39. Laney
It’s been a couple of weeks since I left the hospital, and I’m feeling much better.
I’m not going to pretend that sometimes getting out of bed in the morning isn’t a struggle.
I still have to fight the darkness clawing at my soul, threatening to drag me down, but its hooks have released somewhat.
I’m finally able to picture a time when my memories and thoughts about what happened back at the cabin don’t control my life.
Each time I catch sight of my arm, my stomach knots. Cade had been right—I don’t want to see my scars. I’m ashamed of what I did, of what I almost achieved. If they hadn’t come to the trailer when they had, I probably wouldn’t be here today.
“How did you know to come when you did?” I ask them one day.
Reed glances at his youngest son. “Darius knew. An instinct, I guess. He just sensed something was wrong.”
I take Dax’s hand. “You saved my life.”
“We all did. I wouldn’t have been able to reach you in time if it wasn’t for Reed and Cade.”
That’s the truth of it. We work as a team, the four of us. One of us without the others just doesn’t make sense. It had been stupid of me to try. I’d put my own life at risk, and I’d have destroyed the others if I’d succeeded.
“How about I cook tonight?” I suggest.
No one answers, but they exchange glances with each other, eyebrows raised, lips tensed.
“Hey,” I protest. “I want to cook for my men. What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing’s wrong with it,” Reed says. “It’s just that…” He trails off.
“Just that what?” I insist.
“Do you even know how to cook?”
My jaw drops in mock incredulity. “Do I even know how to cook?” I parrot back. “Did you forget that I practically raised myself? Of course I know how to cook.”
He throws up both hands. “Okay, okay, I was only asking.”
“Didn’t I make a killer rabbit and random root stew when we were at the cabin?”
Cade grimaces. “Killer would be the word for it.” He wraps his hand around his throat and pretends to choke.
I slap him with a hand towel. “Asshole.”
“Keep that up, and you won’t be standing long enough to cook.”
I know he’s threatening sex rather than violence.
“I just want to cook, okay? It’s no big deal.
” I go to the huge refrigerator and open the door.
The shelves are stacked with food. With three adult men living here, they can put away a decent amount, anyway, but they’re also still feeding themselves up after going without for so long.
I have no idea what the grocery bill is like, but it must be huge.
I rifle around and make sure I’ve got ingredients to make something tasty. I do.
“Okay, you can leave me to it.”
They do that same glance again, and I roll my eyes and shoo them out of the kitchen.
I’ve already decided I’m going to cook them something substantial. They’re all big men and take a lot of feeding, so something fancy and tiny like you might see in an expensive restaurant isn’t going to cut it. I don’t want my men to still be hungry after they’ve eaten.
I settle on making beef steak burritos, filled with black beans and rice, chopped tomatoes and lettuce, cheese, sour cream and spicy jalapenos. I’m going to sear the steak to give it some flavor on the outside, while still keeping it pink in the middle, and then finely slice it.
I get to dicing and slicing and chopping. I use multiple ingredients and sauces, and use countless pans to cook the steak and rice and beans, and then to warm the tortillas. Getting everything ready at the same time proves a challenge—I normally only have to worry about myself—but I manage it.
I dish everything up, and then call to them, “It’s ready!”
One by one, they step into the kitchen, but it’s not the food on the table that catches their attention. Their gazes drift past me, to the kitchen counters behind me.
Reed’s jaw drops. “Laney, baby, you are one seriously messy cook.”
I glance around at the chaos I’ve caused. Every packet is open and still sitting on the countertop. Sauce is splattered everywhere. A million dirty utensils sit in the sink.
Cade lifts his eyebrows. “Umm, yeah. You’ve used every pot in the house.”
Dax pulls out the nearest chair and casually drops into it. “For once, I’m glad I can’t see, ’cause I don’t know about the mess, but this smells fucking fantastic.”
“Thank you, Dax,” I say. “Now, the rest of you sit your butts down and eat your food before it gets cold. I can clean up the mess.”
Reed catches me around the waist and plants a kiss on my neck. “No way, baby-girl. You cooked for us. We clean up. That’s how it works.”
“Even when it looks like a bomb has exploded in here?”
He kisses me again and laughs. “ Especially when it looks like a bomb exploded.”
We join Cade and Darius at the table. I take a big bite of my burrito. I made the guys two each, but I only have one. It’s huge, though, and plenty for me. The steak melts in the mouth, and there’s just the right combination of the cooling sour cream and cheese, and hot sauce and chilis.
I speak with my mouth half full, so the words come out muffled. “See, told you it was good.”
They’re all devouring their food and nod in agreement.