Chapter 14
Sarah
Iwas frustrated that Fai didn’t believe me that there was something off with Gabriel, but I didn’t fault him.
In fact, I was proud. This was the first time he had chosen to see anything but the worst in someone.
The timing was unfortunate. He was also right, it wasn’t like me to snoop and read through someone’s diary.
I couldn’t even explain why I had done it.
Being around Fai in such close proximity, was messing with my head. Everything in me wanted to be with him… everything but my mind. My mind, my memories were the only things keeping me sane. I had to remember why things ended between us in the first place, it was the only way to protect my heart.
I peeled my eyes open, the morning light only now peeking through the closed, linen curtains.
After my conversation with Fai yesterday, I had kept my distance from both him and Gabriel.
I didn’t make it obvious, instead excusing myself inside when they were grilling on the porch, or choosing to read in my room instead of staying up to watch a movie.
If either did question my avoidance, I would explain it was to give them time to bond.
It was part of the reason. No one needed to know I was avoiding Fai.
But night came, and there was nowhere to hide from him.
I had gone to bed earlier and took the coward’s route, pretending to be asleep when Fai finally came to bed.
I listened to him change, listened to him tiptoe around the room to keep from waking me.
I heard him crawl under the covers. I even heard the way he whispered my name.
Quiet but filled with earnest… yearning even.
I didn’t know if he was checking to see if I was asleep or not, or if he needed to talk.
He didn’t elaborate either, simply laying his head on the pillow and going to sleep himself.
We were lucky that the mattress was comfortable, both of us knocking out during the night. When my eyes finally adjusted to the morning light, I saw that we hadn’t exactly respected one another’s side of the bed. Well, Fai had. I was curled into his side, my arm and leg thrown over him.
I held my breath, worried he would wake up and assume the worst. I peeled my arm away slowly, followed by my leg. He shifted slightly and I froze. His eyes fluttered as he teetered between reality and his dreams, and by the grace of some god, he stayed asleep.
I said a silent thank you and continued to untangle myself from him, finally standing free.
I paused, steadying my racing heart, and looked down at Fai.
His face was peaceful, as though he had no worry at all.
His brown hair was mussed, as always, but in that way that made me want to run my fingers through it.
The blanket sat low on his hips, exposing that beautiful torso of his.
His caramel skin glowed in the dim morning light.
When he had pulled his shirt off yesterday, I had done my best not to drop my jaw, but damn did I want to.
Fai had been in great shape during our relationship, having a metabolism that was blessed by the gods or some shit, but now…
now it was obvious he had made changes in his life.
He wasn’t ripped like the athletes, but he looked strong and lean.
He looked healthy. If I had the ability to simply compliment him yesterday, I would have, but I was busy contemplating if he would let me lick him, and that would have been an interesting conversation.
Keeping my mouth shut was my best option.
I shook my head, ridding it of thoughts of Fai’s naked chest, and pulled off my bonnet and threw on a sweatshirt, ready to start my morning hunt for coffee.
When I was a teenager, I could have stayed up all night and been able to function throughout the next day with no issue.
In my twenties, I had my fair share of late nights out.
Yet the next morning I was up and ready for work.
Now, as I have passed thirty, coffee was an essential step in my morning routine.
I padded across the room, the cool floors seeping through my socks as I opened the door and closed it softly behind me, leaving Fai to his dreams. He had never been a morning person, preferring the late nights and later mornings.
While I missed being in a city, there was a beauty to Montana mornings. The sun shining off the top of the mountains, the sky alight with yellows and golds. The cabin, with its many windows, showed off the property well, highlighting the mountain and forest views around us.
I yawned wide, rocking back on my heels, basking in the morning light as I stood in front of the wall of windows in the main room.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
I let out a shriek and turned to the source of the voice. Gabriel stood at the foot of the steps, dressed in his own pajamas and sweatshirt, much like me. Well, he had actual pants on. My legs were freezing in my shorts.
