Chapter 1 #2
“I have a gourmet breakfast waiting for you in the kitchen, madam. Toothbrush and anything else you need are in the linen closet in the bathroom.”
“Thank you. Where is the bathroom again?” He smiles.
“Right through that door across from the bed.”
“Was I that drunk? I don’t remember it being in here.”
“That was the guest bathroom.”
That explains it. I sit up, holding the sheet up to my chest. I’m waiting for him to leave so I can get up. He stares at me with a silly grin on his face, like he’s daring me to get up. I laugh, and he laughs and shakes his head.
“If you don’t get up, how are you going to eat?”
I bite my lip and shake my head. “I’m not getting up with you watching me. I know it’s stupid after last night and your office…”
“No, it’s not.”
“Then why are you laughing at me?”
“I’m not. It’s refreshing. I’m going to make a quick phone call.”
“What’s so refreshing?”
“Modesty.”
I hop out of the bed when he leaves. He wasn’t kidding; this bathroom has everything you could want.
It’s a regular Bed Bath and Beyond. He has a glass shower with five shower heads, complete with his-and-her seats that fold into the wall.
I’ve never seen that before. I’m not surprised to see it’s glass; I don’t remember him having a thing for glass before, but he does now.
I’m gonna luxuriate in this bad boy after I eat.
I find a white fluffy robe to put on and leave the bathroom when I’m finished.
He’s sitting at the table, waiting for me. He puts his phone down when I take a seat next to him. “You made all this for me? Pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, strawberries, raspberries, French toast, orange juice, and coffee. All my favorites.”
“I know they are. Eat up.”
“I wish you would join me.”
“I’m good. I thought I would be finished by now, but I have to make a couple more calls. I usually work from home on Saturday. I’m rearranging a few things.”
“You don’t have to do that. You’re busy. I’ll go.”
“No, you won’t! I’m going to make these calls and be right back. Sit here and enjoy your meal. You better not leave. This time I’m going to come after you and drag you back to my bed.”
“That doesn’t sound too bad.”
“Don’t tempt me, Cat.”
“I’ll be right here when you get back. Promise.”
He goes in his office and closes the door. I pile my plate with food. I’m starving like I haven’t eaten for days. I guess good sex will do that to you. Ha, Ava would so make fun of me. When she finds out she’s going to flip; hell, she’s going to do a jig.
My plate is empty when Nick finishes his calls. My feet are in the chair and my hands are around a mug of tea. He takes it out of my hands, sits down, and pulls me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist.
“I want you to spend the rest of the weekend here with me.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“Yeah, you do. No one’s going to know you’re here. Last night was the best sleep I’ve had in a while.”
“Me too. It was a perfect night, like a dream.” He moves my hair to kiss the nape of my neck. “Stay, let’s make it perfect times three.”
I want to stay. What am I going home for? To hide in my room? I’d rather stay here and be happy. “All right, I’ll stay.”
“Good. Now that we have that settled, we need to talk.”
“Uh oh, we’re going to talk about something unpleasant, aren’t we?”
“I promise after this we’re going to forget about all of it and make the rest of the weekend as perfect as last night.”
I get out of his lap and sit in the chair beside him. “What are we going to talk about?”
“We have used protection every time we had sex except the first time.”
“I know where you’re going with this. When I find out if there’s something to worry about, you will be the first person I call. For now there’s nothing to tell you.”
“If you find out there’s something to tell me, what will you do?”
“I just told you.”
He holds my chin up firmly with his hand and stares into my eyes.
“If you were pregnant, would you get rid of my child?”
The thought never entered my mind. I don’t want to think about being pregnant or what I would do if I am. Everything is already so messed up. I still don’t want to think about it. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?” he says, looking at me with his eyebrows drawn so close together they’re almost touching.
“It’s all so complicated! I haven’t thought that far ahead.”
“If you were pregnant, I would want our baby. I would want my child.”
“Are you against abortion and a woman’s right to choose?” I ask, surprised at his reaction.
“A woman can do whatever she wants with her body. But any woman with my child…no, I’m not for it. I don’t even want to hear it.”
“This is a surprise to me. You wouldn’t think that from the way you were acting with Kate.”
