Chapter 28 #2
They headed back along the Terrace in silence. As they approached the main road, the level of traffic noise increased.
Matt slowed his pace. “I hope one day somebody talks about me the way you talk about Ben.”
Owen gazed at him. “What a lovely thing to say.” He took Matt’s hand in his. “You’d have liked him.”
“I wish I’d met him.”
They strolled along the Terrace, their fingers still laced, their shoulders brushing.
“I feel as if I’m walking through your memories.
” Matt kept his gaze focused on the tarmac beneath his feet.
“There’s so much of him here.” He paused.
“I keep wondering whether I’m… intruding on those memories.
” He wasn’t jealous of Ben. How could he be?
Ben wasn’t an ex-boyfriend whose place he hoped to steal.
He was the man Owen had built a life with.
The man Owen still spoke about with quiet affection. The love of Owen’s life.
Matt wasn’t trying to become Ben. He wouldn’t have known where to begin.
He just hoped there might still be room for someone called Matt.
Owen stopped walking.
“Matt.” Owen let go of his hand so Matt had to look at him. “I’ve never wanted you to be Ben.”
Matt searched Owen’s face.
“I brought you here because you’re you.” Owen’s smile was gentle, his tone certain. “Not because I wanted to recreate anything.” Then he reclaimed Matt’s hand. “My memories of Ben don’t leave less room for you.”
Warmth surged through him.
Owen squeezed his fingers. “How about we go back to the Mouse, sit on the patio, and watch the sun go down?”
Matt smiled. “I’d like that.”
They walked on, still holding hands, stopping at the edge of the road as they waited for a gap in the traffic. The church bells were still peeling, a joyous sound that felt like the perfect accompaniment to Matt’s present mood. When they reached the inn, Owen led them through to the bar.
He turned to Matt. “I’m going to have a brandy. Is there anything you’d like?”
Matt thought about it for a second. “A rum and coke?” He grinned. “Dad caught me once helping myself to a glass one Christmas when we had a house full of relatives.”
“Aha. You were being sneaky.”
He gave Owen a look of mock outrage. “Me? Sneaky? Never.”
Owen addressed the man behind the bar and ordered their drinks.
Then they walked out onto the patio where the sun was about to dip out of sight, the clouds hues of pinky-purple and gold.
There was a bench tucked into an alcove, and they sat there, glasses in hand.
Most of the people who’d been at the tables below them had gone.
The swings were empty, and the bells had stopped.
Only five or so cars remained in the car park.
Owen leaned back. “Can I ask you something?”
Matt smiled. “You’re always asking me something or other.”
He laughed. “Fair point.” He paused. “When you think back over this summer, do you have any regrets?”
Matt frowned. “Why would I have regrets?”
“I’ve dragged you into my world.” Owen shrugged. “You’ve met people you never expected to meet. Been to places you probably never imagined going. You came to that party…”
Heat flushed through him.
Owen smiled. “And now you’re staying on the Isle of Wight after spending the day clinging to the back of a motorbike.”
Matt laughed.
Owen rolled his glass between his palms. “I suppose I’m asking whether any of it’s been too much.”
Matt didn’t answer immediately. Then he smiled. “No, it hasn’t.”
“You’re sure?”
He turned his head to meet Owen’s gaze. “I’ve never once felt pushed.”
Owen’s shoulders relaxed. “Good.”
Matt didn’t look away. “I’ve trusted you.”
The words seemed to surprise them both.
Owen held his gaze for a moment. “Thank you.”
Matt studied the dark liquid in his glass. “There’s something I don’t think I’ve ever told you.”
Owen waited.
“Before I met you… sex was… fine, I suppose. Or maybe that’s giving it too much credit.”
Owen said nothing, which gave him the courage to continue.
“It wasn’t something I looked forward to.
It certainly wasn’t something I thought much about afterwards.
” He took a sip of his drink. “Then I met you.” Another pause.
“You showed me it could be passionate… exciting… gentle when it needed to be.” He laughed.
“Honestly, I didn’t know it could be all those things at once.
” He tightened his fingers around the glass.
“From that first time, I’ve trusted you to make it good.
” He glanced back at Owen. “And you always have.” His cheeks warmed.
“I’ve only ever talked about this with one other person.
My friend Eric. We were at Edinburgh together.
” He smiled. “He’s also the only person who knows what I’ve been getting up to this summer. ”
Owen stared into his brandy. “Trust cuts both ways.”
For some reason, the skin on Matt’s arms prickled.
“You talk about your friend. You clearly trust him too.” He lifted his bearded chin and stared out at the darkening sea. “There’s one thing I’ve only ever trusted one man enough to do.” He huffed. “You’re probably going to think this is ridiculous, given all my… experience.”
Matt covered Owen’s hand with his own. “You once told me I could tell you anything. That cuts both ways too.” He didn’t let go.
Owen stared at their joined hands. “I’ve only ever bottomed for one man.”
Matt didn’t need to ask who.
“People think it’s about who’s on top and who’s underneath.” He shook his head. “For me, it was never as simple as that.” He gazed at Matt. “It was about who I trusted enough to be completely vulnerable with.”
Matt swallowed. “Thank you for telling me.” Owen shifted on his seat, wincing. Matt stilled. “Are you okay?”
Owen bit his lip. “This is embarrassing. Today was the first time in six years that I’ve ridden a bike most of the day, and…
Well, I ache. You forget, I was in my forties then.
” He rolled his eyes. “Obviously, that makes a difference. But the really ironic thing? I packed a bottle of massage oil, intending to use it on you when you ended the day with aching muscles.”
Matt laughed. “Me? I feel fine.” He grinned. “Then I guess I get to use it on you.”
Owen arched his eyebrows. “Don’t tell me massage therapy is also one of your many skills.”
“Never done it in my life, but there’s a first time for everything.
And judging by that face you just pulled, right now your need is greater and I’m the only one available.
” He flashed Owen an innocent look. “Unless you want me to see if Alex is available?” Owen gave a loud gasp, and he laughed.
“You think I didn’t notice the way you watched his arse when he went up the stairs ahead of us? ”
“Okay, guilty as charged. Can you blame me? It was a gorgeous arse. But he’s spoken for, and I’m not a poacher.
” Owen’s eyes twinkled. “Besides, even though he is very good-looking, why would I look at him when I have you to share my bed?” He squeezed Matt’s hand.
“Now why don’t we find out how talented those fingers of yours are? ”