Chapter 15
Cat
My eyes are closed, but in the back of my mind I keep hearing a buzzing sound.
I open my eyes and wait for them to adjust to the darkness.
Nick has me trapped in his arms in a vice grip.
I smile. It’s almost like he’s afraid I’m going to escape in the middle of the night.
If he holds me any tighter, I’m going to have trouble breathing.
I’m not complaining; it’s better than what I woke up to this morning—a cold bed.
There it is again, what is—it’s my phone.
I turned it on vibrate before I left for the gala.
Who the hell would be calling me at this time?
It must be important, ’cause the only person that would call me in the middle of the night to talk would be Ava or Nick, and he’s right here with me.
Hmm, it stopped. No, it didn’t, there it is again.
I try to break free of the hold Nick has on me without waking him.
He grunts and pulls me back in with no effort at all. The phone stops again.
Shit, it must be important. I nudge Nick to get him to loosen his grip.
“Nick.”
He grunts and moves his hand over to my hip.
I can work with this. I carefully move out of his arms. He rolls over on his stomach and mumbles something unintelligible.
I pick my phone up to see who’s calling me nonstop.
Nineteen missed calls and five text messages from Jay and Chris.
Shit! It must be important for them to call me at four in the morning so many times.
I play the first message and my heart drops.
Oh my God. It’s Kate. She was rushed to the hospital two hours ago.
They think she might be losing the baby.
“Shit! Shit!” I almost drop the phone. I have to tell Nick. I rush over to him and shake him as hard as I can. “Nick, wake up! We have to go to the hospital.” My hands are trembling and my body feels light.
He opens his eyes, groggy, he rubs his hand over his eyes, sleep in his voice. “What’s wrong?”
It all comes out in a rush, my words one on top of each other. “We have to get dressed. Chris called, the ambulance rushed Kate to the hospital; they think she might be losing the baby.”
Not another word is said until we get to the hospital. He throws back on the clothes he wore to the party, and I grab a pair of sweatpants, a T-shirt, put my hair back in a messy ponytail, and with no coat in the freezing cold, we are out the door.
I’m a nervous wreck the whole way to the hospital.
I can’t imagine what Nick must be feeling—this is his baby.
All I can do is silently pray that it was a mistake, that Kate and the baby are fine.
They’re going to be fine. Whatever our differences, she is my sister, and I love her.
I would never want this to happen to her or her baby.
I pray to God they’re okay. Please God make them be okay.
I try to keep it together for Nick, but I’m a nervous wreck.
I don’t know what to say. His hands are gripping the wheel so hard his knuckles are turning white.
He hasn’t looked at me or spoken since I told him about Chris’s message.
We pull up to the hospital, and there is no parking on the street.
I tell him to go and I’ll park the car. He rushes inside, and I watch him slip through the sliding doors.
I don’t look for a parking spot right away.
I sit in the car and pray some more, this time out loud.
That’s all I can do. Pray and hope things work out fine.
I get upstairs and find the room the nurse at the desk tells me Kate is in.
I don’t see anyone in the hall, only empty chairs a few feet down on the opposite side of the hall, but I hear Nick’s voice coming from the room.
I move closer and hear my mother’s voice.
My heart is beating hard with each step I take.
Not fast and loud, but a dull pounding I feel in my throat.
I stand by the side of the open doorway, afraid to go in.
My mother is facing the window, her back to Nick.
Nick is looking at Kate lying in the bed, his hands in his pockets.
She looks so peaceful and calm. She must be all right.
How can she not be? She’s fine. She’s just sleeping.
It was just a false alarm. I want this to be the truth, and if I say it enough, it will be.
I watch Nick watching her. He looks lost in his own thoughts. He asks my mother,
“Does she know?”
Know what?
My mother shakes her head. Her voice is low and full of emotion, like she’s been crying. “I’m not sure if she will remember. A lot was happening; they had to give her something in the ambulance to calm her down. She kept screaming for them to save her baby.”
Oh my God. I don’t even want to think it. This is not happening. A dull ache is spreading inside of me. This is not right. This was never supposed to happen.
I see Kate’s arm move across her stomach.
Her eyes flutter open and close again, struggling to wake up.
