Chapter 3
CHAPTER THREE
BLAKE
My eyes snap open and I push errant strands of hair out of my eyes. What time is it? From the excessive noise in the other room, Mischa and her pretentious friends are still partying. Not like that’s a surprise. I’d love nothing more than to tell my brother how his girlfriend acts when he’s out of town working for her father. The irony is, she calls it a charity dinner. The only charity going on tonight is funding her next shopping spree.
I roll over, forcing my eyes closed. 7 AM would be here too fast and I had to be on my A-game for pharmacology. It’s already my toughest course and facing Ethan, with another one of his half-hearted apologies, only makes it worse.
I wasted three years with him. Three of my best years. And now every time I close my eyes, all I see is his scrunched up face as that undergrad bounces on top of him. Freaking asshole. I hope he fails out of med school.
Tossing and turning, I flip my pillow to the cool side and start to recite all the muscles in the body alphabetically. Usually that calms me. Clears my head. But for some reason, other than the obvious noise from the other room, I can’t get my chest to loosen.
I can’t shake an eerie feeling that someone was watching me. Call it intuition or paranoia but I swear a faint smell lingers in the air. Mint maybe. Smoke?
It’s probably just Mom or Bryan coming for one of their ghostly visits again. It’s been a few years. Not since college, when I swore to Falin that I’d see their outline in the shadows. If I tune out reality enough, I can almost imagine Mom sitting in the corner, smoking one of her menthol cigarettes.
“Guys, I know you’re spirits and all but creeping on me when I’m asleep is still weird. At least if you’re going to wake me up, do it in a cool way. Flash some lights or knock stuff over. This whole chill in the air, minty smell thing is so cliche.”
Blake, you’ve seriously lost it.
I let out a nervous laugh until tears drip onto my pillow. If Ethan were here, he’d scoff and shove a pill down my throat. “Talking to your dead brother again, Blake? You need to calm down. Take this.”
Blue, white, yellow. I’ve tried them all. Ethan’s very own pharmacy provided by his doctor parents. Too bad the only thing they do is dull my feelings. Bryan is still gone. Mom too. Nothing can take that pain away.
Mischa’s laughter echoes down the hallway. I’m seriously regretting choosing the downstairs bedroom. She’s most definitely wasted by the sound of it—and not alone. A man’s deep voice murmurs something and a high-pitched giggle follows. I catch the word “bedroom.”
Maybe it’s nothing.
I told myself when I moved in with my older brother, Brennan, that I wouldn’t get involved in his love life. Mischa was already threatened by our close relationship before I moved in. She had to have hated me being here. From what little I know of her and her family, they aren’t a warm bunch. She must not understand what a caring sibling relationship looks like.
I remember when I met her, she scrutinized me with her lips turned down and whispered in Brennan’s ear. That night she barely said two words to me. Unfortunately, Brennan loves her, which means I have to accept her.
“Need more vodka,” Mischa slurs loud enough for me to hear. She clomps down the hallway without any of her normal poised grace.
I reach for my AirPods on my bedside table, turn on noise canceling mode and start my sleep playlist. Instrumental versions of my favorite emo bands. My eyelids finally start to drift closed as the third song plays.
Clutching my to-go cup of coffee between cold fingers, I navigate through campus. It’s early September but already a chilly morning breeze drifts in from the river. My eyes are puffy and weighed down from the broken night’s sleep, so the cool air is refreshing against them. Anything to help me wake up.
My pharmacology class meets in the historic section of campus. It’s closest to the river and all the stone buildings are covered in climbing ivy. Our labs are held in one of the newer buildings, though. As much as I like working with top of the line equipment, there’s such a disconnect between the north end of campus and the rest that it’s almost jarring.
Funny how it worked out that the med school I got into happened to be fifteen minutes from Brennan’s place. If it weren’t for that, I probably would have transferred somewhere else, away from Ethan, this year.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. There’s only one person who calls me this early.
“You realize it’s only 8 AM here?” I say in lieu of a greeting.
“And I knew you’d be up for class,” my brother answers. “I wanted to catch you. Pharmacology, right?”
“I have no idea how you remembered that. I can barely remember my own schedule.”
I pause outside the building, smiling back at a girl I sat next to once, as she walks in ahead of me.
“It’s my superpower, I guess,” he says as he yawns. “Sorry, long day.”
“Where are you this time? Lemme guess, London?”
“Nah, you know they won’t let me back there after the teatime incident.” He chuckles but I pick up on the exhaustion underneath. “Anyway, how’s it going?”
“Do you want my honest response?” I ask, realizing he avoided answering my question.
“Always.”
“I know I’m living with you for free and all, but is there any way you can tell Mischa to have her parties somewhere else?” Or keep them upstairs if she has to have them .
“I can try. But Blake, you realize we owe her a lot. You wouldn’t have that free room to live in without Mischa.”
“I guess, but Brennan, you’re seriously undervaluing yourself. You’ve busted your ass for Mech Express. Yeah, Mischa might have helped you schmooze to her father, but you’ve put in the work. Alex keeps you busy nonstop.” I soften my tone. “I don’t know, I guess I just miss you. It’s been too long. I haven’t even seen you since I moved back and it’s been way too many awkward meals with Mischa and her friends.”
