9
‘Heather’
— Conan Grey
Scott
I arrive at Lara’s house at 6:30. It's already dark outside, and I step inside, the warm vanilla scent of her house entering my airway.
I spot Isaac talking to his mom. He is wearing a band shirt paired with some black jeans.
Which is totally different from my white collared shirt and black slacks.
My mom told me to dress well, because it’s a nice occasion, which usually means someone has some sort of announcement they want to make.
My eyes flick over to the stairs, where I see Lara making her way to the entryway.
Her pink floral dress and her pink ribbon in her slightly curled blonde hair mirror the kindness in her heart.
The rest of the room disappears for a second; all I see is Lara.
I’ve seen Lara Mae a thousand times, but somehow she always manages to steal the air from my lungs.
Before I can say anything, Isaac turns to her, putting his arm around her waist.
“You look beautiful, Larva,” he says, giving her a soft kiss on the cheek. What the fuck is going on here?
I walk over to them before Lara can respond. My lips carve into a fake smile.
“Can I steal Butterfly from you for a minute?” I ask Isaac, my eyes filled with fire.
“Butterfly? You still call her that?” he asks skeptically, raising an eyebrow.
“You still call her Larva? I’m pretty sure she’s fully developed.” I step closer to him, sizing him down.
“How about we stop fighting,” Lara says, parting us away from each other. “What do you need, Scotty?” She asks me, turning her attention away from that bastard.
“I want to talk in private,” I tell her. I don’t want to talk badly about Isaac in front of him. I don’t care about his feelings; I care about Lara’s. Every time he calls her Larva, blood rushes to my head, and I can’t think straight.
Lara nods, and we step outside on the porch.
“What’s wrong?” She asks me.
“Did you want him to kiss you?” I ask before she can say anything else.
“What?”
“Did you want him to kiss you?” I repeat. I need her to tell me nothing's going on between them. I don’t know why I care so much, I just do. I could throw hands right now, which isn’t a good thing.
“We’ve been hanging out a lot since he came back.” My heart drops. “It was just a kiss on the cheek, though. I don’t know why you care.” I don’t know why I care either, but here we are.
“I just don’t want you to get hurt.” She thinks this is about a kiss. God, I wish it were.
“I can handle myself, Scotty,” Lara says, walking right back inside, leaving me standing alone. She doesn’t put my words to use. Lara doesn’t believe me, and it pains me.
I take a deep breath, trying to compose myself before I follow her back inside.
Our parents make us sit down at the dinner table. I wanted to sit next to Lara, but Isaac took my spot. So I end up sitting across from her. I watch as her and Isaac’s hands brush against each other. I want to break every bone in his stupid body.
My mom hits a spoon against a glass, wanting to make an announcement.
“We have an announcement to make!” My mom says cheerfully, dinging a spoon against her wine glass. I wonder what it is this time, last time they announced that my mom lost her job.
“We are having another baby!” My heart pauses. What the fuck? They didn’t think to consult me first? I’m going to have a sibling. My chest pounds.
“I’m 2 months pregnant.” My heart just keeps beating faster. I look over at Lara, she mouths, “Are you okay?” I give her a thumbs up and force a smile.
The rest of the night I spend watching Isaac and Lara laugh together, I watch them steal glances, brush arms. It’s a painful sight to see.
I ended up finding Lara’s parents’ wine stash, so that’s what I’m drinking. Isaac’s mom left early because she didn’t feel good, and Lara’s parents and mine were chatting in the living room. I’m on the kitchen floor, drinking a whole bottle of wine while sulking.
Laraaa doesn’t love meeee backkk. I text my group chat.
Ashton: So you love her?
Danny: Are you drunk?
Me: I sure as hell like her. And hell yessss.
Ashton: Are you at her house?
Me: Yes. Too many questions.
Ashton: Drink water.
I do the complete opposite and drink more wine, which is disgusting, but I need the alcohol to drown my sorrows. My mom's 2 months pregnant, and she decided to tell everyone instead of just me. Is that why my parents were fighting so much?
Lara and Isaac are looking awfully close. If I ever see him kiss her, I’ll punch that man. I don’t care about the repercussions.
