Chapter 45
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
LUKAS
Ispend the entire drive talking myself out of being nervous. I don’t know why I’m nervous. I’ve played in front of twenty thousand people. I’ve fought players twice my size, and yet pulling onto Kate’s street with Félix asleep in his car seat has my stomach tied in knots.
Maybe because this matters more.
I kill the engine and sit there for a moment, looking at the house.
It’s nothing special, just a simple semi-detached home with a small front garden.
Hudson’s bike is leaning up against the garage door, one of its wheels removed, and it lies abandoned in the driveway.
It’s the kind of place I would’ve driven past a year ago without a second glance.
Now it feels like the most important address in England.
Félix wakes when I open the back door. His curls are flattened on one side, and his eyes are still sleepy. “Bonjour, mon petit.” He immediately reaches for me. The gesture hits me every single time.
I lift him out of the seat and settle him against my chest. “Ready?” I ask with a smile.
He nods and then points towards the front door. “Kate house?” A smile pulls at my mouth.
“Oui. Kate’s house.” I’d explained earlier that we were coming to meet Hudson and have some lunch. He’s been excited ever since.
The front door opens before I even knock, and Kate appears wearing jeans and a loose cream jumper, her hair swept up in a loose top knot style, and for a second, I forget every coherent thought I’ve ever had.
Because she smiles when she sees us, and it’s the kind of smile I’ll never see enough of.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” I reply with a wink before I lean in and leave a soft kiss on her cheek.
Félix immediately twists toward her, reaching out. “Kate!”
Her face softens instantly. “Well, hello to you, too.” She takes him from my arms without hesitation. Félix settles against her like he’s known her forever.
I watch it happen and feel something dangerous shift inside my chest.
“Come in,” she says.
The house smells faintly of coffee and whatever she’s baking. Comfort and home. That’s what it smells like.
Hudson appears from the living room a second later. His shoulders tense slightly when he sees me. It’s a subtle moment, easy to miss, but I notice it. It’s caution, and I don’t blame him. He’s still deciding whether he can trust me, which is fair enough. I haven’t exactly earned his trust lately.
“Hey.”
His gaze moves briefly to Félix, and my son waves immediately. “Hiya.”
Hudson looks mildly horrified by how enthusiastic the greeting is, and I almost laugh but manage to hold it in with a slight smirk.
Kate disappears toward the kitchen with Félix balanced on her hip. The sight alone is enough to stop me in my tracks, because she looks so natural holding him. And it doesn’t feel strange at all.
Hudson notices me staring, and his eyes narrow slightly.
I clear my throat and ask, “How’s school?”
The look he gives me suggests he knows exactly how pathetic that question is, but I’m scrambling here; I don’t want to screw this up.
“Fine.”
“Good.”
We stand there for another second. Two awkward men trapped in a conversation neither knows how to have. Then Hudson sighs.
“You want a drink?” He asks as he shoves his hands in his pockets and shrugs.
Relief floods me. “Please,” I answer with an exhale. My heart rate is beginning to settle, finally. I can hear Kate and Felix chatting in the kitchen as he asks for a “Bicket,” and Kate’s gentle chuckle makes me smile as she corrects his pronunciation of biscuit.
“Tea?” Hudson asks.
I blink. “You’re offering me tea?”
“You’ve been in England long enough now. Tea should be a staple part of your diet.” I don’t miss the smirk or the glint in his eyes, and I hear genuine amusement in his voice.
I grin. “Fair point.” The tension eases somewhat, and I follow Hudson down the hall into the kitchen, where we find my son sitting on the counter trying to convince Kate he can have another biscuit.
I head straight to them, lift Félix off the counter, and place him on the floor. “Hey, no more now.” I lift an eyebrow as I bend down to his eye level. “Did you say thank you to Kate?”
“Merci,” he says as he screws his eyes tight shut and offers Kate his best tooth-baring grin.
Kate smiles widely and says, “Pas de problème!” Felix’s eyes widen, and my heart melts instantly. “Did I get that right?” she asks me with slight concern at my son’s expression.
“Absolutely,” I say as I stand up straight and reach for her, my hand resting gently on the small of her back. “Thank you.” It means more to me than she’ll ever know.
By the time Kate produces sandwiches for lunch, Hudson is showing Félix videos of dogs wearing sunglasses. Apparently, this is quality entertainment as far as Félix is concerned. He’s laughing hard enough to nearly choke on a crisp.
Kate catches my eye over the table, and a small smile appears on her lips. It’s the kind that feels private and only for me. God, I’ve missed this.
Not just her, but all of it. The feeling of being included in somebody else’s life.
After lunch, Félix discovers the back garden, and for the next forty minutes, he dedicates himself entirely to chasing a football that is far too large for him. Hudson eventually joins him. Mostly because Félix keeps kicking it directly into bushes.