My hand flew to my racing heart as I tried to convince my fight or flight response to calm. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”
He held his hands up in surrender. “I’m so sorry, I thought you heard me come down.”
I waved him off, collapsing onto the couch and pulling my legs under me. “I was distracted by these views. They’re rather incredible.”
He glanced out the windows, nodding in agreement, then looked back to me. “There really isn’t anything quite as beautiful.”
I hummed in response, not sure what to say. I couldn’t get my suspicions out of my thoughts. Each time he trained his eyes on me or gave me that easy smile of his, I couldn’t help but wonder how he found Fai. Was it truly by a private investigator, or was it him? And if so, why did he lie?
He moved into the kitchen, his steps nearly silent. "Can I get you a coffee? I'll put a fresh pot on."
“That would be great, thank you.” Even if I didn’t trust the guy, I would accept a morning coffee from the devil himself.
I listened to him move around in the kitchen, filling the coffee machine and pulling mugs out of the cabinet. “Sleep okay?”
“Yeah,” I answered over my shoulder. “Can I turn this fireplace on? It’s cold in here.”
“Of course! There’s a switch on the side, it’s a gas system.”
I stood, grateful I wouldn’t have to finagle with building an actual fire myself. I was a city girl, and it was far too late in my life to change that now. I preferred my coffee with fancy milk, my fires able to start with the flip of a switch, and the ability to see my neighbors.
The fire came to life with a soft whoosh, the warmth spreading almost immediately. I settled back onto the couch just as Gabriel came in with two mugs, taking the armchair beside me.
I sipped the heavenly drink, letting it warm me from the inside out. “Thank you.”
It was made perfectly, with the exact ratios of milk and sweetener that I would have chosen for myself.
“Of course,” he spoke softly, sipping his own drink. “Can I ask you something?” I nodded. “Is everything okay with you and Fai? I thought I heard you arguing yesterday.”
I did my best to school my expression. While I was a shit liar, I had been working as a psychologist for years.
No one could beat my poker face. I forced a smile to my face and eyes to reassure him.
“Oh, that was nothing serious at all. I don’t even remember what we were squabbling about. I’m sorry you had to hear that.”
His smile dropped the slightest bit at the corner of his mouth, his eyes narrowing. It was nearly imperceivable… nearly. “I’m glad to hear that. You two seem really great together. I know you’re not together…” He trailed off, leaning back in his chair. “Are you?”
I shook my head, keeping that same easy smile on my face and my body steady, as if I weren’t nervous. As if I didn’t want to jump out of my skin. “No, not anymore. But he’ll always mean a great deal to me. I have a feeling we’ll be in each other’s lives forever.”
“You two took the whole ‘til death do you part thing seriously, didn’t you?” His tone was teasing.
I laughed lightly and sipped my coffee as I thought of how to answer. Fai was right not to want to jump to conclusions. This was his brother, of course he wanted to see the best in him.
But I was right too, to be skeptical. Fai was here to meet Gabriel. I was here to support Fai, and make sure Gabriel had good intentions.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked, setting my mug down on the coffee table.
He nodded and gestured for me to continue.
“First, I need to be honest with you,” I began.
After over a decade of working with the best manipulators, charmers, and liars, I learned some skills for myself, including the art of manipulation.
Vulnerability was disarming. Confessing a wrong made the other person perceive you as open, and opened them in return. It was a risk, but a calculated one.
“When I went into your office, I noticed something on your desk.” The light in his eyes dimmed, but his smile stayed plastered. “I didn’t read closely, but it made me wonder—”
“What did you see?” His voice was clipped. Not angrily, but as though he were keeping words on the tip of his tongue and holding them in.
“Nothing really.” I wasn’t going to answer. If he didn't know exactly what I had seen, he couldn't tailor a lie to fit it. “But I have to ask, did you hire a private investigator, or did you find us yourself?”
