Chapter 13 #3
Today wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.
The only unpleasant part of the day was Kate being what I now consider her true self.
We have never had a real serious argument before.
I guess that’s because I didn’t stand in the way of her getting what she wanted—I wasn’t a threat.
Kate usually got what she wanted. I can’t remember a time she wanted something and she didn’t get it.
Whether it be a brand new car on her sixteenth birthday or a twenty-first birthday party that rivaled a wedding; if she wanted it, she wouldn’t stop till she got it.
That was one thing I actually admired about her.
If she was told no, she found a way to change no to yes.
One thing that I do know for sure is, what is hers is hers, and she does not like sharing, never did. She likes things a certain way.
I stand by the window, looking out, hoping it will snow.
I don’t think it will. I was hoping for a white Christmas.
I might get it—the weather man did say there was a good chance it was going to snow.
I should at least get something I want today.
I was hoping Nick would call me today. I know I’m the one who told him not to call me, only one text a day, but I miss him.
Today is a day to be with the one you love, making memories to share together for years to come.
He hasn’t sent me a text in two days. Maybe he’s changed his mind.
I mean, how long can a man like Nick be by himself?
It’s a terrible thing when you know there is another person out there in the world meant for you, and you’re surrounded by a room full of people all alone.
A white Christmas is not as good as getting the man I’ve wanted my entire life, waking up with his arms around me, but it’s better than nothing.
“Hey, baby girl.”
“Hey, Dad.” I look at my dad standing beside me and try to shake off the melancholy feelings taking over. I wrap my arms around his waist for warmth. It’s not cold in here I just need to feel it.
“Why are you over here by yourself?”
“I was wishing it would snow. You know how much I love a white Christmas.”
“I know you do, when you were little that was the first thing you would do on Christmas morning. Run to the window, right past the gifts, to see if it snowed. If it did, your little face would light up like Sasha’s does when she’s ripping open those boxes.”
I smile and look out the window.
“You were the cutest little thing, with your pigtails and jammies.”
He gives me a kiss on the side of my head, and I lean my head against his chest. It feels like I’m his little girl again.
It’s a nice feeling to have right now—loved and wanted.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull away from him to see who it is, and my heart jumps when I see the name on the screen. It’s Nick.
“Dad, I’m going to take this call.”
“Go ahead. They must be special.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Your face lit up like that little girl on Christmas morning when you looked at your screen.”
I smile and shake my head. I’m not going to deny it. I go upstairs to my room and call him back. The phone rings twice before he answers.
“Happy birthday.”
I feel so silly by the way I’m reacting from the sound of his voice. My face is one big smile, and I’m practically giddy. “Thank you.”
“I thought you didn’t want to talk to me.”
“No, no, I did. I had to go to another room, that’s why I didn’t answer. I’m at my parents’ house.”
“You sound happy. It must be a good birthday.”
“It’s okay, so far.”
“I would ask you if you got everything you wanted, but the day isn’t over yet.”
“Does that mean you have something for me?”
“I do.”
“What is it?”
“I can’t tell you; it’s a surprise. I want to see your face when you see it for the first time.”
“I don’t know if I will be able to open it in front of you… You should tell me now.”
“It’s a surprise, I can’t.”
“I hate surprises. They don’t work out good for me.” I sit down on the bottom of the bed and lie back.
“I think you’ll like this one. I’m sure it will put a smile on your face.”
“It better.”
“Oh, it will.”
I sit up and walk to the door when I hear someone call my name. “I have to go, they’re calling me. I’m glad you called.”
“Happy birthday, Christmas baby.”
“Merry Christmas, Nick.” I put my phone in my pocket. I’m happy he called, but it’s not enough. I feel empty again. “I can’t wait till this day is over.” Wow, that’s the first time I ever said that on Christmas Day. The little girl in me is sitting in a corner, fading away.
“Sophie, what are you doing here? It’s your day off,” I say, coming down the stairs.
“I saw everyone yesterday, except for you, and it’s your birthday. I have a present for you.”