I stand near the patio doors watching them play, and how kind Hudson is to him, as Kate appears beside me. “He’s adorable.”
I glance at her. “You’re biased.”
“I am not.” She laughs.
For a while, we simply stand there watching the boys. Félix running, Hudson pretending not to enjoy himself.
The afternoon sun catches the grass, and I realise how much I crave this normal family life.
On a sigh, I lift my arm and wrap it around Kate’s shoulders, pulling her into my side.
I’d forgotten how perfectly she fits there and how much I like it when she rests her hand on my chest as she settles in.
The moment shifts later when Félix insists on showing Kate a toy car he brought with him, and he grabs her hand, pulling her back towards the front door where we left his backpack.
Leaving Hudson and me alone in the garden, I saunter over and kick the football towards him, effectively taking Félix’s place.
After a minute, Hudson speaks. “You know why Mum freaked out.” It’s not a question.
I look at him and offer him a sad smile. “Partly.” I know how much I’ve hurt them both.
He nods slowly, then stares out across the garden. He bends down and picks the ball up, tucking it under his arm. “My dad left when I was four.”
The words hit me immediately because of how calmly he says them. Children only sound that calm when they’ve lived with something for a very long time.
“I know.”
Hudson shakes his head. “No. I mean, really left.” Something in his voice makes my stomach tighten. “He went to work one morning.” I stay silent. “He kissed Mum goodbye, told me he’d see me after school.”
His gaze never leaves the grass, and my chest starts to hurt.
“He never came back.”
Hudson swallows, and I can’t speak.
“He didn’t answer her calls.” His voice is quieter now. “Mum thought maybe he’d had an accident.” I close my eyes briefly. Tabarnak. “We didn’t hear anything for weeks.”
The garden suddenly feels far too small and too quiet.
“He just disappeared like we never mattered to him.”
I stare at him, suddenly everything makes sense. Every protective look and cautious question he’s directed at me. It wasn’t because he dislikes me, it’s because he’s terrified. The last man his mother loved vanished into thin air. Children don’t forget things like that.
“You thought I’d do the same thing.” The words leave me quietly.
Hudson shrugs, but that’s enough of an answer, and something breaks open inside my chest. He’s not angry, he’s scared, and he has been this whole time.
And when Félix appeared… Jesus. From his perspective, I suddenly had a real family. A son. A history. Reasons to leave.
“I know I hurt your mum.” He nods without hesitation. His gaze finally meets mine, and I don’t see a teenager; I see a kid who had his heart broken by someone he was supposed to feel safe with. “I didn’t mean to.”
“I know you didn’t.” That surprises me. The words nearly undo me, because that forgiveness feels harder than anger. Hudson sighs, and then he says, “I don’t want to see her crying again.”
Christ, I look away briefly to collect myself and fight back the emotion, then I look him directly in the eye. “Neither do I. I can’t promise I’ll never make mistakes, but I can promise you that I won’t ever just disappear.”
For a long moment, he studies me. I can see him deciding whether he trusts me. I know he’s judging me, and I cannot blame him for that. Then, finally, he nods.
It’s small, but it feels enormous. Hudson takes a step nearer me and holds out his hand for me. I take it without hesitation and shake it firmly, then I pull him into me, cocooning him in my arms. It feels like we’ve built a bridge.
The rest of the afternoon passes easily. Hudson helps Félix build a ridiculous fort in the living room. Kate laughs when it collapses, and they’re both left scrambling to find a way out from beneath the blankets.
I help make dinner and manage to not burn anything, which feels like a personal achievement.
At one point, I catch myself standing in Kate’s kitchen, handing her plates while Félix sits on the floor singing something incomprehensible, and Hudson can be heard shouting at his Xbox about football from the next room.
And I realise something. This doesn’t feel temporary or fragile; it feels like a life. Not a perfect one, but a real one. Messy, complicated and loud.
The boys disappear upstairs after dinner to continue whatever important mission they’re currently undertaking.
For the first time all day, Kate and I find ourselves alone. She stands at the sink rinsing mugs, and I take the towel from her hands automatically.
She gives me a small smile, and suddenly I know. I step closer, “Kate.”
She looks up. “What?”
My heart pounds, which is ridiculous, but there it is. “I spent a long time thinking I needed to choose. Between hockey, being a father, and you.” The room feels very still. “I was wrong.”
Her breath catches. “Lukas,”
I interrupt her. I need to say this, and I need her to listen. “I do not know exactly what this looks like yet, but I know what I want.”
I reach for her hand. This time, she gives it willingly. “I do not want to be temporary with you anymore.”
Emotion flashes across her face so quickly that it nearly breaks me. Then her fingers tighten around mine. That feels bigger than any answer she could have given.
It means we’re both standing in the same place again.
Looking forward.
Together.