Chapter 19 #2
My pulse quickened. The memory stirred, faint and incomplete.
I could almost see it: of standing on that same balcony beneath starlight, but not in this castle.
The curve of stone beneath my hands, the night air, the low timbre of his voice, the way my breathing shallowed as he drew closer.
No matter how much I tried to grasp it, it refused to fully form, like a painting left unfinished.
Another memory surfaced, unbidden, and then another and another—snippets sifting through my mind too fast for me to grasp more than vague impressions.
Over and over I was climbing onto the balcony or standing on it.
Usually beneath starlight, sometimes in pre-dawn light, once in pure darkness under a cloud-robed sky.
The one constant in each version was Evander, waiting for me, and my joy at seeing him despite pretending I was trying to sneak past him.
I involuntarily smiled at the scenes playing before me, but couldn’t ignore the problem with these memories—I clearly remembered meeting Evander in both worlds, and in both I was still getting to know him.
The intimacy of these memories was something I might secretly yearn for, but had not yet attained.
Was this yet another feature of the curse, showing me what I yearned for but could not have?
I looked down, realizing that in the onslaught of visions I’d involuntarily reached for Evander’s hand and was still squeezing it tightly.
Embarrassed, I pulled away and searched his expression, trying to discern what he thought of my magic.
He only inclined his head slightly, an invitation to proceed.
I hesitated only a moment before my natural curiosity compelled me to reach for the wall once more. The moment my fingers brushed the stone, the world around me shifted. For a heartbeat, I stood in the same place…yet at the same time, I sensed I’d traveled somewhere far away, even another time.
Light flooded my senses—not the dull, lifeless light of the corridor, but something brighter.
Sound followed, rushing in where silence had been: laughter, distant footsteps, the faint echo of music drifting through the halls.
Servants passed in soft conversation, their footsteps echoing clearly against polished floors that gleamed with warmth.
Sunlight streamed through tall windows that no longer existed, catching on gold that shone not with hollow brilliance, but with something rich and real.
My hand jerked away from the wall as though burned.
The vision shattered, and I found myself back in the grey, empty silence.
I staggered back a step. “That’s not—” My voice faltered.
“This isn’t how my memories work—they show me what has happened, not alternate realities or how things might have been. ”
Evander remained silent, giving me time to process and decide what to share. I inhaled slowly, my protective instincts warring with my newfound desire to trust this man I was growing to care for ever more deeply. My voice was faint, trembling slightly as I met Evander’s gaze and began.
“You’ve already surmised that I can see things when I touch them.
” My gaze fell on his signet ring he’d kept me from touching once.
“Objects store memories of people who’ve touched them.
Sometimes it’s just mundane details of someone’s everyday life.
But the strongest, most emotional memories take the deepest hold.
When I put my hand on something, I can see what someone was doing and what they were feeling. ”
I looked down at my hands that had uncovered countless memories, fingers that had searched for the most interesting artifacts to access other people’s lives.
“I’ve spent my life hunting memories…it’s why I became a thief.
My own memories are…not worth recalling, for the most part.
Instead, I treasured other people’s experiences, using my power to read people and find my way out of danger.
It was the most thrilling experience I could have, to touch an object and live a moment in someone’s life. ”
I paused, recalling the early days of learning to use my gift…and the people who’d attempted to exploit it.
“I quickly learned to hide my power,” I said softly. “It was a gift, but in the wrong hands could be twisted into a curse. I can only share it with someone I fully trust, and I’ve never been able to fully trust anyone before.”
In the depths of Evander’s eyes I saw a tender appreciation. “I’m honored to have your trust,” he said softly. “Again.”
I let out a breath of laughter. “Apparently you’ve won my confidence on multiple occasions.” I brushed a finger along the wall that had given me such confusing visions. “But now I don’t know what’s going on. My magic is working normally. These aren’t…regular memories.”
Evander watched me carefully. “No,” he agreed.
“A memory preserves a moment as it was when it was lived, not as it becomes. It captures what mattered, what endured. Whether because it was cherished…or because it couldn’t be escaped.
Though I haven’t seen the memories you just witnessed myself, I would venture a guess they belong to a time before the world fell asleep. ”
His words stirred something within me, as though I were standing inside a memory that had already faded. I’d felt this dissonance before, like something hollowed out and left behind. I looked around again, seeking anything to anchor my scattered memories.