“Sophie, you could have called me or given it to me another day. You didn’t have to come over here; you should be with your family.”
“You are my family. Your first Christmas and birthday back is important to me.”
I love Sophie. I give her a hug, and she hugs me back. She holds up a bag.
“I know things have been rough for you lately.” She holds my hand. “I know they will get better. Have faith and be patient until they do.”
I’m not so sure they will, but it’s nice to imagine they will. She steers me toward the living room to the rest of the family.
“This is a gift you have to open in front of everyone.”
“Okay,” I say, mildly curious.
“Come around, everyone, Cat is going to open her present.”
I smile and look around, everyone circling me, smiling.
This is strange. Sophie puts the bag on the table, a big red glittering Christmas gift bag.
I wonder what’s in it. The bag is so pretty, with bows and a backdrop picture of snow and children gathered around Santa Claus.
The bag could be the present, it’s that pretty.
Sophie points to the chair behind the living room table next to the tree.
“Sit. This is from all of us, not only me. Now you can open it.”
I sit down and reach down into the bag. There is a big glittering box with a big, red silk bow on top. I pull the bow off and all four sides of the box fall open on the table. They all yell,
“Happy Birthday!”
It’s the prettiest cake I’ve ever seen. I know Sophie made it. It’s my favorite, strawberry cheesecake, and she wouldn’t dare give me a store-bought cheesecake on my birthday.
I look around at them and say thank you, even to Kate, with the sour look on her upturned face.
I give Sophie another hug and thank her for making the cake, and I give everyone a hug except for Kate, who quickly sits back down before I come close to her.
She sure is using this little not-feeling-good act to her advantage.
They all turn to her and my mother says, “Kate honey, maybe you should go upstairs and lie down for a little while.”
“No, I’ll be fine, it’s Cat’s day, and we should all be here together.”
“Nonsense, Cat will understand. You’re pregnant; you need to rest. She can open our presents later and cut the cake when you get up. Right, Cat?”
“Yes, I understand, you and the baby need to rest. I’ll wait; maybe I’ll come by tomorrow and we can do it then.”
Sophie looks at me and then at Kate. “Kate, I’m sure you can wait five minutes to watch your sister blow out the candles on her cake and wish her a happy birthday. I’m sure you’ll get plenty of rest sitting down in this chair doing nothing, the presents can wait till later.”
My mother and Sophie exchange looks, and I know they’re going to have a talk later. Sophie doesn’t normally contradict my mother in front of others. If she does, it’s for a good reason.
“Five minutes won’t hurt. I’ll be fine.”
Neither my mother nor Kate looks happy. Sophie does. It was an awkward moment for everyone. Sophie lights the candles, and I close my eyes, make a wish, and blow them out in one breath.
“Did you make a wish?” Vanessa asks.
“Of course.”
“I hope you get what you want.”
“I hope so too.”
As I’m about to leave later, my phone buzzes. I have a message from Nick. It says,
‘Happy Birthday!’
Underneath is a picture of him holding up a pair of hot pink sweat pants, bedazzled with the words “BABY GIIIIRL” emblazoned across the ass in big, bold letters. I can’t stop myself from smiling ear to ear. It’s all I can do to stop myself from laughing out loud. I send him a text.
Cat:Did you really?
Nick: I did, I couldn’t help myself.
Cat: This is one surprise that put a smile on my face. :-)
Nick: I knew it would put a smile on your face. ;-)
Cat:It did. Thank you, but I will not be wearing those. Ever!
Nick:That’s a shame, but I do understand. Baby girl.
On the way home in the cab I pull my phone out.
I look at the picture of Nick holding the pants.
He’s wearing a white tee, sitting next to our Christmas tree, a big grin on his face.
I sit back and run my finger over his face on the screen.
I miss him. It seems like forever since I’ve seen him.
I miss his touch, especially in the middle of the night when I roll over in my bed and I’m all alone in the darkness.
Only the memories of us making love, of him touching every inch of me, moving inside of me till I scream his name.
I sit back and close my eyes and try not to feel him or see him. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I have to find a way to stop these feelings inside me. To let him go.