Chapter 13
Nick
Chris and I meet up with Jay and Shawn at a bar near the Barclay center, in downtown Brooklyn.
The four of us are sitting at the table drinking our beers watching the Knicks struggle to keep their one-point lead on the big screen.
I’m trying to concentrate on what they’re talking about, but my mind is on Cat and Ava.
Where the hell did they go? I hope it’s not some crazy-ass broke down club they went to.
Ava can get a little out of hand if she starts drinking too much, and if Cat’s drinking with her, that’s not good.
Hopefully, Cat will remember what Chris drilled into her head back in college: two drink maximum, always be alert, and know what’s going on around you at all times.
Yeah, I doubt that’s happening with Ava around.
“What’s up, Nick?”
I look up at Shawn from across the table. “Nothing, drinking my beer.”
“I know that, but you haven’t said much all night.”
“Yeah, man, what’s up? Is my sister busting your balls about the wedding?” Jay asks.
Here we fucking go.
“No, she’s not.”
“You’re getting married to Cat and you didn’t tell me? Damn, you work fast, she just came back!” Shawn says.
Great, one more person I have to keep from opening their mouths about this fake-ass marriage.
I clear my throat and wrap my hands around my ice-cold beer mug.
I’m getting heated, and I need to cool down.
I take a mouthful and swallow it down. Chris must figure I’m not going to answer, so he answers Shawn’s question.
“He’s not marrying Cat. He’s engaged to Kate.” He makes a face at Shawn and shifts his eyes back to me.
“For real, man? I didn’t see that one coming. I’ve never even seen you guys talk.”
Chris rolls his eyes up and taps the side of his mug. “They’re engaged, so obviously they must talk.”
“I’m just saying. I guess things are different now…congratulations.” Shawn holds up his glass to me, takes a long drink, and gives me a lopsided grin.
Don’t worry, Shawn, I’m thinking the same thing you are: How the fuck did that happen? I can’t say thank you because I have nothing to say thank you for. Instead, I raise my mug toward him, nod my head, and take my last drink.
“You know, Nick, for a man that’s newly engaged, you don’t seem like you’re too happy. I remember when Vanessa and I first got engaged, I was so happy I felt like I’d won the lottery. I know every man is different, but I’m not seeing any emotions from you. What’s up with that?”
Jay is pissing me off. If he has something to say to me, he should come out and say it.
If it wasn’t for Cat, I would tell him what’s really going on between me and his sister with this fake engagement.
“You’re right; every man is different in the way they choose to show their emotions.
I don’t go around beaming and radiating light when I’m happy.
In all the time that you’ve known me, have any of you ever seen me overcome with happiness and joy to the point it’s radiating out my ass? Chris, have you ever seen me radiate?”
Chris puts his beer bottle down and leans forward, with his hands folded on the table. Chris turns his head to Jay then back to me with a lazy smile, shaking his head no. “I can honestly say I have never seen that, but I would like to. Shawn, have you ever seen Nick radiate happiness?”
Shawn puts his hand on his chin and, looking at the three of us, says, “Nah, not even in high school when we kicked ass on the football team. We were badass. The closest I’ve ever seen him come to radiating is the last game he ever played in before he quit the team.
I would like to see you shine like the sun.
I would pay money to see that—it would be like cracking a code.
” Shawn and Chris smile, taking another drink of their beers.
Jay’s eyes are fixed on me, beer in hand, and he’s not smiling. “I’ve seen you smile before, Nick. I’ve seen you happy, having a good time. When we used to hang out with all the guys with Chris and my little sister…Cat.”
He says it like I don’t know she’s his little sister.
“I know who Cat is. Where are you going with your line of questioning? What do you want to know?” I stare at him, maintaining eye contact, so he knows I’m not going for this shit.
If he’s looking for truth, I’m going to give it to him.
Seeing the growing tension between us, Chris intervenes.
“Guys, this is supposed to be a night out with the guys, having a few drinks and a good time. Jay, back off—we didn’t come here to talk about Kate or their engagement. That’s none of our business; the only person that should be worried about the emotions he’s showing toward his engagement is Kate.”
