16. Dallas
16
DALLAS
My two simple words break the spell like a hammer shattering glass.
I know what Katie wants and I want part of it too, but on different terms. I’m certain of it.
I want to be clear before we do yet another thing that’s going to mess with everything else.
Katie goes rigid under my hands. She recoils from me and immediately tries to duck under my arm to get back to the main room.
“Katie,” I say.
“Sorry, just forget tonight ever happened,” she says.
“Katie, wait.” I don’t know what I’m going to say or why I so desperately need her to stay, but I know that her walking away from me right now isn’t the right thing. I need to make this okay before I let her out of my sight.
She sighs and leans against the wall. I haven’t been able to look at her all night, but now it seems like the roles are reversed. She stares at the toes of our boots: hers, an incredible pair of thigh high ones with towering heels; mine, a clean replica of the boots I wear on the farm every day.
Two pairs of boots, two completely different lives.
“We had a deal,” I say. “One time. No repeats, no do-overs.” I don’t say the last part out loud.
Especially no feelings. We don’t need to look too closely at that part of the rule, especially when I’m on the verge of breaking it.
“I know,” she says.
“I don’t think it’s in our best interests to break that arrangement.”
“I’m offering you zero-strings attached sex,” she says, crossing her arms and glaring up at me for a moment before dropping her gaze again. I take a millisecond to appreciate the way her crossed arms and that tiny cropped tank top accentuate her chest, then tear my gaze away.
“We have to work together,” I counter.
“We do alright.”
“I’d like to think we could do better,” I admit.
“Seriously, you want to turn this into a review of my job performance?” She sounds incredulous. No wonder, if that’s what I’ve just implied.
“That’s not what I meant. Not at all.” I rub at my forehead. I have a headache brewing. “This is the worst place for a conversation.”
She laughs at that. “Most people aren’t here to converse, cowboy.”
“I am aware that this appears to be a pick up bar, which is so weird considering how small this town is. Surely everyone already knows everyone.”
She shrugs. “You’d be surprised at the strangers you can find in a place like this.” The fiery spark is coming back to her. The one that dragged me into this corridor in the first place. The one that had me taking her home the first night we met.
“What I was trying to say before,” I say, trying to get back to the point before my mind goes on a trip down sexy memory lane.
But a commotion in the main room interrupts me.
“The party has arrived ,” a voice booms, somehow over the music.
“Oh, fucking hell.” Katie is frozen beside me. Somehow her fingers have found their way around my wrist, where she has me in a death grip.
“What is it?” I recognise the voice, but I’m too caught up in the last few minutes with Katie to place it, to understand what is happening.
“Max.”
Oh, shit. “I thought Olivia said he would be at Tilly’s birthday dinner.”
“Yeah, well, I guess she was wrong.”
“You want to go?”
She nods, as I expected she would. “My stuff is all over there though.” She gestures towards the table where her jacket is tossed over the back of the booth and her handbag is on the seat beside Olivia and the girl she’s still chatting with. To get to it she has to cross the entire room, going straight past Max.
“You get out. I’ll get your things and meet you outside. ”
She nods again. Her confidence from a moment ago has vanished and her movements are shaky and unsure.
I step away and her grip slips from my wrist. I immediately miss the strength and heat of it, which is ridiculous.
It wasn’t a romantic gesture, it wasn’t sexy or sensual. It wasn’t even friendly.
It was her clinging to a life line.
It shouldn’t make me feel as good as it does that she was clinging to me like that, but here we are.
I skirt around the edge of the dance floor, keeping my head down and hoping Max doesn’t notice me.
Or maybe I should draw his attention so he’s less likely to notice Katie trying to slip out.
I glance over my shoulder and spot him waiting at the bar. There’s enough people around him. He shouldn’t notice either of us.
Olivia is alone when I reach our table. She has Katie’s jacket in hand, scrunching it in clenched fists.
“Max is here,” I say.
“I know. I told her he wouldn’t be.” Her eyes are wide and glassy in the coloured bar lights.
“It’s okay, she’s okay,” I say to reassure Olivia, but mostly it’s for myself.
“Where’s Flynn? We need to find him before we go.”
“I haven’t seen him for a while. But you stay, have some fun, Olivia. I told Katie I’ll get her things and meet her outside. We’ll see you back at her place later.”
Olivia starts to protest, but I shake my head, trying to figure out how to tell her I need to be alone with Katie without telling her that.
Olivia studies my face, then she closes her mouth, releasing the jacket when I reach for it.
