18
In the morning, I can hardly believe where I am.
I am in Liam Hale’s bed, which sits like a monument in the middle of his loft. He is adorably tangled in the sheets next to
me. I trail a hand over his bare back. Last night was incredible, for more reasons than one.
I close my eyes for a moment, remembering the tender but urgent way we connected. His lips on mine. The intensity of his breath
and words. The way my body responded, as if it had been seeking his body my entire life. Making love with Liam was intense
and passionate, and I will never forget it as long as I live. Then, to top it all off, he took me to a late showing of The Princess Bride , which officially made it the best night ever.
Now, I feel awakened to something I’ve been missing; strangely, it has less to do with Liam and everything to do with myself.
I’ve been playing small. I’ve been in hiding, doing what I think I’m supposed to do instead of following my instincts.
Sitting up, I gather my hair into a ponytail and once again study the outline of Liam’s body. My eyes trail from him to the piece I’m working on, then to the windows that frame my inspiration: the bridge. Already life is stirring down below, people hurrying to work, getting on with their day. I know I need every hour I can get today to sink into this piece, but I want to revel in this moment and what happened last night just a little longer.
Crawling out from beneath the sheets, I tiptoe to the kitchen and make us coffee. As I’m searching for cream, I give a little
yelp of surprise. On his refrigerator, under a tiny magnet, hangs the photo he snapped of us. I trace the edges of it, the
evidence of all that is possible here, with him. With a shiver, I make us two strong cups and then whip up some breakfast.
“What smells so good?”
I turn off the pan, the bacon still sizzling, as Liam walks over, his voice still heavy with sleep.
“Hungry?”
His eyes lock with mine as I ask it, and he offers a wicked smile. “Starving.” Before I can think too deeply about last night,
he envelops me again, his lips making contact with every inch of my body. I am coming to learn that Liam loves to touch, to
kiss, to hold, to claim . He is physical, so different from what I’m used to.
After, we eat on his balcony, overlooking the gritty city below. Pungent smells waft up from the sewers, but I don’t mind.
Once we are full, he sighs. “So what’s on the agenda today?”
I motion behind me to his studio. “Nothing but that. I’ve only got a few days left and a ton to do.”
He nods. “Got it. I’ll get out of your hair then.”
Though I should feel guilty about kicking Liam out of his own loft, this arrangement already feels normal. Once he is showered and gone, I get to work. I forget about Rita Clementine and her gallery and what it would mean if she accepts me. Instead, I focus on this giant canvas and the way I am filling it.
A knock at the door shakes me from my flow. I stop where I am and rush over to answer it. It’s Kendall.
“What a happy surprise,” I say, opening the door wider. “Come in.”
“Thanks.” She glances behind me, probably expecting to see Liam. “Can I see?” Before I can answer, she makes a beeline for
my work, and instantly I feel completely bare, exposed. She studies it thoughtfully, moving left to right. “This is good,”
she affirms. “Rita will love it.”
“You think?” I swirl a few brushes into a cup of water and wipe them dry.
“I do. Are you at a stopping place? I thought we could catch up.”
“Sure.” I suggest we go for a walk since I haven’t been getting enough fresh air. Outside, she steers us north, and I can
tell she’s distracted.
Though Kendall and I used to be roommates, we haven’t kept in close touch until she reached out about this opportunity. I’m
not sure what’s happening in her daily life, though it’s clear she takes her work very seriously. When we get to a park bench,
she motions for me to sit.
“I just wanted to talk to you about a little something. It’s no big deal at all ,” she emphasizes, “but I thought you should know.”
“Okay.” I sit and smile at a toddler who is playfully running from her mother. The mom scoops her up and kisses her belly
until the little girl erupts into giggles.
“It’s about Rita.”
Now she has my full attention. “What about her?”
She fiddles with her bracelets, her hair, the lapel of her jacket. “I know I didn’t say anything before, and like I said, this totally doesn’t matter, but she’s my aunt.”
“Wait, what?” How did I not know that?
She gives me a tentative smile. “So I may have pulled some strings to get you in to see her. But I believe in you, Harper.
I’ve always believed in you. We both have a lot riding on this, so I need you to really show up, okay?”
“What makes you think I wouldn’t?”
“Because I know you,” she says, tapping me playfully on the nose. “You get in your head.”
She’s not wrong. I search for what to say to assure her, but she continues before I can find the right words.
“Also, I know I’m the one who introduced you to Liam—and he’s a total dreamboat, by the way—but an opportunity like this doesn’t
come along that often, and I want you to be one hundredpercent focused on your job here. Rita Clementine doesn’t make offers
to just anyone.”
I feel like she’s slapped me. “I know that. I’m focused, Kendall. I swear.”
We sit in awkward silence for a moment as I think of all the ways I’m not focused, all the ways that I’m more excited by what’s happening with Liam than the piece and what it means for my career.
Sensing I have nothing more to say, Kendall claps.
“Okay, I’ve said my piece,” she says. “And not to put any more pressure on you, but think about how much fun we’ll have if
you move here. It would be like old times. But, you know, without boring classes.”
I want to focus on what she’s saying, but I also can’t help thinking about Liam. Is he a distraction? Am I somehow sabotaging myself by paying more attention to him than why I’m here?
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” I say. “I have to impress her first.”
“You will. It’s your time to shine, babe.”
I relax against the bench and try to absorb what she’s saying. It certainly feels like my time to shine, but it’s also so
much pressure. And I’ve always caved under pressure. Growing up doing team sports. Being put on the spot. Public speaking.
I’ve always run away from what’s hard, and I want this to be different. I need this to be different.
We chat about other things, and then she’s walking me back to the loft. I say goodbye, and as I step inside, I feel a bit
disgruntled and no longer in the mood to create. I walk over to the refrigerator and trace the photo of the two of us. Is
Kendall right? Am I using Liam to sabotage something I really want? As I stare at our smiling faces, I realize I don’t just
want this opportunity with Rita. I also want Liam, and I want to be the kind of person who believes she can have both.
That wild possibility is what excites me the most... but if I’m being honest with myself, it’s also what scares me.