Lara
“Scott Delgado, are you drunk!?” I hear Sabrina shriek from the kitchen. I stand up to see him slumped over on the floor next to the cabinet. I immediately leave Isaac and walk over to Scotty. His mom takes a half-empty wine bottle out of his hand.
“Scotty, are you okay?” I bend down, helping him sit up. He groans.
“It’s too bright,” he says, shielding his eyes from the lights. I turn to Sabrina. “I can take care of him.”
“Thank you, Lara.” She turns to leave. I help Scotty stand up, slinging his arm around my shoulder.
I help him up the stairs into my room. He trips up the stairs multiple times, but we make it to my room, the smell of intoxicating vanilla fills my lungs, and Scotty starts coughing. I rush over to my candle warmer and flip it off.
I lay him down on my bed, the bed creaking under his weight. He picks up a unicorn plushie off my bed, which has a pink mane and a rainbow horn. The mane matches my pink bed sheets.
“I’m naming him, Mr. Sparkles,” he says, his words slurred.
I snatch the unicorn plushie from his hands, setting it down on my desk, giving it a little pat on the head.
I love that stupid unicorn. My dad won it for me at the fair when I was younger.
I cherished it ever since, and in my mind, it’s always been a girl.
“Her name is Sprinkles,” I tell him.
“Why not, Mr. Sprinkles?”
“Okay, fine, Mr. Sprinkles.” I begin helping him take off his shoes, placing them by the door just as he begins unbuttoning his shirt.
I just want to get him sober and to sleep.
I really hope he doesn’t start throwing up in my room.
I don’t have emetophobia, but I don’t like seeing people vomit. It’s disgusting.
“What are you doing!?” I shriek as he takes off his shirt.
I can see his toned muscles, his huge biceps.
I barely ever see him without a long sleeve or a sweatshirt, and now he is shirtless in my bed.
Oh my god. Scott Delgado is shirtless in my bed.
I’ve never had any boy inside my room, and now it’s my worst enemy. Shirtless.
“It’s too hot.” Well, now it sure is… I think to myself. He grumbles, tossing his shirt on the floor like a child. I have no idea what to say or do. He looks like a Greek god. This is crazy. I’m crazy.
“Go to sleep, Scotty,” I tell him.
“Come here.” I shake my head. “Please.” Lying next to him is a bad idea. A really bad idea. I fold and walk over to him. He pats the spot on the bed next to him, so I slide in. My phone vibrates. Heading home, I hope Scott feels better. Isaac texts me. I smile but don’t respond.
Scotty takes my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him.
“Why do you like him?” He asks, whining slightly into his words. I don’t know why he’d care if I like Isaac or not.
“He’s sweet. He plays guitar.”
“If I played guitar, would you like me?” That question catches me off guard. Does he want me to like him? Does he like me?
“Sure,” I tell him, ruffling his hair. He rests his head on my chest. Snuggling into me, I run my fingers through his curly hair.
I’ve been spending so much time with Scott lately that it feels normal to be with him. I’m starting to hate him a little less every day.
“Scotty?” I ask, but get no response. I softly run my hands through his hair occasionally until I fall asleep.
5 years later
‘loml’
— Taylor Swift
Scott
I was scared, terrified. I didn’t know things could ever be real with her. I didn’t know things could be real with anyone. I thought love was just a myth, something I didn’t participate in. I don’t know why everything changed during my senior year with her.
“You can’t just say ‘the end’.” I turn away from her, walking in the opposite direction from where she’s standing.
“Scott!” she calls out after me. I can hear her heels clicking against the ground as she follows me.
I feel her tug on my arm, tugging me back towards her.
“You can’t run away from me forever; you owe me an explanation. I didn’t waste my whole winter with you for nothing. I thought we meant something!”
I stop in place, standing there for a long moment.
I spin around and face her. I stare into her beautiful eyes. “You meant everything to me!” I watch as tears well up in her eyes. I can’t stand here and watch her cry, but she’s too beautiful to look away.
“Meant,” she repeats the words, like it’s fire on her tongue.
