52. Laney
The morning of my nineteenth birthday dawns bright and warm.
I open my eyes and stretch out luxuriously in our huge super king-sized bed. I’m disappointed to find I’m alone.
Where is everyone?
I use the bathroom and throw on some clothes, and then make my way downstairs.
The two dogs are the first to greet me, licking my bare legs and acting as though they haven’t seen me for a week.
I make a fuss of them, scratching their solid, silky heads and ruffling their fur. They never fail to make me smile.
I find the guys in the kitchen, standing around the marble island.
“Ta-da!” the three of them say together, a chocolate cake sitting on the kitchen counter between them. “Happy birthday, Laney.”
“You got me cake!” I exclaim. “My favorite.”
“You mean we made you a chocolate cake,” Cade says. “We waited until you were asleep and stayed up half the night baking.”
“You did?” I laugh. “Thank you, Cade.”
“And we got you this.” He holds up a bottle of icy champagne.
“For breakfast?” I ask.
“Absolutely. Champagne and homemade chocolate cake. What more could you ask for?”
“Coffee?” I suggest hopefully.
Reed slides a mug toward me, the aroma filling the air. “Already done.”
I smile. “This is perfect. Thank you.”
“What would you like to do today?” Reed asks. “Just name it.”
I think for a minute. There is something I want to do, but I don’t know how well it’s going to go down with them all.
“There is one thing…”
“Anything,” he says. “The day is yours.”
I hesitate and say, “I think it’s time to say goodbye to my mom.”
He studies my face. “Are you sure? It’s your birthday. Won’t that make you sad?”
I twist my lips as I think. “Maybe a little, but it also feels right, too. I’ve been holding on to her, clinging to her as a part of my old life. It’s time to move on.”
“If that’s really what you want, you know we’ll support you,” Dax says.
I touch his hand. “Thanks, Dax.”
“Do you know where you want to spread her ashes?”
I nod. “Overlooking the lake. I kept trying to think of somewhere that was special to her, but I couldn’t think of anything.
Then I realized it doesn’t need to be somewhere special to her.
She’s gone. She’s not the one who’ll be saying goodbye.
The place needs to be somewhere I can remember her, and it doesn’t need to be somewhere she’s been.
It just needs to be somewhere peaceful and beautiful, and that belongs to me.
” I look around at the three men. “Belongs to us .”
“I think that’s a perfect idea,” Reed says.
I smile. “Let’s get it done, and then I can get on with enjoying my birthday.”
“I’ll get her for you, Laney,” Cade offers.
“Thanks.”
I’ve been keeping my mother’s urn in my bedroom. Maybe it’s strange to have her sitting on my shelf, but I haven’t been able to let go of her yet.
Today is the day.
Cade returns, carrying the urn, but I put my hands out for it.
“Are you sure?” he says.
“I want to carry her,” I insist.
It’ll be the last time I get to hold her.
If my mother had lived, would I have ever grown to understand her? I don’t know, but I do know that now is the time to forgive her.
For a while, I’d been frightened that I’d become like her. I pictured a future alone, with a drug and alcohol problem.
The reality couldn’t be farther from the truth. I’m nothing like her, and I’m grateful for that. I have a future, and I’m loved, and I respect myself and my life too much to ever throw it away.
I could have gone on hating her, but what would be the point? The only person I’d been hurting was myself. She’s gone now, and it’s time to move on.
We leave the dogs inside the house. We’d could have taken them with us, but I don’t know how they’d have reacted to the ashes being scattered.
I could just imagine them thinking we were throwing a ball, and landing in the middle of the lake, covered in my mother’s remains. The image is both funny and horrifying.
The sky is a perfect blue as we weave our way between the trees, following a well-worn natural footpath. A light breeze rustles the branches overhead.
It doesn’t take us long to reach the lake, and we draw to a halt at its bank.
Bright sunlight reflects off the water. Insects skim the surface.
Birds twitter nearby and swoop down over the lake for either a meal or a drink.
There’s nothing around us but trees. When we’d been at the cabin, the surrounding trees had felt almost imposing—suffocating—but now I feel the opposite.
It’s freeing here. I can finally breathe.
“Are you okay?” Reed asks. “Still ready to do this?”
I nod. “Yes, I am. It’s time to say goodbye.”
I think part of my wanting to go back to the trailer was about saying goodbye. Even though the drugs and alcohol made her sick for a really long time, her death still hit me out of the blue. And then there was the crash and everything that happened, and I still hadn’t had the chance to say goodbye.
Maybe that is the reason I’ve held onto her ashes for so long, too. I needed that time to process everything.
I open the lid of the urn and look down into the gray grit inside. I reach in and take a handful.
“Bye, Mom,” I say as I throw the ashes out toward the water. Tears choke my voice. “I forgive you. I hope wherever you are now, you’re at peace.”
The ashes land on the surface and drift away. A tear slides down my cheek, and I use my shoulder to wipe it away.
“Let me,” Reed says, taking the urn from me.
Between them, Reed, Darius, and Cade scatter the remaining ashes on the lake, while I silently cry—not only for the loss of my mom, but for everything we’ve all been through.
I watch the ashes drift away and eventually vanish.
Together, we crouch at the edge of the shore and rinse our hands in the water.
“Come on,” Reed says, putting his arm around my shoulder as we stand. “I think you deserve some of that cake and champagne now.”
I sniff and nod. “I think you’re right.”
We walk back through the forest. I draw the clean air into my lungs and release it again. I’m feeling lighter, as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The house comes into view, the glass glinting in the sunlight, and a smile spreads across my face.
I've been through hell, but I’ve come out the other side. I have a beautiful home, and three incredible men by my side who want to support me.
I couldn’t be luckier.
The dogs greet us as though we’ve been gone for an entire day rather than an hour, and we play with them, laughing at how goofy they are.
We head into the kitchen, which is open plan, with the same floor-to-ceiling windows as the rest of the house, allowing the light to flood right through the property.
Cade takes the champagne from the refrigerator, and Reed finds plates and a knife for the cake.
“Before we open the champagne,” Darius says, “I think we should give Laney her present.”
My heart lifts. “You didn’t have to get me a present. I have everything I could ever need right here.”
“I think Dax is right,” Reed says. “It feels like the right time.”
“Yeah, it does,” Cade agrees.
I look between them, feeling as though they’re up to something. “What’s going on?”
All three men drop to one knee, and I gasp.
“We know it’ll never be a traditional kind of relationship,” Reed says, “but we still wanted you to have something that shows our commitment to you.”
He produces a dark blue velvet box from behind his back and opens it to reveal a stunning diamond ring with a white gold band. It’s classy and beautiful and must be worth thousands.
“Oh, my God.” I clap my hands to my mouth.
“So, will you be ours?” Cade asks.
Darius adds, “Forever?”
“Yes! Of course. I always have been.”
I don’t need a ring to know that, but I have to admit it is absolutely gorgeous.
Reed slips the ring onto my finger. It’s a perfect fit. He rises and kisses me.
“Save some for us,” Cade teases and pulls me away from him to kiss me as well. I sink into him, only to be whipped away by Dax.
“Let me show you how it’s done,” he says and then kisses me like we’re in a movie, tilting me back, so I squeal and laugh. The dogs think something is wrong and bounce around us, wanting to join in.
I wipe tears from my eyes, but now they’re tears of happiness.
My heart is full.
We made it through the wild, the darkest of times, and now, finally, we’re home.
THE END