Chapter 29
If I’d known kissing Shayna Monroe would feel like this, I would’ve started doing it a long time ago and never stopped.
I didn’t know what I was missing until Shayna stepped back into my life on that airplane, wearing my old sweatshirt, and changed everything I thought I wanted. Because ever since that moment, she’s brought more light into my life than all the fireworks coloring the sky above us.
When she tugs at the hair at the nape of my neck again, I deepen the kiss. I would never get tired of this. Of her.
Nothing about this feels like a first kiss.
There’s nothing awkward or hesitant about it.
The way Shayna’s lips move against mine feels urgent and possessive, like she’s staking a claim on them, branding them with her initials to let every other woman out there know whose I am.
And I’m perfectly fine with that. She can stake all the claims on me. Every single one of them.
Because, in this moment, she’s no longer my sister’s friend or the girl I’m helping out with her flower truck. She’s sunshine. The most beautiful flower. My last thought every night. The epitome of joy. The thing I look forward to most each day. She’s everything.
She’s mine.
At least, I want her to be.
I move my hands to cup her jawline and gently trail my fingers on her cheeks.
She shivers under my touch and lets out a small gasp.
I’ve always thought a woman would never like my rough hands, calloused from my workouts and my job, but I never have to worry about that with Shayna.
Certainly not when she reacts to my touch like that.
She comes back in for another kiss, hungrier, like I’m the sustenance that keeps her nourished.
She fists the collar of my sweater polo, the one I wore to impress her, and pulls me closer.
Nothing’s enough—not proximity or the number of kisses.
Because I could hold her and kiss her a million times, and I’m not sure it would ever be enough.
I want this. Her. All of her. For the rest of my life.
I pull back, rocked to my core by the revelation.
I’ve never been so sure of anything.
I’m a firefighter. Grass is green. The sun rises every morning. And I’m in love with Shayna Monroe.
I open my eyes as I try to slow my rapid breathing and look at Shayna.
She’s gorgeous. The way she’s peering up at me is filled with such tender affection that it steals my breath away.
I never thought anyone would look at me like that, like I’m her whole world.
My eyes dart down to her swollen pink lips that have me wanting to lean right back in for another taste.
It may be true that nobody’s perfect, but she’s perfect for me.
Every ounce of my body aches to be near her again, but a quick glance over at all our friends has me rooted in place.
Shayna must have the same thought as she looks over at everyone—who, thankfully, are all still watching the fireworks show—then buries her head in my chest.
“I can’t believe we just did that,” she whispers.
“It was a long time coming.” I wrap my arms around her and press a final kiss to the top of her head. But nothing about this is final.
It’s only the beginning.
I almost didn’t come to family dinner tonight, but I figured it would be suspicious if I didn’t show up since we live in the same city.
Mallory probably would’ve shown up at my house and dragged me here anyway.
Especially with the way she kept glancing at me whenever I was talking to Shayna at the game yesterday.
Now she’s staring me down across the table while I’m just trying to eat my honey-garlic salmon in peace.
I wish Shayna could be here to hold my hand and ground me, but I know I need to fill my family in on everything first. Though, I guess I probably should’ve talked to Shayna about that, but it’s not like we did very much talking last night.
Mom and Dad are discussing how great last night’s fireworks show looked from their spot along the river, but Mallory is still looking at me.
I set my fork down. “What’s your problem?”
Everyone immediately quiets and looks at me.
“Me?” Mallory cocks her head. “I was about to ask you what your deal is.”
I frown. “I’m just trying to eat my salmon.”
“No.” She shakes her fork at me. “You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”
“You’re going to have to spell it out for me.” I can’t think of anything I did to upset her.
“You haven’t told us about Shayna at all.”
I sputter, feeling flustered. This wasn’t how tonight was supposed to go. I had a whole plan to tell my family during dessert, like an extra little treat in addition to Mom’s banana pudding.
“Don’t even try to deny it. I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at her lately.” Mallory stabs a piece of broccoli with a fork. “Oh, and the way you were making out with her during the fireworks.”
Mom squeals. “You and Shayna kissed?”
I blanch, keeping my attention on my sister. “You saw that?”