“Just … look after her, okay?” she says, eyes boring into mine.
It feels more significant than five simple words. It feels more significant than just tonight.
“I will.”
It’s like déjà vu.
Katie is waiting for me in the exact same spot as the last time we left this bar.
She’s leaning against the brick wall in a spill of light, one foot propped against the wall. She doesn’t turn her head as I approach, just keeps staring up at the stars.
It’s a perfect spring night with clear skies and that fresh chill in the air that makes everything feel clean and new. Katie is entirely underdressed for the temperature, but it doesn’t seem to bother her.
“Seriously?” I say, leaning against the wall beside her. “Here?”
She laughs and I feel the sound in my soul. “We could recreate that night. The offer’s still on the table.” She’s looking at me now, up through her lashes, a coy smile curving her lips.
I groan and tip my head back until it’s pressing into the brick. “Katie … we can’t. ”
“We actually can. You just won’t.” She shrugs. “I thought we both had a good time, but if it wasn’t for you … I’ll get over it. My ego might take a hit for a while though.”
I push off the wall and spin to face her. My palm finds the wall to brace myself, to hold me back from stepping into her and sweeping her up into my arms, or worse, pressing her back into this wall with my body.
“Your ego,” I say, my voice coming out low and rough, “has nothing to worry about.”
She blinks up at me, eyes wide as though I’ve startled her with my sudden movement. She licks her bottom lip and I trace the entire movement with my gaze.
“That night … fuck, princess. That was one of the best nights of my entire life.”
“So, why don’t you want to go again?” Her voice is barely a whisper, more like a breath. It’s full of uncertainty and I wonder if it’s her ego she’s really worried about. I don’t dare to hope and smother the little spark of it I feel.
“Because, it’s already hard enough working with you every day and not think about that night constantly . I’m trying really, really hard not to be the gross pervy guy at work.”
She giggles. Her head is resting back against the wall and she’s staring up at me. “You’re not pervy at work. But you could be tonight. You even got rid of our friends for a while.”
“That,” I say, raising a finger to emphasis my point, “was not so we could do that.” Putting my hand anywhere near her was a terrible, terrible mistake. My fingers burn with the need to touch her.
She takes hold of my wrist and places my palm flat against her waist. My fingers curl around the curve of her without my conscious thought, fingertips brushing the exposed skin on her back.
We’re so close. I can feel her chest moving as she breathes. Short, rapid breaths. My fingers trace patterns across her bare skin and she shivers.
“You’re cold,” I say.
“I’m fine. Tell me why.” Her voice is soft, and she lifts her hand to trail her fingers lightly down the side of my face.
Tell her why? I’ve completely lost track of the conversation. At this point I’ll tell her whatever she wants me to. I’m completely under her spell. Why … why won’t I take her home again? My brain clicks back into gear.
“We’d have to renegotiate the terms,” I murmur as her palm connects softly with the edge of my jaw. I turn my face into the feeling.
“What’s wrong with the terms?” A fingertip traces along my eyebrow and I close my eyes. I hadn’t meant to tell her why. I was supposed to just keep denying this could ever happen. “Hey, cowboy, tell me.”
The way she says ‘cowboy’ is what does it.
Usually when she’s calling me that there’s sarcasm and threads of disdain woven into it. It’s sassy and mocking. This time there’s none of that, just a gentle softness like she really wants to know, and isn’t going to use it against me later.
“I’m not a one-night kind of guy,” I say after a steadying breath. I open my eyes and meet hers head on. Ready for her spark of defiance. But all I see there is confusion.
“You were before.”
I shake my head. “No, princess, I wasn’t.”
“But, that’s exactly what we did. One-night. We weren’t even supposed to see each other again.”
I laugh softly. “Yeah, that probably would have been easier for us both.”
My hand is still on her body and I know I need to move it, but it’s like it’s magnetised there. I can’t pull it away. Her hand is still on my face and I also know I should pull back so it falls away. But the sensation is too good and I can’t quite bear to end this moment.
“Why did you do it? If you don’t usually?”
I sigh. This conversation is so far outside of my control. “Let’s start walking,” I say. “That way when you freeze solid I don’t have to carry you as far.”
Katie snorts, but drops her fingers from my face. The movement feels reluctant, like mine is when I finally pry my hand away from her side.
She takes her jacket from the hand I’ve been bracing against the wall this whole time. She slides her arms into it and wraps it tight against her body. “Happy now?”
