Chapter 5 #3
Matt came back and I was happy to see him.
I was still looking for those fuzzy feelings though.
But he made me laugh, and I was happy to be with him.
The first night he was back things got a little hot and heavy, and I got carried away, almost forgetting I was pregnant.
As horny as I was, I couldn’t bring myself to have sex with him, pregnant with Nick’s child and him not knowing.
It seemed wrong on so many levels to have him in me while pregnant with someone else’s child is.
I’m breathing heavy while kissing Matt; he’s shirtless on top of me, and I’m in my bra with my dress pulled down to my waist. I break away from the kiss when his hand goes up my thigh, pulling my underwear down. “Matt—”
“Yeah ?” he says, kissing me on my collarbone.
“I think we should stop,” I say, holding his hands to keep them from going any lower.
He stops kissing me and puts his hand on the side of my face. “What’s wrong, am I hurting you?”
“No, no, I just think things are moving a little fast…I don’t know if I’m ready to take this next step in our relationship.”
“Okay. I can understand if you’re not ready yet, if that’s what it really is and it has nothing to do with anyone else. I’ve waited this long; I can wait till you’re ready.”
With a quick kiss I say, “Thank you for being patient and understanding.” We lie there in silence with him beside me, holding my hands.
Later, lying in bed alone, I feel awful about Matt, then Nick calls, and God help me, I was happy to hear from him.
It all comes to a head a week later when I’m getting ready for my date with Matt and I open my door to both of them standing there looking like they’re ready to lock horns and rip each other to shreds.
What the hell is going on? I’ve been feeling nauseated and tired the entire day. I don’t want to navigate this land mine. “Guys, please—”
“What is he doing here, Cat?”
“I don’t know, Matt.”
“Why the hell do you keep showing up here uninvited?” he says to Nick.
“I don’t answer to you. If you want to take this outside and get some things straight, I’m more than willing. It would be a pleasure.”
Matt moves toward Nick, and I think I’m going to throw up.
I rush between them with my back to Matt and put my hand up against Nick’s chest, trying to defuse this as fast as I can.
My heart is beating double time, and in an instance all it would take is the raise of a hand for someone to be seriously hurt. “Nick, please go. I’ll call you later.”
Nick’s eyes land on me for the first time and some of the anger in his voice fades. “Are you all right? I know we talked today, but I wanted to make sure you were good.”
“I’m fine. I’ll talk to you later.” He backs away, and I run my fingers through my hair and turn around to Matt’s angry stare. “Matt—”
“No! You talked to him today, and he shows up here again uninvited?”
“Matt—”
“Are you talking to him every day? What the hell is going on, Cat, for him to feel so comfortable that he can show up at your door any time he feels like it? And I don’t see you putting up much of a protest.”
“What do you want me to say, Matt?”
“I want the truth—you can start with that.”
“I think you should step inside so we can talk.” He steps inside, and I look behind me in the direction Nick went, closing the door.
We sit on the couch, and I start talking, telling him the truth without telling him about the pregnancy. I explain about passing out, going to the hospital, and staying at Nick’s house so he could keep an eye on me.
“Why didn’t you tell me all this?”
I shrug my shoulders, not knowing what to say and not wanting to say too much.
“If you were with me in here,” he says, brushing the back of his fingers over my heart. “And in here,” he says again, brushing a strand of my hair back from my face. “You would have told me. I’m willing to try and work on this, but I think we both know what’s going to happen.”
I clear my throat for real this time, and it’s not because of my nausea.
I don’t want to cry. “Matt, you’re a great guy, and an even better friend.
You need a girl with a less complicated life.
It wouldn’t be right for me to be in a relationship with you and not give you my all, and right now I can’t. Not right now, anyway.”
“The timing is never right with us. Maybe one day it will be.”
“Maybe,” I say, my voice wavering.
“Can I ask you for one last thing before I leave?”
“Of course.”
“One last kiss.”
“You didn’t even have to ask.” I lean into him, opening my mouth against his, brushing my tongue across the seam of his lips. He opens his mouth and gently sucks my tongue into his mouth, making me moan, and when he tilts his head, deepening the kiss, I let him.
