27. Katie
27
KATIE
Sadie and Dallas ace their first horse lesson.
Dallas is still terrified of the animals, but he pushed through it. He helped Sadie and I wash Scout down and give her a thorough groom after Sadie had a quick bareback ride around the arena at the end of the lead rope.
Sadie was in her element, asking a million questions and handling Scout like she’s been dealing with horses her whole life.
I return from putting the tack away to find Sadie standing on a mounting block, carefully untangling Scout’s mane with a comb as she chats away to the mare at a million miles an hour, telling her all about her day at school.
I come to a stop next to Dallas, who’s watching his daughter with a look of blissed out wonder on his face. It’s a sight to behold.
So is the way his biceps flex as he crosses his arms .
“Stop by my place before you go home tonight,” he murmurs.
“Hmm?” I say, still distracted by his arms.
Dallas chuckles. “Eyes up here, princess.” He touches one finger to my chin and lifts my gaze to meet his. “Tonight?”
“Yeah,” I breathe, a flurry of nerves churning in my belly. “I guess we’ve got to figure some stuff out, huh?”
“It’s not going to hurt.”
“Says you. The talking’s the hard part. And I assume you’re not going to let me do the other hard part until after?”
He laughs again, but smothers it quickly when Sadie glances our way. At least he’s not touching me anymore so that won’t raise any questions for her.
“One hard thing at a time, princess,” he says, voice low. “It’s better for us both if we’re on the same page.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I say, trying to brush off the panic I’m feeling at having to bare more of my soul to this man, even though he’s been gentle and perfect with every part I’ve already shown him. “We have terms to renegotiate, I know.”
Dallas watches me for a long moment, like he’s trying to puzzle me out. It’s disconcerting, like he can see right into my brain and pick apart my thoughts. “Is that what you want?” he asks.
“Yes,” I whisper. “I’m ready to change the terms of our agreement.”
“Good. We’ll do that, then we can get to the real hard part.” He smirks at me, then steps around me to help Sadie while I’m left spluttering over my laugh.
Once we’re done with Scout, Sadie and Dallas head off to do something else, leaving me to work with Aurora for a few hours before dinner.
She’s making such good progress, letting me lay the saddle across her back for the first time. I leave it at that, not wanting to push the horse too far, especially when my head is so scattered.
It was easy to push aside my thoughts and feelings about spilling my guts to Dallas when he was here with me and we had Sadie between us, acting as a buffer.
But now that it’s just me and Aurora, all the things I said come hurtling back.
I never talk about the miscarriage. Olivia and Toby are the only ones who ever knew I was pregnant. I’m assuming Toby didn’t tell anyone, not even after the devastating loss. It wasn’t so devastating for him, considering he hadn’t wanted to be a father yet.
Losing the baby had been the first blow to our relationship. My grief was vast and while he tried to support me through it, he could never fully understand why I wasn’t more relieved.
The months that followed, we tried to regain the relationship we had before we left Kauri Creek, but we never quite managed it.
Two years after we left town, I’d lost hope of ever getting it back. I knew our relationship was over. I just didn’t realise his life would be that same day too.
I sigh and lean into Aurora, pressing my face into her warm neck .
This is why I didn’t talk about these things—Toby, Max, my lost baby—it brings everything back.
“Katie,” Olivia’s soft voice calls from the yard fence.
“Yeah?” I pull away from Aurora and slip her halter free. I’m done with working for the day, even if it is with the horses. I trudge towards Olivia, knowing I’m going to have to do even more talking.
“You good?” Olivia reaches out and rubs my arm as we settle onto the top railing.
“I don’t really know,” I say, avoiding eye contact.
“Is that because you’ve got a thing for Dallas and are refusing to admit it?”
I shoot my best friend a look and she’s grinning at me like the cat who got the cream. “That statement is incorrect.”
“So, you don’t have a thing for Dallas?”
“Oh, no, that part’s correct. The refusing to admit it part is what’s not correct.”
“Shit.” Olivia’s staring at me with wide eyes. “I really wasn’t expecting you to just come out with it like that. Are you feeling okay?”
“Not really.” I sigh. “We have to talk about things.”
Olivia laughs at my disgust. “Honey, that’s what people in relationships do.”
“I don’t know that this is a relationship exactly.”
“Why don’t you tell me exactly what it is then?”
