30
The next day I see on the calendar that Liam has a book signing in the West Village.
I lock myself in my office at the gallery and speed-read his first novel, which had been sitting on my shelf. When I’m done,
I close it and sigh. Liam Hale is one hell of a novelist.
By nightfall, I’m exhausted from work but take the quick cab ride to the cute independent bookstore, Three Lives & Company.
I almost laugh at the irony of the name, since currently I can relate to having at least two lives. I get there a few minutes
late, slip in, and hide near the back. Liam is in the middle of a sneak-peek reading from his new book, and I smile seeing
him up there behind a podium. He’s wearing his reading glasses, his tall frame hooked over his yet-to-be-released book. Watching
him now, my body tingles with memories of last night. The tenderness. The intensity. The way his mouth felt on mine.
Though I did let myself kiss Liam, I did not allow myself to go further, making up an excuse about my cycle and pulling away just in time, though it was the last thing I wanted to do. Instead, we spent all night talking and laughing until the early morning. It was like rewinding time and taking a peek at who I used to be.
This morning, the guilt came crashing in. I kissed another man. Though this is Liam, and I feel safe with Liam, he is not
Ben. And I miss Ben. I want Ben. I need to find Ben.
The crowd laughs at something Liam said, and I struggle back to the present moment. It is odd witnessing Liam, in this strange
reality, live out his dream. Even though I don’t understand how it’s happening, it’s still happening. This moment exists.
When he’s done, I clap the loudest and hang back as excitable fans wait in line for him to sign their books. I can’t wait
to read the new one, to hopefully witness him hit at least some of the goals he has for himself before I leave this life.
Just as the last woman steps in line to get her book signed, I freeze.
I watch the shock on Liam’s face, followed by one of his killer smiles. He rises from the signing table, and the two of them
embrace. Though I have no right, a stab of jealousy pierces my heart as I recognize who it is: LaTasha, Liam’s infamous ex-girlfriend.
The woman partially responsible for me making a giant mistake.
She is just as stunning as I remember, somehow less boho chic and infinitely more sophisticated in a cool menswear suit and
combat boots. She touches Liam on every available inch of skin, just as she did a decade ago: his arms, his chest, even his
face. Heat rises to my cheeks. Immediately I am shuttled back to that painful night we broke up. Back then, I didn’t stick
around. Tonight I’m not going anywhere. As they talk, I wonder if this is the way Liam felt seeing Ben and me together when
he first arrived at our door in Chattanooga. If so, how awful for him.
I attempt to turn around but bump into a chair that squeaks loudly across the floor. I mumble an apology to no one, and then both Liam and LaTasha turn to see who is making all the unnecessary noise.
“Harper?” Liam’s voice sounds more shocked than happy to see me. And now I look like a jealous creep standing here watching
the two of them.
“Surprise,” I say, waving jazz hands. “Hi, LaTasha.”
She smirks. “Hey, girl! Get over here.” She crushes me in a hug. She smells like patchouli. “What are you doing, slinking
around back there? Come! Celebrate your man before he leaves for his next big book tour. We’re going to see his name up in
bright lights pretty soon.”
I clutch his book to my chest, my stomach momentarily dropping at the term we . I was going to ask him to sign this book, hoping he’d write something cute in it. As I’d flipped through the copy in my
office, I was shocked to see that he hadn’t signed it already. “I know,” I say. “He’s destined for it.”
“That he is.” She beams up at him again and presses her hand into his shoulder. “I’ll see you in Detroit, yeah? Darcy can’t
wait!” She flashes her wedding band. “She’s dying to meet the last man I was with before I came to my senses. Bye, love.”
She leans in to kiss his cheek, then does the same to me. “Bye, Harper.” She waves to me, then leaves the two of us standing
there. Her perfume lingers, that same musky, delicious scent I remember from ten years ago. I want to laugh. LaTasha is married
to a woman? An immediate ease rushes through my body as she walks away.
“You came,” he says.
“I came,” I reply. I reach up to kiss him. “Even though you didn’t mention it.”
He rolls his eyes. “Harper, I’ve invited you to every signing I’ve had over the last year, and you’ve come to precisely two
of them.” He offers a simple shrug.
Two signings? I’ve only been to two signings? What is wrong with me? I step closer. “Well, I’m here now,” I say. I hoist the book in the air. “I noticed that
this copy hasn’t been signed. Would you do me the honors?”
He looks from me to the book again. “You finally read it?”
I laugh, insulted. “Well, of course I read it. This isn’t the first time.” I only say it because it must be true. There’s
no way I wouldn’t have read every draft and offered my feedback... right?
A hint of a grin quirks his top lip. “I’d be happy to.” He rips off his readers and folds them into the collar of his shirt,
then leans casually to sit on the edge of the table. “Let’s see.” He cracks open the book and pops the top off his Sharpie.
He hesitates a moment, then scribbles a few lines and closes the book. “There you go, beautiful.”
“Thanks.” I stand there awkwardly, feeling more like a fan than his live-in girlfriend. “Want to go grab a drink?”
He gestures toward the register, where a few people from his editorial team are waiting. “I’d love to, but the team’s taking
me out. Want to join?”
“No, you go do your thing. See you at home?”
“Yes, you will. Want to wait up?” He looks at me suggestively, and my body responds.
“Oh, definitely.”
He gives me a look that makes my knees weak and moves past me as his team claps and hollers for him. Liam tosses his arms wide and is engulfed by people who are sucking up to him now that he’s about to make them all rich.
I leave the bookstore and take a car back, watching the magic of Manhattan, lively and loud, capped beneath the moon. Back
in Dumbo and inside our apartment, I stare at the large space. Without Liam here, it feels blank, void of what makes it so
special in the first place.
I crawl into our massive bed and balance his book on my lap, suddenly nervous. For some reason I feel like whatever he wrote
will send me a message. Something I need to learn during my time here. I take a breath and open it. I can still smell the
Sharpie on the page.
For Harper,
It has always been you.
Liam
The words cause unexpected emotion. I trace the words with my fingers. I tried to tell myself for so many years that a week
isn’t enough time to create anything substantial. But it is real, and in this time line, I have felt it with every fiber of my being. A sudden thought hits me, and I’m caught between
two worlds: Are we supposed to be together someday? Is that what lesson I’m here to learn? Just the thought of it makes me
ache for Ben. I love Ben. I am committed to Ben. But I am also seeing that in another reality, I might somehow belong with
Liam too.
I stay awake until I hear Liam stumble back into the loft, trying to navigate his way through the dark. After he brushes his
teeth, he crawls into bed beside me.
“Hello, you,” he whispers, pulling me close.
“Hello, you.” I stare into the inky darkness until his face comes into focus. I have so much I want to say, so much I want
to know.
Instead, his lips are on mine in an instant, and everything I’ve been conflicted about goes out the window. It’s like the
ten-year gap has dissolved, and it is all so new again.
I know I can’t stay in this make-believe world, but for tonight, I’m all in.