“She’s our sister, Chris; that gives me the right to be concerned whether or not she’s happy with this engagement. She doesn’t seem happy.”
“Why is it you feel the need to be concerned about what’s going on with Kate and me?
All these years, I haven’t seen you really care about what goes on in Kate’s or Cat’s personal life.
I’ve never heard you once mention any of Kate’s past relationships, but I have personally known some of the guys she’s dated.
They hardly know you, so why are you all up my ass? ”
“Because I know you.”
Shawn sighs and knocks on the table with the bottom of his fist twice to get our attention, but we still don’t break eye contact. Our eyes are locked and tense.
“Like Chris said, I didn’t come here for this.
I came to hang out with my boys I haven’t seen in a while, to have a good time.
I’m off duty. I don’t want to arrest anyone for a domestic dispute or disorderly conduct.
Maybe you two should talk about this some other time when there’s no alcoholic beverages involved, with a mediator present. ”
“Shawn’s right, this is not the time or the place to talk about this. Both of you need to chill the fuck out.”
Eyes still locked on me, Jay says, “I’ll drop it for now. I just want Nick to know that family means everything to me. I don’t want to see anyone in my family hurt, whether it be unintentionally or otherwise. Especially when it comes to my sisters. I love them, and I want the best for them.”
“Who says I’m not the best thing for your sister? Who’s to say I can’t make her happy?”
He’s talking about Kate, but my mind is on Cat. I don’t know if I am the best thing for her, and I don’t know if I can make her happy. The only thing I know for sure is that she makes me happy. I don’t want to lose her.
“I don’t know if you can make her happy. I don’t think you’re the right man for her, but let’s hope I’m wrong,” he says, standing up to leave. “Shawn, Chris, I’ll see y’all later. I’m going home. He turns and looks at me. “Nick.”
“Jay.” After he leaves, I tell the guys I’m leaving too. Chris walks out with me to my car.
“I don’t know what’s going on between you and Kate, but something is obviously not right.
If it’s so obvious that Jay and I can see it, then it’s only a matter of time before other people start noticing it too.
She may seem tough, like she has all her shit together, but she often doesn’t.
She’s good at hiding her feelings. She can come off as a real bitch, that’s her defense mechanism.
She’s going to get to you before you can get to her. ”
“You too, Chris? You sound like Jay.”
“I trust you, you know I do. The question is do I trust you with my sister? Not so much. Jay and Shawn said some things that I know to be true.”
“Like what?”
“You don’t do long-term relationships, and the two times you tried it did not end well.”
“Have you ever thought the reason why those relationships didn’t work out was because I haven’t found the right woman yet?”
“No, I never thought of it that way. I’m asking you now, have you found the right woman?”
“I believe I have.”
“Is it my sister?”
“Yes, it is.” I lean back against my car door. He looks at me and blows out a big breath.
“Man, I don’t want anyone to get hurt. Be careful the way you handle this whole thing.
You’re like a brother to me; we’ve had each other’s backs since grade school.
I see the way you are with Cat. You’ve known her for more than half her life.
” He folds his hands across his chest and I nod my head waiting for him to say we both know how I feel about Cat.
“I know you care about her a lot. It’s harder for me to see what’s going on between you and Kate, since you two have never really been that close.
Then all of a sudden, bam”—he flings his arm out and puts the other one on the hood of my car next to me— “ you’re engaged.
Like I said, if Jay and I can see something’s not right, Kate and other people are going to see it too.
Don’t start something that’s going to end badly for everyone. ”
I look straight ahead and nod my head again. “I hear you.” But I can’t stop what’s already in motion.
“Think before you do something you can’t take back.”
Too damn late.
I go home thinking about what Chris said.
Too bad life doesn’t have do-overs or second chances.
I can’t stop thinking about Cat. I called Ava three times with no answer.
I know Cat’s not going to answer my calls, because she hasn’t answered any of them in the past week.
I guess I’ll wait for Ava to call me back or drive myself crazy wondering where they are and who they’re with.