Chapter 6 #2
I cover my face with my hands, shaking my head, picturing myself twerking. I hear a loud clap, Gage’s laughter, then Nick’s voice. “Let’s go, get your ass out of my house.”
God, I love those two. I have a lot to think about.
I need to admit some things to myself and stop avoiding them, mainly Nick.
I head to the shower to try to clear my head of all the thoughts and feelings I can’t run from anymore or resist. He is who he is and, being totally honest about it, the bastard that he sometimes is.
That’s not all he is; he’s a man with many sides, and he’s never tried to hide them from me or pretend he’s something he’s not.
He’s trying, trying for me. I see it in everything he’s done these past weeks: not questioning my choice, giving me space to breathe, and the biggest is not going toe to toe with Matt.
I know that wasn’t easy for him, but he respected what I needed to do. I respect that and appreciate it.
Putting on a T-shirt, I go into his room to get the hair dryer and can’t help but stop next to the bed.
Seeing it brings back all those memories of the nights we spent making love.
Him holding me close, kissing every inch of my body, making me want more of whatever he had to offer, and me taking it without a single strand of regret.
Putting the dryer on the dresser, I sit on his bed, running my hands over the cool bedding.
Not being able to help myself, I lie down, sinking into his pillow, taking in his clean masculine scent.
I close my eyes, hands curled into the pillows, thinking about him and the choices I need to make.
Nick
We take my car to Shawn’s studio apartment in Washington Heights to watch the basketball game between the Knicks and the Cavs.
It’s supposed to be us and six other guys he works with from his precinct.
He said Chris might show but he wasn’t sure.
There might be some tension there, but Shawn knows what happened between us and we’ve talked, so he wasn’t too worried about us being in the same room.
If he knew Cat was pregnant with my child, though, he wouldn’t let us step foot in his apartment.
I don’t know if Matt’s going to show; it slipped my mind to ask him.
If he does show up we might be getting arrested then it would be a real guys night for the ages.
When we arrive, I see Chris isn’t there yet. We have a few beers, but I only drink half of mine since I’m driving, then I ask Shawn, “Is Matt coming?”
“Nah. He called a couple minutes ago and said some chick he’s had a thing for asked him out. So he dropped his bros for a chick, the same thing I would do.”
“Really? Did he happen to drop the name of this chick he couldn’t turn down or see after the game?” I say, touching my bottle to my lips.
“Nah, but he must be into her to bail at the last minute, unless he just didn’t want to be in the same space with you. I don’t think that’s it though—he would have just come to fuck with you, seeing as y’all are on the outs these days.”
He’s right about that. The only woman I can think of that would get him to drop out at the last minute is the one I left home alone.
I’m going to pop a blood vessel if it is.
I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with his ass anymore.
The bell rings and Shawn goes to answer it.
Maybe I should call Cat, just to check on her, make sure she’s all right.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and hit her name.
It rings twice, and I look up to see Chris saying hi to the guys and talking to Gage.
Damn, why isn’t she picking up? The phone rings out and I call again, with the same result.
Dammit. I’m jumping to conclusions; for all I know she could be sleeping or she could have forgotten her phone in another room.
Putting my phone back in my pocket, I rub the bridge of my nose, trying to calm my rising fears of losing her to another man.
“Hey, what’s up?”
My head snaps up at Chris’s voice. “Hey, not much.”
“You looked like you were in deep-thought mode.”
“Work-related stuff.” I feel bad about lying to him, but he’d kill me if he knew about Cat.
Our friendship is strained enough. When he does find out, I have to be the one to tell him.
I have to do it right, if there is a right way to say ‘your twin sister lost my baby but I got your little sister pregnant and I’m trying to make her give me a second chance by convincing her of my undying love. ’
“So who you going for tonight? Like I need to ask.”
“You know me, New York Knicks all the way. They let me down a lot, but I still have to hold on to hope for them, they’ll make it to the finals eventually.”
“I know what you mean. Sometimes you just have to hold out hope things will get better. They’ve been through a lot; many have come and gone.
You can’t give up, they’re like the friend who fucks up but you know they’re good enough to make it through.
They’re worth a second chance, or three or four, just give them time. ”
I have a feeling he’s not only talking about the Knicks.
I smile and nod my head while he drinks his beer.