“Everyone did.” Mallory drops her fork with the speared broccoli and crosses her arms. “Tess had to cover Evie’s eyes.”
Am I embarrassed that my first kiss with Shayna was on full display in front of our friends like we were a museum exhibit portraying off-the-charts chemistry between a man and a woman? Yes.
Do I hope Evie isn’t scarred for life? Also yes.
Do I wish it had happened somewhere a little more private? Obviously.
But I won’t apologize for it because that wasn’t the kind of kiss you regret for a single second. No, it’s the kind that stays seared in your memory. The kind that artists write love songs about.
“I didn’t plan on anyone seeing it. I honestly forgot everyone else was there.”
Mom gasps and places her hands over her mouth. “I never thought I’d live to see the day. My Connie’s in love.”
“Who said anything about love?” Mallory furrows her brow. “What I want to know is this: What are your intentions with Shayna?”
I roll my eyes. “Who are you, her dad?”
“He’s not here at the present, so I’m enacting my duty as her best friend to grill you until you’re more charred than a well-done steak.”
I throw my hands up. “Okay, what do you want to know?”
“Hm, I don’t know.” She taps her bottom lip. “Maybe an explanation for how you went from saying you don’t want to get married or even date anyone to kissing one of my best friends who very clearly wants a husband and the whole shebang?”
“The whole shebang?” I repeat, raising an eyebrow. She narrows her gaze. Okay, no joking. Got it. “Sorry.” I place my hands on my thighs and squeeze, trying to calm the nerves running through my body. I’m just talking to my family. No need to stress. “Things have…changed.”
“You expect me to believe that you randomly woke up one day and decided you wanted to settle down with someone?” Mallory purses her lips.
Mom leans in, looking entirely too invested in this conversation, while Dad continues eating his dinner like this is just normal table talk.
I shake my head. “Wasn’t random, and it’s not just someone. It’s Shayna.”
Mom squeals again, but Mallory’s expression doesn’t change.
I sigh. “Every time I saw her, she’d do or say something that slowly chipped away at the future I thought I wanted.”
“Then?” she prods.
“Then, one day, it hit me.” All the stress leaves my body as I think about Shayna. “I realized I’d been falling for her all along.”
“That’s so sweet,” Mom coos. “Both of my kids are in love.” She turns to Dad. “Can you believe it, Todd?”
Dad scoots his empty plate back and rests his elbows on the table. “That’s great, Angie.”
“He didn’t say anything about love.” Mallory still appears hesitant with her furrowed brow.
I shrug. “I’m not going to say something to you that I haven’t gotten the chance to tell her yet.”
Mallory snorts. “Probably because you were too busy playing tonsil hockey.”
“Because I’ve been waiting for us to be alone,” I correct, though she isn’t entirely wrong.
“So you can make out in front of all your friends but can’t tell her you love her in front of them?” She quirks her head. “Make that make sense.”
Dad grabs his empty plate and heads to the kitchen. “On that note, I’m going to grab dessert.”
“Trust me, I would much rather have been alone, but when a woman you like asks you to kiss her, you kiss her.” I look down at the table for a minute.
My stomach knots at the thought of sharing my deepest insecurities with my mom and sister.
I know they love me, but it’s hard for me to open up.
I squeeze my thighs again, trying to distract myself from my anxiety as I say, “I want to tell her how I’m feeling, but I’m scared. ”
“Why are you scared?” Mom’s voice is full of concern.
I finally look up, meeting her gaze. “There’s someone I need to tell you about.” Her expression falls. “Mallory already knows the basics, but I think it might help me to talk about it.”
“Okay.” Mom shoots me a sympathetic smile. “We’re here for you, Connie.”
I take a steadying breath and tell them about Jillian. I try not to leave anything out, from how we met to what she said to me when she ended things. Once I’ve laid it all on the table, I let out a shaky sigh.
“I’m so sorry you’ve been holding all that in.” Mom sniffles. “That you ever believed anything that horrible woman said was true.”
“I think part of me always thought I wasn’t enough, so when she said that, it struck a nerve.”
Mom dabs her napkin under her eyes. “Why would you think that?”