The castle of neglect and ruin almost felt more alive than this surreal place.
I closed my eyes, trying to recapture the moment from the dream—not just the image, but the sensation of it.
The chill of the air, thick with dust and time, its staleness lingering at the back of my throat.
The wild overgrowth in the garden, untamed and relentless, curling through broken stone as though life itself refused to be contained.
Slowly I opened my eyes and lifted my gaze to Evander. He bent towards me. “What is it?”
“There’s another place,” I said before I could stop myself.
His attention sharpened immediately. “What kind of place?”
I’d already shared my deepest secret, yet I still hesitated.
My magic was part of me, but my dreams…I didn’t know what they were.
Voicing them aloud seemed like admitting something I wasn’t yet sure of.
Yet as great as my doubt was, the dream world was beginning to feel like the only real thing in my life.
My only reality aside from this man who existed with me in both worlds.
“There’s a castle in ruins, yet alive in a way this place isn’t. And…you’re there, yet not this version of you.” I shook my head faintly, trying to make sense of it even as I spoke.
“And you’re able to go there when you fall asleep here?” Evander’s eyes were wide with something I couldn’t quite read. It almost looked like…hope.
“Yes. And it changes a little every time I wake there, just like here. Only it’s becoming brighter and more detailed, unlike this place.”
From beside me, Evander observed my wrestle before finally breaking his silence. “I know you prefer to discover things for yourself,” he said, his tone almost conversational. “But perhaps a hint is in order.”
I glanced at him, wary, before curiosity won. I gave a reluctant nod. He studied me for a moment more before speaking.
“I’ll offer a question instead: what was your purpose before you came to the castle? Do you remember where you were or what you were doing?”
“Of course I do,” I snapped. “I was on an important mission.”
He arched a brow. “Important enough to abandon the moment this castle appeared out of nowhere?”
“I…” My voice faltered. “I don’t—” My pulse began to race.
The answer should have come easily, but it wasn’t even a blurred fragment, or even the sense of something just beyond reach. Not hidden, it was simply…gone, as though it had never been there at all. The realization struck with a force that stole the breath from my lungs.
I had been in that forest for a reason, I knew I had. I could feel the certainty of it, anchored somewhere deep inside me. But when I searched every nook and cranny of my mind for the memory, there was nothing there. Not even an echo.
“Why can’t I remember?” The question came out more sharply than I intended, edged with something dangerously close to panic.
“There is an explanation,” Evander said. “Hidden within the castle.”
Hidden…but where? I needed a clue, but I wore none of the thief attire from when I’d first infiltrated the palace from which to retrieve a memory…
save for the bracelet that always adorned my wrist. My thumb grazed the metal, tracing the familiar links—each one tied to a memory I had chosen to keep.
Fragments of my past, pieces of myself I refused to lose.
They stirred faintly beneath my touch, as though trying to rouse from heavy sleep.
But none of those I searched held the reason I had been in that forest, none explained why I had come here; I couldn’t even remember what had driven me into the castle in the first place…
except curiosity, a force stronger than what usually compelled me.
As if I had to return here at all costs.
I stilled, noticing the quiet, unsettling thought. Return?
Evander watched me carefully, something quieter settling into his expression. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “There’s a reason you’ve forgotten.”
I forced myself to meet his gaze. “And you know what it is?”
A faint, almost rueful smile touched his lips. “Of course. It’s similar to…” He paused, as though considering how best to phrase it. “…the way dreams work.”
The words echoed in my mind. With them, fragments began to shift—the dullness of this world, the vividness of the other. The memories that felt more real than the present. The life in the ruins, the emptiness here. The missing pieces, the slipping edges of my own mind.
A terrible, quiet realization began to take shape.
If this world felt like something fading…if the other world felt alive…if my memories belonged more to there than to here, then—
My breath caught. No, that couldn’t be…could it?
I stood very still, afraid that if I moved, the fragile thread of understanding would snap. But nowhere near as afraid of what would happen if it didn’t.
Because if I followed the thought to its end and allowed myself to truly see what was right in front of me—then everything I thought I knew would unravel, and I wasn’t certain I would survive what lay on the other side of that truth.
That this world I had trusted as real was the dream, and the world I thought was a dream was the only reality that had ever been true.