Nick moves closer to her bed and sits down next to her.
My mother turns around and moves closer, but she doesn’t move close enough to touch her or Nick.
She has a look of trepidation mixed with sadness on her face.
I move a little closer to the door. Kate turns her head and looks at Nick.
Her voice is calm and quiet, a little groggy from the medicine they must have given her.
“Nick.” She licks her lips and closes her eyes for a second.
Nick puts his hand over hers, resting on her stomach. He studies her face. “Yeah,” he says softly.
“The baby. Is the baby okay?”
He looks down at her stomach, his hand resting over hers, before he looks into her eyes.
My mother covers her mouth with her hand, stifling a sound, her eyes clouding up with tears.
From nowhere, a pang of guilt hits me. A tear rolls down my cheek and goes under my chin.
I feel like I shouldn’t be here, that I shouldn’t bear witness to this, but I can’t make myself leave or look away. I’m rooted to the spot where I stand.
Nick doesn’t answer her. She asks again, “Is the baby okay?”
“No, the baby’s gone. There was nothing they could do to save him.”
She shakes her head violently in denial.
“Kate—”
“No! You’re lying!” she screams.
“Kate, listen to me,” he says calmly.
“I’m not listening to anything, you…you…you’re a liar!” She tries to get up but he holds her down.
“Kate, there was nothing they could do.”
She’s crying and shaking her head wildly at him covering her ears. “I don’t want to hear this. You didn’t want this baby, you’re lying.”
She drops her hands, pushing and struggling to get free from him to get up. He has a firm hold on her so she can’t get up and hurt herself by yanking the machines and IV out of her arm.
“Get away from me!” she shrieks.
My mother looks at her with horror in her eyes, looking at Kate helplessly when Kate looks to her for confirmation Nick’s lying. “Mom, he’s lying, he’s lying,” she says hysterically. My mother shakes her head no.
Kate erupts in a fit of sobs that rocks her body, making her collapse in Nick’s arms, and a scream full of pain and anguish fills the room and hallways. My father and brothers come racing out of the room across the hall.
“Get the hell away from me, both of you. Get out! Get out!” Kate yells at Nick and my mother.
She sees me and turns the full blast of her anger my way. “You! You! You didn’t want me to have this baby. I hate you. This is your fault.”
She tries to get free of Nick’s hands to come toward me. She’s fighting him with all the strength she has, beating and pounding on his chest. He’s taking every blow, his chest heaving up and down, the muscles in his arms bulging against his shirt, trying to restrain her without hurting her.
We stand in the door, watching helplessly as she sinks down against Nick’s arm, crying hysterically.
The doctor and nurse rush into the room.
Nick shakes his head no. I watch as he holds her tight against his chest, sobbing and shaking.
“No, no, no, no, no.” He strokes her hair gently like a child who’s lost the most important thing to them in the world.
My mother goes to my father, tears streaming down her face.
I’m in total shock. The tears are coming down my face hard and fast, with one hand over my mouth the other around my neck keeping the bile in my throat from rising up and spewing out.
I shut my eyes tight against it. My brothers watch helplessly as Nick turns to them, murmuring, “Close the door.”
The nurse and the doctor turn in the room and shut the door, locking us out.
I’m sitting alone in the waiting room across the hall from Kate’s room, my head in my hands, crying.
I hear footsteps coming my way. I don’t look up; I don’t care who it is.
A hand touches mine, and I know who it is.
He kneels down in front of me, pulling my hands down from my face.
I can’t look at him. He’s watching the tears roll down my face.
Brushing my hair away with his fingers, I hear him say, “She’s going to be fine. ”
“No, she’s not. I’m sorry.” I can’t look at him. My hand goes around his neck. He hugs me tight, his hands on my back, soothing me while I cry all over him.
“It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong,” he says against my ear.
My lips part, trembling, when I pull back. Tears are welling in his eyes. He gently wipes my tears away, kissing me on the lips, and my eyes close. He holds my face in his hands, his lips still on mine.
“Cat, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“What the fuck are you doing?”
Everything freezes, and even my heart feels like it stops in my chest for a moment before skyrocketing. Jay is standing in the door, eyes blazing with anger. Nick lets my face go and rises up slowly.