Chapter 9
Cat
I snuck out when I left three days ago, and I’m sneaking back in today like a thief. I can’t live like this; I’m going to have to find my own place by January. That means I have six weeks to find an apartment; by then I’ll be working full time at the school.
I make my way up the stairs to my room to change my clothes before I leave.
I move as quickly as I can to find something to wear before anyone realizes I’m home and starts with the inevitable questions.
I put on my black slacks and my lavender, mock neck sweater.
Two minutes flat. I’m in such a rush I can’t find my shoes, then I remember they’re under my bed where I put them when I came in.
I’m finally finished and ready to make another great escape and then there’s a knock on the door. Damn, almost made it.
I close my eyes and take a breath. No one knows where I was.
This won’t take long, ’cause I’m leaving right now.
That’s the best I can do for a pep talk to myself.
I open the door and who do I see? The one person I’m trying my hardest not to see.
She has a smile on her face and her hands folded behind her back.
“Hi, Cat, can I come in?” She doesn’t look upset. Actually, she looks calm and relaxed.
“Sure, but I was about to leave for work.”
“This won’t take long.”
“Okay.” I awkwardly wait for her to say something.
I know what I’ve been doing this weekend, and the longer she looks at me from head to toe, smiling sweetly, the guiltier I feel.
I’m so uncomfortable in this silence that I start folding the clothes on my bed I took off in such a hurry. Why isn’t she saying anything?
“Kate, I’m sorry, but I really do have to go.”
“Yes, I’m sorry. I was looking at your outfit. You look nice.”
“Thank you.”
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in such a long time. I saw you more before I moved back in.”
How should I answer this? “Well, you’re so busy with work, and I’ve been busy getting ready to take over for the teacher at school.”
She walks closer to me and brushes my hair back off my shoulder. My heart leaps into my mouth when I remember the mark Nick left on my neck. Shit! I stand perfectly still and swallow. She’s smiling at me, and I’m trying to hold the smile I have.
“You look different, Cat.”
“Do I?”
“Yes, you do. You look thoroughly fucked!”
Oh my God, she knows! I feel my blood pumping through my heart with every beat. Boom, boom, boom, boom—like bass drums in my ears. I hear every single beat. She drops her hand from my hair and walks around me in a complete circle, then walks back to the door.
“You said you were at a friend’s house for the weekend. Naturally, we would all assume you were spending the night at a girlfriend’s house. The way you left is not like you… What friend was this?”
I cross my arms across my chest and look down. She’s not going to stop. I look straight at her and answer her question with the truth.
“A friend.”
“A female friend or a male friend, Cat, which one?” she nearly shouts at me across the room.
“Does it matter?”
“Yes, it does.” She waves, raising her hand and points an accusing finger at me.
“That little—no, big, big-ass—love bite on your neck is telling me it was a man friend. Unless you’ve switched sides?
Are you trying something new? Is that it, Cat?
Are you a lesbian? ’Cause if you are, that would be great!
” she shouts for anyone close enough to hear.
“What is wrong with you? Keep your voice down.”
“Why, Cat? Why? Are you afraid someone might be curious to know exactly who you were shacked up with for the past two days and long, long nights?”
“I don’t have to answer to anyone, where I was is my business! I don’t owe you or anyone an explanation.”
“Yes, you do.”
I’ve had enough of this. I grab my coat off the bed. “I’m done with this, I’m leaving.” She grabs my shoulder and pushes me back as I try to pass her. I can’t believe this.
“You were with him, weren’t you?”
“Get out of my way, Kate.” She stands in front of me, blocking me from leaving. The anger in her eyes bubbles over the more I try to evade her question. She’s angry, in a way I’ve never seen before. She’s usually calm and cool, even when she’s angry with me. Not now.
“I’m not going anywhere! Why did you even come back here?”
“I live here, where else was I supposed to go?”
“Everything was going fine till you decided you wanted to come back to New York.”
She didn’t want me to come back. Why?
“You couldn’t stay where you were, could you?”
“And here I was thinking you missed me as much as I missed you. I was wrong.”
“Yes, you were.”
Like a glass of ice water being poured over me, I stand, holding my coat over my arm, listening to her angrily tell me her truth about me.
“Why the hell would I miss you coming back here and listening to everyone worry about you like you’re a damsel in distress? You have Dad, Chris, and Jay fooled—we both know you can save your own ass.”