I climb down from the railing. “Want to walk?”
She jumps down beside me and loops her arm through mine. We head around the corner of the barn, into the paddock and up the hill .
“So the first night I got here, I went into town.” I chew on my bottom lip while I fiddle with the gate latch letting us into the paddock. “I met Dallas. And I took him home with me.”
I thought Olivia’s eyes couldn’t get wider than when I admitted I have a thing for Dallas.
I was wrong. They just about bug out of her head.
“It was … incredible,” I continue. “I had no idea he worked here. We didn’t find out until that morning in the arena when I had Sadie on Scout.” I wince, remembering what he told me earlier today about Sadie’s accident. God, what that must have done to him. “So things didn’t start out well, but …” I shrug. “They’ve improved.”
“Sounds like they started spectacularly, if you ask me,” Olivia says with a giggle. “It was after that they got worse. But I’m assuming they’re better again now?” She waggles her eyebrows.
“Behave,” I say, playfully slapping her hand. Then I take a long breath. “We had an arrangement for one-night only. I once tried to suggest we change the arrangement so we could have a second night. He said he doesn’t want that.” I come to a stop, turning away from my best friend so I can’t see her studying me, analysing everything I’m saying. “He doesn’t want another night. He wants lots of nights, and days, and months and years.”
“That doesn’t surprise me,” Olivia says quietly.
“I don’t know that I can give him that,” I say, my voice as soft as hers. “You know I wasn’t planning on staying beyond getting us both some stability again. I don’t know that I can change my plans for a guy again. I don’t know that I can trust someone with that kind of power over me. ”
Olivia wraps an arm around me and tugs me down so we’re sitting side by side in the grass, her arm around my shoulders. I snuggle into her.
“If you stayed, why would you be staying?”
“For Dallas.”
“Would it be? Just for him?”
“Yes?”
“You don’t sound convinced. What about for me, for Mum, for Flynn and Scout and Aurora and Sadie? What about for you ?”
I stare out over the farm. From here we can see the main farmhouse, Dallas’s cottage across the paddock from it, tucked away in some trees, the stables and barn, Scout and the other horses grazing in their paddock. We can see the rolling hills and the sheep in the distance. I know behind the far hill is the function centre—Olivia’s dream.
Before I left this place with Toby four years ago, I was certain this would be my home forever. Even after Toby passed away, I thought I’d come back here.
Until I did for his funeral and was struck down by memories, now stained with pain, and Max let his feelings be known.
“Don’t live your life for anyone else, Katie. Not for Dallas, or any of us, or for Toby or Max. You have to decide what you want to do, without any of our opinions.” Olivia tilts her head so it rests against my shoulder. “But for what it’s worth, every one of us wants you here, except for Max and since he’s a grade-A asshole we don’t give a shit about his opinion.”
I snort a laugh. “Wasn’t he your best friend for like, your whole life? ”
“Yeah, when we were kids. Then he lost his shit over something, wouldn’t talk to me about it and instead became the bastard we all know and hate today.”
I laugh full out this time. “God, I love you,” I say, my voice cracking.
“I love you too. I’ll love you even more when you tell me more about Dallas.” She waggles her eyebrows at me. “The first decent new guy in town in years and you snap him up on your first day back. That’s so typical of you.”
The giggles over take us and we end up lying in the grass, tears running down our cheeks and bellies aching. “It wasn’t on purpose, I swear,” I manage to choke out between wheezing breaths.
“I know, but come on girl, give us the goooooods. What’s he like?”
I stretch out, enjoying the afternoon sun warming my face. I take a breath of spring air and release it slowly. “What’s he like? Fuck me …” I trail off, trying to think how to describe him.
“No, that’s what you need to say to him.” She’s off giggling again, howling at her own jokes, and despite my best efforts, I’m right there with her.
Eventually I sober, the giggles petering out. “He wants me to go see him tonight. To talk things through. He’s worried about Sadie.”
“But Sadie adores you.”
“Yeah, I don’t think me being in her life is what scares him. It’s what happens if I can’t stay in her life.”
“Oh … well, Sadie can sleep at ours tonight. Give you guys the space you need to ah, clear the air. ”
I give her a shove. By the time we finish cackling this time, the sun is beginning to drop behind the hills.
“Come on, Katie Kat,” Olivia says, helping me to my feet. “Time for you to go get your man.”