“Better, but come on.” I head down the street, towards the little house Katie lives in on the edge of town.
Katie falls into step beside me. She reaches out and slips her hand into mine. I startle, but try to cover my reaction. This is entirely unexpected. “Talk, cowboy.” She squeezes gently.
I sigh. I’ve effectively cornered myself into having this conversation. “I was having an epically shit day.” I shrug, but Katie doesn’t comment. She’s clearly waiting for me to elaborate. “I was meant to just go drown my sorrows a little. But you were there. And honestly, you looked sad . I wanted you to look less sad. I wasn’t expecting you to be pissed at me.”
“To be clear, I wasn’t actually pissed at you. Just this place.” She circles her hand in the air, encompassing the town as a whole. “I was pissed about being back here. You just bore the brunt of my frustration. But, please,” she shoots me a small smile, “continue.”
I take a deep breath. I really want to get into this some more. Dive into what she just said. But she’s urging me to carry on, so I do. We can come back to her story later.
“So, I wasn’t expecting the feistiness, or for you to proposition me. I figured since nothing else has ever worked for me, maybe I should embrace that persona you put on me.”
“But you’re not a cocky cowboy are you?” Her voice is gentle, a soft whisper in the fresh spring night.
“Not really, no … well, maybe.” I shrug. “I guess that’s for you to decide. I try not to be an ass anyway.”
She watches me as we walk for a few long silent moments, the only sounds are our boots hitting the concrete footpath. I avoid meeting her gaze.
“No,” she says eventually. “You’re not a cocky-ass cowboy.” Another long pause. “I’m still going to call you cowboy though.”
I glance down at her and she’s grinning up at me. That smirk that means she knows she’s pushing my buttons. “Whatever you want, princess.”
Her eyes flash at the nickname and she bites her lip. I jerk my gaze away, unwilling to stare at her teeth catching the soft flesh, trying not to remember her doing the same thing to my bottom lip.
“So, you’re not willing to try again? I could call you a cocky cowboy again, be sad or angry or whatever, if it’ll help?”
I stay silent. I can’t answer her.
I want to go again. God, who wouldn’t want another night with her? I want to pick her up right now, wrap her legs around my waist and feel her hot, strong body pressed against mine.
But, more than that. I want to be able to wrap her up in my arms afterwards and keep her there.
I’m completely screwed.
“No,” she says quietly before I can answer. A thread of disappointment laces her voice. “Not without redefining the terms.” She’s quiet again, another long pause stretched out between us.
We reach her house and she unlatches the front gate, leading me up the path without ever releasing my fingers. When we reach the door, she finally slips them free, so she can dig in her purse for the keys. She finds them, but instead of inserting them into the lock, she props a shoulder against the door and stares up at me.
“You want the whole thing don’t you? The long term commitment, the white picket fence, siblings for Sadie.”
I nod, unable to form words as she spells it out for me. The thing I’ve never actually been able to solidify. But she’s nailed it.
Mostly I need security for Sadie, that’s the one thing I’ve always focussed on, and one-night flings aren’t going to find us that.
As much as that night with Katie was hot as hell, casual is not in my nature. I want exactly what she just said.
She’s assessing me. Her eyes tracing the outline of my face, trailing down my arms, the length of my body, then back to my face.
“I can’t give you that,” she says, her voice impossibly soft. So soft I can barely hear her.
I exhale sharply. It’s exactly what I was expecting her to say, but it still hits me hard. I knew she wasn’t going to tell me that it’s all she’s ever wanted and that she wants to make something work between us. I knew that wasn’t on the cards, but I wasn’t expecting her to be so raw and honest.
“I wish I could, Dallas. But I can’t be that person. I understand though, and I’ll leave you alone.”
She turns and unlocks the door. She’s inside before my brain catches up, still tripping over her use of my name, or at least the name everyone calls me. I stride into the house and catch hold of her wrist as she’s setting her keys down on the hall table.
“Maybe not completely alone,” I say, my voice raspy. “Perhaps we could be friends?” I sound like such an idiot, but the words are out before I can stop them.
Katie smiles up at me. It’s timid and maybe even a little shy. “Okay, that sounds really good. I quite like Sadie and hanging out with her will be easier if I’m not in your bad books.”
The timidness flees and the familiar spark of fire is back.
I roll my eyes. “Fine. I’ll let you use me to get to my daughter. But only because she needs more bad ass women like you in her life.”
She grins at me, the compliment clearly hitting it’s mark.
“We’ve got a deal, cowboy.”