“I know, little bee. I miss you too. I’ll be back soon, okay?” Shouting cuts in from the background. “Gotta get going. Tell Mischa I’ll call her tonight.”
“Okay?” I start to ask why he can’t just tell her himself, but I realize he already ended the call. “Weirder and weirder,” I mumble.
Counting down the minutes before I need to go inside, I sip my coffee and lean against the wall of the building. The cool stone soothes the back of my head. I breathe deeply, pushing away the bubble of worry that creeps up every time I hear from my brother. It kills me that he’s gone so much but I know he works this hard for me. To pay my tuition. Even though I argue with him every time I see him, he still insists.
I’ll become a doctor but lose the most valuable thing of all: time. It’s a trade off I question daily. The one resource we can never get back. But becoming a doctor—helping people like Mom and Bryan pull through. It’s what I’ve been working toward for years.
My hand instinctively moves to fidget with my necklace, but I touch bare skin instead.
“Blake, you okay?” Julie calls, pulling me from my thoughts. “You look upset.”
Plastering on a smile, I walk over to her. “I’m good, just realized I forgot to put my necklace on this morning. Didn’t sleep well.”
Julie shifts her bag and gives me a shoulder bump. “I hear you. I haven’t slept since classes started.” Her gaze lingers on my coffee cup, so I hand it to her without a word. She takes a long sip. “You’re a lifesaver.”
“No worries, it’s my second cup.” An engine rumbles and my attention shifts toward the parking lot, where a black muscle car is pulling in.
“Do you think Ethan is already inside?” she asks. I blink, breaking my stare away from the car.
“Oh…umm, no idea. I haven’t seen him, so probably.”
She squeezes me close and I have the overwhelming urge to shove her off. “I’m so sorry again. You guys were one of those dream couples. Everyone’s been in shock over your breakup.”
Yeah, no one was more shocked than me to find him screwing someone else. I give a quick nod and clear my throat.
“Sorry, I’m the worst. You probably don’t want to talk about him. Come on, let’s find seats in the back.”
She pulls me forward into the lecture hall and my gaze lands on Ethan sitting in the seat closest to the door. He knew I’d have to pass him if he sat there. My shoulders tense automatically as his eyes rake me over.
I steal a final glance at that car one last time, wishing I could hop in the driver’s seat and get out of here. Away from Ethan’s watery-eyed stare.
“Bee, look at me,” he whispers as I pass him.
Steeling myself, I let Julie pull me toward two empty seats in the back. Ethan’s pained gaze follows my every move until the professor begins.
By the time class ends, I have a throbbing headache. I need more caffeine, food, and a nap, preferably in that order.
Julie puts her laptop away and turns to me, looking me over way longer than normal. “Want to grab some lunch?”
“I wish I could, but I have plans,” I lie. I’ve had about as much of Julie as I can muster for the day.
She raises a brow. “A date?”
Why would her brain go there?
“No. Definitely not?—”
“Baby, can we talk?” I jump at the sound of Ethan’s voice, but quickly regain my composure. Ignoring the fact that he’s standing behind me waiting for me to turn around, I answer Julie.
“Actually, I do have a date.” I force confidence into my voice, squaring my shoulders. “Yeah, it’s just super new so I didn’t want to tell you, but we’re meeting for lunch.”
Julie’s face lights up. I know she’s being nice but God, why are some people only happy if someone’s in a relationship? What if I want to be single? Would she look at me with pity eyes everyday?
“I know what you’re doing, Blake,” Ethan says under his breath. He lays his palm on my shoulder. “We both know you don’t have a date.”
I stiffen and shrug his hand off. Every one of my instincts tells me to avoid his smug face but I can’t stop myself from turning to confront him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Julie lets out an awkward laugh and backs away. “I’ll just give you guys some space.”
“Nothing bad.” He brushes his palm down his cheek. “Just, you know…I highly doubt you’re already dating.”
“Because I’m so heartbroken, right? Or is it because no one would want me?” Heat creeps up my neck, spreading to my face. “Is that it?”
“Baby… I?—”
I put my hands up to silence him. “Stop. I’m not your baby, Ethan.”
“I’m sorry. Can we please just talk? You deserve an explanation.” His shoulders slump and he stares at me with his dumb blue eyes that have always been my Achilles heel. “Please?”
“Fine.” I pretend to check a notification on my phone. He doesn’t need to know my calendar is pathetically empty of anything other than reminders of assignments and tests. “I’ll give you a few minutes.”
He beams and slings his arm over my shoulder. The scent of his cologne is overpowering. I used to love how he smelled but now it only adds to my headache. “You’re the best, baby.”
“Ethan,” I warn.
“Sorry, no more baby. It’s a habit, I guess.” He chuckles and squeezes my shoulder. “I’ll drive.”
I want to get him out of my personal space bubble. To take his hand off me and tell him where to shove it. I’m not sure why I don’t. Maybe it’s his familiarity hitting me? Or the fact that I feel empty inside and human touch is human touch?
With him holding me tight enough that I have a hard time walking, we reach his brand new Mercedes. A birthday gift from his parents. He opens the door and deposits me inside like he thinks I’ll flee.
As he slides into the driver’s seat, messing with the stereo and AC, I glance out the window at the glossy black muscle car still idling a few spaces away. Despite the tinted windows, I swear a pair of dark eyes track our every move as we pull away.