?’
Anneka raised her hands up in a surrender, the space between her eyebrows creased into a rarely seen 11. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen her look so… hurt?
‘Anneka, I—’
But Mum returned from the counter before I could say more.
‘Heads-up, girls: I’ve been told the visibility isn’t great from the top today,’ Mum said.
‘Oh, maybe should we come back tomorrow morning?’ I suggested.
‘Nah, we’re here now – how bad can it be?’ Mum spoke over her shoulder, already on her way to the lifts.
My eyes met Anneka’s for the briefest moment of unspoken understanding: Just go with it.
The first elevator took us just one floor up, spitting us out into an ‘interactive exhibition’ filled with historical information, photos and miniature models of the iconic building from the last century.
Will would have loved this.
Then I remembered he was actually here and would probably visit with Briony – if he hadn’t already done so. I was looking at some photos from the film Sleepless in Seattle – another movie I’d intended to watch from my sofa this week – when Mum’s voice jolted me out of my thoughts.
‘Come on, Flora! Let’s go to the top!’
I sighed. ‘Okay. Maybe we can come back to this floor after?’
‘If you insist, Mrs Museum.’ She pulled me by the elbow back to the elevators, where Anneka was already waiting.
The disconcertingly fast ride up to the eighty-sixth floor played havoc with my tummy, not helped by a terrifyingly realistic CGI animation on the ceiling of the car making it look like we were shooting upwards into an unfinished skyscraper.
I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on my breathing until the lift came to a stop.
We stepped outside to be greeted by a view of… absolutely nothing. The visibility through the fog was non-existent, with only some of Manhattan’s tallest, sleekest towers peeking out here and there as we wandered around the entire circumference of the observation deck.
‘They really weren’t lying about the weather today, were they?’ I said, once again noticing how we appeared to be the only tourists up here.
‘Yeah, this is shit,’ Anneka said, trying to take a selfie but scowling when she saw the pitiful results. ‘I guess we’ll just have to ask for a refund.’
‘Ummmm…’ Mum looked uncharacteristically bashful.
‘“Ummmm”, what?’ Anneka said.
‘Well, the man at the ticket counter did spend about five minutes reading out their non-refund policy before he’d take my money.’
‘Sure, but this is ridiculous. They shouldn’t even be open! I’m going to go and speak to that dude in the top hat by the lifts.’
Oh, here we go.
I clenched my jaw, preparing myself to be an unwilling bystander to yet another blag.
‘No, Anneka.’ Mum’s directive took me by surprise. ‘Let’s just leave it this time, alright? It’s my fault; I should’ve listened to them.’
Mum glanced at me and then back at Anneka. Anneka’s shoulders dropped, then she nodded once.
‘C’mon, girls,’ Mum chirruped, desperately trying to inject some energy back into this disastrous expedition.
‘Let’s do one more circuit so we can fully take in the fog, then we can go back down and make the most of that museumy bit, yeah?
I think I caught a glimpse of a giant King Kong model in the corner.
That’s got “group selfie” written all over it. ’
A couple of hours later we were back in the tourist trap bar by the hotel, with a mere six cocktails between us this time.
‘I hear you already made plans for tomorrow night with that cartoon fella?’ Mum said, while Anneka was ordering our food at the bar.
‘Oh! No. Well, yes, there was a thing I could have gone to, but it’s fine. I’m a bit annoyed Anneka told you, to be honest. I asked her not to.’
Mum sighed. ‘You’ve got pink nails, Flo… ra; did you think I wouldn’t notice? I nagged Anneka to tell me what was going on with you until she buckled.’
‘But… when? I’ve been with you both all afternoon.’
‘Haha, you were in your own little bubble reading every single word in that Empire State Building exhibition for about an hour earlier; Anneka and I had to pass the time somehow.’
‘Oh.’
‘You should have told me you had plans, love. Anyway, I’ve checked the timings and the show I booked should be done by seven. So that should leave you plenty of time to go off on your date afterwards, okay?’
‘But what about dinner? And the big Christmas tree?’
‘We can have a nice lunch together before the show. And then me and Anneka can go to the Christmas tree without you. I forgot you already saw it when you went ice skating.’
I did some mental mathematics; I’d been due to meet Ethan at the venue at six thirty in time for the ceremony at seven. But maybe I could skip that part of the wedding and meet him a little later, in time for the speeches at the very least.
‘Are you sure that would be okay?’ I asked.
‘Flora Bell. We came here for you. We want you to do whatever it takes to end this year on a high, understood?’
I exhaled slowly, allowing a foreign sensation to take hold: excitement. I couldn’t stop a grin from spreading all over my face. ‘Okay, Mum. Thank you.’
‘Thank your sister.’
‘I will.’
I took a sip of my cocktail and let the sweet liquid linger on my tastebuds for a little longer than usual. As I swallowed, I thought about Mum’s words:
End the year on a high.
Sure, spending the evening with Ethan tomorrow would be the best possible way to end this trip. And even though we hadn’t made any definite plans for me to stay at his, I couldn’t imagine a scenario in which I’d be sleeping in a bathtub tomorrow tonight.
But returning to England afterwards, knowing I’d never see him again, could very well end up causing me to crash back down to rock bottom.