11 #3
Ashton and I go to my bedroom, and sit on my bed, while Danny and Aurora sit in the living room talking about god knows what.
“What are all these notebooks on your side table?” Ashton asks, picking one up.
“The letters.” His eyes widen.
“Can we read one?” Of course, he would ask that, but I simply nod and flip to a page.
Dear Scotty,
I fell to my knees, not knowing what to do as I watched you drive away in your pickup truck.
My knees hit the concrete hard; if my dress wasn’t long, I would have scraped them.
I fell onto my side, curled up into a ball, and cried.
“There is no us.” are the only words repeating through my mind over and over again like torture.
It takes 10 minutes for Ashton to come outside and find me.
He pulled me to an empty parking space, rubbed my head gently while I cried in his lap.
Axel stood there, not knowing what to do.
I forget why he was there; the memory is clear but foggy at the same time.
“What happened?” Ashton kept asking, but he could put the pieces together.
“Did he tell you anything?” I was wondering if this was planned out. If sleeping with me was just a bet. Ashton kept saying no.
“He said he would give up anything to go pro,” Axel said.
He would give up anything, even me is what that meant.
I’m not more important than his future career.
I guess that’s okay, but it’s not. He shouldn’t have asked me out if he was planning on leaving me in a few months.
Danny rushed out next. He picked me off the ground and carried me to his car.
Ashton also got into the car, and they brought me home.
They told my dad what happened. I remember seeing the rage in his eyes.
“That fucker!” He kicked over a houseplant; he was betrayed, too. That was like his son, who was going to be his son-in-law.
“Honey, I’m so sorry!” My mom said to me, Ashton and Danny took me upstairs, Ashton helped me change into pajamas, after that they didn’t leave my side for the rest of the night, and the following day.
Your actions didn’t only affect me, but they affected everyone in your life. Keep that in mind, Scotty.
“Are you crying?” I ask Ashton, looking at his face.
“N-no.” He sniffles and wipes his eyes. “This letter was just really sad.” He shuts the notebook and sets it back down on the end table.
“It was 5 years ago. I'm over it now.” I’m not.
“Okay, good.”
“Do you know why Scott left?” I ask him, since Scott won’t tell me, I should at least ask his best friend, right?
“It’s something Scott should tell you.” He thinks for a moment. “Fine, I’ll tell you. He got a phone call from one of the recruiters, who said you weren’t good for his image. Having a girlfriend still in high school.” Ashton says.
The room suddenly feels too quiet.
I don’t know how to respond, so I just let him continue.
“They said if he broke up with you, he could get a flight to Kentucky that night. He always wanted his career more than anything. I can tell he regrets the way he did it, but he wanted to hurt you so bad you wouldn’t come looking for him.” I feel like my heart shattered all over again.
“He knew you wouldn’t give up on him that easily.” He is right. I still won’t give up on him. “It all worked out for him because he's a professional athlete. He has so much money he doesn’t know what to do with it.”
“Is that actually what he wanted?”
“He wants you. But he doesn’t want to hurt you again, so he wants to be friends. I think you should give him a chance to be friends. You guys had a good relationship.” Ashton explains.
“I can’t just give him a chance, Ashton.” I stand up, my mind whirling. The way he left sounds so simple, but it’s not. It’s making my mind spin, my chest tighten. There are so many sensations as I try to process the truth. Why couldn’t he tell me? I would’ve been fine with it, right?
17-year-old me would not have been fine with her first boyfriend choosing his career over me. Maybe it was better that he lied and said he couldn’t do a long-distance relationship. It was going to hurt either way.
“He should be the one telling me this!” I pace around the room like a maniac.
“I’m sorry, Lara,” Ashton says, his voice somber. “I really tried to encourage him to tell you.”
“You shouldn’t have to try to encourage him! If he wanted to, he would.”
“He does want to, Lara,” Ashton grabs my arm, leading me to sit down on the bed next to him.
I follow his lead, sitting down on the bed. I let myself sink into the cool plush sheets.
“Look at me, Lara,” he says. I didn’t even realize my hands were covering my face because my mind is louder than any other sense in my body.
“What?” I ask, uncovering my eyes.
“Do you still want him?”
“What?” I heard him. I just want him to repeat it.
“Do you still want him?”
“Of course—”
“Then what are you waiting for?” Ashton says. “Neither of you can keep waiting for the other person to make the first move.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You can’t wait forever, nor can he. You deserve to settle down. Buy a house. Buy a car. Start a family.” His words feel like needles pricking my body all over. They are the truth, though.
“I want him,” I tell him, my voice shaking slightly.
“Then that’s that.”