We sit with our foreheads pressed together, and he says, “It always comes down to one last kiss for us, doesn’t it?”
I swipe my thumb across his lips and smile. “Yes, but I can honestly say your kisses make my toes curl.”
“But not enough to help you through your problems and to forget about Nick. Otherwise I would have been the first call you made when you needed help.”
I can’t deny it—he’s right. No need for me to hurt him by saying it out loud.
So I tell him the truth. “I appreciate the great friend you’ve been to me and not asking me about my family, even though we both know you know the situation.
You were just there for me, as a friend giving me a shoulder to cry on whenever I needed one. Thank you.”
“You’re more than welcome. Whenever you need a shoulder or two I’ll be here. All you have to do is call. Better yet, I’ll call you. I’m not giving up but I know when it’s time to step back.”
Nick
Isn’t this a bitch? I’m sweating bullets, doing a stint as a mini-stalker in front of her building, while the mother of my child is going on a date with some other guy. I hate this. Every fucking night I lie awake wondering where she is and if she’s sleeping with him!
For weeks I’ve been living in fucking torture.
I’m constantly worried if she’s feeling well or if she needs anything.
I know she’s not eating much; I just don’t want anything to happen to her.
What if she passes out again at home? No one’s there with her, and it’s not like I can call one of her friends or Ava to check on her when they don’t know she’s pregnant.
On edge, I sit back, waiting for her to leave with Matt so I can see for myself she’s fine.
I know what she said, but she didn’t look like she was feeling too good.
That worries me more than anything else.
As I’m waiting in my car, Matt comes out by himself.
Maybe she changed her mind about going out because she isn’t feeling well.
Damn, I can’t call her. She wasn’t thrilled with me showing up and almost getting into it with Matt, and there’s a very good chance she won’t answer my call.
Damn. I sit there for another thirty minutes before I say fuck it.
I’d rather her be mad at me than her being sick and by herself or worse.
I practically knock her door down. “Cat? Cat, open the door. I want to make sure you’re all right, then I’ll leave, I promise.
Cat! Cat!” The door flies open mid-knock with a pissed off Cat who looks ready for blood.
“Stop knocking on my door like a madman or I’m going to call the police before my neighbors get a chance to!”
“Sorry, I wanted to make sure you were fine.”
“You came back for that, unannounced, again? You could have called, that’s why they invented a little thing called the telephone; you should try using it.”
“I know you’re upset with me, but you have to admit I held my shit together pretty good.”
“You want a fucking medal for that? You wouldn’t have had to hold it together if you didn’t show up here unannounced, which I asked you not to do!
” Pissed and yelling, she stops and grips the door handle, taking a deep breath before continuing.
“But here you go again, doing what you want to do, as usual.”
Worried more than I was a while ago, I reach for her. “Cat?” She pulls away and stumbles a little. Ignoring her protests, I rush forward, wrapping my arms around her when she looks like she’s going to fall. Scooping her up in my arms, I kick the door closed and lay her down on the couch. “Cat?”
She rolls her head to the side and says, “I’m fine. I was a little dizzy. I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. What if I wasn’t here? You could have hit your head and gotten another concussion or worse.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“I’m concerned for the mother of my child; I have a right to be,” I manage to say with an easy tone not to upset her more. “I think it would be best if you came to stay with me.”
“What? No!” she says, sitting up against the arm of the couch, resting her head on a pillow. “I’m not going to stay with you, that’s ridiculous. I can take care of myself.”
“I know you can, but Ava’s not here, and this is the second time you’ve fainted. What if I wasn’t here? Then what?”
“I would get off the floor and call myself an ambulance.”
“Not funny. Look at me. I don’t want to receive another call telling me you’re in the hospital.”
“Fine then, I won’t call you.”
“You’d better call me. Listen to me, stay with me until Ava comes back in a few weeks.
” I hold her chin in my hands for her to look at me.
“If not for you, for the baby, please. If you don’t, I’m going to have to call Chris or someone in your family.
Not because I’m trying to be a prick to get what I want, but because I’m genuinely worried about you and the baby. ”
She moves my hand off her face and says, “Fine.”
I spend the night at her house, and the next day after work, I pick her up and bring her things over to my house.