He ran his tongue along his teeth as he contemplated the question.
He had two routes he could go: he could press me on exactly what I saw and base his answer on that, or he could answer based on what he thought I saw.
I could see the moment he went for option two.
His shoulders dropped just slightly, his gaze dipping for a fraction of a second.
“I found you,” he confessed.
A part of me wanted to drag Fai out here and yell I told you so, but the logical side of me wanted to know why. Especially, why lie? He didn’t gain anything from saying he used a private investigator, except the potential that we find out it was a lie.
“Why did you say it was a private investigator?”
He swallowed deeply and stood, picking both of our mugs off the coffee table. “Any chance you would be willing to talk outside?” he asked, glancing toward the room where Fai still slept.
I nodded and motioned towards the back door that led to the porch.
He walked in front of me slowly, his shoulders still slumped.
I grabbed the blanket from the couch, bringing it with me as I stepped into the cool Montana morning air.
There were a few Adirondack chairs placed on the back porch, facing the treeline.
I took one closer to the door, settling the blanket around me and wrapping my hands around my coffee mug after Gabriel handed it over.
“I’m sorry to make you sit in the cold,” he spoke quietly, his gaze trained on the trees. “I… I’m worried about what Fai will say when he finds out.” His eyes moved to me. “I have a feeling even if I ask you not to, you’re going to tell him?”
I nodded. “We don’t keep secrets between us.” At least not major secrets like this… my fake boyfriend was a different matter in its entirety.
He took a deep breath, leaning back in the chair, his head falling to the wooden boards and turning to me. His green eyes glowed in the morning light. He was objectively attractive. But I found myself drawn to the warmth brown eyes offered when they looked at you with nothing but adoration.
“It was a stupid lie, I know. I just… I was nervous about how you would react if you knew the extent I went to to find you two.”
“Why would he care?” I asked, perplexed.
Gabriel shrugged. “The whole search was over a couple of years. It was deep and intense, and the few friends I did have left thought I had lost my mind,” he explained, his tone growing weary.
“I did lose my mind a bit when my mom died. My dad was never around, my mom was all I had, and one day she was just gone. When I started looking for Fai, I was pouring all my grief into the search. I lost myself in it.”
It was difficult not to notice the parallels. The two of them hadn't been raised together, and yet here was the same pattern, the same tendency to turn inward and disappear into something consuming. Nature, it seemed, had a longer reach than nurture.
“When I did finally find you two and worked up the courage to write Fai, I was nervous I would scare him off… so I came up with a stupid lie to make it easier for me.”
I held back a laugh that would have required too much explaining. I was hardly in a position to judge anyone for a lie told out of self-protection. His was the fake private investigator, mine being my fake boyfriend.
“I really am sorry for the lie,” Gabriel spoke sincerely. “I never meant to make anyone uncomfortable.”
“Thank you for telling the truth now.” I glanced back into the cabin briefly before turning back to Gabriel. “You should tell Fai.”
“Will he think less of me?” Gabriel asked with a mix of worry and curiosity.
I shook my head. “Never. The thing about Fai, he’s lived enough and seen enough in his years to never judge a person based on their worst mistakes. Not that this is your worst mistake,” I teased lightly. “What I’m trying to explain is that it won’t bother him. He just wants to get to know you.”
“That’s all I want too,” Gabriel spoke softly, his demeanor relaxing once again. “I want to know everything I can about him.”
“Well, I think I know him better than he knows himself half the time. What do you want to know? Let’s see if I can answer some of your questions.” I offered with a smile.
Gabriel lit up at the idea and started asking away.
We spent a couple of hours talking about Fai and his history.
He seemed to truly just want to know his brother better.
I was beginning to see that my reservations about Gabriel, while justified initially, had been inflated.
Now that the truth was on the table, I could see him for who he truly was.
A man who simply wanted to get to know Fai better.