“I never knew you felt that way. You’re right though, I’m no damsel. But you are proving to be a real bitch.”
“We have something in common, then. I guess he likes bitches. The difference is this bitch is pregnant with his baby, sister. Find another man to wrap your legs around to play hero to your damsel.”
“Wow. You’re not holding back a thing. He already told me about the pregnancy and the fake engagement.”
“The engagement may not be real, but the baby is. He was going to ask me to marry him. If you didn’t decide to drag your ass back when you did, the engagement would be real too.
I knew you were going to go after him from the second I saw you.
I knew you had a thing for him all these years; it was pathetic the way you looked at him when you thought no one was looking.
New you, my ass—same old Cat in a somewhat decent-looking package. ”
“Is that why you couldn’t wait to tell everyone the very night I came home you’re engaged to Nick? You were so desperate to spread that lie?”
“It was only a lie because of you; he was going to ask me to marry him eventually. The same way he told me he wanted me the night we had sex. Tell me, what was it like sleeping with the same man whose child I’m carrying?
Was it good for you? It was damn good for me.
The way he held me in his arms, driving into me over and over again, for hours and hours, no wonder I’m pregnant. ”
I cover my stomach with my hand. I think I’m going to be sick. “Shut up and get the hell out of my way before I make you move!”
“Go ahead; I would love to be the one to tell Nick how you attacked me and his child in a fit of jealous rage.”
“You lying bitch. You know I wouldn’t’t—”
The door opens, and my mother comes in and stands in front of us. Kate and I don’t look at her. We have never had this kind of animosity between us, though there have been times we disagreed. This is totally different; the things she’s saying, I didn’t know this is how she really feels about me.
“Girls, I can hear you down the hall. What’s going on?”
I know Kate’s going to tell her everything; there is no stopping her.
I hope she can try to understand my side.
I highly doubt that she will. I’m the one that’s going to ruin what she believes is the perfect match and appearance of families between Nick and Kate.
I wish for once she could understand without judging me, stop holding me to her standards of what her daughter should be instead of who I am.
“You should ask your daughter who she spent the weekend with.”
My mom looks at me. “Chris told us you called him and said you were spending the weekend at your friend’s house.”
“I did,” I tell her in the calmest voice I can manage to get out.
“Tell her which friend’s house, Cat. Tell her you spent the weekend with my fiancé.”
I see the confused look on my mother’s face. Her head turns back to me.
“I think you’re mistaken, Kate. Nick and your sister are friends, but she would never do such a thing. Catherine, tell her she’s made a mistake.”
I shake my head and look at her, preparing myself for what’s to come. In a low shaky voice I tell her, “I can’t. I was with Nick.”
Total silence, and the look on her face says it all. She won’t understand. She’s already made up her mind and judged me.
“You don’t know this yet, Mother, I didn’t want to tell you, but I’m pregnant,” Kate announces to her joyfully, like she wasn’t ripping me apart a few seconds ago.
My mother turns to Kate. “You’re pregnant!”
“Yes, you’re going to be a grandmother. Nick and I saw the baby last week.”
I see the smile on Kate’s face. It’s like a knife cutting through my heart at the mention of her and Nick sitting together in a room, seeing what could be their baby for the first time.
“Oh, baby, you’re going to have a baby!”
I hear the excitement in my mother’s voice as she grabs Kate’s face and hugs her, the way a mother who is truly happy for her daughter does. Once again, I’m an outsider looking in on what is supposed to be a happy family moment between a mother and her daughter.
“When?” My mother looks at her up and down and places a hand over her stomach.
“April.”
“Oh, baby, I’m so happy for you. Your father is going to be so excited, another grandchild! This is wonderful news.” I watch her embrace Kate again wishing I could be a part of this happy occasion.
“Not everyone thinks it’s wonderful.”
My mother looks at her confused. Kate stares at me with her eyes filled with what I can only imagine to be a look of scorn. She’s right. I don’t think this is wonderful news. I don’t wish any harm to this baby but with everything in me I hope this child is not Nick’s.
My mother turns, following the line of Kate’s vision leading directly to me. And her smile falls away with one look at me and my reaction to Kate’s pregnancy. “Tell your sister you’re happy for her and Nick. Catherine, this is wonderful news for this family, a wedding and a new baby.”