From Rachel’s Diary
From Rachel’s Diary:
I almost forgot to write tonight.
That feels like a bad sign.
When I started this notebook, it was supposed to keep me honest. A place where I could make sense of the noise. Once upon a time it was the only place I could just… be me.
Now I’m writing because I feel guilty when I don’t.
Paris still feels unreal sometimes. Not in the romantic way people imagine. More like how did this become my life? I spend most days chasing assignments, following René across the city, trying to learn how he sees things before he even lifts the camera.
Dominic and I are playing phone tag—or I guess message tag. He said I sound good in my clips. Settled. I liked hearing that more than I should have.
One of his last messages caught me offguard.
Birth control.
Not in a weird way. Just… practical. He said if we’re serious about this, maybe it makes sense so we don’t have to think about condoms all the time. I told him I’d think about it.
I actually have been.
Not just because of him. The idea of not dealing with my period every month sounds like cheating somehow, but also… appealing. Like removing one more thing from the calendar.
Which is probably a terrible way to think about my own body.
But lately everything feels like it’s being scheduled. Work. School. Dominic. Calls home. Sleep.
I’m starting to understand all those times Uncle Basil said he was too busy for his own life.