I drop my gaze to my lap. “You two are outgoing, always seem to say the right thing, while I worry over every word and feel like the black sheep of the family.”
My mom leans forward on her elbows and waits for me to meet her gaze. “You’re perfect just as you are. You hear me? There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“Yeah, who would I call a caveman if you weren’t reserved?” Mallory deadpans. Mom shoots her a look. “What? Just trying to lighten the mood. Obviously, we love Con Con the way he is.”
“I want to believe that. But how do you know that I won’t ruin another relationship?” I frown. “I couldn’t forgive myself if I let Shayna down.”
“Spoiler alert: We all make mistakes,” Mallory says.
“No relationship is perfect, but if you’re committed to Shayna, you’ll make things work.
She’s not like this Jillian.” She says the name with such vehemence that it makes me scared for all Jillians in the world.
Her eyes darken. “I’d love to find her and tell her exactly how her snide, untrue comments make me feel. ”
“It’s in the past at this point.” I’m worried that if I don’t call her off the hunt, she actually would find her, and that’s the last thing I need. “I just don’t want to repeat the same mistakes again.”
“You know how I know that you won’t?” Mom asks.
I shake my head. “Because you’re having this conversation with us.
You’re asking the hard questions. That already tells me you care enough about Shayna to not let your doubts keep you from the future you want.
” She looks at me emphatically. “The future you deserve.”
I blow out a breath, taking in everything they’ve said. They’re right. I can’t let the lies of someone who barely knew me hold me captive. It’s just like Shayna said—the right person will appreciate me for who I am…and that’s her. She sees me exactly as I am and doesn’t try to change me.
And I can’t wait to let her know that I want to be all in.
“I need to tell her I love her,” I mumble.
Mallory slaps the table. “It’s about time.”
I turn to my sister. “And you’re okay with us being together?”
Surprise flits across her features. “You want my permission?”
I shake my head. “I want your blessing. Because if things turn out the way I hope they do, Shayna could be your sister-in-law one day.”
Mallory’s resolve crumbles. She presses her lips together, and I swear I see actual tears in her eyes as she scoots back from the table and runs over. I brace myself for a punch, but she flings her arms around my neck and hugs me.
I pat her gently on the back. “I’ll take that as a yes?”
She nods against my neck. “I always wanted a sister, and now you’re telling me I get to have one of my besties as one?”
“We still have to date, but I can’t see myself with anyone else,” I admit. “And as long as Shayna is on board.”
“Of course she will be.” Mom dabs under her eyes with her cloth napkin. “Oh, I think my heart just might burst.”
Mallory returns to her seat and wipes away a few tears of her own. “I know you’re my brother and all, so I love you.” She points a finger at me and narrows her eyes, looking absolutely terrifying. “But I will destroy you if you hurt my best friend.”
“I can’t promise that I’ll never hurt her, but I’ll spend every day doing my best to make her happy and take care of her.”
Her face morphs into a wide grin. “Seriously, though, you have to marry her, okay? That would be the dream.”
“Any more questions or objections?” I ask, and they both remain quiet. “Great.”
With the busyness of the week ahead, I won’t get a chance to see Shayna again until the Dogwood Festival next Saturday.
I already miss her, even though I just saw her last night.
When I want to spend as many waking minutes with her as possible, a week feels like an eternity, but the promise of supporting her at her first event will help get me through the next six days.
I dig back into my salmon just as Dad walks back into the room.
“Sorry about that. Had a long game of toilet golf, if you catch my drift.” He raises the trifle dish he’s carrying that’s filled to the brim with layers of banana pudding, vanilla wafers, freshly sliced bananas, and whipped cream. “Who’s ready for dessert?”
Mom groans. “Literally none of us, Todd.”
I bite back a laugh as my family dives right back into their usual conversation as if nothing happened. This evening was the first time I’ve felt truly at ease around them. I still don’t love being the center of attention, but at least I didn’t question every word I said and was more of myself.
And I can’t help but think it’s all because of the prettiest, flower-loving brunette. She makes me want to be the best version of myself. Although I’m sure I could live a hundred years and never measure up to her.
But I will do my best to be the man Shayna deserves.