3. Sarah #2
I rolled my eyes, knowing he was going to start in on that again.
He and Jackie had decided it was time I started dating again, which was absurd.
Hell, I hadn’t ever been on a real first date.
Fai was my first… well, everything. Our first date had been entirely impromptu, happening naturally from the moment we met.
There had been no time to worry about picking out an outfit or agonizing over what to say.
Dating, real dating, wasn’t on my radar. It wasn’t even close.
"It's not going to happen, Will," I mumbled, settling into the chair across from him and crossing my arms over my chest in defiance.
He smirked, mimicking the motion. “Give me one good reason.”
“I don’t want to.” I mimed a mic drop. “Boom.”
He raised a dark brow. "Boom? Really? That isn't a good reason, and I don't think it's the real one anyway. I think you're scared."
“I’m not scared of anything,” I argued.
I didn’t even know why I was arguing. I had quite the list of things I was scared of: bugs, spiders, bees, four-way stops, my living room ceiling.
It was evidently an ever-growing list. But dating wasn’t on it.
“I’m not scared of dating. I genuinely don’t want to.
I know you think I need to find someone—”
“You need to find your person,” Jackie interjected as she wandered into the living room.
Will promptly pulled her to him by her belt loops, causing her to collapse on his lap in laughter.
“As I was saying before being manhandled,” she said, tossing Will an accusatory look before turning back to me, “you just need to find the person who makes you happy—the one who completes you.”
I groaned and leaned back, staring up at my kitchen ceiling, and now wondered if I should paint that too. “I don’t need to find my person…”
I trailed off, knowing Jackie and Nate would despise my next words.
Fai was my person. Sober, stable, Fai was the love of my life.
He was the person who completed me. That was why I couldn’t date.
I knew I would never find someone like him, and I didn’t want to, at least not yet.
It had only been six months since the divorce.
Six months since the end of a ten-year marriage, and a relationship that had lasted sixteen years. Moving on wasn’t easy.
When I glanced back at Jackie and Will, Will gave me a knowing look. He knew Fai was on my mind. He had witnessed the entirety of my relationship with Fai and had the unique perspective of having seen us at our best.
Jackie and Nate didn't dislike Fai simply because of how our marriage had ended.
That may have played a part, but the bigger issue was the harm he had caused them both during the height of his addiction.
Besides me, they were the ones Fai had hurt the most, his lies and deceit leaving lasting damage as he struggled with alcoholism.
They had every right to be angry with him, but I felt it was time they started working through it. To each their own.
"If you're not ready, you're not ready," Will conceded with a sigh, pulling Jackie closer by the waist. "We just want to make sure you're doing okay and not losing yourself in a past you can't go back to."
I smiled softly at my friend. "I promise I'm not. I'm moving on. That's why we're painting this house in the first place. Speaking of which, we should probably get back to it so I finish sometime this decade."
Will and Jackie laughed and wandered back into the living room, where Nate was still diligently painting the ceiling. It looked like we were color-drenching after all.
I lay on the floor in the middle of the living room, staring up at the finished room. It seemed Will had been our saving grace, keeping us in line long enough to finish not just one but two full coats over the entire space.
The dark blue washed over the walls, ceiling, and trim, reminding me of the ocean during a storm. The evening light pouring into the room from the front windows blanketed the space in a warm glow, only making it feel cozier, more like home… more like me.
“You did good, Sarah,” Nate said softly, lying next to me. Jackie and Will had left an hour ago, leaving Nate to finish up. His wife was on her way to pick him up after finishing up her workday. He didn’t drive much, having been in one too many car accidents in his life. “Epic choice of color.”
“Epic?” I asked, turning toward him.
“Mmhm,” he affirmed. “I like the blue.”
“Why, thank you.”
We lay in companionable silence, one of my folk albums playing softly on the record player in the background.
“I heard you guys talking in the kitchen earlier,” Nate mumbled.
“About me needing to date?” I asked with a raised brow, waiting to see if he would be the next person to convince me to try.
He nodded. “I also heard Jackie talk about finding your person. The person who completes you…” He trailed off, looking back up at the ceiling. “It’s Fai, isn’t it?”
I sighed deeply, keeping my eyes trained on him. “Yeah. It is.”
“Why did you divorce him then?” Nate’s brows furrowed in question, his tone genuinely curious.
It was a topic we hadn't broached, even as our friendship had grown. By the time Nate and I had grown close, Fai and I were already separated, so he hadn't witnessed any of our relationship firsthand.
“Because I loved him,” I confessed.
Nate looked at me, confused, and sat up, crossing his long legs under him. He reached out and helped me up to sitting, across from him. I planted my bare feet on the floor and wrapped my arms around my legs, resting my chin on my knees.
“I’m going to need you to expand on that,” Nate urged softly.
I laughed softly. "I know it seems like the opposite reason to divorce someone, but I loved him so much that watching what he was doing to himself and the people around him was killing me. The love I had for him was all-consuming. I left because I was drowning in it.”
“Do you still love him?”
I nodded. “I think I always will.”
“Does he still love you?”
I smiled sadly and shook my head, the reminder of that day painful to even think about.
“How do you know?”
I was saved by the bell—Scarlett, Nate’s wife, pulling into the driveway with a honk. Nate's entire demeanor lifted at just the sound of it.
“Thank you for helping me, Nate.”
He smiled and stood, pulling me up with him. “Always happy to help. I’ll be back tomorrow to help you move the furniture back.”
I waved him off. “No need. I’m too impatient and am going to do it tonight. Drive safe, okay?”
He waved his goodbye and slipped out the front door, leaving me alone in my freshly painted living room.
The quiet settled around me, broken only by the faint hum of the street outside and the soft turning of the record in the background.
I looked at the scattered furniture and decor, wondering how I was going to move it all back on my own.
A small, tired smile tugged at my lips. I might be overwhelmed, but this was my space now, my new beginning.
With a deep breath, I braced myself, ready to tackle the chaos one piece at a time.