“It’s been five years, Lara.” And I’ve loved you every single one. Is what I want to say. “I said I want to be friends.” A tear escapes from her eye, trailing down her face.
It’s been 5 years, I missed 5 years of her life.
5 years of birthdays.
5 years of heartbreak.
5 years of growth.
5 years of inside jokes I never got to hear.
I missed her goddamn graduation for Christ's sake. Twice.
I don’t know who she is anymore, and that’s my fault.
She wipes her eyes. “Right. I forgot.” I watch her take a deep, shuddering breath. “I should go.”
**
I let her leave with her friend. I finally got another chance to talk to her, and somehow I made things worse.
Way worse. It probably would have been better if we had never met up again in the first place.
I sit on my apartment floor, drowning myself in the bottle.
I pick up my phone, looking for anyone to call.
The only numbers in my phone don’t live here, besides Lara and Maggie.
“Hello?” I hear a light voice say over the phone.
“Hi, Mags. I need help.”
**
“What the hell happened, Scott?” Maggie asks, rushing into my apartment building. I watch her kneel beside me. It looks like she just came from the club; she has glitter eyeshadow and is wearing a black leather jacket over a blue dress. It matches her hair.
“I got drunk,” I tell her, my words slurring slightly.
“No shit.” She shakes her head. “Why did you get drunk?”
“I saw Lara today, we got in a slight disagreement, BOOM, here I am.” I really need to stop getting drunk after something happens between Lara and me.
“What did you do?” she pinches the bridge of her nose, letting out a long sigh.
“I told her I only want to be friends with her. I want so much more than that, though. I practically begged for her back then, pushed her away. I get why she’s mad.” I explain the whole situation, making sure not to leave out anything.
“Scott, why don’t you just confess your feelings already? You’re just avoiding the solution.”
“I didn’t want it to be at a charity ball, plus I’ve only known this new version of her for almost 3 weeks.” She is way different from the shy Lara I knew.
5 years ago, Lara let everyone walk all over her; it’s way different now. I’m grateful for that. “Plus, how do I know she isn’t looking for revenge? What I did was really shitty.”
“Yeah, what you did was really shitty,” Maggie says. I rub my forehead; my head is pounding, and the lights are too bright. “You can’t get drunk every time something goes wrong. You have to focus on your career.” I hate that she’s right.
“If you want Lara back, you have to prove it. Right now, I bet she’s crying because she thinks you just friend-zoned her.”
Lara
“You want to go back to my place, ma?” The man I’ve been dancing with asks. He’s attractive, sure, but I’m not very interested in him.
After Scott and I’s little encounter, Aurora and I went home to change out of our ball gowns into something skimpy, then went out to party. It’s halloweekend, there are parties everywhere.
“No, I think I’m okay.” He continues kissing my neck, I look over his shoulder, trying to find Aurora. I spot her in her brown dress, in her bear ears, dancing with a tall, black-haired man.
“Why not?”
“I’m with my friend.” I try to push him away from me; he’s getting way too pushy for my liking.
“She can join us, babygirl.” Ew, disgusting.
“Get off me.” I slap him, he immediately lets go. I pull away from him, adjust my hair, then walk over to Aurora.
“Baby, I’m sorry!” he calls out after me. I ignore him. There’s plenty of fish in the sea. The only fish I want is one of a kind. Scott Delgado.
“Hey, girl. Derrick pissing you off?” That was his name, I knew it started with a D. “He’s always like this when he’s drunk.”
“Yeah, a total asshole.” She waves goodbye to the man she was dancing with, and he smiles at her.
“How are you holding up?” We walk outside of the house party over to a lamp post. She presses buttons on her phone, ordering an Uber.
“I’m okay, I mean, Scott just friend-zoned me. I thought we could be something more again.”
“Honey, you spent 5 years trying to get over him. I think it’s time you try dating again.”
“No.”
“That was quick.” I don’t want to date again; I only want Scott. I loved him so much.
“Because I’m very sure about the answer. I want Scott Delgado. The problem is, I’m not sure Scott Delgado wants me.” That’s the only thing I’ve said all night that I have been the most sure about. I want him back.