“Yeah, give ’em time.” He nods back and the game starts with Gage whipping off his shirt to expose a Cleveland Cavaliers LeBron jersey, cheering obnoxiously loud in a room full of Cops and Knicks fans with no fear at all.
He constantly does this to provoke the shit out of us.
Chris and I look on smiling, drinking our beers.
“Your brother’s a brave man.”
“Yes, he is.”
The Knicks lose by one and Gage’s almost murdered by a room full of pissed-off Knicks fans. I rescue him by dropping him off at some girl’s house. He jogs up to her door and I yell out my window, “Don’t drink any more tonight, and for God’s sake don’t smoke anything.”
“I’m good, stop worrying. Kylie’s going to take good care of me.”
“I bet.” He smiles, giving me a wink and a salute instead of a wave.
I couldn’t keep my mind on the game the entire night.
What Shawn said, and Cat not answering her phone, kept swimming around in my head, drowning out everything going on around me.
I know I won’t be able to deal if she goes back to dating Matt.
It took immense self-control the first time.
Thinking about him kissing her, the thought of his hands on her, was driving me crazy, much less convincing myself they weren’t having sex!
I couldn’t bring myself to think about that possibility.
I’m glad she moved in with me, because I don’t know how much longer I could have kept it together, wondering what she was doing every night.
When I get home, I fight the urge to march into Cat’s room first, holding on to hope she didn’t go out with Matt.
It helps to calm my fears when the first thing I see is her phone on the couch, which brings a slow smile to my face.
I stop in the doorway of my room at the most beautiful sight I’ve seen in months.
She belongs right where she is, my sleeping beauty, picture-perfect.
Walking in as quietly as I can, I sit down next to her on the bed, putting my left hand across her. Her eyes flutter open, and I brush her hair out of her face to the side and say, “Hi.”
“Hi, I fell asleep,” she says, still groggy.
“I see.”
“I came to get the dryer an—”
“I don’t mind. I like you in my bed.” Focusing on her lips, I lightly stroke a finger over her brow. “Do you want me to take you back to your bed? I will. But I don’t want to, I want you to stay.” More than anything in the world I want you to stay and say you’ll be mine.
Gazing up at me, she says, “As much as I try to fight it, I can’t stop these feelings coursing through me. I can’t lock them away like a box of old memories in an attic.”
I smile, moving my eyes up to meet hers, knowing exactly what she means. I could never forget a single memory of her if I tried.
“Would it be wrong of me for wanting to stay after everything you’ve done and said, Nick? Would I be a complete fool to give you another chance? Would I be weak? Because these are the questions I ask myself when I think of letting you back in.”
Hope, sweet hope. Hope I’ve never felt before soars through me at her words and I answer her one hundred percent truthfully. “No. You would be saving a life. Saving me from the person I was before you opened the door walking back into my life.” Which is the absolute truth.
Reaching up, she strokes the tips of her fingertips across the side of my face. “How do you do it? Always undressing me with your eyes, your charm, your hands, and words. Peeling my layers of protection away. Leaving me bare, with little to no protection. Why? How do you always manage to do it?”
“You don’t need protection from me, Cat. It’s the other way around. You don’t know the power you have over me. You could bring me to my knees at any moment with one word. If you only knew the power you hold over me to crush me into a million fractured pieces.”
With her hand on the side of my face, she brings me closer to her. Tipping her head back, she presses her lips to mine and whispers, “I want you.”
I smile against her lips, heaving a sigh of pure relief and briefly closing my eyes.
“Thank God. I thought I was going to have to work overtime-hard to convince you to be with me. Months, if not years to come,” I tell her, watching her bite down on her lip to keep from smiling.
“I didn’t want to push you. I wanted to see if you would come to me freely without any influence from me.
Last time I didn’t do that. I pushed when I should have given you the space you asked for.
I was trying to be patient and not repeat my mistakes. ”
Her fingers go to the back of my head as she kisses me deep and slow.
I pull away, tugging my shirt over my head, barely taking my eyes off her, pulling the rest of my clothes off as fast as possible.
She has on way too many clothes, but I’m going to fix that ASAP.
Kneeling over her, I wrap my hands around her, feeling her body go pliant as I crush her to my body rolling on to my back with her. God, this feels good. It feels right.