“The thing with Kate—to say it took me by surprise would be an understatement. It was totally unexpected. I was reacting off that. That doesn’t mean I don’t want this child if I’m the father.
I absolutely want this child. I’m going to be a part of its life starting from every single prenatal visit. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
He’s talking like he knows the baby is his. It’s very different from when he first told me Kate was pregnant.
Something’s changed.
“I need to tell you something about Kate and me.”
“Oh God! What now? I don’t know if I want to hear this. The last thing I want to do is talk about you and Kate. I don’t want to think about it.”
I look down at my hands in my lap. He covers my hands with his, leans over his elbows on his knees.
“I know—”
“No, you don’t. Every time I see her, I have to pretend I don’t know she’s pregnant and she might be carrying your child. I have to listen to my mother gush over your engagement, about what a wonderful couple you are, and how she can’t wait till you give her grandkids.”
I sit up, pull my hands away from him and wrap them around my waist. I want this conversation to be over with. I hate this feeling. I hate what I think he’s about to tell me. I wish desperately that she wasn’t pregnant. Because if she wasn’t, everything would be the way it’s supposed to be.
“I’m sorry you have to go through this. I’m sorry I’m putting you through this because of the asinine choice I made. I fucked up. I’m not going to try and make excuses for what I did.”
You better not. “That’s good; if you do, I’m going to walk right outta here.”
He scrubs his hand across his mouth then across his jaw.
He looks down at his folded hands, his legs parted, and rotates his thumbs around each other.
I wait for him to say what I don’t want to hear.
I look to the side into the living room at the clear blue morning sky.
It’s the kind of blue, surrounded by puffs of white clouds, that reminds you of blue ice and igloos.
I wrap my arms around myself a little tighter, like a chill from outside is seeping into my perfect dream, wrapping itself around it with a cold embrace.
“I went with Kate to a doctor’s appointment.”
Here we go. I take a breath and let it out. I sit back and watch the clouds roll by.
“I saw the baby and heard the heartbeat.”
I don’t turn around. “Why do you think I need to hear this?”
“I don’t want there to be any secrets between us. I need you to know everything so there are no misunderstandings. We took a paternity test. If this baby is mine, you need to know what’s happening from the beginning. I want you to be as much a part of my life as my child.”
“You’re saying it like you already know this is your baby.”
He takes one of my hands from around my waist and runs his thumb across the back of it. “I’m saying I want you in my life the way it was last night. The way it was waking up with you in my arms this morning. I’m willing to do whatever it takes. We can do this together, Cat.”
I shake my head and bite down on my lip hard. “You want me to be right there in the trenches with you when the grenades come raining down on the battlefield when my family finds out Kate’s pregnant with your baby and you and I have decided to bring our love to the frontline.”
“If that’s the way you want to think of it.”
I get up and turn away, then whip back around with my hand on my hips and blink my eyes at him.
“Listen, I’m no warrior princess.”
“Cat, what we feel for each other is worth fighting for. You can’t deny it after last night.”
“It’s a lot to deal with—and then to put it all out there for people to see? To be judged by family and friends, people we don’t even know?”
“How about this—we don’t have to tell anyone until you’re ready. It will be between us, for now, but not forever. When the time is right, we will let everyone know. I’ll be right there by your side, where I will always be.”
I put one hand over my forehead and close my eyes. “I’ll think about it. I need to go take a shower.” I turn to leave, but he wraps his hand around my upper arm. I don’t look directly at him.
“Cat?”
I turn back to him with a sad smile. “I’m fine, I’m fine… I need to take a shower.” He lets me go, but it’s clear he knows that nothing is fine. My perfect morning is officially ruined. I want to cry.
I close my eyes and hold my face up to the steaming shower of water coming down on me.
I want it to wash over me, cleaning away the doubt and fears I have.
He wants us to be a couple, for me to be a part of his life with this baby, if it’s his.
He already sounds like he’s claiming this child as his own.
I realize now, more than anything, I don’t want this child to be his. I don’t want to see him and Kate bonding over their baby. He might think it’s not going to happen, but it is. How could it not? They are going to be connected by this child forever. The thought of him touching her makes me sick!
I run my hands back through my hair, jumping when I feel something hard brush against my back.